Marrying Someone You Love

[ISW]

WJKK

WJKF

I need help in understanding if we are allowed to marry someone we love in Sikhism.

[Singhstah]

I think the idea is that we are not supposed to develop those kinds of feelings for anyone before marriage. However I suppose if you did get those feelings then why would you be banned from doing so? But of course only as long as you went through the right route like parents, none of taking it into your own hands.

That is of course only if the other person is also sikh! (or in the case of an amritdhari also amritdhari). Remember in Sikhi marriage is primarily meant to serve as a partnership (sangat) to reach Akaal Purakh through both the parties following Gurmat.

[OhTwadi]

Concept of love in Sikhi is very much different than what current societies of the world portray as love.

Quote for self reflection.

You know what love is?

It is all kindness, generosity.

Disharmony prevails when

You confuse lust with love, while

The distance between the two

Is endless.

http://sikhitothemax...p?ShabadID=1753

sloku mhlw 2 ]

eyh iknyhI AwskI dUjY lgY jwie ]

What sort of love is this, which clings to duality? [i.e. which makes us cling to an entity other than God]

nwnk Awsku kWFIAY sd hI rhY smwie ]

cMgY cMgw kir mMny mMdY mMdw hoie ]

Awsku eyhu n AwKIAY ij lyKY vrqY soie ]1]

[Singh559]

Above Singhs cleared it up well.

Only true is the love for waheguru, this means the sewa to mankind (kindness generosity), as Singhstah veerji said i don't thikn it is banned but if you believe it will break you from Sikhi then you should decide whether it is wrong or not.

[alias]

(please read all!)

as khalsa sikhs, we can marry anyone. : D but, that person has to believe in and practice gurmut. thas it.

those ppl that aint, reely lookt at gurmut, they will go for other ppl that are like minded. soo.. not much can reely be done about this. apart from learning gurmut.

its like ppl that go and sleep around, they will get with other like minded ppl.

its all what we put our mind on. and our guru guides us in saying go towards gurmut and move away from the 'up n down' nature of our own hearts and minds. the moment we use our own hearts n minds, we get stuck in duality. and presonally, i think that this is where the origional poster is stuck in.

move away from what u think u shud do, and go to gurmut n implement that in ur life - ...is what id say to u if u were to ask me for advice..

on one hand we have preet, pyaar, prem etc, and on the other hand we have kaam, chunchal, moh etc.. so.. it all depends on how define this 'love' that u say u have.

there is only 1 true type of love - prem etc. anything n everything else gives doublemindedness.

i describe true love to be the relationship between parent and child, brother n sister, and the feeling of 'aww!!' wen u see the cutest lil kid .

lastly, if u decide to go towards gurmut, and ur 'other half' dont, what then ey :| .

c u

gurfateh

:L:

[VanHelsingh]

I know some people begin to roll their eyes in exasperation when religious folk pour scorn over love between a guy and a woman.

The issue is that the kind of love most people think is "the real thing" is actually illusory. Okay, so there's possibly one-in-a-million case where both partners genuinely do love each other but those instances are extremely rare, and are usually built upon deeper, spiritual understandings than just the simple rules of bodily attraction. Most examples of "love" between a man and a woman are flimsy relationships of convenience that will collapse under even the smallest scrutiny, i.e. unforeseen circumstances and obstacles that life has a habit of throwing in-front our paths.

That's when you learn if somebody really did love you. It's easy to rattle off a couple of "I love you"s a few times a week when life is cushy. But when things take a turn for the worse, and one person in the relationship hits a rocky patch, how much patience and understanding does the other partner have so that those "I love you"s are still as forthcoming during those dark days as they were during the happier times? Eventually those declarations of love will stop coming. The truth is that God will never desert us or get tired of us, just because life takes a turn for the worse.

But its much easier said than done. In the bloom of youth and young adulthood, love (or lust) is something that most people heavily rely upon to survive the tribulations and the loneliness of life. I guess some of us have to learn the hard way in order to realise the truth nature of love - whatever it may be.

[dalsingh101]

Just be careful of western notions of love between a couple. The rate at which so many of these 'love marriages' turn into divorce really says it all in terms of the actual depth of this love after a few years.

That's not saying that our own rates of divorce aren't rising also, just that the romanticised 'love' of western cultures isn't as enduring as is made out and mostly seems to be based on physical attraction.

[PAL 07]

mukh arth is what sort of prem is this that is directed towards another besides from Akaal

[Wales85]

Imagine a triangle where God is one corner and husband and wife are the other two corners. The closer they grow to God, the closer they get to each other. If they are not moving in the same direction, they will grow farther apart.