Tension In My House

[Guest Guest]

Wahe guru ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru jee kee Fateh,

I think what every one has told you about naam simran and path is the best path to follow. But if still this does not work, along with path and naam simran stop talking to your parents about anything. Talk to your siblings about this. If you all think and make up your mind and stop talking(MAUN) to your parents except for the very essential things they will surely ask you and realize something is wrong.

I know this might seem awkward and wrong but it's not always we who learn from our parents, parents also have to be sometimes taught when they are wrong.

Tell them that like a child who when misbehaves at school or home is left on his own for sometime to think what he has done you all have stopped taking to them to let them think about what they are doing to the peace of the house.

And also make sure to remind them this MAUN will start every time they start fighting.

If they are behaving like kids in your house treat them as kids.

I hope this helps.

[Sarabjeet Singh]

Wahe guru ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru jee kee Fateh,

I think what every one has told you about naam simran and path is the best path to follow. But if still this does not work, along with path and naam simran stop talking to your parents about anything. Talk to your siblings about this. If you all think and make up your mind and stop talking(MAUN) to your parents except for the very essential things they will surely ask you and realize something is wrong.

I know this might seem awkward and wrong but it's not always we who learn from our parents, parents also have to be sometimes taught when they are wrong.

Tell them that like a child who when misbehaves at school or home is left on his own for sometime to think what he has done you all have stopped taking to them to let them think about what they are doing to the peace of the house.

And also make sure to remind them this MAUN will start every time they start fighting.

If they are behaving like kids in your house treat them as kids.

I hope this helps.

[Guest _gupt_]

Hi sangat ji

i have a real bad crisis at home. Recently there has been soo much tension in our house. my parents wont stop fighting with each otehr and my mum gets angry really quick. both my parents scream shot and use bad language (swearing) against each other. I have two little younger brothers and one younger sister. I dont want them picking my parents attitude and when they see them fight they get scared.

My mum is quite religious and so is my dad. My mum does paaht and everything but still yet she swears really bad same goes for my dad.

When we confront my mum about it she will say to us that you dad has wasted my life and i have no idea why i got married to him ec etc.. and that she swears because we all make her angry and dont do work together. Even all the kids get sworn at by my mum and dad too.

When we confront our dad and he'll say the similar that my mum starts it first so he has to say something back.

I have no idea what to do. I want my family to be peaceful and not fight or swear. is that too much to ask for?

I seriously dont know what to do.

I've asked Guru Ji too, I always wonder why is it that the tensions always in our house??

I need help !

I think the most important thing to find out is why they are arguing. Obviously they weren't before so something must have triggerred it off. Normally in my family its stuff about money...how we don't have enough to buy food, shoes, clothes, pay the bills, then whose fault it is and who did what wrong in what part of their life to cause this and so therefore whose fault it is. Really hurtful stuff is said.

Then things just grow from there into other things..someone tells their family and they all get involved. Normally my dad tells people from my mums family in India saying how he should not have to do any household chores cos its women's job but mum is also tired from working. Basically India people are abit backward and they cause alot of grief. Its stuff like who collects who from school. If dad comes home before mum then it makes sense he should collect my 6yr old sister from school and that.

Normally it was like i would come home from school - dad would be asleep in bed, ignoring the phone calls and school would leave a message on the answer phone saying they finished an hour ago and why no one has come to collect my sister. I used to then go to get my sister and get told off from the teachers. My sister is older now so she can walk it by herself but you get the picture - its a big mess but little things like that just built up.

Alot of bad stuff happened cos of this. My dads family are awful people and i don't really want to go into what they did. If it wasn't for them things never would have got into such a bad state. No one is religious in my family or at least i don't think so cos its more like punjabiness.

I'm the oldest like you and i nearly became depressed because of all this stuff. It normally starts off as verbal stuff but then it gets physical etc. All I can say that I hope it doesn't get worse - my whole family broke apart. I thought nothing could get worser than that but then it did since both my parents vanished and i was left raising my siblings and then I thought nothing could get worser than this and again it did cos i became homeless and i had to live on the streets. After that i decided to forget thinking nothing can get worse than this.

No matter what happens you're gonna have to be really really strong and you will probably need someone to give you support. A lot of stuff happened to me and there were times where my life was in danger. I decided to choose God as my support. I mainly used to say this mantra someone had told me. Literally I would spend the whole night on the street reciting it again and again partly cos being a girl i was really scared to fall asleep and plus it was too cold. In the day i would be saying it in the back of my head whilst trying to be 'normal' citizen.

You know all this happened to me when I was 17 so about the same age as you and it changed my life. Its where i realised the reality of life, how no one is ever yours, so much awful stuff happened, i haven't written any of that here but sometimes i don't even believe it myself. I survived mainly due to gurdwara's cos i could wash myself in the toilets and then the langar was free. Everything that happened made me realise how helpless I was cos i tried really hard to keep my family together and then when i was all alone any form of help came really randomly. I cannot explain but it was too much to be a coincidence. Also when my life was in danger protection came so randomly. Like there were times where one second would have made the difference between life and death.

Here is the mantra i used i relied upon in times of real trouble - i added waheguru onto the end of every line and I kept repeating non stop.

hmrI kro hwQ dY r`Cw ]

hamaree karo haath dai rachhaa

Please give me Your Hand, Lord, and protect me.

pUrn hoie icq kI ie`Cw ]

pooran ho-I chit kee ichhaa

Please fulfill my mind’s desires.

qv crnn mn rhY hmwrw ]

tav charanan man rahai hamaaraa

Let my mind remain attached to Your Lotus Feet.

Apnw jwn kro pRiqpwrw ]1]

apana jaan karo pratipaaraa

Please make me Your Own, and cherish me.

hmry dust sBY qum Gwvhu ]

jamaray dusht sabhai tum ghaavaho

Please destroy all my enemies.

Awpu hwQ dY moih bcwvhu ]

aap haath dai mohi bachaavaho

Give me Your Hand, and save me.

taken from page 17 onwards http://www.sikhnet.com/sikhnet/Register.ns...ng-Rom-Gurm.doc

[Guest Tensed Girl]

I know what triggered it off it triggers off at anything like my dad was sending money back to his house in India without telling anyone and not letting my mum know. But she found a whole wodd of money once while cleaning up and the receipts of sendong money back home.

This really did make my mum angry. So she showed us so tat we see the proof too and that she doesnt argue with him for no reason.

Then she confronts my dad about it. That why doo you hide your money and send it? Why dont you consder this house as yours? Why do you not consider this family as yours? Why do you always run off to your family in India?

Then my dad gets mad and says I dont send money to India and etc... and he denies it. My mum gets angry and swears her head off then my dad gets angry and swears his head off.

My mum reaches to stages like go on leave the house, and I'll be so happy. I ont care if I have to raise my kids on my own. etc..etc...

So moneys one thing and another thing is usually when my dad lazes about. My mum will tell him to do something and he'll ignore it and go and sleep. Which really makes her mad and it kicks off there too.

They just dont understand. Its useless and no point talking to them because they just end up taking the wrong idea. They dont think we trying to help them sort it out they think we making it worse for them.

[Heera Singh]

i still think family therapy would be a good way to go.. or even some sort of marriage councelling..

[Guest Papi]

i agree with heera singh. its not ok for your dad to hide things like that from your mom but then again it aint ok for you mom to loose it because he does that. two wrongs dont make a right. professional help would work i'd say.

edit: penji, i think you should get a chardikala, naam abhiyasi gurksikh to do ardaas for shanti in your house.

[Guest _someone_]

wow..i have a similar situation at my house....a little worse, but similar, as just about everyine in my house (grandparents included) yell about pretty much everything n half of them dont even really like each other..i actualy just got yelled at for being lazy n stuff.......

but the only way i know how to deal with it all is to ignore it and just keep doing bani n simran n dont for get bout waheguru

btw, dont ever listen to wat they got to say, ppl say alot of things when their mad n its never usually true so dont let it get u down

: )

[Guest Tensed Girl]

wow..i have a similar situation at my house....a little worse, but similar, as just about everyine in my house (grandparents included) yell about pretty much everything n half of them dont even really like each other..i actualy just got yelled at for being lazy n stuff.......

but the only way i know how to deal with it all is to ignore it and just keep doing bani n simran n dont for get bout waheguru

btw, dont ever listen to wat they got to say, ppl say alot of things when their mad n its never usually true so dont let it get u down

: )

I know what you mean because my parents say alot of harsh things while they angry but thats another bigg big problem I have is I take my mum tooo seriously even though I know she may not mean it but at the time it really hurts me. She would say stuff like dont come in between, your lazy, you dont get up do nothing, etc etc.. Then she'll swear at me. I try doing simran but dont know why I still feel the same. Throughout the day I just think why did my mum say that for?

[Guest HaRdKaUrWaRrIoRz]

i think you should prolly talk it out with your mom, what's really bugging her? maybe u guys are expecting too much from her....u should split up the responsibilities and ur dad needs to realize that too. i think you guys should all get together excluding ur mom and come up with a way to share the chores around the house..then u guys should go up to ur mom and show her what u guys have come up with...she will be pleased by ur guys' geniuine effort to say the least....maybe she just feels like she's not appreciated. i think we tend to forget that we dont live in punjab...responsibilities around the house cant be labelled "for women" or "for men", a family is a unit that works together, especially in today's hectic lifestyle...and i think that might b the point that ur family is confused on...it wudnt hurt if u and ur siblings did something special once in a while like cooking dinner for the family??

also, alotta punjabi families think that disagreements have to be solved by fighting and that arguement is a negative thing...but discussing whats on ur mind in a rational way is actually healthier than bottling up feelings...so instead of starting a dispute on minor things, why not sit down and talk....have good communication-that's the key...discussing problems and feelings doesnt have to end up in an arguement....begin the discussions with "i feel...." and the other person should be listening with an open mind. i think ur approach to family conflicts, or ur family's approach rather, needs to be revised....

hope that helps, but i think a resolution only comes with understanding.

wjkk wjkf

[indy2006]

what everyone on this post has said about paath and ardaas is right but make sure u shield your younger siblings from this becuse the younger you are the more likely you are to pick up on things...keep doing ardaas and path with a pure heart and Guru Ji will definately listen but in the meantime make sure you protect your youngers from this

gurfateh