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Fateh, 

It's that time again where I bang on about how to treat your kids! Why? Me and my sis have been brought up in children / mother toxic relationship. My sis n ma have extreme little communication with one another. When my sis is in trouble she may tell dad but NEVER to Ma. 

If your kids are aged 5-16 you should show them encouragement and support in wha they're doing. If they did something great express it. If they're wrong or feel like failures encourage them, give em hope. YES u can be strict. YES u can be stern. But if u fail to show support to your kids and make them feel worthless you will regret it! 

Our Ma made us feel worthless when we were kids. She never showed ANY sign of appreciation nor encouragement. We could win awards, do seva, score high marks was always "That's not good, where is that gonna get u in life? So then what?" And when speaking of other people's kids "That girl is so intelligent! That son is sooo highly educated! WOW so n so won 3rd place in mopping the floor, U watch! He'll be a manager..." am sure u get the idea. ALL OUR LIVES IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS! Degrading and lectures on our failures. 

Unforgettable moments; 2004 our pet rabbit died one morning. Ma screamed at my sis for not able to contact Rspca and called her a failure (no internet in our home at d time). We were then forced to eat rotia (was lunch time) whilst she stood next to us, shouting. Early 2000, mum purchased A movie through cable n paid once. However, end of movie the movie looped, Ma changed channel n started screaming as we didn't know movie was in a loop... 15 mins of shouting and letting us know our worth, she put it back on the channel but nothing was there. (Movie loops only for about 15 sec before screen saying pay n watch) but she didn't wait. 2016, on 2 occassions she told me to shave my beard as short is nice (basically look good for society than Guru Ji). All other times would be obnoxious behaviour. 

As for dad? He was never there for me and my sis. So no picnic, no going to the park, no family outing. Only time was when sum pindu's wedding came around then we would get up at 5am morning on a Sunday to go attend. 

SO AM WARNING YOU! If u want your son to get left behind or daughter to turn out where she only cares for herself, is living 99% like a hermit, extremely quickly gets agitated, overthinks DO NOT be toxic towards your kids. My sis bared so much brunt of Ma's toxicity. She has 0 interest in relations, 0 interest in life only doing Baania keeps her great. Dad was not there so her food n spending habits are not brilliant. She has extreme akar. She did not even attend my wedding in India as her diet would not allow it! (Kachi sabjia that too home made only) a brainwashed health freak, basically. But it's not her fault... PARENTS DID NOT TRY!

For more info google mum daughter or even toxic parents should anyone need more info. 

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A lot of apne parents are like this. Mine weren't at this level but they did used to compare me a lot to others. Having fun was considered almost a bad thing. They did used to take us out quite a lot though but were too much on the strict side. Melodrama and emotional blackmail are common.

It's the culture in India that is to blamed. It's a culture in which things are not discussed, whatever the elder says is just accepted as the ultimate truth. There is no introspection and that is why it is a third world place.

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Punjabi parents emotionally torture you lol   They are the ones at loss at the end because they end up with grown children whose relationship with them is little to nothing.  its tragic really

has anyone read Freuds psychoanalysis, got it off from kindle for free.  I remember a bit from back in school   think he was saying how the toddler years are the most important and that our impressions of our parents at that age determines out relationship with them and other people in our adulthood? 

I'm sue a lot of it is rubbish? but some of it did make sense ... 

Most my cousins have a 0 relationship with their parents 

 

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1 hour ago, puzzled said:

Punjabi parents emotionally torture you lol   They are the ones at loss at the end because they end up with grown children whose relationship with them is little to nothing.  its tragic really

has anyone read Freuds psychoanalysis, got it off from kindle for free.  I remember a bit from back in school   think he was saying how the toddler years are the most important and that our impressions of our parents at that age determines out relationship with them and other people in our adulthood? 

I'm sue a lot of it is rubbish? but some of it did make sense ... 

Most my cousins have a 0 relationship with their parents 

 

Freud's theories are mostly based on sexual repression, he was a strange guy.

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1 hour ago, ChardikalaUK said:

Freud's theories are mostly based on sexual repression, he was a strange guy.

yh there was some weird stuff like that i remember. Our psychology teacher was a pervy indian man and he loved freud lol! 

perhaps there is some kind of link, for example a lot of females who have daddy issues are end up being quite promiscuous and unstable in relationships.  

 

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