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Guest Diya

Used By A Sikh Guy

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Guest Diya

Hey guys,

The answer to this is probably the obvious one but I guess I just need validation, for myself more than anything. I'm Muslim, I met this Sikh guy in University, he pursued me and we started dating. I didn't see his religion, creed, background or anything, I just saw his heart and I eventually fell in love with him. He told me he loved me too and mentioned marriage and kids several times too. I was over at his house often. His parents knew about us and they seemed okay with it. After about a year of dating I felt that we should make things a bit more official and I asked him when we would get married. He kept delaying it. First it was wait until I graduate, then wait until I get a job. I waited. After he got a job I was like okay now lets get married but he kept avoiding giving me an answer. He did talk about marriage, but whenever I pinned him down for a clear answer he never gave it.

By now I was feeling uneasy and stressed. My parents wanted me to get an arranged marriage and it was becoming more and more stressful hiding everything from everyone. The only time I would reveal everything to my parents is if he agreed to marriage. I then decided to give him an ultimatum. We had broken up over the marriage issue several times before, but now I told him it was for real. I asked him to decide and he chose to break up. I was devastated. I asked him why, he said his parents would never agree.

I was so confused as his parents knew about us all along and they seemed to be good people. I was at his house all the time and I spent nights there too. I knew his sisters and hung out with his family too. I loved him like a husband. I took care of him, cooked for him and took care of all his needs. I was even willing to convert to Sikhism for him. It turns out that his parents were okay with him and me dating but they would never let him marry me. They knew we were sleeping together and his dad told him to have fun, but make sure he doesn't get me pregnant.

I have a lot of Sikh friends and I love them to pieces. They are all such good people that's why I am so shocked at what this guy and his family did to me. What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?

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I'm afraid you have been fooled !!

The above family are not Sikhs, but using a Sikh disguise !

Please don't come to the conclusion that Sikhs are like this,... far from it !!

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What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?

Dear Diya, this animal is a dog not a Sikh. Like Mehtab Singh said tell your Sikh friends about this family and let them deal with him on your behalf. I'm very disappointed for you but look at this in the sense that that this dog was never worthy of your love for him. I'm sad that just because he was born into a background that people perceive to be Sikh he has dragged the name of our faith into the dirt. A person isn't Sikh on account of their background but on account of their actions alone. I hope that the actions of one man don't put you off believing in the equality of male and female genders in Sikhi. Having said that, you should never change your religion on account of somebody else to something you don't actually believe. It's sad that the one guy you ran into happened to be a dog but rest assured that this mistreatment you have suffered is not tolerated and will be punished if you report him to your Sikh friends or devout local Gursikhs at your local Gurdwara. The people on this forum will try their very best to help in any way we can. God bless

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I reckon if this story is true the guy actually cared for you there are loads of cases where sikh men marry muslim women and family men come and try and kill both couples, perhaps in respect of your welfare he didn't want you to go through the pains of a married life, it was more to do with your family being unhappy and what they would have and could have done rather than conversion. As for sleeping with someone you didn't marry it's your life and your choices.

Let's just say had this been the other way the outcomes would have been harsh infact such a tendency has been built up it seems we have loads of muslims posing the opposite story just to take the piss out of other peoples feelings and other peoples beliefs.

If the guy had a difference in opinion he did the right thing for himself as well. All I can suggest is rather then becoming the pivot of unstable communal relations which seem to be going downhill fast, go and live your life find someone else. There is nothing in sikhism which allows sex out of marriage or to "play girls". If you were willing to convert then do so for yourself not for someone else, spend sometime learning about sikhism if it's for you then follow it if not atleast respect the freedom of those who do choose to follow it as we can respect your freedom to follow islam.

As for the father he sounds kinda sleazy but maybe all he wanted to do was keep good relations with his son when his son was making bad life choices, since he already was sleeping around, he gave him the one piece of advice of not getting you knocked up so things don't get worse. Had he took a harder stand on his son, he could have turned things sour and the last thing an old man wants to do is die alone without his son talking to him.

Just as a human being not a sikh, all I got to say to you is there is plenty of fish in the sea, you will meet more people keep your life going so many things could have been worse and in this day and age breakups regardless of religion do take place, similar stories do happen in religion couples aswell. The punishment for adultery or phornication out of marriage is simply excommunication (apostasy) but this guy doesn't sound like he was communicated in the first place.

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Guest diya

Thanks guys. I wud never ever believe that all Sikhs are like that. Even if i report him...what can they really do to him here in Canada? What will i gain out of it? If I go back to him or force him to marry me, his family will always be resentful of me anyway. I just wanted to know if this is like some revenge thing and whether it was encouraged to do this kind of stuff to get revenge from other religions. I know it happens in the UK alot but I've never seen it here and to the last post...i am aware it happens the other way around too! i am not trying to show any religion in a bad light or trying to troll. I was deeply hurt. the only reason I had physical relations with him is cause i already accepted him as my husband. this was not a short term relationship or a fling. i dunno if you guys have the concept of soulmates in ur religion, but we do. and I just had the feeling he was the 1 made for me. anyways I just wanted to know if its part of the culture/religion and whether I've fallen victim to it. Sorry if I offended anyone. Thanks for your help guys.

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Guest diya

Thanks guys. I wud never ever believe that all Sikhs are like that. Even if i report him...what can they really do to him here in Canada? What will i gain out of it? If I go back to him or force him to marry me, his family will always be resentful of me anyway. I just wanted to know if this is like some revenge thing and whether it was encouraged to do this kind of stuff to get revenge from other religions. I know it happens in the UK alot and to the last post...i am aware it happens the other way around too. I am not trying to troll. I was deeply hurt. I just wanted to know if its part of the culture/religion and whether I've fallen victim to it. Thanks for your help guys.

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Guest Kaurageous

Diya,

I had a similar issue however, i was discarded on the bases of being the wrong caste. Both my ex and I were Sikh. Am sorry for your heart ache. The truth is he never really loved you if he isn't willing to fight for you. He's dad is scum, how would he like it if some guy 'had fun' with his daughter. I strongly suggest you do whatever you have to, to get over this loser. Prayer and meditation will help. When judgement day comes all will get there comeuppance. You deserve better. God bless xx

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Guest jyoti kaur

Hey guys,

The answer to this is probably the obvious one but I guess I just need validation, for myself more than anything. I'm Muslim, I met this Sikh guy in University, he pursued me and we started dating. I didn't see his religion, creed, background or anything, I just saw his heart and I eventually fell in love with him. He told me he loved me too and mentioned marriage and kids several times too. I was over at his house often. His parents knew about us and they seemed okay with it. After about a year of dating I felt that we should make things a bit more official and I asked him when we would get married. He kept delaying it. First it was wait until I graduate, then wait until I get a job. I waited. After he got a job I was like okay now lets get married but he kept avoiding giving me an answer. He did talk about marriage, but whenever I pinned him down for a clear answer he never gave it.

By now I was feeling uneasy and stressed. My parents wanted me to get an arranged marriage and it was becoming more and more stressful hiding everything from everyone. The only time I would reveal everything to my parents is if he agreed to marriage. I then decided to give him an ultimatum. We had broken up over the marriage issue several times before, but now I told him it was for real. I asked him to decide and he chose to break up. I was devastated. I asked him why, he said his parents would never agree.

I was so confused as his parents knew about us all along and they seemed to be good people. I was at his house all the time and I spent nights there too. I knew his sisters and hung out with his family too. I loved him like a husband. I took care of him, cooked for him and took care of all his needs. I was even willing to convert to Sikhism for him. It turns out that his parents were okay with him and me dating but they would never let him marry me. They knew we were sleeping together and his dad told him to have fun, but make sure he doesn't get me pregnant.

I have a lot of Sikh friends and I love them to pieces. They are all such good people that's why I am so shocked at what this guy and his family did to me. What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?

If you were willing to convert to Sikhism for him and his family know about you and accepted you then only thing I can see is that he didnt love you enough or he has other reasons why he dont want to marry you.

I have a friend too was dating a muslim woman (who had dated many other guys before him) but she wouldn't convert to Sikhism for him but they still wanted to marry no matter what. Then when they slept together he found out she later told him she had a medical problem that she would bleed outside her menstrual cycle meaning she could have had cancer and it would be difficult to conceive a baby or she had an STD from past relationships before she met him. And that is where he got cold feet and started to distance himself from her and relationship broke down.

So therefore I can see from guys perspective why a guy wouldnt want to marry a woman who bleeds during intercourse often and cant convenience a baby and I can see from a woman point of view who just wants to be with the guy because she in love with him.

So Its a difficult dilemma and one where no one is wrong and cant judge the guy as we dont know his side of the story and what he feels. But from what you have said it seems if his family has accepted you and you willing to convert to Sikhism he should have manned up and married you no matter what but I guess he didnt love you enough unfortunately. And love is something that cant be calculated... one day your in love another day you aint. You should only marry a Sikh guy if he is sincere to his religion and you learn Sikhism and want to follow it wholeheartedly not follow it for the sake of your love but in your heart its something else you believe in.

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A Gursikh is someone who takes Amrit and KEEPS rehat, without this he/she may call themselves a sikh, but not according to Guru Gobind Singh ji Maharaj, and thats the reality take it or leave it, this guy and his family are the scum of the earth !!!

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A Gursikh is someone who takes Amrit and KEEPS rehat, without this he/she may call themselves a sikh, but not according to Guru Gobind Singh ji Maharaj, and thats the reality take it or leave it, this guy and his family are the scum of the earth !!!

This

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Guest maaro_chapedaan

is forum te velladd'aan di koi ghaat ni...oddaan koee Gurbaanee di gall hove taan saareyaan nu sapp sungh janda, hunn aha bibi aake apne dukh bhare geet goun laggpi te dekho kidda saare advisory board bani baithhay, bhaawein eh koi munda hi suaad lain aaya hove forum te...balle tuhadi Sikho...bada najaara aunda tuhanu masala lai ke...davadav 2 page bhar gaye...koee Guru Maharaj diyaan saakhiyaan hon te koi tuuttey mooh naal vi nai parhda...aithe romantic siyappe di kahaani da sirlaikh dekheya nai ki lagge salaah den...vah ji vah! oye inne tusi soojhvaan hunde taan internet de sammne dhui taik ke soorme bann bann na baithhey hunde, ajj nu Khalistan lai ke baithhe hunde...

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I know a lot of Sikhs tend to be modern nowadays but I have yet to come across a 'sikh' father who would tell his son to have fun with a girl knowing that it wasn't leading to marriage. I think you had the bad luck to come across a family like that. No matter what the issues have been between Muslims and Sikhs in the UK and knowing how the Muslims target Sikh girls here, no true Sikh would ever condone what this guy has done to you. In Sikhism we are taught that we should see all women whatever their religion, who are not our wives as sisters and mothers.

I think you should forget the guy, Move on with your life. Any thought of revenge although you might think will make you feel better but in the end will still tie you to him and being tied to him means that he still has power over you.

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As for that vaginal bleeding issue you shouldn't jump the ship the guy should have told her to get check ups and he should just in case you can do so discretely without anyone knowing, it could be simply due to friction or other urinal infections. Go to doctors don't just pass by these things.

Diya I don't think he committed a crime you can't really report him on anything apart from being a horrible person with bad morals. As for soul mates in religion I don't believe in the concept existing in any religion. Like many religions my opinion is it's interpreted in, some sikhs have formed an idea of soul mates, since sikhs believe in reincarnation sometimes people believe they would have been couples in previous marriages and people believe they have been throughout many lives or had other relations. I don't believe in unconditional love between partners either, it's all stories- if you observe how people are infatuated for one partner but the other doesn't feel that way you can observe love like the movies have you believe doesn't exist.

I reckon if that's the case when and if you do reincarnate what was in the past was destroyed you have new beginnings. I don't believe you were soul mates because he wouldn't have treated you like trash to chuck you to a side if he truly loved you. I think you seem to be better then him and you deserve someone better if even after how horribly he treated you, you still have a thing for him. As for Canada there is clearly a different muslim sikh communal relation in canada since there are more sikhs then muslims in canada yet it's the opposite in the UK. Asians tend to have different relations with their father in laws and if yours is objectifying you, then it's better for you not to be near this person. Him leaving you was his loose not yours you clearly are a better person then him.

I think you are still in that phase of infatuation what I might be saying is cruel but coming to terms with reality is the best way to progress. If you truly believe in soul mates then he clearly wasn't your soul mate. I can't read this guys mind to know what his true intentions were. There are rare people out there who can make you feel that way and just click inside and feel special about you, someone you can trust and communicate with, someone who is your true other half and you feel is your other half. There are negative people who use and abuse partners it's a sad part of life these days. As for culture sikh and muslim cultures are extremely similar we aren't that geographically off.

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Don't lie man, sikhi and islam have nothing in common but otherwise true. The other thing is sikhs are more independent in Canada so they have less to lose from fighting transgression. Welcome to the family though sister. :) You'll move forward, don't stress.

Learn though keep reading etc.

VJKVJF

If you in Toronto those local sikhs talking right now with bats :p

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