How some *Sikh* NRI'S are bringing shame to our Community

[S1ngh]

Below is the email i got from someone via one of our sikhi prachar website two weeks ago. How sickening it is that our punjabi munday are bringing huge shame to our kaum. Such issues should not be brushed under the carpet.

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Greetings from XXXXX Finland,

I have been very very upset almost half a year and the reason is that a sikh man from Stockholm (xxxxx), his name is xxx Singh, talked me into a relationship and basically he was just lying and making fun of me. I am a very serious minded person and I dont do casual sexual relations, my previous relationship was 6 years before I met this man.

When I met with this Mr Singh, he said to me he is looking for someone to get married with. I said that I am not interested in any casual sex so if he is not serious he has to be honest. During three months he was telling me how he loves me and he was making preparations that we would move together and start to plan to get married very soon. Then he travelled to Italy and everything changed.

He lied to me about his age, he was actually 30 but he said that he is 33. Then he also lied to me about his profession. He was actually selling clothes in the market and he was not a business man. I am a researcher and I was a little bit wondering his attitude towards me. He didnt seem to me like an educated person. He said he has a degree in IT, I even introduced him to one colleague of mine who is working on patents. I am so asshamed now. When I was a bit worried about the financial risks connected to marriage as my income is not regular, I get grants to research projects, he said he is from wealthy family and that I dont need to worry about anything. I didnt apply for jobs in Finland then as I thought we would get married and start living together. I TOOK A FINANCIAL RISK TRUSTING THIS MAN AND HIS WORDS.

Its not right that he uses the good will and sincerity of a single serious minded woman. Its possible that because of him, I will never have a possibility to get married and have a child! I am still so shocked that I cant even talk normally to someone who wants to date me. I am deeply hurt! I have never lied to or cheated anyone.

This is my experience about sikhs. He even showed me pics of your churches. I hope you dont let him lie to anyone again about marriage.

Yours sincerely,

XXXXXX

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I heavily edited the above email to cut off personal details.

[dalsingh101]

Brother, we have hordes of romeo/casanova wannabes from Sikh backgrounds NRI and even those who come here from back home. When I used to go out, clubbing and stuff years ago, you'd meet loads.

That is just men being typical men and giving up to their base instincts. Whilst this is pretty low, women also need to guard themselves from such characters who exist in EVERY society (I'd go as far as to say proportionally we probably have a lot less than a lot of other quoms like Paks or English). This is a game that's been played out since forever and probably always will be. Guys from back home who come out to the relative 'freedom' of the west, sometimes go wild like this.

People need to be conscious of human nature - men have been doing this forever, I don't think that will ever change.

[Mehtab Singh]

Can she send us his details, pics, etc?

[luckysingh99]

Can she send us his details, pics, etc?

What would you want to do with his pics and details ?

This has nothing to do with sikhs or NRI's.This is all about men,trying to be better men to impress the woman.

These kind of men exist in every part of the world and they will continue to exist no matter what you do.

You have to be on gaurd just like in any relationship.

There are also many women that can be just as deceiving trying to find a vulnerable man.

This has NOTHING to do with sikhs,NRI's or Men for that matter. It is all part of relationships and human behaviour.

[Mehtab Singh]

What would you want to do with his pics and details ?

This has nothing to do with sikhs or NRI's.This is all about men,trying to be better men to impress the woman.

These kind of men exist in every part of the world and they will continue to exist no matter what you do.

You have to be on gaurd just like in any relationship.

There are also many women that can be just as deceiving trying to find a vulnerable man.

This has NOTHING to do with sikhs,NRI's or Men for that matter. It is all part of relationships and human behaviour.

Theeka jee, satbachan!

[VanHelsingh]

Guys like this are utter scum. Silver tongues and a debonair attitude get them far in endeavours such as these.

Having come across many cases such as these I am also rather surprised how little it takes for the female on the receiving end to fall into their clutches. It really is a case of weaving an intricate back story, paying attention to the girl, and telling her what she wants to hear, and job done.

Whilst I honestly don't share the opinion that "It's the girls fault" I do think some females make it very, very easy for idiots such as these to succeed. To be always on the lookout for "love" is probably one of the reasons crap like this happens.

[dalsingh101]

^^^

Nothing but the male version of what we generally read about in Charitrio Pakyaan.

[VanHelsingh]

^^^

Nothing but the male version of what we generally read about in Charitrio Pakyaan.

You hear about girls (Sikh / Panjabi as well other backgrounds) talking about having low self-esteem, and how this contributes to them making poor decisions and falling into the clutches of guys who want to use them and drop them, and I was wondering what's with the low self-esteem in the first place? Surely the culture can't be completely to blame for these esteem issues? What about using your own noggin once in a while?

[dalsingh101]

^^

At the danger of sounding misogynistic I'd say that culture, upbringing AND biology play a big part in this. I mentioned recently in another thread where the opposite of low esteem i.e. an elevated sense of worth can also lead to females falling for some predatory/uncaring romeo's charm. You often get really pretty, apparently intelligent girls, at least academically (maybe they've been pampered too much at home growing up?), ending up in seriously dysfunctional relationships because their 'self-efficacy' doesn't allow them to entertain the thought that what they are doing may be stoopid. Remember that nut job apnee that stabbed her sullah lover's pregnant wife/cousin in the tid like 2 dozen times for example? I heard of at least half a dozen apnee 'princesses' with good grades/uni dating men old enough to be their fathers who were just using them.

Personally I believe generally females are infinitely more social creatures then men (especially manly men if you know what I mean). Maybe some evolutionary thing about safety in numbers? Notice how they go to the toilet in groups?? If you've seen it happen, you'd also notice how the first strategy of predator Paks in entrapping a girl is placing her in a larger social group which exerts pressure on them to behaving certain ways. - they sort of 'normalise' the low life things in this way, and even apparently intelligent girls fall for it??

I've found females often also seem to REALLY fear sticking out - being socially different, especially in the work environment. Sometimes I think men can handle being isolated to some degree much better than women (not that that is a pleasant experience mind you). I've often worked in places which were racist and you get the cold shoulder and vilification and whatnot. As an ethnic bloke in a white world (at least in my generation), you often had to deal with this. When it happens you can either go overdrive on sucking up to get accepted (sorry not me mate but plenty of apnay do) or say 'screw it' I'm going to try and do my own thing. The latter is hard because then you appear uppity and have the ubiquitous 'chip on the shoulder' and get targeted for the usual underhand nonsense whites reserve for 'intelligent, independent men of color'. lol

I think not being mainstream, or like the majority is hard for many people - especially females who seem innately driven to look for the best 'mate' they can. Once men understand this they can play on it, like many rich playboys do!

And, yeah, I'll put it out there - from experiences and what I've been told has been shown in social psychology experiments is that women seem a lot more susceptible to peer pressure than men. That's why advertisers have no problem flogging the new x or y to women.

Point is that some of these drives/instincts seem to be deeply embedded within us. And any of us even remotely trying to practice our faith (on the deeper psychological/physiological discipline level) will have some understanding of how innate, deep driving forces compel our thinking and from that action. Thus it appears as if it takes a special person to 'use their noggin'. lol

All that being said, plenty of blokes are complete conformist sheep - and I'm not talking about external factors here - like the roop but I mean in their minds. Plenty of blokes - our own being no exception, if anything being quite susceptible themselves, are terrified or incapable of thinking outside the box and acting on it.

Sorry about that, thinking out loud!

In the end, our own people would do well to get out of this conservative bull5hite position we're in that has us turning bright red and bashful when matters of sex are discussed. Dasmesh pita obviously didn't have an issue with it and thought it an important enough subject to dedicate more of the DG to it than anything else!

When women and boys are coming of age maybe they need these conversations? I know I would have benefited from them when I was younger.

[simran345]

Its not just guys, but girls are also doing this too. Its so hard to tell when they are lieing, and they play with people's minds in order to get a visa or to settle down abroad. I feel they should tell the truth, at least the other side then knows their situation, and end of day its the personality that people should be going for not money or whether they have a lower job than somebody else.

One lie with always lead to another, I know of a few people that have married in order to settle done abroad and then leave their wives/husbands and put blame on them, saying they were always giving them a hard time, taking their money etc etc, which is total b*<banned word filter activated>. excuse the language but im really getting fed up of these students going abroad and thinking they own the countries the way they act, with no manners or morals, or respect for anybody else.

Agree that it is hard for them, but what difference does it make if they tell the truth in the first place, its going to come out one day anyways, they dont realise that people have feelings and if one plays mind games with somebody then obviously the outcome is not going to be very good. What do they expect that once they get their visa or start living with the person, that they wont realise the truth? But sad to say this does happen, and is on a big scale, and lots of hearts get broken, they will take somebody for a ride right to the end, even have kids with their spouses and then leave them for somebody else, who they have been waiting to bring over a long time ago.

Just be careful of who u marry from abroad thats all i will say, research, research research....