Advice,Guidance...Marriage

[Guest jdjs]

I feel for you, I am in sort of worse situation to be honest, my wife cheated on with with someone who had a 3 year old child. I been through alot of emotions, pushed away friends etc. So I eventually got divorced, but our community are very narrow minded about people who are divorced especially through innocense, now its very hard for me to find a girl because of my status being looked upon as a bad thing! It does hurt, but been through counscelling, time off work to cope, paat and everything but nothing seems to have worked. On top of that in the marriage arena, what ticks me off is caste, there is no such thing as sikh-jatt or sikh-ramgharia, I simply refuse this because Sri Guru Gobind Singh ji abolished this and we are discriminating against each other.

So I am taking everyday as it comes, and going with the flow, thinking positive, at least I am alive and seeing gods creation and living yet another day! It all happens for a reason, and that reason is true.

If anyone else with this experience has any suggestions on how to build self-esteem up again and how to cope, please let me know.

I know a few divorcees people who have married other divorcees and are very happy together. One was really in love with their spouse and took it really hard when they left but is very very happy now and has a gorgeous spouse.

Kaljug is everywhere nowadays and cheating is such a common thing, most people never even find out about their other halves cheating so in a way you are very lucky and can thank god you;re not living a lie like so many others.

God has a plan for all of us though, so accept his will and you'll be rewarded. Start naam jaap, say his true name with love and you'll come out on top.

Rab rakh.

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

I dont understand anymore whats going on.

I found out earlier on today that a business I was buying is looking likely to be falling through. My family were suppose to be signing contracts this thursday which got delayed but today I found out one of the parties is backing out [business is in a partnership].

To say the least im floored. I had accepted the fact that I was prob not going to get married but was thinking in the end it was ok as it was looking likely I was getting this business. Its been going on for 14 months so many things we have had to sort out to get this business but now neither are happening. Just feels as though all my ardaasa have gone unheard.

I took two hukams one at the time the girl said no and one yday when i heard about the business falling through. But i need help understanding them I think I understand them but then Im not knowledgable. Pls help me make sense of this situation. I really don't understand anymore.

This Shabad is by Guru Raam Daas Ji in Raag Bilaaval on Pannaa 800

Fourth Mehla:

Anyone, from any class - Kh'shaatriya, Brahman, Soodra or Vaishya - can chant, and meditate on the Mantra of the Lord's Name.

Worship the Guru, the True Guru, as the Supreme Lord God; serve Him constantly, all day and night. ||1||

O humble servants of the Lord, behold the True Guru with your eyes.

Whatever you wish for, you shall receive, chanting the Word of the Lord's Name, under Guru's Instruction. ||1||Pause||

People think of many and various efforts, but that alone happens, which is to happen.

All beings seek goodness for themselves, but what the Lord does - that may not be what we think and expect. ||2||

So renounce the clever intellect of your mind, O humble servants of the Lord, no matter how hard this may be.

Night and day, meditate on the Naam, the Name of the Lord, Har, Har; accept the wisdom of the Guru, the True Guru. ||3||

Wisdom, balanced wisdom is in Your power, O Lord and Master; I am the instrument, and You are the player, O Primal Lord.

O God, O Creator, Lord and Master of servant Nanak, as You wish, so do I speak. ||4||5||

and the 2nd Hukam

Ang 258

PAUREE: MAMMA: The beggar is so ignorant - the Great Giver continues to give. He is All-knowing. Whatever He gives, He gives once and for all. O foolish mind, why do you complain, and cry out so loud? Whenever you ask for something, you ask for worldly things; no one has obtained happiness from these. If you must ask for a gift, then ask for the One Lord.

Pls help.

[Only five]

I dont understand anymore whats going on.

I found out earlier on today that a business I was buying is looking likely to be falling through. My family were suppose to be signing contracts this thursday which got delayed but today I found out one of the parties is backing out [business is in a partnership].

To say the least im floored. I had accepted the fact that I was prob not going to get married but was thinking in the end it was ok as it was looking likely I was getting this business. Its been going on for 14 months so many things we have had to sort out to get this business but now neither are happening. Just feels as though all my ardaasa have gone unheard.

I took two hukams one at the time the girl said no and one yday when i heard about the business falling through. But i need help understanding them I think I understand them but then Im not knowledgable. Pls help me make sense of this situation. I really don't understand anymore.

This Shabad is by Guru Raam Daas Ji in Raag Bilaaval on Pannaa 800

Fourth Mehla:

Anyone, from any class - Kh'shaatriya, Brahman, Soodra or Vaishya - can chant, and meditate on the Mantra of the Lord's Name.

Worship the Guru, the True Guru, as the Supreme Lord God; serve Him constantly, all day and night. ||1||

O humble servants of the Lord, behold the True Guru with your eyes.

Whatever you wish for, you shall receive, chanting the Word of the Lord's Name, under Guru's Instruction. ||1||Pause||

People think of many and various efforts, but that alone happens, which is to happen.

All beings seek goodness for themselves, but what the Lord does - that may not be what we think and expect. ||2||

So renounce the clever intellect of your mind, O humble servants of the Lord, no matter how hard this may be.

Night and day, meditate on the Naam, the Name of the Lord, Har, Har; accept the wisdom of the Guru, the True Guru. ||3||

Wisdom, balanced wisdom is in Your power, O Lord and Master; I am the instrument, and You are the player, O Primal Lord.

O God, O Creator, Lord and Master of servant Nanak, as You wish, so do I speak. ||4||5||

In both Shabads Guru Sahib is giving you the same message, but you keep getting suck on the worldly aspect of your life. Look at the first line of the above shabad. Guru Sahib in the context of you asking about getting a girl is saying anyone can chant the Lords name. Meaning a crook, a murder, a low caste, a high caste can chant the Lord's name(and they do when they want something). In the next line of the shabad we are told how to chant the Lord's name. Guru Sahib say do it constantly, this constantly will come more clear later on in the shabad. Now third line, behold the lord with your eyes. When we behold someone in our eyes, they are constantly in our mind. This does not mean just holding on to how they look, there face features and your attached to it. When you behold someone in your eyes you think of there actions, what they told you, what they did for you, etc. You love all of them. Now the Rahaoo line, fourth line makes it clear on what Guru Sahib is asking from you. With Guru's instructions chant the Lords Name. This means when we chant the Lord's name, which is constantly(like the shabad say) we focus our consciousness on Sri Waheguru ji. We do not chant his name to attain worldly things. Once you are in that mind frame where you do everything because you are in love with Sri Waheguru ji, then ask for anything and you will recieve it, like the Rahoao, fourth line is saying. In the first line everyone chants for the purpose of attain what they want and they miss the whole point of chanting. So in reality they are not worshipping or chanting Sri Waheguru ji, but chanting, worhsiping, praising what they want. In this way of chanting you are living in your Karma and whatever is written in your karma you will get. Say in your karma it is not for you to get married then you will not find a girl or will find a girl, but never get married. When you chant the Lord's name because you are in love with Sri Waheguru ji, then this person only ask for what is a neccessity.(there is a shabad on this as well by one of the Bhagats) In the first pauris of Sri Japji Sahib ji, the same message is given out to us. Sri Guru Nanak Dev ji in Sri Japji Sahib repeats many times by his command everything happens and then in one pauri Guru Sahib say we recieve at his will. Here we need to understand that recieve here means to live in Dharma(Gurmat, Guru's way) and WHY we want it is the key. You want a girl and there is nothing wrong with that and getting married is a Sikhs way of life. But this is what you want(not the Guru's way, it's Manmat because first you have not attached yourself to Sri Waheguru ji, asked for his love). The WHY would be, are you wanting a girl for some worldly reason or which is the correct reason, because your in love with Sri Waheguru ji by following the Guru's instructions, as the hukam you took says? Then it also say Sri Waheguru ji never holds back anything and he give and gives, but only a true person knows how to recieve the gifts. The question arises, how come some don't have to ask for anything and they recieve everything and they live manmat life. This is there Karma playing out and sooner or later these karmas will run out and all they will see is pitch darkness. Living in Dharma is where you start understanding why Guru Sahib gave us this breath of life and who we should spend this breath of life on. Otherwise ask whatever you want and you'll recieve what's in your Karma. The problem arises when we don't know how to ask from Sri Waheguru ji.

Now the first three lines after the Rehaao is very clear on it's instructions. And calls us moorakhs for not knowing how to ask from Guru Sahib. We took the clever way of chanting his name when we need something and when we recieve it, we forget all about Sri Waheguru ji. In the above shabad, this is refered to as clever intellect. Also in the last lines of the shabad, Guru Sahib is telling us after figuring out we need to love Sri Waheguru ji first and then we will recieve, that we say now we have things in our power(we can get to the state of loving Sri Waheguru ji on our own.) Be the instrument and let Sri Waheguru ji be the player, don't start thinking for a second you are the player of the instrument. As soon as you do, then all will be lost. Meditate on Sri Waheguru ji focused on Sri Waheguru ji and then we become the instrument and like the rehaao line says recieve what we want.

and the 2nd Hukam

Ang 258

PAUREE: MAMMA: The beggar is so ignorant - the Great Giver continues to give. He is All-knowing. Whatever He gives, He gives once and for all. O foolish mind, why do you complain, and cry out so loud? Whenever you ask for something, you ask for worldly things; no one has obtained happiness from these. If you must ask for a gift, then ask for the One Lord.

Pls help.

This pauree is saying the same, but know Sri Waheguru ji is saying we, are not thankful for what we already have. Sri Waheguru ji has given us everything, meaning we have the Shabad Guru to guide our love for Sri Waheguru ji, but like fools we cry out for worldy things. Meaning we are not follow Guru Sahib's instructions. Ask for Sri Waheguru ji first and then ask for something else. Fall in love with him and then asking for things that will help you live a householders life and die with the love of Sri Waheguru ji. Once you jump on the path of Dharma, you will be taken care of. Right now your on the path of karma and this path is a dead end. The path of karma takes care of you, only to die and then be reborn again.

Ask yourself this question, When was it the last time or ever in your life you screamed, cried for Sri Waheguru ji for Sri Waheguru ji love and only his love? Then you'll know if you are following the Hukams or not.

One last thing, Please don't think im talking down to you at all. This moorakh, knows what he knows, but this knowing is only good as how much he applies and follows it. Forgive me for any mistakes I made.

[Wales85]

I am sorry to hear about your hard times man, but many great businessmen failed repeatedly before success (ex: Dell).

The girl thing though, man you will be just fine. I don't know about you, but if I got half the girls I begged God to give me my life would be a living hell. You will end up with someone. Its like when you first start interviewing for jobs or grad school... its a huge deal... you think your never gonna get it... life sucks...... then BAM! Your in and its all gravy and you start worrying about the next problem. The fact that you have enough commitment to your religion to post on this site and go to Waheguru for guidance shows that you got character.... something most guys lack these days... and something that a good girl will want. I know it sounds easy for me to say man, but I promise the best thing you can do is keep moving forward and enjoy your last amount of time being single (not in a bad way, I mean travel, enjoy your free time, etc.) Once its gone its gone forever.... your single maybe 30 or so years.... your married for like 50-60.... Also, girls dig it when the man has other things going on in his life and is happy and seems to have his act together... so if your living your life and doing well they will pick up on it

Keep your head up singh, its gonna be just fine.

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

Thanks for your replies.

I don't know what to do right now?

Im 26 and Im really impatient in life.

Im a burden on my parents and everyone around me at the moment nothing is going right and everything I put my mind to just falls apart.

I don't know whether to try to meet another girl, to try to get another business.

All I want to do is stand up on my own two feet and not get dropped on my <banned word filter activated> every-time i try to do so.

Im sorry to burden you all with my insignificant problems.

[Only five]

Thanks for your replies.

I don't know what to do right now?

Im 26 and Im really impatient in life.

Im a burden on my parents and everyone around me at the moment nothing is going right and everything I put my mind to just falls apart.

I don't know whether to try to meet another girl, to try to get another business.

All I want to do is stand up on my own two feet and not get dropped on my <banned word filter activated> every-time i try to do so.

Im sorry to burden you all with my insignificant problems.

If you start doing nitnem with devotion then all the anxiety will departs.

[whyhellothere]

O humble servants of the Lord, behold the True Guru with your eyes.

Whatever you wish for, you shall receive, chanting the Word of the Lord's Name, under Guru's Instruction. ||1||Pause||

Worship the Guru, the True Guru, as the Supreme Lord God; serve Him constantly, all day and night. ||1||

You've been given your answer and have been blessed to have gotten it so clearly!

[Jaggaa]

If you start doing nitnem with devotion then all the anxiety will departs.

Sorry a little offtopic but, what if you don't do your nitmen with "devotion" and just do it - will it not part your anxiety then?

[Only five]

Sorry a little offtopic but, what if you don't do your nitmen with "devotion" and just do it - will it not part your anxiety then?

It completely depend on the person on what stage, you could say, they are on. Take for example a beginner, they would be more vulnerable to maya(anxiety). As to a person who has been doing nitnem for months or years, without missing one day, they are less like to be attacked by anxiety. Some people are blessed by Satguru and can get anxieties out of there lives in days or hours. But for some the process of nitnem plus devotion is longer. The individual knows where they stand. And some even though are in total ignorance, think it's bliss. The false illusion shields them from anxieties. Devotion is the key, whether you do nitnem once a week or every single day.

[Jaggaa]

The last sentence would of sufficed. Thanks