Needhelp - Sorry

[Guest Needy]

I have a problem.

I am 19 and I took amrit against my parents' wishes last year. That sounds all good, but I had a long term relationship with a fellow Sikh before shakking amrit. We took Amrit together and now even afterwards we are still together. We decided that we could and should help eachother's spirituality and we did. She wanted to convert to christianity before, due to influence from convent school but I helped her out of it. She helped me in ways to combat kaam and krodh.

But i don't understand how I can get over this relationship, because I know now my parents do not approve of her (they change thier minds like the climate). My dad tell me her parents are amritdharis but practise jadoo toona. They made this up, like everyhting else they made up about her.

On that subject, they do not allow me to go to keertan darbars out of our gurdwara, and limit me to Sikhi which doesn't really help me either.

It is very disturbing because I have come very close to my girlfriend, and we both had hopes, even expectations, of marriage in future. I have tried many things to get myself out of this mess but this only provided a temporary solution. After 6 months or so I get back with her because I realise I still love her. I love her now to that extent to except that for her it is better if I let herself move on.

The reason why I really wanted to, I can also say needed to, marry her is because we have been physcially close. I am still a virgin thought. Everytime I talk to my parents they get further and further away from the prospect of our marriage and so I gave up. I only wanted to be close to 1 person and she felt like the one..took me 7 years to find out. But now I do not know what to do!

I understand also there have been many threads about this, but no-one gave a real solution. Half of the posts try to call it a fake. All I need is useful advice from akalmand people on how to combat this feeling for her. Please understand.

[Guest _Malkeet_]

relationships outside of marriage are forbidden in sikhi, so you should both get married ASAP, and maybe pesh/ardaas to ask for forgiveness.

if your family dont want you to marry her then you have to decide whether or not you want to listen to them or to ignore them. if u listen to them then u need to end this relationship. you need to make a choice though paaji

[OhTwadi]

watch this

[GABROO KHALISTAN DAH]

tough it out with her, if she means that much 2 u, it will be worth it.

[Guest *]

The best "solution" is prevention! I know it may be too late for you now, but really, the youth need to AVOID these kinds of things from happening in the first place. Everywhere you turn, it's another youth stuck in the grips of situations like this..."I love her but can't marry her because..."

Some solutions for your present state:

1) I don't recommend going against your parents in most cases, but if you're going to stay dedicated to your "cause" of marrying her and will honour and stick with you through the good times and bad, then maybe try seeking help from other elder gursikhs in your community. They could speak to your parents to encourage them to re-think it, or they may encourage you to go ahead and marry the girl despite your family's objections. Whatever you do though, make sure you're ready to accept the outcome, whether it's forever strained relations with your parents, or the "badnaami" type of nonsense in the greater community ("Haww, he left his parents to marry THAT girl..." etc)

2) Best solution: be patient and get lahaa of naam and baani to carry you through your troubled times. Maybe this isn't the best time for this to be resolved. Maybe it'll be smoother sailing once you've connected with and married Guru Sahib first. There's nothing that Guru Sahib can't give us.

[Tarrandeep Kaur]

<<<t is very disturbing because I have come very close to my girlfriend, and we both had hopes, even expectations, of marriage in future. I have tried many things to get myself out of this mess but this only provided a temporary solution. After 6 months or so I get back with her because I realise I still love her. I love her now to that extent to except that for her it is better if I let herself move on.

The reason why I really wanted to, I can also say needed to, marry her is because we have been physcially close. I am still a virgin thought. >>>>>>>>>>>>>

Its distburing that an amritdhari singh has a girlfriend.

Its also not great that you have been physically close. You should not have close relationships outside marraige. I thought you said that you wanted to help each other? Then help each other to become close to mahraj and not each other. yeah yeah im not saying what you want to here, but all of this is playing on your mind and isnt really helping your jeevan. maybe you should have some space, to conc on ur jeevan, then speak to some elders regarding the girl.

[OhTwadi]

Its distburing that an amritdhari singh has a girlfriend.

welcome the real world

to original poster, you are just 19, don't rush into marriage, you are just a kid

[Guest Guest]

one is no longer amrithdharee if THEY HAVE BEEN PHYSICALLY CLOSE,

got to the panj pyareh if that's the case, Satguru has all the answers/solutions

amrith sanchaar on the 12th oct i fink

Gurdwara Singh Sabha

Princess St

Derby

DE23 8NT

Contact for Starting Time - 01926740160

[Medallion Stallion]

Its distburing that an amritdhari singh has a girlfriend.

welcome the real world

to original poster, you are just 19, don't rush into marriage, you are just a kid

at 19 you think you know everything im 23 and i still dont know anything :lol: :cry: ...........sorry back to the topic.

[Guest Guest]

So you took Amrit last year and you maintain relations with a girl that you have previously been "physically close to". After a year of being Amritdhari, you really haven't learnt anything, have you?