Final Decision

[singh2k]

i've thought about it for a long time now, tried expressing my feelings over the web on sikhnet, sikhsangat, family and friends.

i can't keep up with my turban anymore. i'm tired of disrespecting it as its on my head everyday, disrespecting it as in doing things sikhs should avoid.

i can't wear a turban and call myself a sikh, when i'm really not, i'm tired of being a image of one, and i know that in the future, there aren't any chances of me becoming more religious. in my point of view, there are two roads to follow, one is to move back, away from this western world and become a gursikh, and the second path is to mix in the western world and just be a part of it.

i can't take all this anymore, i can't call myself a sikh and do these things. i've been thinking about this for 4 months now, my dad has given me the permission 3 months ago, and only because of him i have my turban right now, otherwise i would have been so confused what to do that i would have cut it in anger.

i have written on many forms, many people disrespect me for my decision and some peoples support me. as i write on these forums i feel like i'm just wasting my time, because everytime i do, i get a boost of confidence and the next day the topic comes back in my head.

i think its about time,

[S1ngh]

Veerjee.. We came to this world alone and we gonna go away the same way. Parents, sangat can guide you.. some may discourage you...some may encourage you but in the end it will our own soul to decide what to do and what not to do... its your own soul that has to find a way to link with GOD, not your dad, mom and friends. You play the main role in your life and you should be mature and responsible one in choosing any major step.

Western World, Eastern World, Middle world, Northern World, Southern world.... no matter what world you live, eat, sleep.... Sikhi is adaptable to all type of worlds... Being born in sikh family is not enough to be called as a Sikh. You have to follow the teachings of our guru sahibs and that's not easy either. You have to keep away yourself from negative stuff. I am not here to discourage you or lecture you but what I want to tell you is that if you have hair the world gonna be same to your soul, if you get hair cut the world still gonna be the same but you gonna see the imaginary change which isn't really important... Its the only matter of time that you will get to see the whole picture. Whatever decision you made no matter how hard they are for you.. always pray and keep faith in waheguru and always always always keep trust on ardas.

May waheguru jee bless you brother..

[Tera]

Vaheguru Je Ka Khalsa, Vahegur Je Ke Fateh...

Paji, whenever I have a question or unsure about anything. You will always find an answer from Guru Ji. I normally go to www.sikhitothemax.com. After seeing your post on here, I went there and found this shabad which as always is universal. I'm sure everyone can relate to this shabad as i know i can. It gives you something to think about.

ਬਾਈਸ ਚਉਪਦੇ ਤਥਾ ਪੰਚਪਦੇ ਆਸਾ ਸ੍ਰੀ ਕਬੀਰ ਜੀਉ ਕੇ ਤਿਪਦੇ 8 ਦੁਤੁਕੇ 7 ਇਕਤੁਕਾ 1

baaees choupadhae thathhaa pa(n)chapadhae aasaa sree kabeer jeeo kae thipadhae 8 dhuthukae 7 eikathukaa 1

22 Chau-Paday And Panch-Paday, Aasaa Of Kabeer Jee, 8 Tri-Paday, 7 Du-Tukay, 1 Ik-Tuka:

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

ik oa(n)kaar sathigur prasaadh ||

One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

ਬਿੰਦੁ ਤੇ ਜਿਨਿ ਪਿੰਡੁ ਕੀਆ ਅਗਨਿ ਕੁੰਡ ਰਹਾਇਆ ॥

bi(n)dh thae jin pi(n)dd keeaa agan ku(n)dd rehaaeiaa ||

The Lord created the body from sperm, and protected it in the fire pit.

ਦਸ ਮਾਸ ਮਾਤਾ ਉਦਰਿ ਰਾਖਿਆ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਲਾਗੀ ਮਾਇਆ ॥1॥

dhas maas maathaa oudhar raakhiaa bahur laagee maaeiaa ||1||

For ten months He preserved you in your mother's womb, and then, after you were born, you became attached to Maya. ||1||

ਪ੍ਰਾਨੀ ਕਾਹੇ ਕਉ ਲੋਭਿ ਲਾਗੇ ਰਤਨ ਜਨਮੁ ਖੋਇਆ ॥

praanee kaahae ko lobh laagae rathan janam khoeiaa ||

O mortal, why have you attached yourself to greed, and lost the jewel of life?

ਪੂਰਬ ਜਨਮਿ ਕਰਮ ਭੂਮਿ ਬੀਜੁ ਨਾਹੀ ਬੋਇਆ ॥1॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

poorab janam karam bhoom beej naahee boeiaa ||1|| rehaao ||

You did not plant the seeds of good actions in the earth of your past lives. ||1||Pause||

ਬਾਰਿਕ ਤੇ ਬਿਰਧਿ ਭਇਆ ਹੋਨਾ ਸੋ ਹੋਇਆ ॥

baarik thae biradhh bhaeiaa honaa so hoeiaa ||

From an infant, you have grown old. That which was to happen, has happened.

ਜਾ ਜਮੁ ਆਇ ਝੋਟ ਪਕਰੈ ਤਬਹਿ ਕਾਹੇ ਰੋਇਆ ॥2॥

jaa jam aae jhott pakarai thabehi kaahae roeiaa ||2||

When the Messenger of Death comes and grabs you by your hair, why do you cry out then? ||2||

ਜੀਵਨੈ ਕੀ ਆਸ ਕਰਹਿ ਜਮੁ ਨਿਹਾਰੈ ਸਾਸਾ ॥

jeevanai kee aas karehi jam nihaarai saasaa ||

You hope for long life, while Death counts your breaths.

ਬਾਜੀਗਰੀ ਸੰਸਾਰੁ ਕਬੀਰਾ ਚੇਤਿ ਢਾਲਿ ਪਾਸਾ ॥3॥1॥23॥

baajeegaree sa(n)saar kabeeraa chaeth dtaal paasaa ||3||1||23||

The world is a game, O Kabeer, so throw the dice consciously. ||3||1||23||

[Tera]

ਮੀਤ ਸਖੇ ਕੇਤੇ ਜਗ ਮਾਹੀ ॥

meeth sakhae kaethae jag maahee ||

You may have many friends and companions in the world,

ibnu gur prmysr koeI nwhI ]

bin gur paramaesar koee naahee ||

but without the Guru, the Transcendent Lord Incarnate, there is no one at all.

ਗੁਰ ਕੀ ਸੇਵਾ ਮੁਕਤਿ ਪਰਾਇਣਿ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਕੀਰਤਨੁ ਕੀਨਾ ਹੇ ॥11॥

gur kee saevaa mukath paraaein anadhin keerathan keenaa hae ||11||

Service to the Guru is the way to liberation. Night and day, sing the Kirtan of the Lord's Praises. ||11||

ਕੂੜੁ ਛੋਡਿ ਸਾਚੇ ਕਉ ਧਾਵਹੁ ॥

koorr shhodd saachae ko dhhaavahu ||

Abandon falsehood, and pursue the Truth,

ਜੋ ਇਛਹੁ ਸੋਈ ਫਲੁ ਪਾਵਹੁ ॥

jo eishhahu soee fal paavahu ||

and you shall obtain the fruits of your desires.

ਸਾਚ ਵਖਰ ਕੇ ਵਾਪਾਰੀ ਵਿਰਲੇ ਲੈ ਲਾਹਾ ਸਉਦਾ ਕੀਨਾ ਹੇ ॥12॥

saach vakhar kae vaapaaree viralae lai laahaa soudhaa keenaa hae ||12||

Very few are those who trade in the merchandise of Truth. Those who deal in it, obtain the true profit. ||12||

(A quote from a Shabad by Guru Nanak Dev Ji in Raag Maaroo on Pannaa 1027)

[Hardeep Kaur]

Gurfetah

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like this right now. I totally agree with S1ingh as in Sikhi is adaptable to all types of worlds. Most likely you will get some negative reactions from some people but so what? You are not doing it for them…your doing it for Guruji. And he will be the only person who will still be by your side in the end. Also those people who have something to say now to you most likely will still have something else to say to you if you have cut hair.

Maybe you should take some time out to explore Sikhi more and experience it. It is not just about keeping Kesh. Get to know Guruji. Like S1ingh said, its all about your own personal link to God. I personally believe the when people get sad its because they are losing that link with God. When you have that link there, you will have no reason not to smile every minute of the day.

I am sorry I can’t quote this for you right now but I remember reading in a book recently that walking on Guruji’s path is not easy and everyone who does decide to will go through problems at the start. Look back at our history and you’ll see how even our Guru’s all went through problems. It is just the way it is. I have only recently decided to keep Kesh and try and become a Gursikh and I did go through a lot of problems for ages from family and friends. But I kept my faith in Guruji. I even remember times when I had doubts if I was doing the right thing and times when I wanted to give up. I think it was all just Kuljug stopping me from getting closer to Guruji. But all Guruji wants from us is love. Keep faith him. Remember him. Show him you love him through Bani and Simran and he will walk closer and closer to you. He always gives you back more then you give him. Now most of my family and friends have accepted me and everything is a lot easier for me and I know its all because of him.

Another thing I want to say to you is that we are all just Humans. We will always make mistakes. We are not perfect – only Guruji is. So when you do or say something which you think is ‘bad’ don’t feel so down about it. Try and learn from it so you won’t do it again and do Ardas to Guruji to help you. The most amazing thing is that no matter what mistakes you make, Guruji never turns his back on you. You walk one step towards him and he will walk a thousand steps towards you.

I hope I have helped.

[Nihung Vikramdeep Singh]

i respect your decision, because atleast youve owned up 2 ur weakness. what you need to do is get reinspired into sikhi. read up on our faith our shaheeds etc, inspire yourself for tht love you once had thats the only way. atleast you didnt make the biggest mistake of ur life by taking amrit and then breaking it, glad 2 see you owned up now before you took a bigger step in sikhi

[buddasingh]

s2k

If you are sincere and true to what you say, then I trust you will remain sincere and not suggest to others that it is OK to be SIKH and TURBANLESS. I don't speak as someone who has a claim to Sikhi. In fact I more often struggle to be Sikh than being able to comfortably say that I am Sikh. On the other hand one would have to take my head before I give up my dastar.

Those who suggest that Sikhi is the same without identity disrespect the turban. So please make an effort to nip in the bud such suggestions when they come your way. It is interesting that you describe how you feel but at the same time are comfortable with the identity of "singh2k". Must be one confusing struggle for you.

People have provided you with encouragement and tugged at you. You perhaps feel like you are OVERCOMING that. However, keep in mind, that you are not, the exit door is always wide open and easily accesible. Sikhi is here for you, but as part of it's definition, it does not require recruiting. Be clear that if there is a struggle going on with respect to your turban, it is your RESPONSIBILITY and your struggle. Others offer you support and encouragement for YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, not for statistics for Sikhi or needs of Sikhs.

Your post suggests that you have clarity, but it is also obvious that you still struggle. You speak of doing things Sikhs should avoid. Are these things that you wish you could avoid? There are people who I would prefer remove their turban and there are a few where I would even be pleased to do the honors for them. From your post, you do not fall into either of these categories. Best of luck.

[Guest Papi]

whatever decision you make, i just have one request veerji.

hair or no hair, read bani, goto gurudwara, do sewa. try to understand guruji's message and rest will fall into place :D

[jayd]

i can't keep up with my turban anymore. i'm tired of disrespecting it as its on my head everyday, disrespecting it as in doing things sikhs should avoid.

How are you disrespecting it? Do I sense guilt?

i can't wear a turban and call myself a sikh, when i'm really not, i'm tired of being a image of one, and i know that in the future, there aren't any chances of me becoming more religious. in my point of view, there are two roads to follow, one is to move back, away from this western world and become a gursikh, and the second path is to mix in the western world and just be a part of it.

i can't take all this anymore, i can't call myself a sikh and do these things. i've been thinking about this for 4 months now, my dad has given me the permission 3 months ago, and only because of him i have my turban right now, otherwise i would have been so confused what to do that i would have cut it in anger.

I always thought that becoming a gursikh was taking a step forward, not a move back as you suggest.

Bro, I am confused with the above comments. What is it that you want to do, and be a part of the "western" world, that you can not do while keeping your turban? You can pretty much do everything in the "western" world while keeping your turban. Can you please elaborate on what you want to do that disrespects (in your mind) your sikhi?

You said "disrespecting it as in doing things sikhs should avoid". That to me would mean smoking etc. If such is the case, I suggest you run to the nearest barber, as I wouldn't want to see a turbaned guy smoking. Pardon my assumption.

[Akhoza]

Hmm Randir are you from wolves??

I know a Singh who publically smokes who wears a pagh which is terrible if you want to smoke you shouldnt wear a pagh... just saying. I know how you feel when you do bad things you feel you giving the religious people a bad name i say you take some time out stop wearing the full pagh and well try to control your problems then come back..... i dont know what im saying...... im confused myself