Depressed-i Think I'm Going Crazy

[Guest jennifer]

I truly understand what you are saying. I feel the same way. I feel why bother. I honestly believe that if I died right now, it would effect no one. My family and I don't talk. We haven't talked in at least six years. My sister is the only one that talks to me. I try to be the perfect wife, but my atititude and mouth get me in trouble. I can't make my husband happy. He gets annoyed with me way to easy, and I try to do good and make him look good in front of people, but I mess it up. I just wish I could be perfect and make my husband happy. He told me last summer that the reason he cheated was because I made him. It's hurt for along time. I've tried to get over it, but its still fresh. It's been less then a year since he's cheated, but I'm suppose to forget and forgive. It's my fault why we have problems. His friends say I have an atitude too. At least they tell him that, not me. We have been trying to have a baby for the pass eight years, but the problem is me. I got pregnet last spring/summer and my husband said I killed the child (miscarriage) because I stressed myself out. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. At least that how it seems. I believe my husband would be happy if I disappeared. But I think the reason why he doesn't leave is guilt. He feels guilty because I had to choose him over my family. They are prejudice and my husband is jewish. So, I lost my family for good and I have no here to go, but the ground. So, what do you do? My husband has the car and the money. I don't know how to drive, and I never hold the money. Sometimes I feel I'm going crazy, but then I think maybe its life making me crazy. I know I'm slowly slipping away and I feel myself dying inside. They say everyone has a mission from God. How do you know my mission is I'm suppose to die by sucide. I think God's plan for me was sucide. Maybe I'am crazy or I'm just a really horriable person. I try to help everyone and I try to do good and be perfect and not get in the way, but some how I'm failing at everything. I don't know what to do, but leave this earth and maybe start over in another life, but then the quistion is : What if I <admin-profanity filter activated> that one up too? I don't know what to do. I always thought I would be a stay at home mom and take care of my kids and husband. Total opposite of what I thought. Instead I got a screwed up life. I know there are people with worse problems. I just wish I could fix this life and make it good. My husband says we have a good life. He says its me and the reason my or our life is screwed up is because I make things up in my head and make problems. Maybe he's right. I'm 34 now. I don't figure it will get better, so, what do you do? You end it! I'm starting to see myself as the problem. I know I'm the problem. I can't talk to my husband, because he says I make it happen and he's tired of my crying and I know he would be happy if I just go. He just feels guilty. I don't know what to do. Do you let yourself get crazier until your just thrown in a hospital or do you end the pain for others and yourself? I don't have the money to get help, so that only leaves one other solution. I feel myselg getting crazier everyday. I know it, my husband reminds me at least everyday. It sucks!!!!

[Guest mohe-nirgun-sabh-gun-tere]

listen 2 some raag keertan...mayb raamkalee...or asaaa if ur lukin 4 sum inspiration and need the strength 2 stay determined or if u want 2 listen 2 a happy raag then listen 2 bilaaval or if u want a new beginning then listen 2 basant...that sabad that papi bhaji came up with, was one i found recently when i lost someone in my sangat and helped me alot....bhenji/bhaji if u need 2 talk u can add me on msn messenger: mohe_nirgun_sabh_gun_tere@hotmail.co.uk

but in the end..we can try and be there 4 u as much as we want,only guroo sahib can get u thru this....talk 2 ur guroo...maharaj has given us so many ways in which 2 talk 2 him...learn keertan....listen 2 keertan...singalong 2 keertan....read some gurbani(even if it just is mool mantar)

[OhTwadi]

PrIdw mY jwinAw duKu muJ kU duKu sbwieAY jig ]

fareedhaa mai jaaniaa dhukh mujh koo dhukh sabaaeiai jag ||

Fareed, I thought that I was in trouble; the whole world is in trouble!

aUcy ciV kY dyiKAw qW Gir Gir eyhw Aig ]81]

oochae charr kai dhaekhiaa thaa(n) ghar ghar eaehaa ag ||81||

When I climbed the hill and looked around, I saw this fire in each and every home. ||81||

I have recently been showed that talking, just venting to someone helps LOADS. If it's ok with you, I would be more than willing to listen. You can PM me if you like :s

[sherlsurj]

hey the first thing to do is not to panic. i went through this stiff myself a while back. i hated my family, my friends were busy with their own things, everything was going bad. i was in a really bad state. i had to see a pyschiatrist. like you i used to break down all the time.

but you will get through it!i never used to believe that but trust me you will. im happier than i once and things are staring to look up. yeah it takes while and yeah they are hiccups on the way but its gets easier. ive been there so if u need any advice contact me surjit65@hotmail.co.uk

futeh

[Guest Guest]

I know this post was started way back in October. but thought I'd share my view/experience in the hope that someone can benefit, even if it doesn't help me!

I have been suicidal for a long time now. I haven't got over it at all. At one point a few years ago, I thought I had, but it's all coming flooding back now. Similar to the 1st poster, the naam and bani have some effect when I do it, but once I stop, that's it. Actually, I can't really concentrate on Naam and Bani any more. As for the number of suicidal thoughts per day....man, if I could get rid of one thing in my life, it would be that. I think about it constantly, dream about it, etc etc. I am trying to limit how much I sleep so that I can at least have a suicidal-dream-free sleep, but that is really not happening.

I would re-iterate that talking to people DOES help. However, be careful which Gursikhs, if any, you talk to! I have found that some penjis/paajis help you through and are willing to listen and share bani tuks and sakhis which can help, but others just tell you that you are being silly and tell you to "get over it because you are jst being silly". (Wrong thing to say - if I could get over it, I would! It makes me feel worse that Gursikhs who I really respect think I should just be able to "get over it" and I can't actually do that.)

I have recently emailed the Samaritans and it has helped that I have a place where I can just spill my feelings without being judged. They obviously don't really get the bani and simran bit, but the fact that they are non-judgemental is fantastic! And they respond to emails pretty quickly (all anonynous - they can't see your email address or anything). And it's also good that you don't have to worry about making the person you are talking to upset.

There is also a forum www.suicideforum.com which offers great support. (It's pro-life, so it's ok).

Sorry, I'm rambling now. Hope something that I have said can help. I have stayed away from the bani tuks because so many great ones have been posted. I couldn't add anything to improve what has already been said.

Please stay safe everyone

[Guest _singh_]

paaji, go and see a professional firstly, speak openly about your problems, and if you dont wish to do that, go to your local gurdwara for a week and just do pure seva, dont talk , by concentrating on a particular task, ure mind is allowed to rest and not get stressed out, it will give u some breathing time to think. when ure ready to approach ure problem, keep yourself occupied man, n remember, uve been blessed with human form, throwing it away would be a waste of millions of years of karam your soul has accumilated.

well thats my view anyway

fateh

[Guest Guest]

Go see a doctor and get some professional help, the other stuff not going to work, you probably need medication too to help stabalise you mood and prevent suicidal thoughts.