Family Vs Religion

[missraagni]

waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

this is my first post and I was hoping whether any of you could give my advice on my personal issues.

I am from a staunch ramgharia family even though i don't consider myself as ramgharia. Over the years i feel i have started to drift away from my immediate family beacuse of my strong belief in my faith. family meaning, my parents, brother, sister-in-law,my husband's side of the family. Me and my husband and my two children feel that our way of thinking about Sikhi does not agree with the rest of the family and now we feel more attached to Waheguru, but had to sacrifice our close relationship with our relatives. Regarding the doc's latest post on ramgharia gurudwaras I felt totally in assent to his article and when my family asked my opinion I had to agree with the article which totally upset them. I feel strongly that our gurus teachings, messages are far too important to be taken lightly or ignored and this I feel offends my family because they feel I should agree with them because they are older than me and i should be showing them respect. When I attend nanaksar gurudwara in Birmingham I think it is so beautiful that there is no differentiation between caste there. No one cares if one is ramgharia or jhat, everyone is equal , no jaath paath. My husband, children and I alll took Amrit around 4 years ago and we did not have any problems. In nanaksar everything is provided for you, our kachereh were made in exactly our sizes! My daughter is 13 years old and my son is 8 years old and with Waheguru's kirpa both can read the bani and do kirtan. At the nanaksar gurudwara after the children learnt punjabi they are then shown how to read and do their nitnem, then children are all allocated to do roal di seva every week as they is always regular sampat paaths and akandpaaths. Over the years I know I have drifted from the main families but feel i have a spiritual family at the gurudwara where my beliefs are respected and shared. I feel everyone is born with a purpose in life and you know you are fulfilling your prupose when you feel satisfied with what you are doing and I feel content when I use my time given by God around my children and husband. My lifestyle with my family is totally different from the rest of the family when we do have together for a whatever function , it gets very awkward. Most of the time we feel we have to always go along with their conversation but they have no interest in our point of view. Sometimes i feel we make them feel awkward or insecure and for them to get over their insecurities they try to find faults in us. I don't think we are a threat to anyone we are just an ordinary family who wants to live the gursikhi way. Sometimes I am put in a dilemma if my parents express an opinion on Sikhi which i feel is wrong for example caste systems. I find it hard just to ignore and want to really explain to them the gursikhi way, but we always seem to get into confrontation and they will say to me if i was trying to be religious then i should respect the parents first. and not go against them. What do you guys think?

Sometimes my husband will say just along with them to keep the peace but I feel if i do that I feel I am betraying my faith, my love to my guru. I can't bear anyone misinterpreting our guru's teachings for their own personal needs to make their lives easier. YOu can't pick and choose from the bani. Thanks for reading please reply! By the way doc I'm with you 100%

[Brahm Vidiya]

Respecting your parents is important but if they are going against obvious gurmat teachings then they will always be confrontation... Best thing to do is explain to them if this does not work just try not to get into arguments with them and just jaap naam

[Khalsa4ever]

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Good for you jeeo... we need more people who put their Guru first. This is from a post I made on my blog on the topic:

I've been reading a few issues about people wondering what's more important: following their faith, or following their family. Gurbani tells us both that:

jin kae janae baddeerae thum ho thin sio jhagarath paap ||1|| rehaao ||

It is a sin to argue with the one who fathered you and raised you. ||1||Pause||

and of course:

charaneh gobi(n)dh maarag suhaavaa ||

The most beautiful path for the feet is to follow the Lord of the Universe.

So which is it? If one has to choose, what is that choice?

It's a good thing our Gurus led by example. You must respect your parents. But that doesn't mean that you have to do something thats wrong because they tell you to. We only need to look at Guru Nanak's life.

Guru Nanak was born into a hindu family... with hindu culture, hindu rituals, and hindu tradition. His father was proud, and moderately wealthy compared to most. But there are many recorded incidents where Guru Nanak actively disobeys what he's told and leads by example.

For example, when he grew up, his father told him to buy some goods to make some money, and instead he uses it to give food to the homeless. Other cases such as when his father took him to perform the hindu thread ceremony, Guru Nanak refused saying that a thread can be burnt, dirtied, destroyed, and that it won't bring him any closer to God. Certainly, Guru Nanak respected his father. But GOD was his first priority, and so should it be ours.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[ParwinderSingh]

jin kae janae baddeerae thum ho thin sio jhagarath paap ||1|| rehaao ||

It is a sin to argue with the one who fathered you and raised you. ||1||Pause

does this not refer to our 'real' father , as in spiritual father? our Guru?

[SardarDholi]

..to me family comes first no matter what. no amount of religeous pressure can change that.but saying that isn't there a saying in sikhi somthing like "mata, pita fer guru". family is going to be the one who loves you in this life, how can anything come before the woman that suffered to give birth to you. the man who looked after you when you hurt yourself...the people you talk to when you need help. parents definatly come before religion to me.

[Khalsa4ever]

..to me family comes first no matter what. no amount of religeous pressure can change that.but saying that isn't there a saying in sikhi somthing like "mata, pita fer guru". family is going to be the one who loves you in this life, how can anything come before the woman that suffered to give birth to you. the man who looked after you when you hurt yourself...the people you talk to when you need help. parents definatly come before religion to me.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Except when you take amrit, Guru Gobind singh becomes your father. And as Gurbani says:

dyiK kutMbu moih loBwxw clidAw nwil n jweI ]

dhaekh kootanb mohi lobhaanaa chaladhiaa naal n jaaee ||

Beholding your family, you are lured away by emotional attachment, but when you leave, they will not go with you.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[SardarDholi]

..to me family comes first no matter what. no amount of religeous pressure can change that.but saying that isn't there a saying in sikhi somthing like "mata, pita fer guru". family is going to be the one who loves you in this life, how can anything come before the woman that suffered to give birth to you. the man who looked after you when you hurt yourself...the people you talk to when you need help. parents definatly come before religion to me.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Except when you take amrit, Guru Gobind singh becomes your father. And as Gurbani says:

dyiK kutMbu moih loBwxw clidAw nwil n jweI ]

dhaekh kootanb mohi lobhaanaa chaladhiaa naal n jaaee ||

Beholding your family, you are lured away by emotional attachment, but when you leave, they will not go with you.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

no disrespect...but what about your actuall biological fathar...noone could ever replace him.not in my heart or mind.guruji will always be "a" heavenly father but how can you say dat once you have amrit your true father has no meaning...dats jus crazy.

[Brahm Vidiya]

we all have attachment to family, kids etc.. and is somethnig we will have to get over one day. they will not go with us in the world hereafter. this does not mean u disrespect them.

their are many parents who have kids and then absue them, beat em etc... how can that child respect or lvoe their parents then?

[Khalsa4ever]

..to me family comes first no matter what. no amount of religeous pressure can change that.but saying that isn't there a saying in sikhi somthing like "mata, pita fer guru". family is going to be the one who loves you in this life, how can anything come before the woman that suffered to give birth to you. the man who looked after you when you hurt yourself...the people you talk to when you need help. parents definatly come before religion to me.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Except when you take amrit, Guru Gobind singh becomes your father. And as Gurbani says:

dyiK kutMbu moih loBwxw clidAw nwil n jweI ]

dhaekh kootanb mohi lobhaanaa chaladhiaa naal n jaaee ||

Beholding your family, you are lured away by emotional attachment, but when you leave, they will not go with you.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

no disrespect...but what about your actuall biological fathar...noone could ever replace him.not in my heart or mind.guruji will always be "a" heavenly father but how can you say dat once you have amrit your true father has no meaning...dats jus crazy.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

But that's the whole point. What you have NOW is only temporary. if you believe the reincarnation thing: you've had millions of biological parents, but that's all they are biological. If you decide to give your head to your Guru, then your head belongs to him.

Now i never said that your biological father has no meaning... but if he tells you to do something you KNOW is against Sikhi: you've got a decision to make... what's more important? Your father that will be here for this lifetime, or the one that will be with you for eternity?

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[Jaspaul Singh]

..to me family comes first no matter what. no amount of religeous pressure can change that.but saying that isn't there a saying in sikhi somthing like "mata, pita fer guru".

veer, i have yet to come across a quote that says this..

in bani .. mata/pita title is given to guru saahib.. that he is our everything.. our mother, father, brother, sister, friend.. our everything..