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Guest Amar

Intercaste Relations

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Guest Amar

Hi guys, just looking for some advice on an awkward situation. :unsure2:

I've been 'suffering' from depression for several years now alone, and recently found someone who was willing to listen to my concerns and help me through what was a very very hard time recently, which consisted of anxiety attack after anxiety attack, breakdowns and feeling very low and even considering suicide at times. It wasn't a pretty sight haha.

I'm 18 and a Jatt, and he is 18 but Tarkhan. Obviously this raised a huge problem among my family when they realised of his existence. They got into contact with his family making threats etc. which was the wrong way to go about it in my eyes.

My relationship with my family has not been very good for several years now, and I often isolate myself from them so it's been comforting to be able to talk to this boy, and his family are very understanding of the whole situation. I fear that cutting contact would have some drastic consequences on my mental function.

Just wondering what I could possibly do?

Appreciate your help

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Sister, you have two choices before you:

1 - Sever all relations with the man you love and who helps sustain your fragile mental condition, because he is a Tarkhan. This having appeased your selfish, selfish relatives, you will then be married off to someone else whom you don't love, and you'll spend the rest of your natural life screaming on the inside.

Or,

2 - Refuse to be cowed by your family (with whom you already have a bad relationship), people who place their hidebound and cobwebbed crap above their own daughters' happiness and whose society would therefore be better broken than kept, and be with someone whom you actually love, like, and who actually has your well-being in mind.

Can you really be caught between these two options? Is the first not superior in every conceivable way?

I wish you every happiness in what follows.

Edited by Balkaar

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Guest Sikh

Hi I am much older but have a similar problem with my family who constantly try and make me unhappy. I avoid them.

If this guy is making u feel better, Please Don't let him go. The Gurus did Not believe in caste and taught is the same.

U need to put Yourself First-this is Your life bot your families- it's sad to say but a lot of the time families want to see u unhappy, and don't actually want what's best for u deep down because it makes them feel better about their own lives.

Talk to this guy, keep on touch with his family and do what makes You Happy-u deserve to do what u want to do at 18, youre a grown adult woman-live your life, be good and if u have a good friend/ relationship, don't throw it away.

Hi guys, just looking for some advice on an awkward situation. :unsure2:

I've been 'suffering' from depression for several years now alone, and recently found someone who was willing to listen to my concerns and help me through what was a very very hard time recently, which consisted of anxiety attack after anxiety attack, breakdowns and feeling very low and even considering suicide at times. It wasn't a pretty sight haha.

I'm 18 and a Jatt, and he is 18 but Tarkhan. Obviously this raised a huge problem among my family when they realised of his existence. They got into contact with his family making threats etc. which was the wrong way to go about it in my eyes.

My relationship with my family has not been very good for several years now, and I often isolate myself from them so it's been comforting to be able to talk to this boy, and his family are very understanding of the whole situation. I fear that cutting contact would have some drastic consequences on my mental function.

Just wondering what I could possibly do?

Appreciate your help

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Regardless of caste, race, religion, or anything of that sort, developing a dependency on someone to the extent that when they talk to you you're happy and content, and when you're unable to be with them you're morose and withdrawn, surely that's incredibly unhealthy for your mental health?

Nobody but you can sort your head out. I've been there, so I'm not coming from a place which is ignorant or unfeeling. When we're young we crave for understanding and validation from others, constantly on the lookout for that so-called missing piece of the jigsaw that, once found, will slot into place and make us eternally happy.

Unfortunately, that's not how things work in the long term. True peace of mind and happiness come from within yourself, not as a result of the kind words of other people. What happens when those kind words and attention dry up? Back to square one. That's no way to live.

Identify what is making you feel the way you do; be brutally honest, and then take steps to remedy the situation. I'm not saying talking to a third party isn't helpful, but the way you've described it makes me suspect you've become emotionally dependent on this guy, and, like I said, that's very unhealthy and dangerous for the future.

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Regardless of caste, race, religion, or anything of that sort, developing a dependency on someone to the extent that when they talk to you you're happy and content, and when you're unable to be with them you're morose and withdrawn, surely that's incredibly unhealthy for your mental health?

Identify what is making you feel the way you do; be brutally honest, and then take steps to remedy the situation. I'm not saying talking to a third party isn't helpful, but the way you've described it makes me suspect you've become emotionally dependent on this guy, and, like I said, that's very unhealthy and dangerous for the future.

That's very well-considered MisterrSingh. I ought not have administered such heated advice so hastily.

Edited by Balkaar

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That's very well-considered MisterrSingh. I ought not have administered such heated advice so hastily.

I don't hold with caste discrimination amongst Sikhs, but I think the OP was making this into a caste issue somehow, when it's actually to do with mental well-being, especially for someone as young as she is. However, that's not to say her parents weren't thinking along those dodgy lines, which is unfortunate. But, as i was saying, if she continues to cling to others for mental sustenance she will find life to be an intolerably harsh and lonely experience.

.

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How do we know that the parents of the girl wern't just annoyed and angry because they found out their beloved daughter was in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex ?

How do we know the OP isn't deliberately bringing 'caste' into it in order to solicit our support for her plight ?

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