Parent's Double Standards

[Guest Double]

Hi

I have read that in the Sikh faith respect and caring for your parents is very important. I agree with this and have always obeyed my parents.

The problem that I have with my parents is the double standard they have. For example they would never allow us to have birthday parties but when a relative would book a really expensive venue for their birthday my parents would be the first ones there enjoying everything.

They would tell us how bad a certain person is yet they themselves would be all over them while we would have distanced ourselves from that person.

They always sing the praises of other peoples kids and always put us down even though we have lead simple lives whereas the others have lead luxurious lifestyles.

I feel now that I was a fool for being manipulated by my parents in this way. I still try to look after their needs but on the inside I feel very bitter and have no love for them.

Am I wrong for feeling like this , I would like to ask your opinions on this thank you.

[Only five]

The problem that I have with my parents is the double standard they have. For example they would never allow us to have birthday parties but when a relative would book a really expensive venue for their birthday my parents would be the first ones there enjoying everything.

They would tell us how bad a certain person is yet they themselves would be all over them while we would have distanced ourselves from that person.

Are your parents from Jalandhar?

[Mrkhalsa007]

VJKK VJKF Ji

Asian Parents are like this it's just that some are not, even mine are, but from experience, and when you think about it there doing it for you at the end of the day, i have had times were i feel like killing my parents for what there doing but u have to understand there doing good for u by stressing you and shouting at u etc, so yh ur not alone, many people have this.

Iv'e also seen the Parents that are not hard on there kids, the kids always go bad, and something wrong happens.

VJKK VJKF Ji Hope this helps

[Guest RavindaSingh]

VJKK VJKF Ji

Asian Parents are like this it's just that some are not, even mine are, but from experience, and when you think about it there doing it for you at the end of the day, i have had times were i feel like killing my parents for what there doing but u have to understand there doing good for u by stressing you and shouting at u etc, so yh ur not alone, many people have this.

Iv'e also seen the Parents that are not hard on there kids, the kids always go bad, and something wrong happens.

VJKK VJKF Ji Hope this helps

Woah woah woah singh u better seek help with that :omg: lololol

[chatanga]

Hi

I have read that in the Sikh faith respect and caring for your parents is very important. I agree with this and have always obeyed my parents.

The problem that I have with my parents is the double standard they have. For example they would never allow us to have birthday parties but when a relative would book a really expensive venue for their birthday my parents would be the first ones there enjoying everything.

They would tell us how bad a certain person is yet they themselves would be all over them while we would have distanced ourselves from that person.

They always sing the praises of other peoples kids and always put us down even though we have lead simple lives whereas the others have lead luxurious lifestyles.

I feel now that I was a fool for being manipulated by my parents in this way. I still try to look after their needs but on the inside I feel very bitter and have no love for them.

Am I wrong for feeling like this , I would like to ask your opinions on this thank you.

What you are describing are normal panjabi parents. My parents have done all the things above, (except the expensive parties thing) but i would never disrespect them or feel that they have manipulated me. When you have children of your own you will see where they are coming from. You are worng for feeling bitter.

[m4ndy]

can this be said in every case? what about if the parents are on a extreme level? Is it not better to lead a simple life why waste such money on birthday parties anyway? after all that money could be spent on good things rather than blowing it on other peoples stomachs... respect is a two way thing give respect earn respect if parents don't respect their children then why should the children respect the parents? putting someone down can really have an effect on a individual.

Communication is key talk to your parents on how your feeling, if they ignore it then give them the same medicine and try and live a good life the way you can.

[_singhni_]

Interesting topic. Will reply later but got to say its a common "desi" parent thing especially those of with folks from the 50-60s lol

[chatanga]

respect is a two way thing give respect earn respect if parents don't respect their children then why should the children respect the parents?

children have a duty /obligation to respect their parents,

[_singhni_]

I think as we grow up in age we realise how important/special are parents are regardless of how our relationship is with them. Something to keep in mind is that God must have had a reason to make them 2 people (your mum&dad) your parents on earth out of all the people. Parents just try to protect us and do their upmost best for us as there is no book on the prefect parenting but we only realise this as we age. You mention your parents singing praises of other kids etc (I think this is a normal desi thing) but how do you know that when your not around they don't ring your praises to others? I used to have same problem but later found out through sangat/family/friends that my parents&even extended family praised me etc..talk to your folks about this it does help. I did to mine because they used to favour my brother over me etc so I told them how I felt etc. It helped. Share these views you've posted here with your parents even if they are the strictest parents ever. In a way you should build yourself up and feel proud that your parents care for you because I'm sure your aware there are many many kids out their who's parents don't care about them at all. As for luxurious lifestyles ill honestly tell you having money&been well off in this world is nothing. Money doesn't buy happiness. Coming from a "wealthy" family I can tell you that I think people without money are happy than those who have "too" much of it. Luxury lifestyle are nothing; most of my family live luxury lifestyles but as a immediate family we have chosen not to but we live comfortably like most. However with Guru jis kirpa we are the "happiest" out of the familys. Point been luxuries are pointless as they tend to cause more uproar (talking from experince) least with standard/simple lifestyles you can enjoy eachothers company as a family etc.. Appreciate your parents as one day they won't be around/youll have to put them second (once married etc). Sorry for rant but just adore&enjoy your time with your parents even when they are been annoying because these times with them won't last sorry to speak. Akaaaal

[_singhni_]

To add your parents probably live a simple lifestyle because with luxury lifestyles and maya in general once you have 1 object you really want e.g say a sports car. A few weeks or months later you'll want and get something else e.g a new house or a better car. Point been the list becomes never ending because the mind becomes corrupt with maya.