Need Help!!!!!

[Gurpreet Singh]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

Sangat Ji

I have an amritdhari friend who needs advice..he has feelings for this girl who happens to be amritdhari too...they both have strong feelings for each other to the point where they want to get married...but the problem is that her family is amritdhari but they are of different 'caste'...i know when u are amritdhari there's no caste anymore but both the girl and the guy don't care about that its just the parents that are caught up with the caste part....the boys parents might accept her but the chances of the girls parents accepting is really low...please sangat ji is there any advice u can give me to give my friend......i would love to have the sangats help on this....but please don't start bashing the parents of either the singh or singhni about the caste issue....i just want an advice on the solution....thanks sangat ji

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh!

[Jaspaul Singh]

Hmmm .. this is kinda interesting...

First of all, what most would say since they are amritdhari sikhs, there shouldnt be any caste thing involved... but others would argue that you must listen to your parents... but to what extent ?? Should we listen to guru sahib first since he said no caste... but this is a hard one... what does everyone else think ?? I think we need to help these guys out ! Please dont make this thread into a 'anti-love' discussion.

[Japnaam Singh]

Giving advice in these situations is always tricky.

Basically, I guess they need to continue persisting, respectfully.

They need to frame the issue to their parents as if they'd have trouble finding another similar Amrit Dharee to marry. They need to make it seem as if finding other Amrit Dharees is sometimes hard to do for youth intending to get married, so passing up an opportunity now might be hurtful in the future.

Parents *generally* want whats in the best interests of their children. They're just often misguided on what those best interests truly are. If they're made to recognize that passing up this opportunity might result in a "poorer" match, regardless of caste, they might come around. Eventually.

And Daasn Daas, no one is 'anti-love'. That's ridiculous Veerjee. They're anti attachment, lust, ego, etc. Everyone loves love.

[Jaspaul Singh]

And Daasn Daas, no one is 'anti-love'. That's ridiculous Veerjee. They're anti attachment, lust, ego, etc. Everyone loves love.

Veerji u know what i mean ..

i didnt mean everyone is against it but u got some who say "Oh my god dat is not sikhi, please see the panj", or "that is such a sin"... some examples.. dats all i meant ...

sorry veer :wub: ...bhul chuk maph!

[Japnaam Singh]

Again, that doesn't make them "anti-love".

I get your point though.

Replies should be constructive in situations like these.

[Mukhraj_Singh]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

This is something that is a very big issue in many lives...and i agree that it is a delicate issue...

Advice....i guess the only thing i can say is that you both should stay true to eachother and your parents.....i know i know...that seems impossible....don't worry veer ji no parent bashing here...they jus want wats best for both of u....although it doesn't seem like it rite now....i think that as you get older and closer to marriage they tend to relax a little bit more...welll thas wat i've seen....but i can't say that that ALWAYS happens.....but in the end i believe that since parents always want whats best for children they will give in....and i agree with what the veer ji said before me....that you should try to show them that finding someone else who is so caring, loving etc is going to be really hard....and ofcourse ask guru ji for his blessing.... .....i hope this helps a little bit...if not... sorrry :wub:

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

[Princess]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

I agree giving advice for these situations can be very tricky. Each situation is different since it depends on the individuals. Do they really have strong feelings for eachother? Are they willing to face the many difficulties that will come in their path? Also, most important I believe is that these two must be practical. Yes it is very important for two people to be in love and have feelings for eachother however more importantly it is key to be practical. I'm making an assumption that these two are mature students? If they ARE students then the top priority for these two would be to finish their studies and become something in life. If the guy becomes something that is "good enough"(meaning he can support a family) in the eyes of the girl's parents then I believe that the parents of the girl's will have no objection. There will be problems and difficulties when it comes time for Marriage and what not. However, if the girl's parents are given proof that the guy is "the ONE" for their daughter then they will realize that this is their girl's happiness, to be with the guy, and will support their daughter. Most people say, forget the parents and just run away. I think this won't solve anything (again, it varies from situation to situation, i'm just generalizing). If after alot of explaining the parents still do not understand the feelings of these two then the girl will have to sit down and think to herself "Is this the guy for me?" and ask herself many questions. She should ask her parents why they do not approve of the guy. If they give her a logical reason then she would have

to keep that in mind while making her decision. No disrespect to parents because parents always want what is best for their children and that they have every oppurtunity possible to have a great life. (Again I am just generalizing, situations do vary). Sorry I can't be of more help, but i hope this kind of helps you two. Best of luck to these two

:TH: May Waheguru Ji Bless you guyz !

Bhul Chuk Maaf

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

[Guest JSS]

i'd say keep talking to the parents...if that doesn't work...maybe get a respected third party to help with the situatoin...like a repected elder in the sangat...who can convince the parents to accept the marriage...ie...girl's uncles, grandparents, maybe a granthi...i dunno...someone who everyone respects.....

[Princess]

i'd say keep talking to the parents...if that doesn't work...maybe get a respected third party to help with the situatoin...like a repected elder in the sangat...who can convince the parents to accept the marriage...ie...girl's uncles, grandparents, maybe a granthi...i dunno...someone who everyone respects.....

Just wanted to say, excellent idea! :TH: Sometimes it helps when a third person that is respected gives their opinion and reassures the parents that these two are mature and have made the right choice

[Sunny]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

Sangat Ji

I have an amritdhari friend who needs advice..he has feelings for this girl who happens to be amritdhari too...they both have strong feelings for each other to the point where they want to get married...but the problem is that her family is amritdhari but they are of different 'caste'...i know when u are amritdhari there's no caste anymore but both the girl and the guy don't care about that its just the parents that are caught up with the caste part....the boys parents might accept her but the chances of the girls parents accepting is really low...please sangat ji is there any advice u can give me to give my friend......i would love to have the sangats help on this....but please don't start bashing the parents of either the singh or singhni about the caste issue....i just want an advice on the solution....thanks sangat ji

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh!

Straight up, the girl needs to stand up against her parents and say she has found a potential match. The boy needs to meet her parents. I'm pretty sure once the parents meet this individual they will set aside their beliefs about caste. Even the most hard-headed parents can be swayed by the greatness of a single person....I've seen this happen.

All this talk ab

out "love" and the guy being "the one" will not be understood by the girl's parents.

The guy needs to sit down with them and explain to them his intentions and why he should be the one to marry this girl.

If this guy is not a bum and is academically inclined with a clear picture of what he wants to do in life, then maybe that will be enough for the parents...

We need to face the realities of how Indian parents think. Saying "I love this girl" is a load of . He needs to show the parents that he's worthy. Obviously the major obstacle in this dilemma is the caste issue, but that can be overcome.

- Sunny