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Deeply Depressed


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Guest Depressed

I was in a relationship with somebody for a very long time and I thought I was going to marry him. But he broke up with me a few months ago and ever since then I have been in deep depression. He was abusive throughout the relationship which is why I should take this as a blessing but I don't know why I cannot move on from this. I've tried to do path and read bani I recite Jap Ji sahib every morning and whenever I think about it I start doing chaupai sahib but I feel like I'm just spiraling downwards with nobody to ask for advice from. I have friends but none of them are Sikh and they provide the non-Sikh perspective to this but I just wanted the Sikh perspective and what I should do to spiral out of this depression and accept everything as a blessing. It is getting really hard on a day to day basis I feel like I am not myself anymore. I'm barely ever happy or laughing. It is really taking a severe toll on me where I cannot focus on my studies or my work. I remind myself that everything happens based off of our previous karams and thats why I am going through everything but sometimes I just crash and I don't know how to stop myself from spiraling downwards.

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I was in a relationship with somebody for a very long time and I thought I was going to marry him. But he broke up with me a few months ago and ever since then I have been in deep depression. He was abusive throughout the relationship which is why I should take this as a blessing but I don't know why I cannot move on from this. I've tried to do path and read bani I recite Jap Ji sahib every morning and whenever I think about it I start doing chaupai sahib but I feel like I'm just spiraling downwards with nobody to ask for advice from. I have friends but none of them are Sikh and they provide the non-Sikh perspective to this but I just wanted the Sikh perspective and what I should do to spiral out of this depression and accept everything as a blessing. It is getting really hard on a day to day basis I feel like I am not myself anymore. I'm barely ever happy or laughing. It is really taking a severe toll on me where I cannot focus on my studies or my work. I remind myself that everything happens based off of our previous karams and thats why I am going through everything but sometimes I just crash and I don't know how to stop myself from spiraling downwards.

Depression is pretty common after breakups in an relationship. Just be thankful because as you said he was abusive throughout the relationship and that indicates that's not really who you want to be a partner with for rest of your life. Try doing Sukhmani Sahib also and reach out to close cousins of yours who you feel comfortable talking to or getting advise from or anyone from sangat and try to recover bit by bit.

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Read up on bhagti and start doing bhagti seriously- thats what i did and ive experienced and learned so much and learned to see my blessings. We live in this test world n we die- we're here 2 discover Truth, not just to live our karams of happiness and pain which are not even real- theyre there 2 be felt while we practice truth detachment from them- but really theyre just nothing, theyre just 2 sides of the same coin. Thats what u need to learn. Practice Spirituality- we are meant to be spiritual warriors practicing miri n piri. God Bless you

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From a Sikh perspective I feel depression comes from losing something we're attached to, like another person. Our relationships to other people are all temporary as we have many life times, it is only when we have a relationship with Waheguru that we have someone we can truly attach to and not feel depressed as Waheguru will not let us down. It doesn't mean you don't still feel love for others but you become aware that ultimately it is Waheguru who is the one you can truly rely on. I've felt depressed from feeling let down by my family who I was very close to but those feelings helped me see Waheguru is the one who will never let me down and maybe I was too attached to my family.

Spend time doing simran and feeling close to Waheguru, just start with a few minutes and you will start feeling Waheguruji is close to you. Also practical things like doing things you enjoy and spending time with people who care about you, can help to build your confidence as it sounds like he didn't treat you well which can affect confidence in yourself.

Hope this helps.

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Panji

Its a blessing in disguise.... You said yourself that this person was abusive towards you, Is that really how you want to be in a relationship? See this as a good thing, learn from what happened and know that there is something better coming in the future. I know thus seems like a very airy fairy answer but it is true. It seems like this person who broke up with you didnt seem to care, Poepl who are truly in love fight for their relationship. Now im not saying that what you had wasnt 'love' but i am saying that maybe you can put this 'love' into something else. You could be so much better and you can do som much more. Use your effort and strength and do something posistive.

*Get involved in voluntary work, helping others maked you feel better about yourself.

*Go to the gurdwara and do seva, ask for a hukamnama... All these little things will help you get out of your head. If you do feel that this isnt working then going to therapy would a be very beneficial.

The only thing you can do now is to try and move forward, You cannot go back.

Fateh Panji, I wish you all the best PM me if you want to talk.

:respect: WJKK WJKF :respect:


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I think this is a really sad state of affairs. I think you did wrong by having a relationship in the first place with a man before marriage. It's not ok and a poor decision. Secondly the man was abusive towards you - hardly companionship material eh? You suffer from poor self esteem and think that by degrading yourself will make your life better. Wake up !!!

You have the right to live your life as you choose, have sikhi guide you on your path. Do something new. Help somebody that needs it. Try some new activities, speak to a friend or relative that you haven't seen or heard from in ages. Wear different colours. Watch a funny film or programme. Basically distract yourself and keep yourself busy and over time you will forget about this unpleasantness and look forward to the future. See yourself with a loving partner and children and it will come. Do your prayers everyday and be thankful for what you have for there are millions less fortunate than you. You can make your life better, you just need to realise that you have the power within you to do it.

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I've been through the same, unfortunately alot of sikh men tend to be abusive, it's a cultural thing. Abuse tends to change who you are as a person, it's important to WALK AWAY as soon as it happens, which obviously neither you or I did.

Just walk away, shed away the old you. Take on a new hobby, do paath and make an effort to be happy.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

I'm going through a divorce penji after a year of marriage my partner wasn't who I thought she was turned me against my family, I was in major depression didn't leave my room for a few days and then eventually went to the gudwara been going everyday since been 6 six weeks since I been to work but as I'm self employed its flexible for me, overall message is keep your chin up its not our fault so we shouldn't be held accountable

God bless pritpal Singh

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Im going through a similar thing right now, I was in a shorter relationship which ended and this feeling of depression eating me up along with the feeling of being alone. Because we invested so much time into this one person now that we are without them we find it hard to function, that's not a healthy relationship. I personally have realised that guru ji saved me by taking this guy away from me and he did the same for you. We have to thank maharaj for that and ask him to bless us to understand this. I know the feeling of sitting alone and thinking about him, wondering if he still thinks about you, but at the same time I sit and laugh at myself because when I look at it now the whole thing doesn't even seem real, and from a Sikh view all relationships are false so why do I invest my time thinking about someone else and waste my life away, this has been me day in day out for a month.

It doesn't help that he is now engaged to a friend of mine who I see almost every sunday and only talks about the wedding. Its like im trapped and cant get away from him, but honestly just guru ji bringing me to this website and reading through the comments and just writing all this down has made me feel better. But I thank God for this experience because its brought me closer to him, its true that when me go through times of dukhi we go running to God and ask for help, for me that's what happened, like the day after things ended I went to the gurdwara and an overwhelming feel of guilt came over me, as I was stood there in front of guru ji I just broke down, my insides started shaking and rivers of tears came gushing from my eyes and all I could say was sorry, sorry for everything that happened and for guru ji to help me move past this all, since then ive been doing path and trying to develop a relationship with guru ji.

For me I think a lot more about taking amrith now, but as a woman the thing holding me back in the kes, particularly on my face. I would love to take amrith, the day that happens and I am so self confident in myself will me the happiest day of my life, this is relevenat because the guy was an amrithdari guy, I know that if I stayed with him I could have taken amrith and by the time everything was pakha and I started to keep my kes on my hair he wouldn't be able to leave me because it would be to late and he'd be stuck with me, an evil plan I know, but im scared because I don't want to cut my kes anymore but im scared that I wont ever find any who will want to be with me.My kes is mainly in the middle of my eyebrows and my upper lip that bother me the most. And honestly I don't just want to be with a guy whos like yeah she'll do, Im not sure if this whole paragraph is at all helpful but maharaj brought me here and writing this all down has made me feel better.

I think is becoming more of a problem for people f our generation, we need to stick together as a sangat and help each other out

Im sorry if anything that I have said has offended anyone and may god please forgive me of my mistakes

waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh

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Hey I know all to well about a break up I myself did not have an abusive or anything like that actually we probably had the best time together it was one of the most blessed thing in my opinion when we had to break up it was because her parents found a rishta for her a doctor and all such and she tried telling them about me but in the end they did not want anything with me and so for her parents happiness we broke up. I was in a bad state at that time became an alcoholic went back to smoking weed and was just thinking all stupid kinds of stuff this started a week before our anniversary of going out together and I was just shocked I could not believe it we did try to remain as friends but it just couldn't work because I was too attached and she cut me off after. I was just depressed there was time I felt like ending myself at stages thanks to Waheguru and Sri Guru Granth Sahib I was able to be still standing on my two feet. My friends did not know what to say no one thought me and her would breakup it was hard everyday meeting someone asking about your better how's shes doing and you just have to tell them the sad news. It eats you up but honestly don't think of it as a burden, think of it as a learning experience, and your much better of without him he was abusive. I know the emotions you guys have shared must be tough because lets face it were humans we want compassion, but your a lot stronger than I was it took almost a year to save my self I was literally almost gone and just out of nowhere I decided to look at the Sri Guru Granth Sahib I am not that great with Gurmukhi so I decided to read it in english and for some reason I started to look at it positive I started to see the reasons why it had to end point A: she was older than me by 4 years, Point B: she got this beautiful opportunity to marry someone who can provide with happiness, I myself don't have a job still in school and was not ready for marriage yet. Point C: if it was the best relationship why would we had to break up if she truly loved me she would have stayed a breakup would have never happened. So whenever she pops up in my head I just pray shes happy honestly what more can I say I just read Sukhmani Sahib paath and Just pray for her as well and just hope shes blessed and hopefully the new person that replaced me is taking care of her a lot better than I could. You just need to keep your strength and just remember Waheguru he's always with you and maybe helped you to stay away from another abuse who might could have drastically abuse more maybe even worse. Yes he was a big part of your life and remember there's always more fish in the sea but I would advice you to not go out with anyone till you know absolutely well that is the one and I mean you know he won't ever hurt you, little arguments happen everyone argues with there loved ones its natural and just don't give him anything you shouldn't share that you will share with your future husband trust me as a guy I will tell you keep that special something till marriage that's how you will know he wants to marry you and stayed for the long run instead of just a quick fun, and just pray for the girl he goes with next time or his future wife imagine the torment you had to go through and pray for there safety and well being and do sukhmani sahib paath as it has help me and attend the gurdwara try doing Nitnem as well while meditating on Waheguru you will see a Light at the end of the tunnel, but remember not to stop even if its not working just keep going to the gurdwara to do nitnem and doing sukhmani sahib paath trust me it helps I know from experience it just you have to be patient you were hurt emotionally and spiritually it takes time to get healed from this it was not a physical hurt. I hope this help and if you ever want to talk because I know how you feel just give me a private message and I am more than glad to help you out from your struggles sometime you just need someone to talk to I remember when I was going through this I wish I had someone who experienced some what similar situation to just tell me what to expect and just to keep my head up and what not. Hopefully this helps you have a lot to look forward too the future is great for you and I promise you will find someone better one day just keep your head up be strong and never forget Waheguru he's always with you

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