My Sister Issue With In Laws

[simran345]

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! The whole part about the family following one faith. That's the part I disagree with, (how will we ever get people to convert to Sikhi?) Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh, I wish the best for everyone's soul, and the best is through free-thinking.

No Paji I didn't mean it like that, but just stating the facts. If you see in our Punjabi families, there are cases where some follow Sikhi and others another faith and there are fights, arguments etc as one member wants to go to see a baba or somebody and the others don't want to go, or don't want to go to a mandir or the other doesn't want to go to a Gurdwara because of difference in thoughts and not respect for faiths. And end of the day one can't be forced to do something they don't want, that's why when different members are following different paths, it does contribute to the stress. I'm not saying one should force somebody to follow Sikhi, I'm saying that's what happens in families.

[singhbj singh]

They all are in punjab

Yes veerji they want to move abroad, willing to pay 15. ,20 lakhs rupees also

If your sister and brother in law are graduates then they should go for Skilled migration.

It costs around 5 lakhs.

Other option is Investor Visa (Residence) it costs minimum 25 lakhs to buy a stake in a running business.

As a partner your sis, bro-in-law and baby will get a visa.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

No Paji I didn't mean it like that, but just stating the facts. If you see in our Punjabi families, there are cases where some follow Sikhi and others another faith and there are fights, arguments etc as one member wants to go to see a baba or somebody and the others don't want to go, or don't want to go to a mandir or the other doesn't want to go to a Gurdwara because of difference in thoughts and not respect for faiths. And end of the day one can't be forced to do something they don't want, that's why when different members are following different paths, it does contribute to the stress. I'm not saying one should force somebody to follow Sikhi, I'm saying that's what happens in families.

I know that there are some who follow Pakhandi Baba, recently I was looking up the Shabad,"Tu Hi Nirankar", and that Gurbachana, (who is a big Guru Nindak) successor came up as the main guys before Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji. And when I try searching a Shabad writing the name, the Radha Swami Pakhandi Baba comes up before Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji. Quite a sad thing that's going on just on the internet.

[singhbj singh]

I am quite baffled with your suggestion. I thought when we moved to another country from the in-laws it would be great. However they followed us right there. Here I am still hearing about hygiene in the kitchen because I don't use brillo to shine every cooking utensil!!!!A lecture on health was being delivered to me with jaap sahib playing the background. I said nothing but thought in my head - Jaap sahib is the cure of all disease... a little dirt on cooking utensils ain't gonna kill you. The culprit is now in India and asked me if I need anything. I requested a pressure cooker. A lecture ensured about how I need to promise first to shine everything with brillo first. I agreed wondering how bad the little dirt on cooking utensils is affecting her - that despite the fact she is in 47 degrees plus environment all she can think of is the dirt on my cooking utensils. What a sad waste of life!!!! When my pressure cooker arrives, another lecture which I have to smile and say thank you so much and wait for some cooking dirt to settle on it. There we go again. Never ending cycle.

Bheinji relax, older generation had even tougher lives but they have learned to enjoy life.

Take cue from these Aunty ji's

http://asiasamachar.com/2016/06/24/mgc-istri-satsang-one-day-programme-kuantan/

[simran345]

Its not the problem but the real love of my jiju with his parents, he clearly told siater nd us that if ur sister got any small or big problem, i will try to solve it with all my power, i can go upto any level to make her happy nd to give her what stuff she want

But my only condition is, under no circumstances i will build a wall between me nd my brothers house, everything else i can adjust but i am living with my family from 29 yrs, she came to my life 2 yrs back, i not gonna make a division of our house for her whom i met two yrs back

But if u see a small mistake in my side plz let me know i will improve in one or two days,

But we never see any fault in jiju , all fault is of our kudi

I'm sorry but I don't agree with this thinking of your jija jis. It's probably because I'm UK born and the culture is different in India. But this is where the problems,arguments,jealousy and hate gets embedded in some hearts, because you are in somebody's space 24hrs. Some people do not have the strength to cope with that. I think your sister is unhappy because of this very thought and this isn't right either to force somebody to stay where they are not happy with.

It's all very well saying he's lived with his family for 29yrs and she cand just 2yrs ago. That is very narrowminded thinking, as a girl lives with her family for all the years since she was born too, but has to adjust to a new one. And if she does not cope or finds it difficult than she has no choice but to go along with it. I don't agree with it at all.

I've noticed people in India that do service jobs live separately in their own families, and the parents will live with either one of the sons by compromising with each other. But the farmers families are still stuck in the extended family situation, even if they can afford to live separately, par othe fas faske lari jana. They are still stuck in pind life of 1960's/70s, whilst everybody else has moved on. Until they come abroad, then they change, because very rarely you will see an extended family living together.

I feel this is a better solution, as the women can manage their own houses, the men don't get stressed, the kids don't have any jealousy towards one another. Also when they visit each other at weekends or after some period of time, it's more pleasant and the respect and love is there, as there is then nothing to mess up families. Those families go to weddings and functions together as a whole family, but they only live in separate houses, which is so much better than an unhappy life of misery for all.

If it's not affordable to do that, then it's understandable, but there should be some system so as not to create an unfriendly and not homely atmosphere.

No I don't think all fault is of your kudi. She's not wanting anything different from what every woman wants.

You should have asked these questions before she got married off. If she can live in extended family or if there are problems, would the boy be willing to live in his own family separately.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

I think you need to have a talk with your sister. Take her away from family and ask her what the problem is. Then she will tell u about all the little things they said this to me. They do this to me. Let her talk. Dont interrupt. Then when shes finished ask her wat the real problem is, the underlying problem. Tell her u have been making everyone dukhi and tang long before these issues. And there is always some issues in families, why dont u try to ignore them or solve them? Why come running to ur parents house everytime n make big deal? What is real problem? If she says oh its not me. Its not my fault, they do this to me. Then ask her so if its their fault. Wat will make u happy? Moving away? Divorce? Seperating a whole nice family? See if ahe has valid arguments. Becuz it seems like u might be believing the inlaws story. Like the durani saying i just told her to make cha cuz she was standing nearby or husband saying my mom politely asked for the cha. Ask ur sisters side of the stories. If she feels really wronged and has good reasons then support her and believe her but If her stories.dont make sense or are.not valid arguments. Then tell her u dont believ her how she is making everyone unhappy and bothering them. Tell her our parents married u to a good place, u r not poor, nobody beats u up, or keeps u under. You have no work to do except cooking. So our parents married u off please stop coming back n making them unhappy. Solve ur problems urself. Also if u keep acting like a drama queen n creating issues then ur in laws will get tired of u and will never come to take u back if u keep running to us over small problems. Tell her wat ur jija said that i will stay with family not follow the girl. Also tell her if she doeant behave u will not call her to outside to US or wherever. If she still wont back down n keeps arguing with u. Tell her u disrespected our mom. U pushed her and called her bad words. From now on we will not pick up ur calls or come visit u. Stay at ur in laws n solve the problems urself. You r using and abusing us. You use us.to run to.us and make big deals out.of things. We will.not.let.u do this. Goodbye. U r a married woman,act like an adult, siannee, ignore hurtful things. All bahoos tolerate some.issues. tell her.to save her marriage,b4 its.too late. Also tell her ever since.u were young, u like to get revenge and create drama. And that she is still.doing same.thing. tell.her to.grow.up. then leave.her back at inlaws house and tell ur parents to ignore her calls becuz we r just spoiling her n causing more issues.

Ofc only do this after u have heard her side of the story and know she is wrong.

[KhoonKaBadlaKhoon]

To put it plainly your sister is a <banned word filter activated>, assaulting her own mother physically and verbally? Depression, lonliness and whatever other bs excuses people have offered dont justify behaviour like that. Seems like the inlaws are doing their part, now she needs to do her part, or she should hit the road. So many good women get horrible inlaws, here she gets great inlaws but is horrible herself. Has princess syndrome.

[Guest Confused brother]

Not to cool to argue, thanks my friend

This is the best advice i got