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Losing Friends


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Dear Sangat,

I have to get this off my chest! Just yesterday/today a friend and I broke it off and called it quits. We were "best friends" for about 2 years. She's a muslim convert and I'm a sikh. Why we called it quits? Religion.

I know that in Sikhi, we are supposed to be tolerant towards others beliefs, and see that God is the same for everyone. So, for these past 2 years, I kept this in mind every time she would mention islam. However it came to a point where she was sending me emails; videos, links, articles on Islam or that mention Islam. (she never pushed me to become muslim, but she felt that since i'm spiritual, I'd read it or something)... I never sent her Sikh stuff, and I kept my mentioning of Sikhism to a minimum. I tried to be accepting, open-minded, see beyond the differences... But yesterday I blew up! I was fed up of all this Islam stuff.

(Not to mention, that for muslims, sikhism can't be a true religion, cause it was after muhammed)... So how can a one-sided acceptance flourish?

I told her that I have no desire what-so-ever to know about Islam, beyond the fact that she is muslim. I also told her that when I ask her her opinion, I want HER opinion (from her own brain), not islam's opinion. She got all mad at me and stuff, and called it quits.

I feel somewhat "relieved", and i'm not sad or anything... but I question one thing...

Where do you draw the line between being peaceful, accepting, open-minded, seeing everyone as brothers and sisters... AND getting into fights over religion, quiting friendships, and feeling frustrated over these things?

Should we just stick to our own religion's persons?

What to do?!

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Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Unfortunately, not everyone is open minded, and there are those that try to impose their faith on others. I have lots of muslim, hindu, christian, buddhist, jewish, and athiest friends, and so long as they can respect my right to choose my own religion, I'm fine with them.

From the way it sounds, your friend may have pushed beyond that... and that is not acceptable. Hopefully what you've said will make her realize and continue being your friend without imposing, but if not, its not acceptable.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

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I am not sure if you did the right thing by breaking off the friendship, as she was only sharing stuff with you without any intention to convert you to Islam (as you suggested). You could email her Sikhi stuff and share it with her as well, which could make you even closer friends.

However, if she was of the type who considered Sikhi as a "false" religion just because it came after Islam, then I think it was not a bad idea to call it quits.

Where do you draw the line between being peaceful, accepting, open-minded, seeing everyone as brothers and sisters... AND getting into fights over religion, quiting friendships, and feeling frustrated over these things?
Simple, don't bring religion in the middle. There are a zillion other things to talk about and chill and laugh about. But knowing Muslims all my life, as I had loads of Muslim friends both in the Middle East and US, I know for a fact that they have to start something about Islam at some point, which is not always a bad thing. I feel thats one way you can become more firm in your Sikhi, because now you have a challenge to maintain yourself in the middle of those who are not like you.
Should we just stick to our own religion's persons?
No, why should you? Gurujee had followers of all backgrounds, why shouldn't we have friends of different religions?
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u'll know where to draw the line=)

everyones different and we all have our own limitations.

just like the above(khalsa4evr) i have many friends from different 'religions" but none of us have tried to impost anything on each other. we just learn and rarely do we bring up much about religion. more of spiritual perspective and what it says.

thats my take on it.thank god i never made friends who would impose their religion on me.

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There is another point. Imagine a weak minded insecure person being at the receiving end of that Islamic barrage. They would be in danger of converting. Thankfully you aren't like that but your "friend" is out of order to push her religion down your throat like that.

Personally i can't imagine having a friendship with someone like that - Seems like she is on some "mission". You said she converted. What did she convert from? Was she Sikh before. I know girlie relationships are different from guys but personally if a Muslim friend (I don't have any), tried to ram his religion down my throat like that I would be serious vexed...very seriously vexed...and tell him to stick it up his jacksy

Your friend is likely to convert some dumb Sikh girl given an opportunity. You need your own head examined for keeping company like that.

Sorry but that's the facts. Plus I know some <banned word filter activated> Sikh girls convert sometimes because of "friendships" they form with such girls. Sangat and that!

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Guest _no_one_

Thanks for the replies.

Our friendship was perfect on everything, except religion. We are both very very spiritual/religious persons and somehow the topic just couldn't help but come up I suppose. And we've had a number of major fights over religion.

What hurt me the most is that to her Sikhism is a man-made fake religion, with all these "gurus"... and that India is full of supposed Gurus floating around. And she was very determined on "Muhammed is the LAST, he's the seal, the end of the prophet line"... so "your gurus are nothing" she'd say. And to me, that's intolerable.

How could I keep going on thinking "its ok, she's muslim, and I'm fine with that" knowing that she doesn't feel the same about me and my faith?

I tried to "educate" her on sikhism, but most of the time it would end up in arguments, and comparisons and "according to islam this and that"...

Once after a bad fight, we said we would NEVER bring up religion ever again. But that didn't happen. The next thing you know, I was getting about 5 emails a week from her forwarding me articles or whats about islam and "scientific proof about islam", or just random stuff. I rarely ever read them, but she'd keep sending them. Anyway, so I got fed up and told her stop sending me stuff, I'm not interested in islam. She took it the wrong way and said "I didn't know you abhor islam"... I said i don't abhor... but you know these "its either black or white, yes or no" thinking people.......

Her history is she used to be catholic, and then she got this muslim bf, and she became sunni muslim. And I saw her change over the years... from normal to more and more extreme. When I told her that I wanted to talk and know HER, not islam... she told me... "well i can't cause my identity is islam"... so anyway...

I guess this was for the best... there was a lot of tension over religion, and she would never respect my faith, even if i tried to respect hers.

I think that deep down she wanted me to be muslim, and maybe she hoped that with time i'd change. BUT NEVER.

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oh, and she called it quits by email, not me. But I just replied and said I agreed...

ur better off out of it mate......people like that are too narrowminded.

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What hurt me the most is that to her Sikhism is a man-made fake religion, with all these "gurus"... and that India is full of supposed Gurus floating around. And she was very determined on "Muhammed is the LAST, he's the seal, the end of the prophet line"... so "your gurus are nothing" she'd say. And to me, that's intolerable.
If thats the case, you should have asked her to hit the road ages ago. But anyways, better late than never.
I tried to "educate" her on sikhism, but most of the time it would end up in arguments, and comparisons and "according to islam this and that"...
Its pointless to argue with (I don't really want to say fool as I don't want to hurt you) people who have been brainwashed.
Her history is she used to be catholic, and then she got this muslim bf, and she became sunni muslim. And I saw her change over the years... from normal to more and more extreme. When I told her that I wanted to talk and know HER, not islam... she told me... "well i can't cause my identity is islam"... so anyway...
Consider yourself lucky my friend. I wonder what would happen if tomorrow she had a Buddhist boyfriend! No offense to you or your friend, but this "converting to another faith of your boyfriend/girlfriend" is the most pathetic way to adopt a way of life. I mean you change everything for one person? What if (God forbid) that person is no more tomorrow? Then what? Does the person surviving continue on their "new" path or switch back to square one?
oh, and she called it quits by email, not me. But I just replied and said I agreed...
Good deal.
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I remember in infant and junior schools we all used to get along no matter what religion we were from, played football, cricket etc... but soon as high school progressed the same friends turned enemies just because of one anothers colour or religion.

Instead of playing with footballs, we began to play with our fists.

Like the saying goes

"Good friends Better Enemies"

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