Husband wife problems

[Guest Ustat ninda]

Sangat ji i need ur kind siggestion .

i m married from 5 yrs my routine is totally oppstie from my husbands ... i have big luv for my guru sahib, gurbani i try to spend as much tym as i can on gurbani but my husband is not athiest but path ni krde but at the same tym he dont stop me dat a good thing... but he drinks heavilly 5 tyms a week n i can not stop him n after that v use to have fights .... all my in law family r manmukh when ever they get together they never talk abt guruji or gurbani always nindya of sant n wat is the use of path being a daughter in law i can not avoid meeting them bcoz f my husband n i dont want to argue with them coz oh wade a ... but wat i fear dat after listening to all this bad stuff i feal i will bcome same kindly tell how to tackle such relatives n how to stay focused on way when there is no one to motivate n how can i change my husbands drinking habbit

[GurjantGnostic]

18 hours ago, Guest Ustat ninda said:

Sangat ji i need ur kind siggestion .

i m married from 5 yrs my routine is totally oppstie from my husbands ... i have big luv for my guru sahib, gurbani i try to spend as much tym as i can on gurbani but my husband is not athiest but path ni krde but at the same tym he dont stop me dat a good thing... but he drinks heavilly 5 tyms a week n i can not stop him n after that v use to have fights .... all my in law family r manmukh when ever they get together they never talk abt guruji or gurbani always nindya of sant n wat is the use of path being a daughter in law i can not avoid meeting them bcoz f my husband n i dont want to argue with them coz oh wade a ... but wat i fear dat after listening to all this bad stuff i feal i will bcome same kindly tell how to tackle such relatives n how to stay focused on way when there is no one to motivate n how can i change my husbands drinking habbit

Unfortunately sister you can't force an addict into recovery. If you disapprove and try to force it, it will just lead to lies and fights. 

Most important thing is your personal relationship with the Guru, your love of Simran and Gurbani. 

You may find your example slowly help him, perhaps not. 

If you can find it in yourself to love and accept your husband exactly as he is, and create an atmosphere of heartfelt communication, and love, where it's safe for your husband to speak with you openly not only about alcohol but the underlying causes of his alcoholism, then perhaps you can help him sober up, if HE is willing. 

Primarily you have to take care of yourself, you may be able to help or you might have to leave him. That or you will live your life with an alcoholic. 

[BhForce]

2 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Unfortunately sister you can't force an addict into recovery. If you disapprove and try to force it, it will just lead to lies and fights. 

Most important thing is your personal relationship with the Guru, your love of Simran and Gurbani. 

You may find your example slowly help him, perhaps not. 

If you can find it in yourself to love and accept your husband exactly as he is, and create an atmosphere of heartfelt communication, and love, where it's safe for your husband to speak with you openly not only about alcohol but the underlying causes of his alcoholism, then perhaps you can help him sober up, if HE is willing. 

Primarily you have to take care of yourself, you may be able to help or you might have to leave him. That or you will live your life with an alcoholic. 

Excellent, balanced answer. You're coming along quite well in your Sikh walk.

[BhForce]

21 hours ago, Guest Ustat ninda said:

Sangat ji i need ur kind siggestion .

i m married from 5 yrs my routine is totally oppstie from my husbands ... i have big luv for my guru sahib, gurbani i try to spend as much tym as i can on gurbani but my husband is not athiest but path ni krde but at the same tym he dont stop me dat a good thing... but he drinks heavilly 5 tyms a week n i can not stop him n after that v use to have fights .... all my in law family r manmukh when ever they get together they never talk abt guruji or gurbani always nindya of sant n wat is the use of path being a daughter in law i can not avoid meeting them bcoz f my husband n i dont want to argue with them coz oh wade a ... but wat i fear dat after listening to all this bad stuff i feal i will bcome same kindly tell how to tackle such relatives n how to stay focused on way when there is no one to motivate n how can i change my husbands drinking habbit

The problem is you didn't ask before you got married about these things. A lot of people just get married based on looks or money. 

Anyway, you're stuck where you are now. You can either choose to make the best of your situation or make a bad situation worse.

A lotus flower is beautiful and unblemished, but it floats on dirty water:

ਜੈਸੇ ਜਲ ਮਹਿ ਕਮਲੁ ਨਿਰਾਲਮੁ ਮੁਰਗਾਈ ਨੈ ਸਾਣੇ ॥

Jaisae Jal Mehi Kamal Niraalam Muragaaee Nai Saanae ||

The lotus flower floats untouched upon the surface of the water, and the duck swims through the stream;

ਸੁਰਤਿ ਸਬਦਿ ਭਵ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਤਰੀਐ ਨਾਨਕ ਨਾਮੁ ਵਖਾਣੇ ॥

Surath Sabadh Bhav Saagar Thareeai Naanak Naam Vakhaanae ||

With one's consciousness focused on the Word of the Shabad, one crosses over the terrifying world-ocean. O Nanak, chant the Naam, the Name of the Lord.

ਰਾਮਕਲੀ ਗੋਸਟਿ (ਮਃ ੧) ੫:੨ - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੯੩੮ ਪੰ. ੧੫ 
Raag Raamkali Guru Nanak Dev

 

And that is how you'll have to be, floating on top of the worldly muck. 

As for your in-laws talk, you don't have to engage them in that. When men start talking politics, it's quite common for women not to take interest. Similarly, just don't engage them on that topic. Just talk about the weather, kids' schools, and so on.

Finally, you can teach your own children love of Guru Sahib, teach them Gurmukhi and Bani, and read them Sakhis. There are many, many men who have given up alcohol after seeing their kids going the Sikh way. Just don't push it.

[Guest Ustat]

3 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Unfortunately sister you can't force an addict into recovery. If you disapprove and try to force it, it will just lead to lies and fights. 

Most important thing is your personal relationship with the Guru, your love of Simran and Gurbani. 

You may find your example slowly help him, perhaps not. 

If you can find it in yourself to love and accept your husband exactly as he is, and create an atmosphere of heartfelt communication, and love, where it's safe for your husband to speak with you openly not only about alcohol but the underlying causes of his alcoholism, then perhaps you can help him sober up, if HE is willing. 

Primarily you have to take care of yourself, you may be able to help or you might have to leave him. That or you will live your life with an alcoholic. 

Leaving him is not even i can think of waheguru ji di hajoori ch vyah kra k no way to do this , i have a daughter even she is behaving lyk all them kirtan band kro n all she is still a baby 3 yr old i m trying my best to educate her more abt sikhi ...thanku so much for ur kind words

[Guest Ustat]

51 minutes ago, BhForce said:

The problem is you didn't ask before you got married about these things. A lot of people just get married based on looks or money. 

Anyway, you're stuck where you are now. You can either choose to make the best of your situation or make a bad situation worse.

A lotus flower is beautiful and unblemished, but it floats on dirty water:

ਜੈਸੇ ਜਲ ਮਹਿ ਕਮਲੁ ਨਿਰਾਲਮੁ ਮੁਰਗਾਈ ਨੈ ਸਾਣੇ ॥

Jaisae Jal Mehi Kamal Niraalam Muragaaee Nai Saanae ||

The lotus flower floats untouched upon the surface of the water, and the duck swims through the stream;

ਸੁਰਤਿ ਸਬਦਿ ਭਵ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਤਰੀਐ ਨਾਨਕ ਨਾਮੁ ਵਖਾਣੇ ॥

Surath Sabadh Bhav Saagar Thareeai Naanak Naam Vakhaanae ||

With one's consciousness focused on the Word of the Shabad, one crosses over the terrifying world-ocean. O Nanak, chant the Naam, the Name of the Lord.

ਰਾਮਕਲੀ ਗੋਸਟਿ (ਮਃ ੧) ੫:੨ - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੯੩੮ ਪੰ. ੧੫ 
Raag Raamkali Guru Nanak Dev

 

And that is how you'll have to be, floating on top of the worldly muck. 

As for your in-laws talk, you don't have to engage them in that. When men start talking politics, it's quite common for women not to take interest. Similarly, just don't engage them on that topic. Just talk about the weather, kids' schools, and so on.

Finally, you can teach your own children love of Guru Sahib, teach them Gurmukhi and Bani, and read them Sakhis. There are many, many men who have given up alcohol after seeing their kids going the Sikh way. Just don't push it.

Thanku for xplaining .... may waheguru ji show me true path ... n i can give my daughter a nice atmosphere to grow n learn 

.... i this my husband has changed a lot he use to have opium extra marital affair ... waheguru ji oh tym mera sath dita hun v dauge n most imp to me is my guru nothing else 

bhul chuk maf sarbat da bhala

[Guest He couldbe alcoholic]

Without the Care and attention needed, your husband could become an alcoholic and could eventually die due to alcoholism. 

 

I would give him the care and attention that he needs to stop drinking. At least try your best r get his family to intervene (an intervention)

[Not2Cool2Argue]

There is a sakhi simialr to ur situation. Bu idk if i am strong enough to follow it.

So a women wanted to.take amrit, but her husband was an alcoholic. She went to take amrit and the panj pyare refused her. They said u cant without ur husband. She was very sad as her husband would never leave alcohol.

Then a sant gave her a suggestion. Treat ur husband as if he is Bhagwaan (the Almighty). So when he came home drunk. Instead of yelling at him. She quietly led him to a bed. Took off his shoes and tucked him in, then continued wasing dishes as quietly as possible. Next morning, she did not get mad for his behavior but served him breakfast very politely.  For a month this went on.

The husband was confused. At first he got worse to get her to be mad. But when nothing riled her and she always treated him nicely. He started being good. As he felt uncomfotable being bad. 

And two months later, they took amrit upon the insistance of the hisband.