Depression and sadness after marriage

[Guest Pappi]

Dear Sangat Ji,

 

I am going through much sadness in my life. I really wanted to get married when I was younger and wanted to have a happy married life.

 

Unfortunately the girl I was dating didn't want to be with my parents after marriage so I decided not to continue the relationship.

 

I ended up marrying someone from India and Sangat Ji , I was somewhat forced by all of my elders, parents, sister to marry this one girl.

 

I sponsored this girl and honestly regret it everyday, she has wanted to move out, won't help around the house. I feel somewhat depressed that I had such good intentions about marriage and didn't sleep around before marriage and now regret why I was so good. I keep praying to God for help and so far nothing has worked in my situation, but I have faith it will.

My lesson to all, is please don't force your children. I cry everyday before going to bed, I keep thinking all of this is because of my bad karma. I have had suicidal thoughts, and have trouble concentrating at woek.

I sometimes wish god takes my life early as my life is meaningless.

 

[singhbj singh 1,399]

To begin with we all are Paapi.

Only idots & thugs say that they are perfect.

Many people have a tough time adjusting after marriage so don't think you are alone.

It's better to seek advice from a marriage counsellor or get in touch with

http://www.sikhhelpline.com/contact

Put yourself in her shoes, try to understand what's bugging your wife.

Then make appropriate adjustments.

[Guest Jagsaw_Singh]

If it's any consolation OP. Depression and sadness are an integral part of being married. All us married folks have got it. I mean not all the time. There's some of the most amazing family moments in life that come through being married. But sometimes.. all of us look at our other half and can't help dreaming about how great life would be if she or he was dead.

[dallysingh101 7,289]

On 6/25/2017 at 6:37 AM, Guest Pappi said:

Dear Sangat Ji,

 

I am going through much sadness in my life. I really wanted to get married when I was younger and wanted to have a happy married life.

 

Unfortunately the girl I was dating didn't want to be with my parents after marriage so I decided not to continue the relationship.

 

I ended up marrying someone from India and Sangat Ji , I was somewhat forced by all of my elders, parents, sister to marry this one girl.

 

I sponsored this girl and honestly regret it everyday, she has wanted to move out, won't help around the house. I feel somewhat depressed that I had such good intentions about marriage and didn't sleep around before marriage and now regret why I was so good. I keep praying to God for help and so far nothing has worked in my situation, but I have faith it will.

My lesson to all, is please don't force your children. I cry everyday before going to bed, I keep thinking all of this is because of my bad karma. I have had suicidal thoughts, and have trouble concentrating at woek.

I sometimes wish god takes my life early as my life is meaningless.

 

Okay brother. Man the hell up! Don't be a cry-baby man. There is nothing more unappealing. 

It sounds like you haven't had kids with this women yet. If so, thank Waheguru from the deepest depths of your heart. You can get to make a clean break without having your children used to manipulate you for life.  

You have to make an assessment and not take too long in doing so. Is this marriage really unsalvageable? If so, cut your losses and end the party, get to the gym and go find yourself a next girl as soon as possible. 

There are plenty more fishes in the samundar.

[Guest Aye Aye]

5 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Okay brother. Man the hell up! Don't be a cry-baby man. There is nothing more unappealing. 

It sounds like you haven't had kids with this women yet. If so, thank Waheguru from the deepest depths of your heart. You can get to make a clean break without having your children used to manipulate you for life.  

You have to make an assessment and not take too long in doing so. Is this marriage really unsalvageable? If so, cut your losses and end the party, get to the gym and go find yourself a next girl as soon as possible. 

There are plenty more fishes in the samundar.

Aye Aye sir😀

[Guest Canadian Sikh]

Seeing lots of stories like this popping up.

Western boys going to India for a girl and the girl being a <banned word filter activated> human being. Fact is, about 60% of Punjabi girls in India are disgraced. It is quite common for random hookups at colleges and having multiple boyfriends. They hide it from their parents by having multiple sims on their phone.

My suggestion: Cut your losses IMMEDIATELY. Yes, you're going to have to probably pay her some spousal support but it'll sting a lot less than it will in the future. I'm guessing the house you're currently living in, is under your parents name?

My guess is she plans on forcing you to move out so you have property under your name, and then when the timing is right she'll dump your <banned word filter activated>, take half of your staff, and bring over one of the boys she was sleeping with in Punjab.

 

[Wingz23 190]

On 6/26/2017 at 2:19 PM, Guest Jagsaw_Singh said:

Depression and sadness are an integral part of being married. 

Seeing as howi already suffer with both those thingsi wont bother getting married. Thanks for the headzup Singh 

[dallysingh101 7,289]

On 6/26/2017 at 2:19 PM, Guest Jagsaw_Singh said:

If it's any consolation OP. Depression and sadness are an integral part of being married. All us married folks have got it. I mean not all the time. There's some of the most amazing family moments in life that come through being married. But sometimes.. all of us look at our other half and can't help dreaming about how great life would be if she or he was dead.

Now I understand why you used to get so angry and jealous when you used to see the 'hot' wives of Afghan Sikhs. lol

[Guest XYZ]

First of you are not a good decision maker. Your thinking is backwards. When the parents are younger as in their late 40-50 they think they are young too. That is why there is this Indian or Eastern Culture problem. Mothers think they are greater than their daughter in laws. In other terms a mother thinks the Mother F.......... <banned word filter activated> has no right to be in the same kitchen as her. When a child gets married the couple should live by themselves. When your parents are around 70 that is when they need your sewa. If you are looking for money from your parents after they die you are screwed in your head. If you want think like this or anyone else they should go back to India. They don't deserve to live in places like UK USA or Canada and some other foreign country unless of course it is a Muslim controlled country because they are like you. I been through this stuff but I was supporting my wife because of the well being of my children. My father the Authority of the family messed up my life so I not only divorced my ex but also my entire family.

[Guest XYZ]

I think delete the previous message because it can be written with professional way.

Question should arise so want to live your spouse with your young parents. Parents around 40 to mid 50 marry their children off. The a son loves his mother as well as his spouse. You boys need to think do I need the family to give my spouse a hard time. Or do I need to respect my own children. Don't you boys want to be better than the older generation. A mother giving a hard to your pregnant spouse is that not going to effect your child. Are these mommies boys so brainwashed that they forgot they have a mind of their own to respect the spouse who is going to give him his children. These fetus developing in the womb have the same rights as all of us. My request to boys grow up and start to aquire these good western values.

[Akalifauj 900]

1 hour ago, Guest XYZ said:

I think delete the previous message because it can be written with professional way.

Question should arise so want to live your spouse with your young parents. Parents around 40 to mid 50 marry their children off. The a son loves his mother as well as his spouse. You boys need to think do I need the family to give my spouse a hard time. Or do I need to respect my own children. Don't you boys want to be better than the older generation. A mother giving a hard to your pregnant spouse is that not going to effect your child. Are these mommies boys so brainwashed that they forgot they have a mind of their own to respect the spouse who is going to give him his children. These fetus developing in the womb have the same rights as all of us. My request to boys grow up and start to aquire these good western values.

Yes this backwards post is a lot more professional.  Make sure to wipe the dirt off of your knees after leaving your bosses office.  What does your situation have to do with another person's issues?  NOTHING!!!! Stop your crying and whining and take off your wife's dress.  The original poster's wife doesn't want to work and wants to leave the house.  The guy wrote nothing about mother in law being anything.  Yet, you damn dress wearing men target the mother in law?  Your wife's dress is too tight for you take it off, it's making you see things.  With a weak father like you, your kids are going to turn out to be push overs, whether you leave the house or not.  You are the problem, not your dad.  Grow a pair.  If it wasn't for your parents, you wouldn't exist and neither will the fetus in your wife's belly.  Damn you are d*mb.  You must have gone to school to be this stupid, no one is this stupid without going to school for it.  The original poster wrote nothing about his family telling him to disrespect the wife.  Instead his wife is disrespecting his family by being a sloth and mentally abusing the husband into depression and sadness.  My request to you little men with wife's dresses on is to get DNA checks on whose kids you are raising. 

[Akalifauj 900]

On ‎24‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 10:37 PM, Guest Pappi said:

Dear Sangat Ji,

 

I am going through much sadness in my life. I really wanted to get married when I was younger and wanted to have a happy married life.

 

Unfortunately the girl I was dating didn't want to be with my parents after marriage so I decided not to continue the relationship.

 

I ended up marrying someone from India and Sangat Ji , I was somewhat forced by all of my elders, parents, sister to marry this one girl.

 

I sponsored this girl and honestly regret it everyday, she has wanted to move out, won't help around the house. I feel somewhat depressed that I had such good intentions about marriage and didn't sleep around before marriage and now regret why I was so good. I keep praying to God for help and so far nothing has worked in my situation, but I have faith it will.

My lesson to all, is please don't force your children. I cry everyday before going to bed, I keep thinking all of this is because of my bad karma. I have had suicidal thoughts, and have trouble concentrating at woek.

I sometimes wish god takes my life early as my life is meaningless.

 

 

 

 

Why are you playing into her games?  She is being a brat.  She's the little child in the store aisles crying for a chocolate bar.  Ignore her whining and crying.  Go on with your day as a man with strength and show her you don't need her.  Flip the tables, show her, she needs you and the family.  Show her, you and your parents are one unit and will not be broken.    This has nothing to do with marrying a girl from india.  Majority of the women born and/or raised in western countries don't even know how to cook.  Forget about living with the parents after marriage.  Even if they live with the parents, they can't cook roti for the father in law, what use is such a woman, who can't cook for her husband's parents.  Might as well get a maid they are cheaper because they don't take half of your stuff.  All these western girls know is how to spend money on a face mask and body massages by men.  They will gladly take their clothes off for a massage, but will go to kill the father in law if he ask for a cooked meal.  Their priorities are all screwed up.  They gladly take their clothes off for a picture on instragram.  Why do some of these mona who are married to these western girls drink so much?  Because they are upset with themselves for marrying a sl*t.  They couldn't think straight at the time of marrying the bimbo because they were look for the wrong qualities.  Their dad warned them about marrying the girl who gives the milk for free, but they were lost in the face mask.  The grass is not greener on the other side.  If anything it's manure and second hand sloppy joe's.  You can fix your issue.  Best thing you can do is not show you are being hurt by her.  By showing you are hurt, she thinks sooner or later you will give into her demands.  Show her, you can care less of her stupid demands and are happy with living with the family.   Don't scare her or show any sign of violence or  show any sign of any weakness in you.  Many guys have been in your situation. When she ask for something, ask her to do something which she refuses to do.  She says no, walk away and ignore her request.  Children who don't eat their vegetables ask for ice cream, but smart parents don't give them ice cream till the child eats the vegetables and makes it clear, no ice cream till vegetables are done.  She has a roof over her head, bed to sleep on, and food to eat.  Anything extra she ask for is not to be provided.  You are not her servant, she needs to play an equal role in the household to be treated as an equal.  Your parents and you are not their to serve her wants and desires. 

[Guest Canadian Sikh]

6 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

 

 

 

Why are you playing into her games?  She is being a brat.  She's the little child in the store aisles crying for a chocolate bar.  Ignore her whining and crying.  Go on with your day as a man with strength and show her you don't need her.  Flip the tables, show her, she needs you and the family.  Show her, you and your parents are one unit and will not be broken.    This has nothing to do with marrying a girl from india.  Majority of the women born and/or raised in western countries don't even know how to cook.  Forget about living with the parents after marriage.  Even if they live with the parents, they can't cook roti for the father in law, what use is such a woman, who can't cook for her husband's parents.  Might as well get a maid they are cheaper because they don't take half of your stuff.  All these western girls know is how to spend money on a face mask and body massages by men.  They will gladly take their clothes off for a massage, but will go to kill the father in law if he ask for a cooked meal.  Their priorities are all screwed up.  They gladly take their clothes off for a picture on instragram.  Why do some of these mona who are married to these western girls drink so much?  Because they are upset with themselves for marrying a sl*t.  They couldn't think straight at the time of marrying the bimbo because they were look for the wrong qualities.  Their dad warned them about marrying the girl who gives the milk for free, but they were lost in the face mask.  The grass is not greener on the other side.  If anything it's manure and second hand sloppy joe's.  You can fix your issue.  Best thing you can do is not show you are being hurt by her.  By showing you are hurt, she thinks sooner or later you will give into her demands.  Show her, you can care less of her stupid demands and are happy with living with the family.   Don't scare her or show any sign of violence or  show any sign of any weakness in you.  Many guys have been in your situation. When she ask for something, ask her to do something which she refuses to do.  She says no, walk away and ignore her request.  Children who don't eat their vegetables ask for ice cream, but smart parents don't give them ice cream till the child eats the vegetables and makes it clear, no ice cream till vegetables are done.  She has a roof over her head, bed to sleep on, and food to eat.  Anything extra she ask for is not to be provided.  You are not her servant, she needs to play an equal role in the household to be treated as an equal.  Your parents and you are not their to serve her wants and desires. 

Tremendous post.

Only thing I will add is that it is unlikely this woman will learn from this. She'll become even more of a <banned word filter activated>. Guy needs to cut his losses and kick this <banned word filter activated> to hte curb.

You brought her out of that hellhole Punjab and gave her a new life here and she's treating you and your family like garbage. Kick her to the curb. 

[Ranjeet01 3,837]

I think our parent folk are going to have to buck up their ideas on marriage. 

Gone are the days where getting your son married in Punjab is somehow going to keep your son living with you.

What purpose and reason is there any point with getting married to a girl from Punjab? 

There is none!

Unless there is some economic catastrophe where multi generational households become the norm again I don't this situation changing.

I think parents cheat their sons by getting them married for the wrong reasons.

If it is grandkids they want do what Christiano Ronaldo has done and have a surrogate mother to have kids with and then have the grandmother look after them.

I'm being flippant with the last remark by the way but Ronaldo showing an example here.

[singhbj singh 1,399]

51 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Gone are the days where getting your son married in Punjab is somehow going to keep your son living with you.

Reality is, pappu was unable to find local wife.

What purpose and reason is there any point with getting married to a girl from Punjab? 

In addition to above, dowry & free-obedient maid for life.

Unless there is some economic catastrophe where multi generational households become the norm again I don't this situation changing.

Do a survey on Sikhsangat to know the truth

I think parents cheat their sons by getting them married for the wrong reasons.

What are right reasons, it's not that they can't find a chic to get laid