Help! I Lost My Baby And My Love. End Of My Nerves.

[Guest SimranKaur5]

since i found out that it was wrong, that i was too nice obviously and seems like he misunderstood me maybe, i never contact anymore my brother in law. because i am afraid of him. and only met my sister outside her home.

i also think it is stalking. but i wish i dont need to stalk. i was not 3 days on airport to stalk him. i just have to leave my country, because my family should not know anything and i want live in that country because it was wat i thought few month ago. it is in my mind. and i was not in his or near to his town first. airport is far away. its just the only big town which i know there. and near to him i was because near to his town are a lot towns, i was 1.5 hours far away from that town looking for room, only because that sounds relative big city or more famous city near to the big city. but that days i was not able to leave the circle of big city, because no money. hm.

i think sad is sad. i think i would be like every other typically european <banned word filter activated> if he told me its over and i would say ok. no problem. and then after few days have another relationship. whats that?

i cant get back my baby because my baby is dead. abort. i never called my husband baby. he only called me baby even one week ago. same before. he called me baby. then he said cant go on. then again said baby. and blame me that i would always change...whatever i dont want to blame him. whatever he talk bad about me its ok.

why lie?

i didnt know it before. i only knew it for a weekend, then abort.

and thats why i am end of nerves. because he promised me to marry in december. and now he changed. now i am used. i can think so. but i dont want. so i decided never have someone else. because i meant wat i promised.

its just hard. becaused i wished a family. then i found him. then i loved him. and now. i will be lonely whole life. i mean no own family.

surely there are more important things. but those things i didnt learn, even i didnt learn love. as i grown up in bad society and i didnt get love in my childhood. i wanted to give a good family. care for lots of kids and husband.

if the people around me ask me for help or telling me sad and bad things i always worry and give my best to help.

but now i feel weak and sucked only. i never thought about a thankyou or a return, i just helped. but nowadays i feel not strong enough anymore to help. i still help, because i dont know how not to help and to unfriendly as peole around me are unfriendly...but nowadays i start thinking like it is unfair. what is wrong? why only i am like that. am i alien. maybe i am a totally mental psycho handicap person, but didnt realized. maybe i see world with different eyes and now i waked up. because that pain is so hard, that first time i woke up. i dont know. i said i am confused.

and now even i have to leave my father. my sister and brother. because they should not know what happend.

[Guest SimranKaur5]

lol, english lessons!

umm, whatever your problem is Simrankaur5, do 13 mool mantar paht and go do a humble prayer to guuru ji at gurdwara.

Clearly no one is able to assist you here, as we're all confused in what you want. So go and ask the one person in the whole world who understands you better then your self which is guruji. Get guidance there.

hopefully whatever the situation is, you'll move forward.

[m4ndy]

Have you had sex before marriage then aborted your baby to cover it up! Whats wrong with you?

Shocking!

since i found out that it was wrong, that i was too nice obviously and seems like he misunderstood me maybe, i never contact anymore my brother in law. because i am afraid of him. and only met my sister outside her home.

i also think it is stalking. but i wish i dont need to stalk. i was not 3 days on airport to stalk him. i just have to leave my country, because my family should not know anything and i want live in that country because it was wat i thought few month ago. it is in my mind. and i was not in his or near to his town first. airport is far away. its just the only big town which i know there. and near to him i was because near to his town are a lot towns, i was 1.5 hours far away from that town looking for room, only because that sounds relative big city or more famous city near to the big city. but that days i was not able to leave the circle of big city, because no money. hm.

i think sad is sad. i think i would be like every other typically european <banned word filter activated> if he told me its over and i would say ok. no problem. and then after few days have another relationship. whats that?

i cant get back my baby because my baby is dead. abort. i never called my husband baby. he only called me baby even one week ago. same before. he called me baby. then he said cant go on. then again said baby. and blame me that i would always change...whatever i dont want to blame him. whatever he talk bad about me its ok.

why lie?

i didnt know it before. i only knew it for a weekend, then abort.

and thats why i am end of nerves. because he promised me to marry in december. and now he changed. now i am used. i can think so. but i dont want. so i decided never have someone else. because i meant wat i promised.

its just hard. becaused i wished a family. then i found him. then i loved him. and now. i will be lonely whole life. i mean no own family.

surely there are more important things. but those things i didnt learn, even i didnt learn love. as i grown up in bad society and i didnt get love in my childhood. i wanted to give a good family. care for lots of kids and husband.

if the people around me ask me for help or telling me sad and bad things i always worry and give my best to help.

but now i feel weak and sucked only. i never thought about a thankyou or a return, i just helped. but nowadays i feel not strong enough anymore to help. i still help, because i dont know how not to help and to unfriendly as peole around me are unfriendly...but nowadays i start thinking like it is unfair. what is wrong? why only i am like that. am i alien. maybe i am a totally mental psycho handicap person, but didnt realized. maybe i see world with different eyes and now i waked up. because that pain is so hard, that first time i woke up. i dont know. i said i am confused.

and now even i have to leave my father. my sister and brother. because they should not know what happend.

[Guest Yo]

Ahhha thanks Mandy for summarizing to th thread writer what is is Jerry springer show o Maury lmfao ahhhhha okha Loka da her sis husband likes her does her Sis know this cuzz it. Doesnt seem he's a trust worthy husband

[DustOfTheSaintsFeet]

I'm not summarizing no more waste of time grow up girl!!! Get your head out of the sand! And stop fantasising about Romeo And Juliet lifestyle!

There are bigger problems our community are facing like IMPORTANT issues of Beadbi of Guru Granth Sahib Ji.

Wake up!

Wow so much compassion shown by yourself Mandy bhenji.

This woman has lost her child and her only love. Her baby died before she had it aborted. She loves her love so much she would move to a foreign country just to become his maid servant- just to be near him, I have never in real life heard of a love that deep. Her lover has acted like a complete as*hole to the woman who has claimed him to be her one and only True love.

To the Poster, many many many condolences for the loss of your baby, may God bless you and heal your immense pain, you have been through an awful ordeal. Love is illogical, your love for this man is not deserved by him, his actions reflect a selfish, lying, heartless and sinful individual.

The sikh way does not believe in sex before marriage, hence you will have gotten a lot of negative responses on here, spiritually, sex before marriage is a sin, it also makes one weak and susceptible to negativity and sikhism requires discipline and inner strength and purity.

I went through a something like yourself once, I was so in love I acted irrationally(did not engage in sexual relations though). I fell in love with someone I thought was a decent person. My feelings were not strong at the beginning when he told me he liked me as I was very proud and not easily impressed- but the more I got to know him, the love eventually rose to the point that I began to worship the ground he walked on and like you, just wanted to be in his presence and see his face. I found out he had so many faults but loved him anyway(it was close to unconditional), many guys came my way but in my eyes none of them compared to him.

By that time it was too late, he found a girlfriend and it tore my heart apart- it turned my world into hell, I stopped talking to all of my friends and didn't care for family, and just cryed and cryed daily. It got to a point that I couldn't take it anymore and just wanted to die because nothing would heal the pain.

Then I turned to Sikhism hard and never looked back. After months(after being in incredible pain for a good year or two) I was healed. I even forgot what he looked like. I woke up at amrit vela and began naam simran- this is the Biggest seva anyone can do because it brings light and Truth into the world, makes the world lighter and better. Sikhism says that when the desire for God is experienced, all other pains heal, and this is exactly what happened to me.

Since then I have come to realise that nothing compares to God's love. The only advice I can give you is to do naam simran/bhagti. Look it up on the internet and just do it as much as you can. The man you love is not worth your time as hard as it may be, you need to move on, read sikh books and live your life by them. God tells us that the world is not real, that it only causes pain and heartache- no matter how much we try there is pain in the end, we will watch our family and friends, husbands and wives get sick around us, die around us one by one. Then our time will come. So turn to god, the only reason we are here is to find out who we really are which is Him, and become free from the illusion of pain. Goodluck on your path.

God bless you.

[m4ndy]

Ahhha thanks Mandy for summarizing to th thread writer what is is Jerry springer show o Maury lmfao ahhhhha okha Loka da her sis husband likes her does her Sis know this cuzz it. Doesnt seem he's a trust worthy husband

Thanks! No problem, although I lost my way through understanding it so I thought forget this can't read anymore my head hurts LOL.

[Guest SimranKaur5]

no.

i had only one man in my life. and baby from him. that was he.

i didnt abort it. i lost it, because i daily cry. because this last few months he changed.

and because i sweared 29 years that i will have only one man in my life. that man who will be my husband and father of my kids, thats why i will never have and want husband again.

because i sweard my love only to him and even had baby which died, because of my heartache, my doctor told me.

and even if i was healthy and that baby, i would abort. because he wanted so. he explained me that we are not ready for kids, we didnt marry still and not settled. i understand that. i agreed. so. 2 weeks ago, when doctor told me i am pregnant, she asked me to register the pregnant but i explained her, that i have to talk to the father, because we actually said that we will abort if pregnant.

2 weeks ago on friday doctor found out me pregnant.

but those last few months i daily cry, because my husband changed and told me cant marry me then made me again hope, then again changed and cold towards me. so. when she finally told me pregnant, i cried alot. because i felt more sad. because it is not same like before. before we both decided so. and once i thought if i would accidental be pregnant, we both together would go to doctor and abort.

but this time i am alone.

of course i was not ready to get the baby in case baby and my stomache was healthy. because i dont want to hide him a baby. as he told me should abort, so i dont wanted his child to hide. that would not be good.

so. i cried alot. and then suddenly weekend i had cramp. and lost lot blood. and monday i went to doctor, checked again, then she told me i am not pregnant anymore. i lost the baby. because my stomache very cramped.

thats why i said i first lost my husband and then baby.

i know anyway i we wanted to abort our baby, if accidental pregnant. but i didnt want to lost it like that.

i told him after that. that i am very sad and feeling bad. he said he is with me and dont to be worry.

but thats only empty words. next day he shouted me i am going crazy because i talk so sad and like panic.

how shall i know that he cant handle with that?

he one day before told me he is with me and dont to be worry we both will be strong.

and then he again change and scold me to stop talking like that.

i think he is very very emotionally. he cant handle with that.

it would not problem for me.

but now its problem, because i love him, but i cant be there for him to support him. because surely it is not easy for him as well, to decide to stop with me going further.

the reason must be different thing. just because he is afraid to hurt his parents. because i am european. and with my strange past and everytime happens things with me. i called him mad, then always i am confused, then my mad brother in law, then pregnant.

i cant undersdtand it is to much things. but other side it is also my emotion and heart. and i feel and know i am not bad person. i didnt make bad things. i have just no structure in my life. no really parents. i grown up alone. i started few studies at university and stopped. everything is very destroyed and without structure in my life.

and i think that confuse him too much. even i feel like everything is like accidentally. good educated woman would not be pregnant. i became. because doctor told me i would not be able to have kids this time, because my hormons are destroyed this time. and so on and so on.

i do not expect you tell me how can i get him back. if someone would know that better, then it would be me only.

i only wrote that, because i needed to write down my feelings. i am like mad. i dont know what i really do and want to do now. i stopped my last study as i planned to go to him, as we both planned it in june. i cancelled my appartment, he agreed. he said i should do it on time, so i am free of the payments in june.

i throw away all my unnessessary things and clothes, so untill i had only one suitcase. and while i done so he encouraged me, as that time it was his wish to come me soon to him.

now i m sitting in my fathers 1.5 room flat. sleeping on couch. feeling so bad, missing him and i feel helpless, dont know what to do now. i should leave here soon. but i feel this time very weak. no courage. no power. i feel like fly without head. dont know where i go and for what. surely thats typically feelings. how can i know that. i dont like romantic movies. so i dont know my case is typically. and i didnt feel that before. i never was in love. and moreover i feel bad because now my future about having kids and family is destroyed. without my husband no family, no kids.

[DustOfTheSaintsFeet]

You do realise that aborting a baby is murder don't you? If you were willing to kill your baby, then unfortunely you deserve all the heartache in the world and I do not feel for you, karma gets served to all of us.

Mandy bhenji I take back my comment about not being compassionate if this is the case and apologise.

[Guest SimranKaur5]

Wow so much compassion shown by yourself Mandy bhenji.

This woman has lost her child and her only love. Her baby died before she had it aborted. She loves her love so much she would move to a foreign country just to become his maid servant- just to be near him, I have never in real life heard of a love that deep. Her lover has acted like a complete as*hole to the woman who has claimed him to...

(............)

...we are here is to find out who we really are which is Him, and become free from the illusion of pain. Goodluck on your path.

God bless you.

Yes. you know it. that is what i wanted to express.

but i just not able to be brief.

I think thats why i came here.

Since i read here some things, and about your Love to our Lord i feel very impressed. that what you are describing is exactly same why i came here. i started to read lot things about sikhism. Just to feel close to GOD. and really. Since 2 days i cry less than before. i dont know why. i am little bit shocked. because i at least dont want to stop and take it easy. else i feel like i would be same like other european who always change their relationships. i decry that since i am child.

i feel more better now since i read your commentary. because that encourage me more.

really sorry for you, that you experienced similar thing. i dont wish that for anybody.

GOD bless you alll!!! :ihazcookie:

[Guest SimranKaur5]

You do realise that aborting a baby is murder don't you? If you were willing to kill your baby, then unfortunely you deserve all the heartache in the world and I do not feel for you, karma gets served to all of us.

Mandy bhenji I take back my comment about not being compassionate if this is the case and apologise.

yes. we sweared it so few months ago. that if something happen we should abort. i agreed. because we was not married. and also because still no own house and all to give baby good environment and healthy food. i was not living healthy. i daily cried. and didnt eat anything.

ok. if i didnt cry. if i was happy, living with him...still we would abort.

i think that is attitude about killing or not.

what i saw and lost from my body was only undefinetely bloody tissue. same like strong periods.

if i had such attittude, that it is a real whole life and that it is really bad to kill the unborn baby, but anyway abort intentionally, i think that would be bad.

but i never thought so. because i didnt thought about that would be killing.

i think it would be bettter than baby grow up without father, only with crying mummy who cant give anything but only love from a broken heart. i sometimes think that my parents also should do so when my mother was pregnant we me. as since i was born, they didnt know how to treat kids. my mother an alcoholic, my father a selfish who always play all money in casino. and my mother hate kids and made us intentionally psycho. and who knows why she act so. maybe just because she has a soul problem, but she didnt think about to abort when she was pregnant. but didnt think about responsibility as a mother. i think it is good that unborn baby have still the chance between killed before they born, or killed after many years of torture and heart pain, because parents was not able to educate and made them strong and ready for life.