Anxiety/Shyness

[Guest K SINGH]

I tried posting earlier but dont think it went thru, so Iam hoping this one does. I have a shyness problem which I have had for atleast 10-15 years that I am desperate to be rid of. I get feelings of anxiety and start blushing and sweating. This can occur when I am talking to people and anytime I feel I may be the centre of attention. I also always seem on edge, jumpy and fearfull.I can be shy around even those I have known for long time- friends and family. I want to cure this with gurbani and not other ways such as medication because I have tried that. I am a 32 yr old clean shaven male, I drink around 2 times a month mainly because of the anxiety, I feel I need it sometimes to calm my self. I do listen to kirtan and simran everyday and try to sit and do some simran for 10-15 mins daily with eyes shut, but the negativity around me doesnt seem to be going. I know it may take a long time but just needed more advice on what the best mantars and banis are for me to cure this? I have just started listening to Sukhmani sahib, is this the best bani for my problems? Also I have heard Jaap sahib is good for anxiety,and people online mention the last 4 lines of Jaap sahib as being good and also 'gobinday mukanday udaray aparay hariang kariang nirnamay akamay'. What about chanting mool mantar and Waheguru, what is best for my issues? Please advise with the duration of time I will need to do aswell. Thanks.

[Guest Hmmm singh]

Paj you are doing the right thing . Guru wil bless you and help you and help you oversee this case of anxiety . I suppose i was like this once and it helped to join sangat where other sikh s are there. Hope it helps if it goes well tell others

[MS1NGH 35]

definitely agree with reciting/listening to as much gurbani as possible. I would also suggest trying some self help CBT books for anxiety. Alternatively your gp may be able to refer you to some counselling for anxiety. Fateh

[KhalistaniGunMan 291]

I had the same problem as you veerji a while back...but I overcame it....my advice is read as much gurbani as possible and do alot of simran....also reinforce to your mind over and over again...that everything around you is dust...imagine everything you view as dust....imagine everyones opinions as temporal and dust as their opinions only live as long as their body...when they die...everything they ever thought of you will go with them....visualize everyting in this world as temporal objects...then compare it to the immortal waheguru ..the one whose judgement lives forever...that mighty waheguru who can never turn to dust and fade away...he is present and always will be....this can help alot...because from my experience shyness and anxiety are a product of fearing someones judgement or opinion about you...IGNORE THEM ..THEY ARE ALL DUST!!..REINFORCE IT!!........also another very good piece of advice..join a gym...and spend between 30 mins - 1 hour in there everyday....a strong healthy body means a strong healthy mind...

[Guest infinite]

Nice post by Khalisatni Gun Man But how about we go further as to reinforce that everything is in fact Nothing- this is the reality. God lives in a state of Nothingness, He has no image, He lives in the balance, a frequency which is detached from the crap of the maya khel, detached from the highs and lows that we experience.

We are Him so we really are Nothing, no image, just a frequency of a balanced gyan.

Shed your ego, through bhagti and there will be no anxiety.

Satnam Ji

[Guest Job it]

Bro you shoul get a job bro. This will help you get out an about. An actually talking to people bro

[Guest K SINGH]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am just going to continue having faith and try to be patient. Also I do have a job, I have caring family and friends aswell; no real reason that I should be feeling this way. I agree that in a way this must be an ego thing. Anyway thanks again.

[Big_Tera 1,129]

K SINGH, first of all you need to find out what is causing you this anxiety? you can join extra classes and gym all those kind of places to meet new people. And get you out of your anxiety.

But the above is no good if you cant find the reason for anxiety.

Now I have suffered myself from what you are going through. what cured me was the following. Totestrone. This Hormone is the most important Hormon on the planet. This Hormone makes you who you are. I was lacking in this Hormone because i was taking medication that was lowering my totestrone.

I felt like a weak man, no ambition, no concentration, shy, you name it the list goes on.

what you can do is the follwoing. increas your totestrone through diet, exercise. why are some poeple chatty and others just want to be on their own??

the answer is hormones and chemicals in our body. when someone is shy doctor gives them chemical drugs to lift their mood and make them talk more.

what you need to do is increase seretonin and totestrone. you can do this through proper gym work, exercise. take in more sunshine as this raises seretonin.

totestrone is the main thing though. you can increase this from not only engaging in sexual activity only 2 a week. when your hormones and chemicals are balanced. then you will be more talkitive, infact we probably wont be able to shut u up. the reason you are shy around people is because of past experiences. forget the past. increase your totestrone and seretonin. then you will be a different person.

[Guest gupt]

My advice is the following. Go and get this shyness problem checked out by a doctor/therapist. People who are saying that you should just jump into social situations more to get you out of your shell is not always the answer and can sometimes make the situation worse. For instance if your car doesnt start after turning the key. If you keep turning it, its not gonna make the car start. what you have to do is lift the bonnet up to check what the problem is. same with the shyness problem.

Now most people find it easy to be themselves around other people and chatter away like no tommorow making jokes talking ect. And theres some people who just cannot be themselves in group situations at work or uni and completley shut down. these people just cannot talk. they dont have a clue what to say. and because they are afraid of saying something that might embarass them or might sound weird. they just dont say anything. these people have no problem being themselves with a close friend or with their family members. but its another kettle of fish in say a work enviroment. the first step is becoming more self assured. then the confidence will just get higher and higher.

now what makes people confident? having a decent job, having money in the bank. i myself use to be quiet poor. I had no money and felt I always had to prove myself to other people. because i was poorer then them. when i got money and was the same as most people i knew. this relaxed me. before i would be shy to eat infront of other people. or just be myself infront of others. becasue i was so poor. now that i have money. i could walk down the road barefeet and couldnt give a damn what people think of me eating from the pavement. why coz my bank is full with money. im not filthy rich but just the same wealth as the average person. but my confidence grew after that. infact I became alot more down to earth. before I use to put on a pretence that I was some rich person.

p. but i also think that you should try and interact with people more. you dont have to do this through work. become a door knock sales person. where you talk to people one on one. this will boost your confidence aswell. after i did the job i was so high on confidence it was unreal.

talking is like anything in life the more you do it the btter you become at it. its like playing cricket. at first you dont know how to hold the bat. you dont know how to hit the ball. you dont know where to stand. but after a while you get the hang of it. thats the same with talking to people.

soon the words will come out so naturaly that you wont even think before you say anything. at the moment you are probably thinking so much before you even utter a word. ie am i sayinf this right or am i saying that right. once you get the hand of it you will be singing like a bird.

dont worry about your phyical appearance. I dont know what you look like but alot of people have low self esteem because of the way they look. when they shouldnt. its a well know fact that often thoses who are supposdely good looking ect are the ones who have the least confidence.

I also agree with the above about hormones .. you ma have a hormone imbalance which can be genetic or through your diet. totestrone is the main hormone that makes us confident. if your lacking in totestrone this can make you have shy and timid.

I strongly advise you to build your totestrone up. just google low totestrone in men to find the syptomes of being deficient in this hormone. the main way to increase totestrone is exercise. the best thing about exercise is the totestrone stays high in your body long after you have stopped exercising. hence your totestrone just gets boosted days after exercise.

[Guest gupt]

In addition you need to work on personality developement. This can be done by interacting with people more. that is the only way.

I suggest you do the following to help you with your anxiety problems.

First take away your fear of people and social situations. when one is scared he cannot interact with people. Now its probably going to be difficult at first because of your past situations. where you have enocuntered negative situations because of your shyness. When people are shy they tend to think they will always be shy. But you can break out of it. its not enough just to be liveley in short bursts. you has to constantly be confident and assertive. This is mostly done through making jokes. hav you noticed when people interact with each other. they are always laughing and smiling. thats because they are always looking at the humerous side of the situation. that is what 99% of interaction is. making a joke. looking on the funny side of a situation. being liveley. obviously there are times when people have a more serious convo. but generally in social situations is making a joke out of any situation. you have to be good at doing that. if you are not you will fail socially. now why would you make make jokes? because your happy. why are we happy. because we have seretonin. when we make jokes and are happy. we get more seretonin. and the that is the cycle. when we are stressed in social situations. we become unhappy. but theres nothing i can say to you. you can read a thousand books on overcoming shyness. and nthing will change. the only way is to increase your manly totestrone.

The only method I know to increase confidence is through heavey gym work outs. eating plenty of zink foods. and losing weight if you have a weight issue. believe it or not being over weight can make you less confident. because the fat turns your manly totestroen into estrogen a hormone that females have.

what ou need is a totestroen boost. this will make you more agressive, more self assured, more confident, better memory. now your probably thinking i might be going over board talking about hormones. But you will not realise the powere of these hormones. untill you have have experienced high totestrone. it will completley change you as a person and I can not put into words the benifits of it.

lets get to the bottom line. your social anxiety has been a vicious cycle. ie because you was so shy . you avoided interacting with people. which has made the problem worse. you need to reverse this trend now. rmember there is a fine line with being the most confident person and being petrified out of your wits.

[Guest gupt]

There are more info I would like to give you K SINGH.

you have probably been noTconfident all your life and hence you have avoided situations. who can blame you. when theres a group of people and the are all enjoying themselves and you can barley mutter a few words. you are going to want to avoid these situations. YOUR NOT AT FAULT FOR THAT.

But remeber when you are confident. the world is a better place. you enjoy life more. you want to meet new people. beacsue when you are confident and interact with people it brings happiness and joy. so talking to people will become pleasurable. thats the state of mind you need to be in. when one is unconfident he avoids talking and people because it brings him no pleasure. he ends up feeling worse. but when you have the power of confidence. you will enjoy talking to people. humour is the main way though. the people who crack the most jokes are usually the most popular people.

a therapist will be able to identify why you are so shy. he will do blood tests to check if you dont have a hormone imbalance. remember forget the past. humans are creatures of habbit. I myself was petrified of ebing in group situations. my heart would beat fast ect. i just wanted to run out of the classroom.

Now that I have defeated shyness touch wood. i just cant wait to meet new people, join classes. just do anything that involves other people and interacting. go for a swim and increase physical activity. this is a must. excercise raises both confidence, assertivness, totestrone, happiness.

eat more zink foods. oysters, chicken if your not a vegitarian that is. also eat more pasta, fruit and vegetables. and stay off junk foods.

do this for at least two weeks. and you will notice the benifits straight away.

WJKK WJKF

[Guest Guest]

Singh don't stress about it.

Some times talking too much is not good.

Kind of see it as a gift, try do simran instead.

Guru Jee tell us to talk less, eat less and sleep little.

Look at it this way, just because you may feel awkward and at unease around a group of people who are talking away that doesn't make you not confident.

Sometimes people who appear confident, believe me from what iv seen from so called 'confident' people, it's like they force it on and they try SO hard to fit in with the crowd.

From what I have seen that just changes the person personality, character and appearance.

And believe me when I say that is something that I have seen from experience.

Sometimes I close up with a group of people but that's either because their not my cup of tea, I might not feel comfortable with x, y and z, etc.

Dont be so negative. It's not that your confident.

Just be yourself, don't worry you will build your confidence over time.