Relationship ...ashamed

[SunSingh]

Although the early stages of dating are not a bujjar kurhait, sikhs are not allowed to date. Read Guru Granth Sahib ji, there is no support for dating of any sort. Some groups, such as some Muslims, allow males and females to discuss and get to know each other in a casual setting WITH a chaperone. I think that is fine. We should have chaperones b/c who knows what will happen. I have been at Sikh student meetings and a new girl came one time, after the meeting she wanted to ask questions on Sikhi and I said sure. She then propositioned me!! I don't think she came there with that intention, but it seemed as if kaam seized her mind. So, if this kind of kaam can exist with strangers, than it surely is more likely to exist between people dating.

But to kiss or do anything further is not allowed at all. Bani says 'look upon all women as sister, mother, or daughter' - this clearly prohibits any sort of physical intimacy outside of marriage including kissing etc.

[Guest _hmmm_]

We should have chaperones b/c who knows what will happen.

Why? Don't we have even a little bit of control over ourselves anymore.

I have been at Sikh student meetings and a new girl came one time, after the meeting she wanted to ask questions on Sikhi and I said sure. She then propositioned me!! I don't think she came there with that intention, but it seemed as if kaam seized her mind. So, if this kind of kaam can exist with strangers, than it surely is more likely to exist between people dating.

Way to go, how intelligent you are. You are equating something like a crush (not saying its ok or not) with kaam. GROW UP !!!

[SunSingh]

that's exactly what it was. propositioned is an informal and slightly politer way of saying something sexual was offered.

[Guest _hmmm_]

propositioned is an informal and slightly politer way of saying something sexual was offered.

get your mind outta the gutter man

jis ney kadi pyaar na kita hovey, onu pyaar da ki pata

[Guest GoraSikh]

ewww stop being such a gora by kissing ure sister!! Jeez....the adopt good habits of the other culture not bad ones. Anyways with the original poster the kissing intent was different. I wud agree with Tarandeep Bhenji and kaur93.

Please stop with the Racism!

[Ramneet Singh]

Why? Don't we have even a little bit of control over ourselves anymore.

I think naturally, we humans have the same amount of "control" as a dog does when a juicy piece of meat is put in front of it.

Way to go, how intelligent you are. You are equating something like a crush (not saying its ok or not) with kaam. GROW UP !!!

Crushes are desires of the mind which kinda equal Maya according to gurmat soooo, if u don't agree its Kaam, it still isn't less harmful to ur sikhi.

[Guest ...no-one...x]

Ermm.....i think u shud do ardaas with a true mind and ask for forgiveness and guidance!

hope that helps!

wjkk wjk :TH:

[Guest _sarabjit singh_]

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

panji its a confusing age.

and finally when i turned 17 i had let him kiss me...it was almost perfect but right after it had happend my mom had called out my name...being the genius that he is he decided to book it(run)...knowing fully that my mother knew he was there. my mom asked me what he was doing with me and why he was there but i assured her nothing happend and we never brought it up again. that day i ended it...cold turkey i deleted him off of my email and i stopped talking to him completely. i felt so bad and guitly . about 8 months later we saw each other for the first time...and we gradually began to talk, leading to us dating again(big mistake)...i did not let him near me..hug/kiss or anything..by this time i was really getting into my sikhi and i had decided that what i was doing was very wrong and ended it once again ...now at the age of 19 i dont know why i cant let it go. i feel horrible. i was amrit thari and although he he had a dastar he was not. i do not know how i can let go of the past ...i have completely changed my lifestlye. i do my path everyday and i pray for his forgiveness. Sangat ji even though it has been a long time i do not understand why i still care about him, how can i be forgiven for my past and how can i completely forget him?

please give me some good advice Sangat Ji

from reading ur post all i feel is...there is

emotions and attachment involved with a lot of fear and guilt. That's no way of living. it will pass believe me, u have to let it be just an experience. u are more then ur thought and that individual in ur life

first about ur mom calling u? when they ask such a question...usually they know what just had happen. they arent that oblivious ...and the reason she never brought it up is...u never saw the boy again and she let it go probabaly because she didn't want to talk about such things with u(?)

nyhow

u ended it why? was it out of guilt? or was it because he left(ran) at that time? or is there another deep reason?

part of u might want to be friends with that guy and the other part doesnt. the reasons could be many. u need to sit down and ask urself. reach within urself and ask urself what do u want and what is really going on?

u have taken amrit and he hasn't so u dont want to have anything to do with him for that reason. but lets assume he was amritdhari. what then?

u went out with him again...because u still had feelings for him like "V" said above. u still have them and u need to resolve that conflict. sit down with him and talk to him if he is feeling that same way.

Do U HAVE QUESTIONS FOR HIM? have u talked to him?

another thing...

this might or might not make sense, because it took me a while to get it for myself as well. so please bare with me.

yes u have changed your lifestyle..but could it be that it's just a cover up? just know this...the cover up really has nothing to DO WITH WHO U REALLY ARE! we are beyond what we think we are. thats why u need to figure out things for urself.

its attachment for sure...and ego. u are identifying urself with that guy. thats why it hurts and u cant really let go. u(ego) want him and u feel he is part of u thats why its hard to let go. its our identification with objects/people/things that make us suffer i was told. when they(person/object)are gone or we try to let go of them...ego comes in the way and we feel this pain in our THOUGHTS which are part of the mind/brain causes this emotions and stress/anxiety/suffering within us.

it takes time to realize that and this might boggle ur mind. or may not make sense. took me a while...and im still learning to be fully aware of myself and actions of the mind and thought...nd what i really ought to be doing.

the above should help u understand the "Why u still care about him?"

---

how can u completely forget about him? just by understanding who u really are. it was an experience ...and this moment is an experience to help u progress in ur spiritual life...the true Being in u!it takes time. u need to be patient with urself. it's ur thoughts that are leading u to continue think about him thus making u feel guilt and pain. even though he isnt there in front of u ...yet he is there in ur thoughts.

it's like Pheena ji or Tabla ji would say....u need to watch ur thoughts and let them pass.

do ardas and think about positive and good things...not about him. IF thats WHAT U REALLY WANT, to really FORGET ABOUT HIM..thats one thing u to start doin.

get urself busy with other meaningful things where u dont have the time to think about disturbing thoughts or any other stupid thoughts.

much love and peace!

hope this helps. if it doesnt, u can always reply back or PM to clear things out=)

akal sahai

bhul chuk muaf karni

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

[Akritghan]

vjkk vjkp

bhenji go pesh-u feel guilty rite?u wont be able to progress in ur sikhi till u feel that u have cleared things with guroo jee-go pesh-and my advice to u would be to cut contact with that guy

that guy ran away without a thought for u-u dont need someone in ur life like that-and does this guy want to take amrit in the near future??and u need to think-dont u want someone to marry-who u will grow in ur Sikhi with?bhenji leave it up to Maharaj...take care bhenji and if u need someone to talk to,you are welcome to PM me

take care bhenji,and have faith in Guroo Jee

vjkk vjkp

[caveman]

.