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Should I Leave? Should I Punch Him? Should I Completely Ignore Him?

Guest -Confused-

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Guest -Confused-

Vjkk. Vjkf.

I would like the honest opinions about this post from the sangat, please.

I really, REALLY need to know what I should do, & I'm not about to ask my parents what they think.

My uncle (youngest brother of mom) married my aunt 2+ years ago. Exactly 4 weeks ago, my aunt announced that she was 7 weeks pregnant. She didn't seem too pleased & we were confused 'cause we know that she & my uncle really wanted a child.

2 weeks ago, she told us (the extended family), that 3 weeks ago she found out that her husband, my uncle, has been cheating on her, & that he still is. She told us that she found out he has been cheating on her since half a year ago. This explained why he started to live on his some months ago, with the excuse of "I need to figure out some things. I need some time on my own, so I'm going to live alone for a bit." Now we know why he really left. We tried telling her that she was paranoid (just to try and calm her down a bit), while we tried to figure out who the other girl was. (We did believe her, but we just wanted her to feel better at that point 'cause she was, of course, feeling very depressed. We also wanted to make sure that we would have proof for the time we would confront him.)

Anyway, my aunt got the other girl's phone# from his cell-phone. When we asked her if she was 'with' him, she said 'yes', & we asked her to step back & not see him again. She got very angry & started yelling at us & we didn't yell at her 'cause we had a feeling she didn't know about his marriage or anything. She said it wasn't our business, & we told her that it was our business, 'cause we were thinking of the child. She was confused & became very upset after we told her about everything (what was really going on in his life) 'cause she had no clue that he was married, or even that he was going to be a father soon.

My aunt told us that he would call her when he wanted to just go out, but other than that he would only call her when he wanted something from their house, or when he wanted food during the times he didn't feeling like eating from somewhere outside the house.

We told her that he was using her, & my mom & my mom's sister convinced my aunt (who's pregnant) to not let him enter the house until we figure out what to do, and she agreed. He kept asking for forgiveness, & my grandpa (my aunt's father-in-law), convinced her to let him start living with them again. (Of course, he stated all the typical punjabi things : He's a boy so you should forgive him this one time. He won't do it again 'cause he knows the baby's on it's way.) By the way, that is the worst way of thinking a person could have. We are all equal, & there is no such thing as there being a difference in a girls desires & a boys desires, which would forgive a boy instead of a girl for such sins. Anyway, she was convinced & he's back, living in the same house. (Although we all know the right thing to do is to let him live on his own in that apartment he was renting.)

So here is where I ask the sangat for help.

I've never liked this uncle before (the cheater one) 'cause the first & second time I met him, he sexually harassed me. I told my mom & her sister, but they told me to just stay away. It's a bit hard to do that when he was the babysitter. Anyway, My other aunt and uncle live in the same house with them, and they just had a baby. We're going over to their house to see the baby of course. Since the other uncle (the unforgivable cheater) lives there now, he'll probably be there too. If he comes after we've arrived, should I leave? Should I completely ignore him? Should I punch him? Should yell at him? Should I beat him up till he can't move, or till I'm pulled away?

I just can't stand knowing that he has the same blood as me, or that he lives in a house where there are Gurus portraits around. I don't have the option of being absent from the get-together at their house for the baby. I already begged & begged my mom, but she keeps saying that I just have to ignore him.

What should I do sangat jee?

**(An important thing to take note: I'm 21, so be honest please. I just don't want anyone to feel that they should tell me to just tell elders, 'cause there isn't much being done about it with them knowing.)**

Thank you in advance.

Vjkk. Vjkf.

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Guest Singh1699

If I were you, I'd punch him out in front of everyone!

This should have been done when he laid a hand on you.

And then lay extra punches for all the sorrow he caused to his wife and others.

Guys like this will not learn through 'reasoning', they should be publicly humiliated !!!

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juttia maar maar key sir ganja karna chahida eho jehey da :@:@

Having gone through abuse as a child, I can tell you that if I were to come face to face with them today, I would beat them to pulp! (and I'm a guy; contrary to what a lot of people believe, abuse doesn't happen just to girls)

In your situation, it maybe a good idea to ignore him initially. If he makes a obscene remark then you let him have it, make sure you at least break his nose. You will get in trouble for doing so, but clearly the other options have not helped at all. It's time to take matters into your own hands. Btw, you are 21, you don't need a baby sitter anymore.

There are certain things that you could do to show everyone what he does, but I'd rather not mention them on the forum. They may not be easy but they will come in handy. Feel free to PM me if you are interested.

PS. I don't understand how can a mother not do anything after finding out that her 21 yr old daughter had gone through something like that :sad: kaljug to the max indeed.

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punch him out...beat the <banned word filter activated> out of him...trust me if you dont teach him a lesson god knows he might do the same thing to the new born(once ofcourse this kid is older) he needs to be insulted and taught a lesson infront of the whole family. Go ahead and STand up for your rights.

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If he comes after we've arrived, should I leave? Should I completely ignore him? Should I punch him? Should yell at him? Should I beat him up till he can't move, or till I'm pulled away?

I just can't stand knowing that he has the same blood as me, or that he lives in a house where there are Gurus portraits around. I don't have the option of being absent from the get-together at their house for the baby. I already begged & begged my mom, but she keeps saying that I just have to ignore him.

What should I do sangat jee?

**(An important thing to take note: I'm 21, so be honest please. I just don't want anyone to feel that they should tell me to just tell elders, 'cause there isn't much being done about it with them knowing.)**

Dear Bhainji, First of all, lets do ardas and have faith that GOD is with you. This is some odd situation. He shouldn't be forgiven but thats the only way you could or your aunti could move ahead in life. Not forgiving someone makes it hard for us to live our own life peacefully. So first thing I would suggest you to do is to pray to SGGSji from your heart, asking for keeping him on track now that a kid is going to come in their life too. Its reminding me of a tuk again "khalsa soye jo nirdhan ko pale". He (ur cheater uncle) is nirdhan. Nirdhan is not only poor person, but someone who lacks sometihng, he does lack to be faithful to his wife. And he is nirdhan in a way that kaam is taking over him. So you being the guru dee piari (be it amritdhari or not, u came to sangat to ask for help, so you are still guru dee piayaree, the chosen one to do nirdhan ko palna), you are going to help him out by doing ardas for him. Just go to their house and see him as a nirdhan. If you see him as nirdhan, you will actually feel sorry for him rather than being angry. Once you have that feeling of being sorry that he couldn't rise above the kaam feeling, you would want to do ardas for him asking GOD to help him be a better person. And once you have all these feelings, I dont' think you would be angry anymore. instead tuhanu taras aayega. Je tuhanu taras aayega, taan ardas vee tuhade dil vicho nikalegee, and rub jee fer poori karn nu bilkul der nahi launde. Always, remember, Everyone falls under the command of great master GOD. ur uncle is not beyond it either. U can help him with just dilon keetee ardas. Nothing more or less you need to do. babaji ne aap hee sabh theek kar dena hai. Kaam will leave him, your aunti would get the same respect for him back. This kid that they are expecting would come like miracle to your family to bond things together.

Don't Worry. I don't believe in miracles, But I do have a strong faith in babaji. So just believe in the master.

kahe dole paraNiya tujhe rakhega sirjanhar

and another one

so sathigur piaaraa maerai naal hai jithhai kithhai maino leae shhaddaaee ||

That Beloved True Guru is always with me; wherever I may be, He will save me.

So just have a faith in GOD. Go to their house, do the ususal. IF thoughts come in your mind when he comes around. Do waheguru waheguru in your head or repeat above lines. Aape sabh theek ho jana.

OK jee, I hope I helped, update me in few months after the new baby they are expecting is few months old.

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vjkk, vjkf

must be very upsetting, and i think it's great that you're try to deal with the issue instead of ignoring it and hoping it will be ok, cause that's what happens in most cases and people have to tiptoe around and feel uncomfortable all the time. especially those who find it hard to be two faced hypocrites.

It all goes down to your aunty i suppose, if she wants him to stay then you should just support her - but i'm guessing she will be stronger now and prepared for it if it happens again.

1. so if she gives him the chance, support her and if your uncle does it again, then i'm sure he won't get another chance.

2. if they've taken amrit, i think they have to go together, and he has to ask forgiveness from guru ji - panj piyare.

3. If they haven't taken amrit then i guess it's a matter of sorting it out between the family - but he should still ask for forgiveness. if they're religious enough then get local giani's to do a sehaj path at home, do seva for sangat and pathi's and get them to do ardaas with just the family in attendance.

GOING to the get together. can't you go and leave early?

if he's there while you're there i'd completely ignore him, especially if everyone there knows the situation. I know how it is when you want to be up front, straight up, say it how it is - but sometimes as someone said you have to rise above that level and take pity almost.

show yourself to be better, and don't stoop to his level, don't start arguing and fighting - cause if he stays then he'll have a smirk on his face thinking he's got one over on you

just support your aunty and tell i'm only here for you and i'll support you whatever you decide, if you forgive him then i won't go against you, but i can't forgive him.

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Kaam 'Krodh' Kaaya Ko Gaale

What is happening with your aunt is her personal matter. Don't mind. This is true. The support you can give her at this time is of 'praying' for her. Nothing bigger than 'God', is there? Her Karma is acting up on her which is not visible to our eyes. So tell her to 'pray' for herself as well. The only thing that can earse Karma is Gurbani. But this happens in a subtle way, don't expect magic. Depending on her 'determination' and 'belief' in the 'Supreme Power', she shall be ridden of her so called negative/positive Karma.

You, on the other hand, are mad because of what he had done to you. The harassment...true? Question yourself, this is the only answer you'll get. This is an emotional pain that you have held on to since your childhood. You told your mother but she being tied to her worldly bonds didn't respond to the way you wanted her to. She didn't give you a satisfactory reply. Your soul is Nirlep (Bondage free), currently sleeping until you wake this entity up through 'meditation'. It's a forgiver. But your mind wants to get the best out

of this situation. Be alarmed and be careful. I wouldn't go near such a person ever again. I would let the Supreme and the 'belief' in the Supreme take care of this man. You must forgive yourself. Yes, yourself. You haven't done that yet. Why so? Why do you want past pains to ruin your present? Let God help you. You must forgive yourself.

This uncle of yours is perverted. There is no question about it. You notice that his presence makes you uncomfortable?

It's his sick energy sucking up your peace and quiet. You'll feel 'used' up in his presence since his energy will make you sick. This is why Guru Ji says, "Kabeer Saakath Sang Na Keejay, Dooronh Jaayee-ay Bhaag". We are all an energy. This is why we should be careful about the Sangat we do. Some people are just energy sappers. Whatever they think, affects us.

Be careful Angel, don't get wasted by such people. Move on. Enjoy every bit of this life. It's an Utsav, a celebration, this human body. So precious, such a rare opportunity. Don't waste this one.

You forgot your goal? You promised him something...remember? He gave you his 'Simran' while you were in your worldly mother's womb. You promised him that you'll do the same type of 'continuous' Simran when you take birth. Time to live up to the promise Angel. Wake up. Come on wake up.

Go for a walk today, and take a deep look at a rose... and smile. For no reason at all, like a baby. This is the way he made you, he designed you in a way that you smile for no reason at all. But you took up worldly worries. Don't...

Stay away from the world, stay absorbed in him through his Shabad...a line from Gurbani, Gurmantra, Mool Mantra. He gave us so many choices. So lovable of her...our Divine Mother.

You can always talk to me, if you prefer. I'll leave my contact for you.


Vaheguru ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh

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Guest singhing

That's horrible. You're old enough to make your own decision as to what to do now. Do whatever feels right. But just remember that you're his niece- related directly by blood we're not muslim and he's having a kid now- if he can do that crap to you (who he should see as a daughter) he can do it to his own child- right now theres nothing stopping him.

I guess it depends how old you were when he harassed you aswell and whether hes an evil pedo, a dirty incestuous prick. or both.

I hope you're okay and maybe seeking counseling for this because I know it can mess people up badly. This stuff happens too often in our community and the worst thing is the perpetrators know they'll get away with it. People need to start making a stand to prevent it happening to others.

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