Feel Like Giving Up

[Guest meee]

Hi everyone.

where do i begin? well the problem is that i just dont seem to fit in anywhere. im not a talktive person and im quite reserved and shy. im not the kind of person that can enter a room full of strangers and start talking to them. i only feel comfortable talkining to someone who is very friendly. and then i will start to open up a bit. i find social situations quite awqward.

at first i thought other people are the problem. but after all these years im starting to think im the one with the problem.

for instance ive just started a uni course. and everyone is chatting to each other on my course laughing and joking. and i dont even speak at all. im just not a talktive person. plus i just dont like talking to much and i dont have much to say.

some people think im being rude or im arrogant because im not talking to everyone ect.

i just dont know how to get into conversations with people and i just feel to shy. i have tried joing into conversations. but i end up saying things completley irrelevent in a vain attempt to pretend im interested iin what people are saying and to become one of the group.

the only people i feel comfprtable talking to is my close family and my close friends.

other then that if you cam and sat next to me. i wouldnt have a clue what to say to you and you would go away thinking im arrogant and mean or something. its not that i dont want to talk to you i just dont know what to say. i struggle to even make small talk.

i dont know why im like this? anyone have any suggestions that might be the cause of this?

my entire life ive been the guy that just doesnt say much. i only feel like talking when something interests me and with someone i like. and poeple i tend to like tend to be few and far between. my life seems to be over concerned with what people will think. and i cant really be myself infront of people. i just turn into a very shy and quiet person. and people start to ignore me because of this reason.

im just happy being on my own. and would rather be on my own then talk to somone. as it doesnt really bring me any pleasure. unless i know the person really well and can open up slighly.

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

wjkk wjkf!

first i thought u were a girl ( stereotypical stuff=( )...but then reading further i find out ur not.

well tell me this:

im just happy being on my own. and would rather be on my own then talk to somone. as it doesnt really bring me any pleasure. unless i know the person really well and can open up slighly.

are u really happy being on ur own? because what u said before was that u have a "problem"

and u are askin

i dont know why im like this? anyone have any suggestions that might be the cause of this?

its just ur personality. u might change u might not...it all depends on the environment u are in.

i used to be shy...and hardly talked to anyone...but over time things have changed a lot and i can just go to anyone(depends on the other person too) and start chattin with them (lot to do with the courses i took and people i hug out with at uni).

dont be soo hard on urself. as long as u are happy with who u are and u know u are not being arrogant or anything like that...u be fine!=) just accept it.

stop listening to ur minds thoughts about who or what u are=)

i hope this helps...but i would liketo know more about what is really bothering you?

do u want to talk to the people? u want to know how to have a conversation with them? how to start, what to say? and how to "pretend" what they saying is interesting?(yes many people pretend and wait till it's their turn to speak) what do u wanna know. it is a skill...and u can master it if u want to!

im sure many people here can help and direct u in the right direction.

bhul chuk muaff karni

akal sahai!

wjkk wjkf!

[Guest Guest]

bump!

[*gupt-kaur*]

its fine, not everyone can talk to everyone, perhaps u like being alone? just jap naam in ur mind...... u wont feel lonely : )

[Guest Khalsa star]

My dear brother,

Guessing from your post...ur a first year uni student(~18-19yrs), i must tell u ...ur not alone...we all go threw a time where we just feel as if we don't 'fit in'....unless possibly ur the eldest in which case the art of socialising becomes a natural thing.....u know giving chai...and having to make small talk when guests come and parents are not home .... that is from my experience.

now what i believe is...we need to be comfortable with ourselves...those who are happy with themselves...who accept themselves......are accepted by others.....because they project inner stability...

At uni everyone is new...all trying to find their feet....make friends. Make a consious effort to actual listen to what ppl say...i know what it feels like.....ppl talking about getting drunk last night...ppl talking about 'fit' ppl...ur not sure where to look let alone say ...if ur pretending to listen..don't think ppl can' tell....if sumone has a grandma in hospital...and u say congratulations...well that speaks for itself!!

...sum ppl will say why do you want to fit in??....true...be content....and remember a khalsa...is the child of our beautiful Guru Ji...u are a khalsa...where ever you are u represent this...our Guru's where

charismatic ...and we as the children reflect this...such a child will project the light of the Guru from within...being urself is not a bad thing..but the grass always looks cleaner on the other side.....i look back and find my happiest memories to be when i was walking to uni and reciting Chaupi Sahib.

Don't worry what ppl think...i know that it can be easier to say than to do...but when u have nothing to hide and everything to offer...why shy away...

alternatively if all else fails...study hard...get good grades...and u will find a lot ppl will want to be ur friend

hope u the best...SMILE...u could have worse problems than not being able to communicate to 'coming of age' beings..

[xkaurx]

hmmm for a guy that doesnt say much that was a long post loll jokin awwwww you know i use to be just like you, but thats only because i wasnt around people who i had something in common with, is it the same for you? you mentioned you like being by yourself, maybe thats not true? just because you've gotten so use to it you think its ok. you shouldnt be so shy, there only people after all whats the worst they can do? there just like you, be confident, you dont have to say a lot just build on what the people around you are saying then you'l get the convo going. as for people thinking your rude and arrogant who cares? you shouldnt think about what others say or think, just be yourself

[Singhstah]

first off dont feel that YOU have to be chatty just because everyone else is, and cause it seems liket the right thing to do, thats a problem I used to have.

If you feel like saying something just say it, and if you dont, dont feel obligated to.

But the aim should be for people to know WHY your not saying anything, they should know its not cause you are being arrogant.

Seriously, the way to fix this is make sure you are all positive inside, whatever way you are feeling inside will come out, so just feel confident and happy and put a smile on your face.

This way people will know your not being grumpy (this is something I have to always make a big effort with, i always come across as P*ssed off to people ).

[Guest meeee]

wjkk wjkf!

first i thought u were a girl ( stereotypical stuff=( )...but then reading further i find out ur not.

well tell me this:

im just happy being on my own. and would rather be on my own then talk to somone. as it doesnt really bring me any pleasure. unless i know the person really well and can open up slighly.

are u really happy being on ur own? because what u said before was that u have a "problem"

and u are askin

i dont know why im like this? anyone have any suggestions that might be the cause of this?

its just ur personality. u might change u might not...it all depends on the environment u are in.

i used to be shy...and hardly talked to anyone...but over time things have changed a lot and i can just go to anyone(depends on the other person too) and start chattin with them (lot to do with the courses i took and people i hug out with at uni).

dont be soo hard on urself. as long as u are happy with who u are and u know u are not being arrogant or anything like that...u be fine!=) just accept it.

stop listening to ur minds thoughts about who or what u are=)

i hope this helps...but i would liketo know more about what is really bothering you?

do u want to talk to the people? u want to know how to have a conversation with them? how to start, what to say? and how to "pretend" what they saying is interesting?(yes many people pretend and wait till it's their turn to speak) what do u wanna know. it is a skill...and u can master it if u want to!

im sure many people here can help and direct u in the right direction.

bhul chuk muaff karni

akal sahai!

wjkk wjkf!

Hi. yeh hats right k_k_l

Well to start of with yes im a male. and its true that these feelings are usually associated with females. but i tend to find females are more chatty ect.

and i do seem to get one with girls more then males. maybe because i dont feel imtimidated by females and can open up more.

well my main problem is i find people boring. and dont feel like talking to them. and if i dont have anything in common with them. i usually just ignore them. i think alot of the time im very shy and around people so dont get into conversation with them. i cant even talk to my uncles. i feel like i have to show them so much respect. i cant have a laugh and a joke with them. and i end up just agreeing with whatever they say. to be polite. but theres so much i want to say. but i dont out of respect. i guess i have the same problem in general with anyone. i dont feel comfotable being myself. and im always putting on an act infront of people. the only time i feel i can be myself is when im talking to younger poeple then me. because i don thave that fear.

i just struggle to get out of my shell and show my feelings. ie anger/my emotions.

i also gernaraly find people boring so dont even feel like communicationg with them. but then i get labled as being mean.

i guess the best way to describe me as shy and scared of people. i just dont feel i can be myself. and because of that reason. i feel like gining up.

i wuld just like to live on a desreted island and be by myself instead of tring to fit in. and failing all the time. i just dont think i can get my true personality out. which is a very lively/kind/funny person.

but instead of that i just become silent in the company of people. but alot of time im like that beacuase people dont interest me. so i just dont know what to say to them.

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

well then try to find people who interest you. when u r around people who dont interest u, just be the way u usually are,listen to them or excuse ur self frm the convo and find those who are somewhat like u. if u cant then at the end or somewhere in between ... just kinda say...im sorry im just a quite and a shy person, so dont mistake me for being rude or arrogant=) most people understand that because they been in simler situations before.

i would say> u should accept the fact that u have different interests than the people u around that momemnt and that many will find u "weird" lol its normal for us humans to think others who dont behave or are at diff level as weird.

as u have said before....u are urself when u are with ur friends and close family members thus u aren't really WEIRD or any different then many of us. we all feel bit awkward and dont feel like talking because we are new and dont really know the other people etc. i hope u kow what im talking about.

i dont feel comfotable being myself. and im always putting on an act infront of people. the only time i feel i can be myself is when im talking to younger poeple then me. because i don thave that fear.

it takes time...believe me. u and all of us are still growing.

do u have any best mate(s) at uni? or someone, after all the lectures and being with people... to cme back and just relax with or chat with?

as someone have shared their experince of uni...see if that helps.

i just struggle to get out of my shell and show my feelings. ie anger/my emotions.

i also gernaraly find people boring so dont even feel like communicationg with them. but then i get labled as being mean.

have u evr read the story of a butterfly? it was posted here somewhere. i will try to post that link so u can read it. it will help u think about u tryin to get out of ur shell.

and about being labeled as mean. do u care if they label u with such names? i see that u want people to see u for who u are from inside. again know and accept it that MANY WILL MISUNDERSTAND U. only few will know who u really are from inside. thats why we only have very small # of BEST FRIENDS or some times just ONE!(sometimes not even one..exccpt akal!)

even if u try to be nice and kind people will misinterpret it

u are still tryin to know urself..and wont completely understand the "self" its that complex to tell u the truth. ask any old person and they will tell u how they have discovered many new things about themselves that they didnt know were (in) them.

if u want to change something...start out small.

wanna know one of the reason why we are afraid of showing our true emotions to anyone(people who dont really know us and cant differentiate between the emotion u in at the moment and who u really are deep down)? its because there is something inside of us telling us that 'if i get angry or joke....this person might take me wrong...or think something of me which i am not!' so we stay quiet; dont want the person to misunderstand us.

it shows that u are aware of this fact of ur action/reaction and peoples interpretation of it thus stay quiet. i was told that being quiet is one of the virtues and a great tool when "used" at the right time.

again give ur self sometime and know that there is nothing wrong with u.

i just dont think i can get my true personality out. which is a very lively/kind/funny person.

it will come out...maybe not right away,but it will

dont let the peoples thought of u as being "mean" get to u. remind ur self if u have to that u are not that....u are lively, kind and funny person. go in the company of those who bring that out in u now and then(cant happn evry day prolly cuz u are away from them or have other things to do..)

....smile=)

let me know if nything confuses u, or if u have found a way to be urself

akal sahai!

[sherlsurj]

hey bro i used to be reli shy myself even around extended fam. i just didnt open my mouth. every1 thght i had sum problem with my head. but confidence comes slowly....just dnt put urself under any pressure. if ur shy then dnt try and force urslef 2 say sumfin. that will make u more shy. its good u came on here and said this stuff and overcame ur shyness.