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I Fear Im Loosing Something I Feel I Never Truly Had


JustME
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sangat jio.................

i need to post this realy for my own sanity at this point in time.................i dont expect any replies and mods are free to delete it

the outside me

i go around in this world...................people look at me and go "woow shes go alot of pyaar on the inside" i hold a steady job im responisble, im matture etc etc etc

The Inside Me

There is a raging fire worst than all of the hells put together.................i always felt waheguru was close and would protect me me from my worst enemy................me............i look in the mirror and i see nothing................i do nitnem but i may as well be reading a book................ive cried and wailed for waheguru to save me and no i feel he has abandoned me.............its okay though..........its nothing more than wot i deserve..............................

Im such a paapi that going to hell would be a blessing.................im not worthy of that................im not worthy of forgivness, hatred, contept................cos u have to "feel" in order to experience these things

im void of all.............im nuffing.................my soul and body are sooooo deseased and blacked with paap i no longer see anything clearly

bhul chuck maaafi

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awwwwwwwwwwwww

penjeee

lighten up, sont feel like this, just jap naaam, all ur paaap will vanish in an instant, do ardas :D

p.s. this is ek onkar-kaur16- ek on kar- i 4got to log in.

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penji, you are not alone. i too feel like if i was to see my soul, it would be black from all my lifes sins. i think most people would say the same. the mind is soo powerful and hard to control.

BUT have faith in waheuguruji because waheguruji LOVES EVERYONE AND IS ALWAYS WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT. Everyone has hard/low times spiritually, if you can get through this time and keep faith in god then you will be ok im sure. I advise going to as much sangat as you can right now, and doing as much ardaas as you can too.

i hope you all the best

This Shabad is by Guru Amar Daas Ji in Raag Gauree on Pannaa 159

mnu mwry Dwqu mir jwie ]

man maarae dhhaath mar jaae ||

When someone kills and subdues his own mind, his wandering nature is also subdued.

ibnu mUey kYsy hir pwie ]

bin mooeae kaisae har paae ||

Without such a death, how can one find the Lord?

mnu mrY dwrU jwxY koie ]

man marai dhaaroo jaanai koe ||

Only a few know the medicine to kill the mind.

mnu sbid mrY bUJY jnu soie ]1]

man sabadh marai boojhai jan soe ||1||

One whose mind dies in the Word of the Shabad, understands Him. ||1||

ijs no bKsy dy vifAweI ]

jis no bakhasae dhae vaddiaaee ||

He grants greatness to those whom He forgives.

gur prswid hir vsY min AweI ]1] rhwau ]

gur parasaadh har vasai man aaee ||1|| rehaao ||

By Guru's Grace, the Lord comes to dwell within the mind. ||1||Pause||

gurmuiK krxI kwr kmwvY ]

guramukh karanee kaar kamaavai ||

The Gurmukh practices doing good deeds;

qw iesu mn kI soJI pwvY ]

thaa eis man kee sojhee paavai ||

thus he comes to understand this mind.

mnu mY mqu mYgl imkdwrw ]

man mai math maigal mikadhaaraa ||

The mind is like an elephant, drunk with wine.

guru AMksu mwir jIvwlxhwrw ]2]

gur a(n)kas maar jeevaalanehaaraa ||2||

The Guru is the rod which controls it, and shows it the way. ||2||

mnu AswDu swDY jnu koie ]

man asaadhh saadhhai jan koe ||

The mind is uncontrollable; how rare are those who subdue it.

Acru crY qw inrmlu hoie ]

achar charai thaa niramal hoe ||

Those who move the immovable become pure.

gurmuiK iehu mnu lieAw svwir ]

guramukh eihu man laeiaa savaar ||

The Gurmukhs embellish and beautify this mind.

haumY ivchu qjy ivkwr ]3]

houmai vichahu thajae vikaar ||3||

They eradicate egotism and corruption from within. ||3||

jo Duir rwiKAnu myil imlwie ]

jo dhhur raakhian mael milaae ||

Those who, by pre-ordained destiny, are united in the Lord's Union,

kdy n ivCuVih sbid smwie ]

kadhae n vishhurrehi sabadh samaae ||

are never separated from Him again; they are absorbed in the Shabad.

AwpxI klw Awpy hI jwxY ]

aapanee kalaa aapae hee jaanai ||

He Himself knows His Own Almighty Power.

nwnk gurmuiK nwmu pCwxY ]4]5]25]

naanak guramukh naam pashhaanai ||4||5||25||

O Nanak, the Gurmukh realizes the Naam, the Name of the Lord. ||4||5||25||

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we all go through rough trials in our lives... some more rough then others... some get to a point where they feel 'whats the point of living'... buh we hafta realize that this life is a gift...

we've all made mistakes in our life... n trus mi... i've had my share.. i still make mistakes everyday... and we all do to.. some worse then others... buh our Father forgives us... its all wit da battle of the mind.. sometimes our mind knows to do one thing, but our body wants to do another... our heart wants somethin else... n i'm sure i been thru some of wha ur goin thru now too.. n i kno i's nah an easy ting to overcome..

i dun kno wha situation ur in.. buh we as family are here to offer our help and support.. i personally do not want to lose another sister...

again.. i dunno ur situation... n i'm sure i's very tuff.. buh keep the faith.. n keep strong... everytin will fall into place...

Chardi Kalaa!

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!

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http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2479

sloku mÚ 3 ]

salok ma 3 ||

Salok, Third Mehla:

jnm jnm kI iesu mn kau mlu lwgI kwlw hoAw isAwhu ]

janam janam kee eis man ko mal laagee kaalaa hoaa siaahu ||

The filth of countless incarnations sticks to this mind; it has become pitch black.

should be: for countless lives, this mind has been dirty, its been accumulating dirt through all the lives and now its pitch black

KMnlI DoqI aujlI n hoveI jy sau Dovix pwhu ]

kha(n)nalee dhhothee oujalee n hovee jae so dhhovan paahu ||

The oily rag cannot be cleaned by merely washing it, even if it is washed a hundred times.

gur prswdI jIvqu mrY aultI hovY miq bdlwhu ]

gur parasaadhee jeevath marai oulattee hovai math badhalaahu ||

By Guru's Grace, one remains dead while yet alive; his intellect is transformed, and he becomes detached from the world.

nwnk mYlu n lgeI nw iPir jonI pwhu ]1]

naanak mail n lagee naa fir jonee paahu ||1||

O Nanak, no filth sticks to him, and he does not fall into the womb again. ||1||

===============================================================

http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=674

rwgu gauVI mhlw 5

raag gourree mehalaa 5

Raag Gauree, Fifth Mehla:

<> siqgur pRswid ]

ik oa(n)kaar sathigur prasaadh ||

One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

iqRsnw ibrly hI kI buJI hy ]1] rhwau ]

thrisanaa biralae hee kee bujhee hae ||1|| rehaao ||

The thirst of only a few is quenched. ||1||Pause||

should be, RARE are those who's thirst (of mind) is quenched

koit jory lwK k®ory mnu n hory ]

kott jorae laakh krorae man n horae ||

People may accumulate hundreds of thousands, millions, tens of millions, and yet the mind is not restrained.

prY prY hI kau luJI hy ]1]

parai parai hee ko lujhee hae ||1||

They only yearn for more and more. ||1||

suMdr nwrI Aink prkwrI pr igRh ibkwrI ]

su(n)dhar naaree anik parakaaree par grih bikaaree ||

They may have all sorts of beautiful women, but still, they commit adultery in the homes of others.

burw Blw nhI suJI hy ]2]

buraa bhalaa nehee sujhee hae ||2||

They do not distinguish between good and bad. ||2||

Aink bMDn mwieAw Brmqu BrmwieAw gux iniD nhI gwieAw ]

anik ba(n)dhhan maaeiaa bharamath bharamaaeiaa gun nidhh nehee gaaeiaa ||

They wander around lost, trapped in the myriad bonds of Maya; they do not sing the Praises of the Treasure of Virtue.

mn ibKY hI mih luJI hy ]3]

man bikhai hee mehi lujhee hae ||3||

Their minds are engrossed in poison and corruption. ||3||

jw kau ry ikrpw krY jIvq soeI mrY swDsMig mwieAw qrY ]

jaa ko rae kirapaa karai jeevath soee marai saadhhasa(n)g maaeiaa tharai ||

Those, unto whom the Lord shows His Mercy, remain dead while yet alive. In the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, they cross over the ocean of Maya.

nwnk so jnu dir hir isJI hy ]4]1]154]

naanak so jan dhar har sijhee hae ||4||1||154||

O Nanak, those humble beings are honored in the Court of the Lord. ||4||1||154||

==================================================================

gauVI mhlw 5 ]

gourree mehalaa 5 ||

Gauree, Fifth Mehla:

hY koeI AYsw haumY qorY ]

hai koee aisaa houmai thorai ||

Is there anyone, who can shatter his ego,

iesu mITI qy iehu mnu horY ]1] rhwau ]

eis meet(h)ee thae eihu man horai ||1|| rehaao ||

and turn his mind away from this sweet Maya? ||1||Pause||

AigAwnI mwnuKu BieAw jo nwhI so lorY ]

agiaanee maanukh bhaeiaa jo naahee so lorai ||

Humanity is in spiritual ignorance; people see things that do not exist.

rYix AMDwrI kwrIAw kvn jugiq ijqu BorY ]1]

rain a(n)dhhaaree kaareeaa kavan jugath jith bhorai ||1||

The night is dark and gloomy; how will the morning dawn? ||1||

BRmqo BRmqo hwirAw Aink ibDI kir torY ]

bhramatho bhramatho haariaa anik bidhhee kar ttorai ||

Wandering, wandering all around, I have grown weary; trying all sorts of things, I have been searching.

khu nwnk ikrpw BeI swDsMgiq iniD morY ]2]12]150]

kahu naanak kirapaa bhee saadhhasa(n)gath nidhh morai ||2||12||150||

Says Nanak, He has shown mercy to me; I have found the treasure of the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy. ||2||12||150||

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Bibi you have done the real thing and let it out......by discussing this it has taken the weight off your shoulders.........

There is nothing better then actually talking about it......

Never shy away or feel scared from letting others know when you are feeling down.....

Listen to Kirtan you enjoy and that will enligthen your mood and get rid of this bad phase.

Have faith in WaheGuru Jee he is there with us through the bad and the good times.....he is just testing our strength to challenge life in all aspects.

Guest user........Panjab..........panjab_da_sher@hotmail.com

sangat jio.................

i need to post this realy for my own sanity at this point in time.................i dont expect any replies and mods are free to delete it

the outside me

i go around in this world...................people look at me and go "woow shes go alot of pyaar on the inside" i hold a steady job im responisble, im matture etc etc etc

The Inside Me

There is a raging fire worst than all of the hells put together.................i always felt waheguru was close and would protect me me from my worst enemy................me............i look in the mirror and i see nothing................i do nitnem but i may as well be reading a book................ive cried and wailed for waheguru to save me and no i feel he has abandoned me.............its okay though..........its nothing more than wot i deserve..............................

Im such a paapi that going to hell would be a blessing.................im not worthy of that................im not worthy of forgivness, hatred, contept................cos u have to "feel" in order to experience these things

im void of all.............im nuffing.................my soul and body are sooooo deseased and blacked with paap i no longer see anything clearly

bhul chuck maaafi

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Life is an experience. This is the only chance to experience everything. Experiencing everything and learning from it... is the purpose. The harder the life....more you can experience and learn....and ofcourse tougher you become.....thats how things balance themselves.

Life doesn't promise to be very smooth......hardships are designed for YOUR growth. Take it as a challange....ask for the light from the almighty.......He is the ONLY source of energy.

Good Luck.

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justme, its always good to talk about this stuff. even online as its sometimes eaiser to talk about these things to people who you dont know.

i would suggest you stop feeling guilty. you seem to have aknowledged what you did was wrong. although i dont know what you did. so i cant really comment on that.

i rmember a saying a, '' a man is his own worst enemy'' in this case its a woman though lol

anyway. i think you should move on instead of acrrying all this fire inside of you.

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RAAG BILAAVAL, FIFTH MEHL, DU-PADAS, NINTH HOUSE:

ONE UNIVERSAL CREATOR GOD. BY THE GRACE OF THE TRUE GURU:

He Himself merges us with Himself. When I came to Your Sanctuary, my sins vanished. || 1 || Pause || Renouncing egotistical pride and other anxieties, I have sought the Sanctuary of the Holy Saints. Chanting, meditating on Your Name, O my Beloved, disease is eradicated from my body. || 1 || Even utterly foolish, ignorant and thoughtless persons have been saved by the Kind Lord. Says Nanak, I have met the Perfect Guru; my comings and goings have ended. || 2 || 1 || 126 ||

Thursday, 15th Bhaadon (Samvat 539 Nanakshahi) (Page: 829)

todays hukhamnamma .. waheguru d_oh.gif

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