Jump to content

Used By A Sikh Guy


Guest Diya
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hey guys,

The answer to this is probably the obvious one but I guess I just need validation, for myself more than anything. I'm Muslim, I met this Sikh guy in University, he pursued me and we started dating. I didn't see his religion, creed, background or anything, I just saw his heart and I eventually fell in love with him. He told me he loved me too and mentioned marriage and kids several times too. I was over at his house often. His parents knew about us and they seemed okay with it. After about a year of dating I felt that we should make things a bit more official and I asked him when we would get married. He kept delaying it. First it was wait until I graduate, then wait until I get a job. I waited. After he got a job I was like okay now lets get married but he kept avoiding giving me an answer. He did talk about marriage, but whenever I pinned him down for a clear answer he never gave it.

By now I was feeling uneasy and stressed. My parents wanted me to get an arranged marriage and it was becoming more and more stressful hiding everything from everyone. The only time I would reveal everything to my parents is if he agreed to marriage. I then decided to give him an ultimatum. We had broken up over the marriage issue several times before, but now I told him it was for real. I asked him to decide and he chose to break up. I was devastated. I asked him why, he said his parents would never agree.

I was so confused as his parents knew about us all along and they seemed to be good people. I was at his house all the time and I spent nights there too. I knew his sisters and hung out with his family too. I loved him like a husband. I took care of him, cooked for him and took care of all his needs. I was even willing to convert to Sikhism for him. It turns out that his parents were okay with him and me dating but they would never let him marry me. They knew we were sleeping together and his dad told him to have fun, but make sure he doesn't get me pregnant.

I have a lot of Sikh friends and I love them to pieces. They are all such good people that's why I am so shocked at what this guy and his family did to me. What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?

Dear Diya, this animal is a dog not a Sikh. Like Mehtab Singh said tell your Sikh friends about this family and let them deal with him on your behalf. I'm very disappointed for you but look at this in the sense that that this dog was never worthy of your love for him. I'm sad that just because he was born into a background that people perceive to be Sikh he has dragged the name of our faith into the dirt. A person isn't Sikh on account of their background but on account of their actions alone. I hope that the actions of one man don't put you off believing in the equality of male and female genders in Sikhi. Having said that, you should never change your religion on account of somebody else to something you don't actually believe. It's sad that the one guy you ran into happened to be a dog but rest assured that this mistreatment you have suffered is not tolerated and will be punished if you report him to your Sikh friends or devout local Gursikhs at your local Gurdwara. The people on this forum will try their very best to help in any way we can. God bless

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I reckon if this story is true the guy actually cared for you there are loads of cases where sikh men marry muslim women and family men come and try and kill both couples, perhaps in respect of your welfare he didn't want you to go through the pains of a married life, it was more to do with your family being unhappy and what they would have and could have done rather than conversion. As for sleeping with someone you didn't marry it's your life and your choices.

Let's just say had this been the other way the outcomes would have been harsh infact such a tendency has been built up it seems we have loads of muslims posing the opposite story just to take the piss out of other peoples feelings and other peoples beliefs.

If the guy had a difference in opinion he did the right thing for himself as well. All I can suggest is rather then becoming the pivot of unstable communal relations which seem to be going downhill fast, go and live your life find someone else. There is nothing in sikhism which allows sex out of marriage or to "play girls". If you were willing to convert then do so for yourself not for someone else, spend sometime learning about sikhism if it's for you then follow it if not atleast respect the freedom of those who do choose to follow it as we can respect your freedom to follow islam.

As for the father he sounds kinda sleazy but maybe all he wanted to do was keep good relations with his son when his son was making bad life choices, since he already was sleeping around, he gave him the one piece of advice of not getting you knocked up so things don't get worse. Had he took a harder stand on his son, he could have turned things sour and the last thing an old man wants to do is die alone without his son talking to him.

Just as a human being not a sikh, all I got to say to you is there is plenty of fish in the sea, you will meet more people keep your life going so many things could have been worse and in this day and age breakups regardless of religion do take place, similar stories do happen in religion couples aswell. The punishment for adultery or phornication out of marriage is simply excommunication (apostasy) but this guy doesn't sound like he was communicated in the first place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks guys. I wud never ever believe that all Sikhs are like that. Even if i report him...what can they really do to him here in Canada? What will i gain out of it? If I go back to him or force him to marry me, his family will always be resentful of me anyway. I just wanted to know if this is like some revenge thing and whether it was encouraged to do this kind of stuff to get revenge from other religions. I know it happens in the UK alot but I've never seen it here and to the last post...i am aware it happens the other way around too! i am not trying to show any religion in a bad light or trying to troll. I was deeply hurt. the only reason I had physical relations with him is cause i already accepted him as my husband. this was not a short term relationship or a fling. i dunno if you guys have the concept of soulmates in ur religion, but we do. and I just had the feeling he was the 1 made for me. anyways I just wanted to know if its part of the culture/religion and whether I've fallen victim to it. Sorry if I offended anyone. Thanks for your help guys.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks guys. I wud never ever believe that all Sikhs are like that. Even if i report him...what can they really do to him here in Canada? What will i gain out of it? If I go back to him or force him to marry me, his family will always be resentful of me anyway. I just wanted to know if this is like some revenge thing and whether it was encouraged to do this kind of stuff to get revenge from other religions. I know it happens in the UK alot and to the last post...i am aware it happens the other way around too. I am not trying to troll. I was deeply hurt. I just wanted to know if its part of the culture/religion and whether I've fallen victim to it. Thanks for your help guys.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Kaurageous

Diya,

I had a similar issue however, i was discarded on the bases of being the wrong caste. Both my ex and I were Sikh. Am sorry for your heart ache. The truth is he never really loved you if he isn't willing to fight for you. He's dad is scum, how would he like it if some guy 'had fun' with his daughter. I strongly suggest you do whatever you have to, to get over this loser. Prayer and meditation will help. When judgement day comes all will get there comeuppance. You deserve better. God bless xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest jyoti kaur

Hey guys,

The answer to this is probably the obvious one but I guess I just need validation, for myself more than anything. I'm Muslim, I met this Sikh guy in University, he pursued me and we started dating. I didn't see his religion, creed, background or anything, I just saw his heart and I eventually fell in love with him. He told me he loved me too and mentioned marriage and kids several times too. I was over at his house often. His parents knew about us and they seemed okay with it. After about a year of dating I felt that we should make things a bit more official and I asked him when we would get married. He kept delaying it. First it was wait until I graduate, then wait until I get a job. I waited. After he got a job I was like okay now lets get married but he kept avoiding giving me an answer. He did talk about marriage, but whenever I pinned him down for a clear answer he never gave it.

By now I was feeling uneasy and stressed. My parents wanted me to get an arranged marriage and it was becoming more and more stressful hiding everything from everyone. The only time I would reveal everything to my parents is if he agreed to marriage. I then decided to give him an ultimatum. We had broken up over the marriage issue several times before, but now I told him it was for real. I asked him to decide and he chose to break up. I was devastated. I asked him why, he said his parents would never agree.

I was so confused as his parents knew about us all along and they seemed to be good people. I was at his house all the time and I spent nights there too. I knew his sisters and hung out with his family too. I loved him like a husband. I took care of him, cooked for him and took care of all his needs. I was even willing to convert to Sikhism for him. It turns out that his parents were okay with him and me dating but they would never let him marry me. They knew we were sleeping together and his dad told him to have fun, but make sure he doesn't get me pregnant.

I have a lot of Sikh friends and I love them to pieces. They are all such good people that's why I am so shocked at what this guy and his family did to me. What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?

If you were willing to convert to Sikhism for him and his family know about you and accepted you then only thing I can see is that he didnt love you enough or he has other reasons why he dont want to marry you.

I have a friend too was dating a muslim woman (who had dated many other guys before him) but she wouldn't convert to Sikhism for him but they still wanted to marry no matter what. Then when they slept together he found out she later told him she had a medical problem that she would bleed outside her menstrual cycle meaning she could have had cancer and it would be difficult to conceive a baby or she had an STD from past relationships before she met him. And that is where he got cold feet and started to distance himself from her and relationship broke down.

So therefore I can see from guys perspective why a guy wouldnt want to marry a woman who bleeds during intercourse often and cant convenience a baby and I can see from a woman point of view who just wants to be with the guy because she in love with him.

So Its a difficult dilemma and one where no one is wrong and cant judge the guy as we dont know his side of the story and what he feels. But from what you have said it seems if his family has accepted you and you willing to convert to Sikhism he should have manned up and married you no matter what but I guess he didnt love you enough unfortunately. And love is something that cant be calculated... one day your in love another day you aint. You should only marry a Sikh guy if he is sincere to his religion and you learn Sikhism and want to follow it wholeheartedly not follow it for the sake of your love but in your heart its something else you believe in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A Gursikh is someone who takes Amrit and KEEPS rehat, without this he/she may call themselves a sikh, but not according to Guru Gobind Singh ji Maharaj, and thats the reality take it or leave it, this guy and his family are the scum of the earth !!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • lol dal panth Panj told me explicitly not to associate with Vadhbhag Singh Sodhi followers!
    • We have lamp (or Jyot) the pure unscented candle for a reason. Traditionally, Patis used candle light (jyot), so they could read SGGS in darkness. Light, elec didn't exist. Dhoop is used to attract the "Good spirits" but also keep freshness where Maharaj will be.  Interestingly and coincidentally I heard Sakhi a few dsys ago. During Dasa Pitha's time these souls were roaming the Earth and even Sangat noticed. Maharaj asked them "y u here?" They replied during recitation of SGGS and making Degh they didn't bother lighting candle. THAT WAS THEE ONLY REASON NO GATI WAS GIVEN TO THEM!!!  AUTHENTICITY NOT CHECKED I heard once on YT like 2 days ago.  If u apply dhoop in one room of your house twice a week u will notice a difference esp in the smell and freshness of that room. 
    • Sangat ji, With the hot weather as per Guru's Hukm, how can we look after our kes?  First of all the beard! Working in Construction, factory and any other heated environment I UNDERSTAND! At my workplace it's over 32 degree celcius and sometimes we have to lift 20kg ALL! DAY! My tips, regularly shampoo the beard during ishnan. APPLY OIL! The technique of applying oil is by rubbing it thoroughly in the roots. Pay attention to the noise esp on the chin. You will hear this "crosh crosh" noise. Keep rubbing oil until u can't hear it no more! This means the oil has blended in properly.  Second tip on beard, keep an extra kanga in your pocket. Every two, three hours give your beard a proper comb down to get rid of any sweat or stickiness. SECOND BENEFIT! Do this all 12 months every single day your beard will look like it's been professionally groomed. TRY IT! People will ask you "What gel u use? How can yer beard be naturally like that?" You can say all I use is coconut oil or whaeva oil but just comb the beard every 2-3 hours for a minute.  As for the kes, morning time get rid of all the gronjra (or knots - forgotten English word), in the morning. However, during evening comb down make sure you get rid of small remaining gronjra and comb yer hair nice and straight. You will feel soooo so relaxed. Yes our hair will go unnoticed due to Dastar, but our hair demands time and self grooming!So proper combing down, spending a good 15-20 mins most evenings is an absolute MUST!  Most evenings I let my hair down and cover hair with my parna for 2-3 hours so it gets to relax from the tying up.  FINAL TIP! We are Sikhs so we keep fighting and remember this! The tradition of Dastar and uncut hair started in India, where the weather is twice as hot. Everytime we bring this thought in the mind, Guru ji will bless us and make us feel cooled down by a notch.  Fateh.       
    • Been so much nindya and attacking Shastarvidiya since the 2000s, however if we look at gatka now it's still mostly as poor and poorly taught as it was back then, still morris dancing moves and still behzti moves in BBC shows about sikhi and vaisakhi. If people were going to attack shastarvidiya, wouldn't have made sense to improve gatka instead and make it more effective? Additionally, the Nihang Singh presence has improved greatly now, and the cracks within the the SGPC and affiliated jatha jathebandis are showing more greatly as panth becomes more knowledgable with dasam bani and itihas day-by-day, so much gyaan which was lost within panjabi sikhs during colonial times. In the 2000s, the groups were able to talk down this bani and  gyaan by associating it with  RSS and hindus, brahminwaad etc. Not working so well now is it? However with gyaan it would be also good for us to try and preserve our martial arts and keertan vidiya as well! More and more crazy keertan videos are coming out from jatha members that are being made fun of and making sangat annoyed and upset, on tiktok and instagram reels.  
    • Author Posted April 24   On 4/21/2025 at 2:43 PM, ipledgeblue said: sirr should not be nanga because keski is usually worn.   Sikhs can sleep nanga-sirr if they choose to . Being from Punjab, almost every Sardaarji i know (amritdhari or not) sleeps/showers with their hair uncovered. I don't think Guru Sahib asked us to wear Dastar to sleep and I don't think it is in SRM.   The idea of "keski being worn to sleep" is cos in Bollywood films (Bachna Ae Haseeno) Sikh characters usually tie a gol parna when sleeping since the actor's usually Hindu. So they gotta cover his head somehow or he'd have cut hair. Same reason Diljit wore a pagg to bed in the El Sueno vid. Only time they didn't do that was in Gadar with Sunny Deol which just looked odd tbh   What in the world? What sikh or even a decent human would base their knowledge of their culture or religion on a movie industry, that too Bollywood?  Believe me, no sikh ever said, I must cover my head becasue an actor did so in a movie. I've been doing it all wrong, I must start covering mh head because the sikh in that movie did.  Just because every panjabi and sardaar you know, does something, also doesn't make it right..  Follow the guru. And if you have a medical condition, then exemptions can be made.  Just admit it, because of my medical condition, I am not able to follow this rehit. Why are you getting everyone else to drop to your level?
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use