Stress Reliever

[Jkaur]

It was the end of the 1st semester for three budding scientists and they were eagerly looking forward to their well deserved holidays. The three friends decided to spend their holidays far away from their home town where the uni was located. For three whole months they partied hard and became lazier day by day. As time went by the holidays finished and as the 1st week of semester 2 finished the 3 friends realised they were in a lot of trouble. The smartest one sugested that they ring up their professor and thell him that they were very busy working on an assignment during the holidays and lost track of the time and thats why they couldnt attend the 1st week of semester 2! Excited at the thought of getting a medal or award for continuning their work into the holidays the boys rang up the professor, who became very suspicious. The boys decided that they provied a good excuse so they might as well enjoy a few more days off. So after another 3 days the three returned to their professor, who questioned them for the further delay. Once again the smartest one came to the rescue and told the professor that on the way back one of the tyres had gotten punctured and they had 2 spend a night in a motel while waiting for it to get fixed. Now the professoir beacme very suspicious and told the boys that they will be having a test the next day. So the entire night the 3 friends spent studying hard and the next morning they knew they were well prepared for it. The professor sat each boy down in a different room and handed them the test paper. The boys quickly began to solve the 1st question and as they finished the question worth only 3 marks they turned the page to realise that the next question was worth 9

7 marks!!! Well the boys failed that test and were suspened from uni. The question they got wrong was... "Which tyre had gotten punctured on your journey back?" (they all had a different answer to that question!!!)

[Jkaur]

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

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A little boy who wanted $100 very badly prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter to "God, USA," they decided to send it to President Clinton. The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. Mr. Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5, and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to God which read "Dear God, Thank you for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C., and as usual, those crooks deducted $95."

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Fellow 1 : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."

Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he kn

ow all of that?"

Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."

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"If I sold my house, my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," Robert continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

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A man was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on his good health. Amazed at how long the old man has lived a young boy asked him the secret of his success. The old man replied "Well son the secret is... to keep breathing!!!"

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[Jkaur]

A Texan is visiting Australia for the first time; He sees a sheep and starts laughing; he says to his Australian guide " oh, at home in Texas, sheep are twice as big!" He then sees a cow ands bursts " Puff, in Texas, our cows are much, much bigger!" And suddenly, he sees a kangaroo and asks, "What's that?" the guide answers " oh, that's just a grasshopper...”

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Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married in heaven. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months passed and finally Peter returned. "Yes, we can do this for you." "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out there's a possibility that we could be divorced?' To which St. Peter answered "It took me six months to find a priest up here...how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer (& priest in heaven)

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[Jkaur]

ABC…Z without P

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.

"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?

"It's running down my leg."

[Jkaur]

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve" "And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, where is Bob?"

[Jkaur]

koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola: Lagta hai pahunch gayee

[Guest mehtab]

hahahahaha

this reminds me of another joke

a man's wife died...when they were taking her funeral procession, her "arthi" on which she was laid hit an electric pole and her body suffered an electric shock...surprisingly she came back to life...she died after another few years, and this time while passing thru that street, her husband walked in front of the funeral procession and was yelling "khambay se bach ke khambay se bach ke"

hehhe

[mann_kaum_layee_qurbaan]

hahahaha that was a good one....

[S1ngh]

HAHA i got this in email.. Pretty fuuny

Well...Diwali is long gone...but I thought it is really funny...so there you go.

Diwali' by an American Born Confused Desi (ABCD)...

A young second generation Indian in the US, is explaining the significance of Diwali to his younger brother. This is how he would go about it...

So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kindofa <admin-profanity filter activated>, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.

But DUDE, the forest was reeeeal scary <admin-profanity filter activated>... really man...they had monkeys and devils and <admin-profanity filter activated> like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked <admin-profanity filter activated> with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some <admin-profanity filter activated> called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, mad also his bro, Lakshman, <Edited>...

And you DON't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks <admin-profanity filter activated> and like..., all the gods were with him.. So anyways, you don't mess with gods. SO, Ram, and his

bro get an army of monkeys.. dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Laksh. and their monkeys whip this gangsta's <admin-profanity filter activated> in his own hood.

Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or <admin-profanity filter activated> like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days...so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and hit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool...you know with all those fireworks..really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks..and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks...you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, THAT was how, like, this festival started.

Cool! Diwali rocks, Maaann

[Jkaur]

vicky ... wow so many censored words