Loads of kaam... after paath?

[Guest Bit weird]

Recently I've started to increase my Nitnem Gurkirpa and for some reason my kaam is going through the roof. It's not like I can't control it like I won't end up masturbating but it's literally taking over my mind. I'm also getting really negative thoughts in general like I'm getting pretty upset regularly and feeling down a lot and even having flashbacks and memories of really harrowing times in my life. It's kind of manageable rn but it's been getting steadily worse over time and I feel like it will get out of hand soon. Does anyone know why this is happening? I literally feel really really vulnerable and it's ever since my Nitnem started to increase to a fairly good amount gurkirpa. Any thoughts from the sangat? 

[S1ngh]

a fight of devil vs. angel in western sense. You need to keep fighting  !!

[Guest]

It just wants to come out

[TejS]

I think the reason may be because you have started paath with the goal of reducing kaam, and so when you pray, subconsciously kaam is on your mind, and so the more you pray, the more time it lingers. It's like the harder you try to forget something, the harder it becomes to forget. I suggest you stop praying for a few days to reset your brain, and then begin again to pray for the sake and love of praying, perhaps pick a favorite shabad and recite that. 

[Guest Bit weird]

G

1 hour ago, lostconfussedsingh said:

It looks like ocd what you are mentioning. I know as i have ptsd ocd depression.

Yeah I'm mentally disturbed by a lot of things I just try to not being attention to them but just reading up on ptsd OCD now because I already have depression and it looks like I have these things too

 

17 minutes ago, TejS said:

I think the reason may be because you have started paath with the goal of reducing kaam, and so when you pray, subconsciously kaam is on your mind, and so the more you pray, the more time it lingers. It's like the harder you try to forget something, the harder it becomes to forget. I suggest you stop praying for a few days to reset your brain, and then begin again to pray for the sake and love of praying, perhaps pick a favorite shabad and recite that. 

That could be a reason but I didn't start doing paath to reduce kaam I did it because I wanted to get closer to Guru Ji 

[sikhni777]

I remember a sakhi however I don't know where it is now. The Giani ji was talking about dirt starting to boil and resurface when you do nitnem. 

Yes so not a bad sign. You will have to keep boiling these bad thoughts up so that they can evaporate and you are rid of all your karam.

He gave an example of a sadhu who had never done any karam of kaam in his life. In his old age however he went astray and started sleeping with prostitutes. After seeking help on the issue from another sadhu he looked back at his karam and saw that he had been a fish in his last life. This is what was bringing up his bad behaviour.  

Kartoot pasu ki manas jaat...

Meaning a person having the behaviours of an animal.

He then had to increase his prayer or change it and then managed to defeat his mind.

[Wicked Warrior]

Not kaam but I do find I get more angry/irritable after doing paath in Maharaj ji's presence. I also feel more energetic and I don't know if this is what's causing problems. 

[Guest Bit weird]

It's getting so so so weird now. Literally before it was happening after a longer Nitnem but now due to some events of the day my Nitnem has literally been a quarter of what it usually is and the kaam is really high still. Do I need to get married or something lol?

Sikhni penji you mentioned a sadhu who was a fish in his past life. What does that have to do with kaam in this life?

 

[Singh2017]

On 6/14/2018 at 4:43 PM, Guest Bit weird said:

Recently I've started to increase my Nitnem Gurkirpa and for some reason my kaam is going through the roof. It's not like I can't control it like I won't end up masturbating but it's literally taking over my mind. I'm also getting really negative thoughts in general like I'm getting pretty upset regularly and feeling down a lot and even having flashbacks and memories of really harrowing times in my life. It's kind of manageable rn but it's been getting steadily worse over time and I feel like it will get out of hand soon. Does anyone know why this is happening? I literally feel really really vulnerable and it's ever since my Nitnem started to increase to a fairly good amount gurkirpa. Any thoughts from the sangat? 

VJKK VJKF 

That's amazing Ji! Chardikala - keep on going. 

When we get a vaccination for almost any illness, we fall ill soon after. The vaccination has dead or inactive strands of the illness that we are trying to keep protected from and so when these are injected into our system, the body produces antibodies and then makes a note of the illness that entered the body and what antibodies are needed to fight it. This is so that if/when a real/active swarm of that illness attack the body, you are able to fight it. 

Now Gurbani is the most powerful medicine. What you are going through now is the phase of illness after you have been given the vaccination. In time this will pass and you will be much stronger.

But that's not all....

See Sikhi is so deep that it's just so beautiful to even start to think about the Khed (play). In your case, you are infected with a lot of kaam (as we all are however you seem to have more kaam than others of the Panj Vikaar from what you have stated and if it makes you feel better - I am too Ji). Gurbani is not only the most powerful medicine but it is the most real and most clever medicine ever. This is because Gurbani will go into your mind, hunt down those vile pollutants (the masses of kaam you're experiencing) and show you the damage they are doing to your soul. Gurbani is literally showing you that the few minutes here or there that we indulge in kaam maybe really nice to our eyes in the moment but in reality it's a poison to our mind because when you see it all being thrown at you at once, it doesn't give you that same satisfaction anymore. Infact, it gives you the complete opposite. This is why Gurbani is the most real medicine ever. But there's more...

Now showing you how bad it is is basically just like being ill after the vaccine but then how is it clever? Well, if we look at our body and see that when our immune system comes into contact with these strands of foreign illness they remember them and build a defence mechanism against them so that they can fight them stronger next time. Gurbani takes this slightly further. Gurbani doesn't build up the defence itself... it makes you build the defence. Gurbani does this by showing you how dirty and filthy all that kaam is and makes you think and imbedd into your mind "If I carry on indulging in kaam and carry on the way I am, these horrible thoughts will never ever leave and allow me to experience the bliss and beauty of naam and bani". This means Gurbani not only gives you a taste of your medicine, but it makes you remember that taste so you think twice before you go and make yourself ill again because the medication is really, really horrible. What you are going through now is a process of being woken up from this dream that kaam is really great and being shown that behind that dream world is just a cover up to this really this terrible disease which you are just fueling. 

My advice to you would be is keep on doing the paath and keep on doing more because that way you will remember what this kaam feels like and it will stop you from wanting to indulge in it again but also to keep doing ardaas and ask for forgiveness from Guru Ji and ask them to help you stop indulging in kaam in the future. Inevitably, Gurbani is the only cure and it works for different people in different ways and for you it's showing you very abruptly. It's all a blessing in disguise so don't be disheartened Ji... keep on going and keep moving towards that beautiful SatGuru!

I hope that may have helped somewhat and I also ask for muaafi if I have offended you with anything I said. I'm full of mistakes and I really know nothing but Maharaj Di Kirpa Di Naal anything Guru Sahib Ji has blessed me to write has helped you in some way Ji. Bhul Chuk Muaaf Karna Ji. 

Vaheguru Ji.

[S4NGH]

On 6/14/2018 at 8:53 PM, Singh123456777 said:

It just wants to come out

ਗੰਦ. Either that or I have a really dirty mind.