Full Of Anger

[Big_Tera]

Not sure what to do about this issue I am having. Basically I went to wedding about a year ago and was sitting with my relatives. However one person who was sitting next to me I dont really speak to that often. We have had no issues in the past. He is my uncles brother in law. He is quite old about 65.

I was feeling quite uncomfortable sitting next to him as I was not really familiar with alot of people.

Anyway out of no where he blurted out some strong words in front of everyone around our table. Something along the lines of 'you should liven up' and you never speak to anyone'. I could not believe what I was hearing . I have never been spoken to like this before. This person basically lost his temper in front of everyone including my parents and said some pretty harsh words it was not merely the words he used but the very aggressive way he spoke. everyone around the table was shocked. This guy is known to come out with this kinda stuff and I was not prepared for what he said. everyone around the table was also giving him some strong glares as he was coming across as a baby even though he was a very old man that should no better.

I just froze and could not believe what I was hearing he was making a character assassination of me. At the time I just gave him a stare like I was saying that your comments are not bothering me and just made him feel like he was a complete fool for losing it. And did not want to stoop to his level especially as he was an old age person with big spectacles. I feel more bad as I wouldn't expect this kind

But now I feel I should have said something back. as I cant get what he said out of my mind. its like he has got away with it point blank after coming out with his comments. No elder person has ever spoken to me like this in my life and I am full of anger and revenge. alot of people have said stuff to me before but its never really lingered and I have forgotten about it. But this came from and older person so called respected person who you would think would know better.

I cant wait to see this person again to let out my anger. Its like I cant move on unless I say something back to this person. I dont know why it is getting to me so much and cant get it out of my mind. All I want to do is punch his face in. If I did say something back I would look like I was in the wrong as he is the elder even though he is in the wrong.

this person means diddley squat to me as he's more of a distant relative . I get along with all my relatives so this guy coming out with his comments just makes me more angry. I feel like revenge is my only answer to get this off my chest. he is quite a jealous and insecure person. I cant believe someone can come out with these comments against me . especially and elder who we are suppose to respect. at weddings I just kind of ignore him but I want to say something to him as I feel he has got away with it Scott free.

Anyone ever experience an older person saying harsh words??

[dallysingh101]

What ever you do, don't batter an old man, even if he deserves it. That will mess up your reputation.

Simran helps calm those angry feelings. And I'm not saying it like some puppoo. I had a similar issue and it helped big time.

Point is, if he gets into your head he's won.

I think pendu uncles like that aren't too uncommon. I have one who likes to upset people unnecessarily too. They get a kick out of your reaction and the havoc they create.

Avoid this pr**k like the plague in future.

[genie]

Seems like its really got to you. And that is the best result a troll can get is letting their words or actions get a strong negative reaction out of you

He is either:

1) Not right in the head, got mental health issues

2) A older troll trying to provoke and get a result cos he has got a crap life and needs a diversion.

So you can decide to see him as a troll and not let him win by getting a wrong reaction out of you or you can just pass it off as he not right in the head got mental issues. Choice is yours.

[khalsaman1]

ਸੰਤੁ ਮਿਲੈ ਕਿਛੁ ਸੁਨੀਐ ਕਹੀਐ ॥ਮਿਲੈ ਅਸੰਤੁ ਮਸਟਿ ਕਰਿ ਰਹੀਐ ॥੧॥

ਬਾਬਾ ਬੋਲਨਾ ਕਿਆ ਕਹੀਐ ॥ਜੈਸੇ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮ ਰਵਿ ਰਹੀਐ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

ਸੰਤਨ ਸਿਉ ਬੋਲੇ ਉਪਕਾਰੀ ॥ਮੂਰਖ ਸਿਉ ਬੋਲੇ ਝਖ ਮਾਰੀ ॥੨॥

ਬੋਲਤ ਬੋਲਤ ਬਢਹਿ ਬਿਕਾਰਾ ॥ਬਿਨੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਕਿਆ ਕਰਹਿ ਬੀਚਾਰਾ ॥੩॥

ਕਹੁ ਕਬੀਰ ਛੂਛਾ ਘਟੁ ਬੋਲੈ ॥ਭਰਿਆ ਹੋਇ ਸੁ ਕਬਹੁ ਨ ਡੋਲੈ ॥੪॥੧॥

[Big_Tera]

Seems like its really got to you. And that is the best result a troll can get is letting their words or actions get a strong negative reaction out of you

He is either:

1) Not right in the head, got mental health issues

2) A older troll trying to provoke and get a result cos he has got a crap life and needs a diversion.

So you can decide to see him as a troll and not let him win by getting a wrong reaction out of you or you can just pass it off as he not right in the head got mental issues. Choice is yours.

Yeh that is what has exactly happened.

Im quite a laid back person so I am not the type to get angry quickly but when someone makes very personal comments such as this person its very difficult to get it out of your system especially when they are an elder. I recently met him at another function and my blood was boiling but I just ignored him. which was a mistake as I rarely see this person. as he lives like 400 miles away. its like someone swearing and abusing you then just disappearing so that you have no chance to say anything back.

He is very smug, arrogant and aggressive. He likes to pick on people who he feels he can get away it. what makes it 10 times worse is that he did it infront of other relatives which was very embarrassing for me as I did not know what to do., he took advantage of the fact that he was an elder and he can say anything he likes and get away with it.

I think what bothered him is that my family is now alot more successful then his so maybe he was jealous. I just dont think I can let this go and he tried to shame me infront of alot of people. even other people around were surprised that I did not say anything back to him. but because I am quite a calm person I just let it go which I am now regretting. but now that I have had a chance to go over what exactly happened that night . Im full of anger and revenge. because he said some pretty strong stuff and all i did was nod my head. This person your right has some deep psychological issues he likes to feel powerful and so puts other people down to make himself feel better about himself.

[simran345]

Not sure what to do about this issue I am having. Basically I went to wedding about a year ago and was sitting with my relatives. However one person who was sitting next to me I dont really speak to that often. We have had no issues in the past. He is my uncles brother in law. He is quite old about 65.

I was feeling quite uncomfortable sitting next to him as I was not really familiar with alot of people.

Anyway out of no where he blurted out some strong words in front of everyone around our table. Something along the lines of 'you should liven up' and you never speak to anyone'. I could not believe what I was hearing . I have never been spoken to like this before. This person basically lost his temper in front of everyone including my parents and said some pretty harsh words it was not merely the words he used but the very aggressive way he spoke. everyone around the table was shocked. This guy is known to come out with this kinda stuff and I was not prepared for what he said. everyone around the table was also giving him some strong glares as he was coming across as a baby even though he was a very old man that should no better.

I just froze and could not believe what I was hearing he was making a character assassination of me. At the time I just gave him a stare like I was saying that your comments are not bothering me and just made him feel like he was a complete fool for losing it. And did not want to stoop to his level especially as he was an old age person with big spectacles. I feel more bad as I wouldn't expect this kind

But now I feel I should have said something back. as I cant get what he said out of my mind. its like he has got away with it point blank after coming out with his comments. No elder person has ever spoken to me like this in my life and I am full of anger and revenge. alot of people have said stuff to me before but its never really lingered and I have forgotten about it. But this came from and older person so called respected person who you would think would know better.

I cant wait to see this person again to let out my anger. Its like I cant move on unless I say something back to this person. I dont know why it is getting to me so much and cant get it out of my mind. All I want to do is punch his face in. If I did say something back I would look like I was in the wrong as he is the elder even though he is in the wrong.

this person means diddley squat to me as he's more of a distant relative . I get along with all my relatives so this guy coming out with his comments just makes me more angry. I feel like revenge is my only answer to get this off my chest. he is quite a jealous and insecure person. I cant believe someone can come out with these comments against me . especially and elder who we are suppose to respect. at weddings I just kind of ignore him but I want to say something to him as I feel he has got away with it Scott free.

Anyone ever experience an older person saying harsh words??

Don't worry about it, or let it get to you. As the above posters have said could be a few reasons for his behaviour.

The thing is when an elder says something they sometimes say it without the etiquette younger people would. That's not all elders though, just some. It maybe he feels lonely himself and because there may not be much going on in his life, he thought he would give some advise to somebody younger than him. His intentions may not be bad as he sounds, and may not know how to express something or be nice.

I'd just ask Waheguru to forgive him and see it as a blessing, if he is wrong as you say, then he's washed off some of your karam.

As he is an elderly man, there is no point in asking him or dwelling on it yourself, you don't want to be extending something that may go out of control. And next time just stay out of his way.

I used to get it all the time with elders, even ones i didn't know, out of the blue. But I just used to think, wonder what I'll be like then.

Ask yourself why are his words getting to you? I used to ask politely why they are angry, but that didn't really do much, apart from quieten them down. Maybe he has an anger problem and he can't take it out in his family, so takes it out on others instead.

When people elders normally do this kind of thing, they are probably going through some problems themselves, but still it's no way to talk to somebody. I think it's just the age that's making it worse.

Don't think about the revenge, that's going to hurt your soul more. Instead, if it's that bad, have a quiet word with his family if it's affecting you so badly.

[khalsaman1]

ਹਰਿ ਜਨੁ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮ ਗੁਨ ਗਾਵੈ ॥

ਜੇ ਕੋਈ ਨਿੰਦ ਕਰੇ ਹਰਿ ਜਨ ਕੀ ਅਪੁਨਾ ਗੁਨੁ ਨ ਗਵਾਵੈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

ਜੋ ਕਿਛੁ ਕਰੇ ਸੁ ਆਪੇ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਕਾਰ ਕਮਾਵੈ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਹੀ ਮਤਿ ਦੇਵੈ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਬੋਲਿ ਬੁਲਾਵੈ ॥੧॥

ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਪੰਚ ਤਤੁ ਬਿਸਥਾਰਾ ਵਿਚਿ ਧਾਤੂ ਪੰਚ ਆਪਿ ਪਾਵੈ ॥ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਮੇਲੇ ਆਪੇ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਝਗਰੁ ਚੁਕਾਵੈ ॥੨॥੩

[Big_Tera]

Yep That is right he does have alot of personal issues in in life and he used me as a scap goat to vent all his frustration and anger out. It was like a build of anger in his life such as the divorce of his son ect. So he basically just took it all out on me.

I know what your saying and I have tried to let it go. But the words that he said keep going over and over in my head. he made a very personal attack on me which was hurtful. I would never say something like this to anyone but he said it purely to put me down to and make himself feel bigger and better. He was threatened by me so decided to say something against me to put me in my place. its not just me many others heard what he said and were giving him dirty looks as they know it was wrong what he did. it was the down right audacity of the person to come out with what he said that was so shocking. maybe as you said it it may have been a north England thing. as people from the north are alot more blunt.

what makes it worse is that he was a relative a person with a turban and beard. Not in my life has anybody spoken to me in this way. it was like he was threatening me aswell as degrading me in front of alot of people. I am now full of anger and revenge . believe me I have tried to let it go. but when someone as smug and arrogant as this person is. you just cant let it go. he has a hideous face and vile mouth. I feel like I need to say something back to him but at the same time if I do I will get hassle from my family for saying something to him but I would probably have the support of a lot of people.

I have tried to let it go believe me. I thought in time I would forget what he said. but when someone comes into your face, shouts some horrible words and questions your moral character and is suppose to be close relative its difficult to forgive and forget. I have tried to forgive him but my mind simply wont let it go. Its like I need to put this in the open. I think I may need to talk to my parents to have a word with his family. Just so they know that I have not forgotten about what happened. even if he apologized I could not forget it. maybe Its just me and I hold grudges to long.

[khalsaman1]

Don't worry about it, or let it get to you. As the above posters have said could be a few reasons for his behaviour.

The thing is when an elder says something they sometimes say it without the etiquette younger people would. That's not all elders though, just some. It maybe he feels lonely himself and because there may not be much going on in his life, he thought he would give some advise to somebody younger than him. His intentions may not be bad as he sounds, and may not know how to express something or be nice.

I'd just ask Waheguru to forgive him and see it as a blessing, if he is wrong as you say, then he's washed off some of your karam.

As he is an elderly man, there is no point in asking him or dwelling on it yourself, you don't want to be extending something that may go out of control. And next time just stay out of his way.

I used to get it all the time with elders, even ones i didn't know, out of the blue. But I just used to think, wonder what I'll be like then.

Ask yourself why are his words getting to you? I used to ask politely why they are angry, but that didn't really do much, apart from quieten them down. Maybe he has an anger problem and he can't take it out in his family, so takes it out on others instead.

When people elders normally do this kind of thing, they are probably going through some problems themselves, but still it's no way to talk to somebody. I think it's just the age that's making it worse.

Don't think about the revenge, that's going to hurt your soul more. Instead, if it's that bad, have a quiet word with his family if it's affecting you so badly.

This is good sound advice.

Big Tera veer ji, do not worry about people like this. This man is clearly trying to get you to break your spirits. You should actually feel pity for this man as God has not shown him the true path.

[khalsaman1]

ਹਰਿ ਜਨੁ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮ ਗੁਨ ਗਾਵੈ ॥

ਜੇ ਕੋਈ ਨਿੰਦ ਕਰੇ ਹਰਿ ਜਨ ਕੀ ਅਪੁਨਾ ਗੁਨੁ ਨ ਗਵਾਵੈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

ਜੋ ਕਿਛੁ ਕਰੇ ਸੁ ਆਪੇ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਕਾਰ ਕਮਾਵੈ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਹੀ ਮਤਿ ਦੇਵੈ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਬੋਲਿ ਬੁਲਾਵੈ ॥੧॥

ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਪੰਚ ਤਤੁ ਬਿਸਥਾਰਾ ਵਿਚਿ ਧਾਤੂ ਪੰਚ ਆਪਿ ਪਾਵੈ ॥ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਮੇਲੇ ਆਪੇ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਝਗਰੁ ਚੁਕਾਵੈ ॥੨॥੩

Big Tera, the english translation of this is as follows:

The Lord's humble servant sings the Glorious Praises of the Lord's Name.

Even if someone slanders the Lord's humble servant, he does not give up his own goodness. ||1||Pause||

Whatever the Lord and Master does, He does by Himself; the Lord Himself does the deeds.

The Lord and Master Himself imparts understanding; the Lord Himself inspires us to speak. ||1||

The Lord Himself directs the evolution of the world of the five elements; He Himself infuses the five senses into it

O servant Nanak, the Lord Himself unites us with the True Guru; He Himself resolves the conflicts. ||2||3||