a very important question!

[khalsamerijaankijaan]

oops my bad am your guys Penji, hehe.

I have checked sunsingh paji;s link and seriously speaking, all your replies are helping me alot, I was so stressed over this at first and iM now more realistic. Lets see waht happens, coz like Ysl paji said, " you should converse" it is hard but i will. Aman Kaur Penji, the fact about showing someone the right path has also kind of moved me too and may be it is waht God wants for me. Is it true that if you take someone into the right path( I hope Guruji shows me it), Waheguru ji blesses you?

[amankaur]

satsriakal penji i did kinda thought u was a kuri good guess :wub:

hey of cause if u show some one thre right paath waheguru will bless you. cus waheguru has sent us all on earth to help eachother to teach eachother and to be their for one another thro right or wrong.

what ever happens in our life happens for a reason at that specific moment you might think yh this aint right but out of wrong something good always comes in the end.

end of day if you dnt marry this guy dnt worry cus it wasnt meant to be he'l find his true paath somewhere else but if you do marry him he'l be lucky cus he will av u.

all i can say is count ur blessings these days we are even alive cus lifes to short. i found out that my baba died last nite midnight n im reali upset about it so this way i came on here to shear some happiness cus i felt reali down.

[natsilahk]

How bad is the persons past?

Are we talking non-v1rg1n ?

You have all the right to look at someones past and see how they've handled situations back then.

If this person has a horrible past and has shared experiences with multiple women/men, than screw that, and refuse.

You are marrying this person, look at the past, see how they've handled situations back then, and if they've changed.

If you can not find a change, than refuse.

If you can find a significant change, than accept.

Do not listen to these people who say "you should not judge ones past".

You absolutely should, you have the right to. If you have no past history, and the other individual does, and you are looking at marrying this person. You have all the right in the world to look at the past experiences.

As for a gursikh marrying a non-gursikh, is perfectly ok. You have to look at the past and see how the person reacted to situations, and what the person did. Let's suppose your future-spouse was amritdhari.

You said yourself, you follow rehat but are not amritdhari, so I assume you keep kesh. By keeping kesh, and performing no horrendous deeds in your past, you are clearly showing your future-spouse that you are on the way and path to become amritdhari, if the case was to be that your spouse was amritdhari.

Past shows signs of the future.

This person has a past, so the individual is already guilty, you must be able to prove his/her innocence. If you can not prove it, refuse. If you feel you can, and have sufficient evidence of a change, than gladly accept, and never use the past as an excus

e.

Guruji didn't accept anyone on basis that they simply stated "they have changed from their past". He always asked that they prove it with their actions, for that is sikhi.

The choice is yours, think wisely, and I hope the best for you :wub:

[Ryu Hayabusa]

I can only say this, you can't change someone, this is out of your hands. You can show them the path but its entirely up to them if they want to follow it or not.

[GushK]

I can only say this, you can't change someone, this is out of your hands. You can show them the path but its entirely up to them if they want to follow it or not.

True, but the environment someone is exposed to, definitly has a large effect on their psyche and way of thinking.

I've seen some hot-headed, bad people change over time given the right environment and encouragement, because they learn what is and isn't acceptable behaviour and in turn benifit from those changes.

I'd have to say, people can, and definitly do change, though as you say, it's their choice in the end.

[Amrit]

vwihgurU jI kw Kwlsw!

vwihgurU jI kI &iqh!!

all i can say is that dnt judge a person by their past, see the person for hu they r now - 'EVERY SAINT WAS 1CE A SINNER' tha bad things we do in our lives make us better if we learn from them

if this guy is nt interested in sikhi then i tink he is nt the 1 for you, but then hu no's what Mahraj has planned....everything is written at birth we just play the game......pray to Mahraj with shudh mann that he shows you the rite way and that 1 day you will b amritdhari

vwihgurU jI kw Kwlsw!

vwihgurU jI kI &iqh!!

[JSingh]

I had a friend long time ago. She is Amritdhar girl and i think her family wanted her to marry her dad's friend's son. The guy was clean shaven and the girl said she will marry only a Amritdhari boy. Boy's mom said that he will keep kesh and will take Amrit if that is the case. I don't have the updates and have no idea what happend next or what is going to happen in the future.

Now the question is: Is he taking Amrit only to marry this girl so that he could come to America?

So my advice to you is that please you are the one who is going to marry the person, not your parents. I understand that Indian marriages are between two families not just two people, but its the matter of two souls too. We also have a relative from my dad's side. She is my dad's mom's husband's brother's daughter. (sorry if incorrect grammer). The guy was from America and went to India to get married. On the day of the marriage, the girl found out that the guy is a heavy drunk and he also drank on the day of the marriage. She cried alot not to get married with this guy cuz she knew that her life will be destroyed. But as you guys know India families, they forced her to get married to this man go save her family's honor cuz according to Indian culture it is not good if the groom returns without marrying the bride. Now its been i think 11 years to their marriage and they have i think 2 or 3 kids (i think one or two of the kids are girls and only of them is Amritdhari) the guy drinks alot, doesn't do any work, and constantly beat her. Guys family is supports the guy do all these things and girl has no support. Some times he beats her sooooo bad that her head starts b

leeding and few weeks ago he broke her arm. And the guys family is saying stuff like, "He is your God. No matter how he is he is your husband te husband rabb hunda aa." I was like that the hell is that. At this recent incidence the guy was jailed for domestic violence but due to guy's family pressure on the girl he was released but he still keeps drinking and tried to beat her up again....

So my point of telling all this is that make a deliberate decision. DO NOT KEEP ANYTHING ON EXPECTATIONS AND DON'T EXPECT ANYBODY TO CHANGE SO THAT HE CAN GET YOU. And do not go for this person just because he is being introduced to you by your family.

Forgetting and forgiving the past are two very different things.

So my advice to you is that meet this person and find out the meat and bones. Secondly and most inportantly, since you know about this guy's past, do not let yourself flow in your emotions. And pray to Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji to arrange you a PERFECT match. Beg for it. Ask Guru Sahib to give your a husband from his own Khajana (treasure). If child won't ask from his father, who will she ask from? :wub: And pray to Guru Sahib to give you a husband accouding to "Dharamic Life", not "Karmic Life" ( http://www.sikhnet.com/sikhnet/discussion....37?OpenDocument )

bhul chuk di khima...

[googlykaur]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

I guess meeting in person and keeping on talking for long time will let you know what kind of person he/she is and take a decisiona accordingly but before doing anything I suggest do Ardaas for guidance....

Guru Angh Sangh

[Banda Singh]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Dear Bhain Jee,

One thing you need to know is that you do not have to get married to the first person you meet, you can always say no. Do not get pressured into doing something you do not want to do.

The choice is really up to you, if your gut feeling is to say no then so be it, it is your choice and yours only.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

[$carface]

according to Guru Nanak Ji's teachings, you should not care about their past, i seem to remember a story of some sort where Guru Nanak asks someone to get a dirty pot out of some mud or something like that, but the moral was that people can change from their pasts...

according to $carface's teachings, [mod cut] them away. any Sikh that acts like a [mod cut] and their parents as well for raising such a besharam [mod cut]

i would say go with the second option :wub: :e:

Mod -10 Comment : Scarface if you dont stop cursing on the forum you will be banned preety soon, So if you have somehting to say please say it in a calm tone.