You may want to consider reflecting and seeing if your able to forgive yourself. Carrying guilt is really unhealthy. Obv doesnt mean we just go around doing anything, but often guilt can stop us progressing spirituality. Remember only the Guru is perfect, we are always making mistakes.
Suleman reminds me of the vampires from the movie interview with the vampire! The vampires are sad and lonely, wondering around aimlessly, century after century and not able to free themselves from their bodies! Suleman says the same thing, how people in the joon of ghosts wonder around without aim and they feed on filth and rot.
Its been 10 days since you posted this I wanted to welcome you too. It's always never late. I am a little new too so welcome to this amazing website where we can talk about our problems or ask reasonable questions. I hope you'll take as much laha and learn something from here. Have a blessed day ahead! 🌻✨