How to talk to a child about Death?

[Surrey Singh]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

Sadh Sangat Ji...i have a question, and would llike to hear your feedback...

Somebody i know has recently lost a loved one, and have left behind a 2 year old child. Now the question is: how should the parent explain to the child that their father is not going to 'come back'?

A 2 year old child does not understand the meaning of death, they are just starting to talk. In this particular case, the child has been told that 'Daddy has gone on the plane'...and the child is always asking about when he will return. Could you guys please help me out by giving some advice, or help by getting advice from someone you may know?...thank you very much.

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

[smartsingh24]

I think the first think you should do is yell at the person that told the kid that their father has gone on a plane trip. How do you think a kid is gonna react when they find out their dad isn't gonna come back? They're gonna think they're not good enough, so daddy isn't gonna come back from the plane trip. This is a reeeeally bad situation. There really isn't much else you can do but be frank and delicate. This is a 2 year old kid, not a 14 year old teen, they're not gonna be able to rationalize anything. It's gonna be tough telling him, so you have to be reeeally supportive, and patient.

[Surrey Singh]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

smartsingh24, my brother...please do not be so aggressive in your remarks. The mother of this child is going through alot, and the last thing she needs is to look at this message board and see such a blunt remark. And to yell at her?...its not like she is doing it on purpose, she really doesn't know how to approach it, and neither do i... How would YOU tell a child who has just started putting words together? The father used to travel alot, and passed away during a trip. The child still thinks the father is gone on a trip...so how do explain to the child in the best way, if they do not even know what death is?

[Gurpreet Singh]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

I remember when my Dad's friend got into an accident and his daughter died...however both parents were in the hospital and their son who survived the accident with a few bruises....he was five....so we brought him home to stay with us....and it was hard telling him about his sister...and i honestly didn't know what to tell him ..because he kept asking where she was..so i asked my mom and she told him that his sister has gone back to god because he needed more angels...they were christians........a two year old is much younger .....i guess u can say that daddy's gone for a long long time and as they grow older u can tell them about death ........ :lol: i dunno....

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

[Guest stopsingh2]

Its a very hard situation to handle. A few years ago my brother in law passed away leaving 2 young children (2 years and 5 years).

Its very hard to tell kids that the person they love is not coming back. My nephew still thinks his dad will come back, he thinks his dad is in the sky. My niece does not talk much and since the death of her dad she appears to keep things bottled up.

[smartsingh24]

The kid's prbly gonna be in a serious state of denial when he hears this, and probably won't be able to get used to this, given his age. It's gonna be scarring, so the most important thing, is that u be delicate about it.

[Singh132]

One of the hardest things for me to do in the Gurmat class I teach is to explain death be it shaheedee or chaRaiee of a Gursikh or joti jot divas of Guru Sahib. These kids are from ages 4 to 9.

I'm no expert but if confronted with this problem, I would probably try and explain to the child that Daddy has to gone to Guru Sahib. Guru Sahib needed Daddy so he went. Telling a 2 year old that his/her father is gone "forever" is also a concept that is hard for the child to comprehend. Forever is a time that is hard to fathom for even a grown person. I'm not sure how someone could answer the "how long" question.

Hopefully Guru Sahib will do kirpaa and give the family the faith and courage to continue and deal with their loss.

[moorakh mugadh]

vwihgurU jI kw Kwlsw!

vwihgurU jI kI &iqh!!

guru sahae hove bhen te chote veerje da

[S1ngh]

Here's what i find from Net :

What To Do…

No matter how old your child is, he needs honesty and emotional support from you when someone dies. Here are some ways you can support your child through the grieving process.

* Tell the truth. Gentle but truthful language is best: "Grandpa died. He's not coming back, but we will always remember him." Don't tell your child that her grandfather "went away" or "is asleep." Even phrases like "passed away" or "is no longer with us" may be confusing for young children.

* Share your grief. Express your feelings and allow your child to express her feelings so that they aren't expressed in other, unhealthy ways. Hiding your own grief from your child will send the message that it's not okay to cry or get upset.

* Comfort your child. Explaining that death is "a part of life" may help ease your child's fears of the unknown.3 If you are religious or spiritual, sharing your beliefs-for example, a belief in an afterlife-also may help your child feel better.

* Help your child deal with difficult emotions-including anger, guilt, shame, or confusion. These emotions sometimes stem from false ideas that your child has about someone's death.4 For example, a child may feel guilty because she thinks she did something to cause the death, or that she could have prevented the death, but failed to. Correct these thoughts as soon as possible.

* Encourage your child to attend the funeral or memorial services, but don't force her. Many children prefer to be close to their families in times of grief. If your child chooses not to attend memorial services, you can allow him to say goodbye at a l

ater time. For example, you can take him to visit the gravesite.

[Gurjeet_Kaur]

http://www.akj.org/forum/read.ppa?f=3&i=21112&t=21112

explaining death to children

Author: Jo Navei So Kul Dharave

Date: 10-08-04 12:51

There was a post on another site on how to explain the death of a loved one to a young child. I cannot find that post so I would like to reply here and also ask the sangat for their respone to this question.

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Since the child is still developing, this news can be traumatic for the child and adversely have a negative impact on the development of the child. Therefore, I believe the best course of action, and this is only a personal opinion, would be to tell the child that their family member has gone on to stay with Guru Nanak. I'm not sure if it would be alright to tell the child about the accident yet, but I think it would be good to tell them that the person is now with Guru Nanak.

Sangato please provide your input on this matter.

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Re: explaining death to children

Author: Sarbloh holbraS

Date: 10-08-04 14:07

In May 2003 my sister like friend passed away. We had a very close relationship. She died on an operation theatre table after a surgeon messed up. She left behind a 3 year old son. Her only Child. She had just celebrated her sons 3rd Birthday 3 weeks prior to her death.

She had always kept me close to him to give him that aspect of GurSikhi that she was unable to keep. Her son was fond of Simran just as her, he learnt Mool Mantar by me and his mum as soon as he started speaking. The day after she died, i was with her son.. Im in regular c

ontact with him.. and he is now 4 and 5months old.

He asks me about his mum all the time about where she has gone etc. At the time, the little boys Father and massi'aa decided to tell him shes gone to work for 'Baba jee' He would still ask and say 'i want to help as well'' the best dealing we have found, espeically myself, by telling him that His mum has gone because 'Vaheguroo' took her, she done alot of Simran.. She loves you and is missing you.. He laughs it off and at times he gives me the hug that he means for his mum. Vaaheguroo

He was only 3 at the time.. now older, and more understanding... As time goes on.. He understands more, sees stuff and hears. I think the best thing is to keep the child to remember the departed figure rather than trying to isolate the dead person. The Son, still recalls loades of moments with his mum... He thinks i get too keep regular contact with her, but i tell him its through Simran.. He does loades for a young little boy!

Thanks