Long Term Relationship

[Guest AnonymousMSD]

I have known my girlfriend for 4 years. we are both 21 now. We were best friends for a year and soon after our relationship changed. At 18, we became 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. Since becoming boyfriend and girlfriend we have had a full physical relationship and have been only with eachother.

She said to me a week back that she wants a change and wants to experience another guy, the thought of this horrified me and makes me physically sick. I love her with all my heart, and the thought of her with another man is destroying me inside. She says that she doesnt want to look back not knowing 'what else was out there', and although she says she loves me she feels its something she must do as part of maturing as a person. She ensures me that there is nobody else at present.

However, I feel no such need to be with another girl to satisfy a curiousity.

I have said to her that being with another guy to 'experiment' or to see what else is out there is not something i would ever tolerate and it would mean i would have nothing to do with her should she carry out her 'experiment'.

Further more, her giving herself to another man so cheaply taints the experience of our first time, where we did what we did based on the love we felt. I told her that it would feel as if i was no different to this other individual because she gave herself to someone else the same way she gave herself to me.

''You were the best thing that happend to me. I swear to god you were. But I have to give you up because i dont want to wonder all my life. I dont want to live with regret. I dont want to resent the fact that I didnt take my chance to be young and free and experiment. It could be the biggest mistake I ever make.''

above is a direct quote from her in an email she sent.

I was thinking today that this has happened because we sinned by having a sexual relationship before marriage, and that had we not, we would not be in this situation.

We are in a very important time in our lives, we are both sitting our exams in the final year of our degrees in the coming month or two and this has hit me like a bombshell. I am not sure whether the stress of the end of university is a factor. At times i have suggested to her that graduation would be an appropriate time to tell her family about me, and this is perhaps another reason why shes trying to push me away.

She has had a very restricted upbringing being told never to associate with boys at any level and i feel now that she is going into working life, she wants to make up for her lack of contact by giving herself to another man without serious consideration. Her parents do not know about me. I on the other hand have had a more liberal upbringing, i have been told i can see people of the opposite sex and that i must show them the respect they deserve. My mother was very apprehensive when i told her about my physical relationship but time has shown her that im not messing around and that i am serious and love my girlfriend. My girlfriend also believes that our families are incompatable, my mother works full time and has an equal say to my father in all household decisions while the women in her household arent afforded the same respect.

My girlfriend has reiterated that all she wants is one other person, but to me 1 is as bad as one hundred as the thought of her with just a single other guy brings me unimaginable pain and heartache.

She has said that had we been 24 or 25 by now, rather than 21, it is likely that we would get engaged, but she said she feels as if shes getting old too quickly. Being at this age, she doesnt feel ready to tell her family yet, and in terms of our relationship, weve been in the same place for the last two years or so, nothing has changed. But she doesnt see that the reason is because her family doesnt know and that thats a large barrier to moving to the next step.

Whilst some may agree that sex before marriage is wrong outright, we both are glad we were eachothers first as the trust we shared had no limits. It kills me that we gave ourselves to eachother becuase of the love we shared for eachother, yet she will willing to let another man 'have her' just to fulfill her curiousity.

A strict christian friend of mine one said to me that the best present a husband or wife can give is their virginity, and whilst some may argue that is a little outdated, i feel that provided one goes on to marry that person, sex before marriage isnt the greatest sin in the world. Basically, monogamy is still very important.

Whilst not sounding arrogant, I am not one known for making mistakes, and the news given by my girlfriend has shocked me to my core.

Certain advice sites have said that experimenting means that she will know what she wants, but i feel that a general population consensus provides an attitude too western for my liking and even then the quantity of those responses are very limited.

Brothers and Sisters, i am in absolute turmoil, please offer me what guidance and advice you can.

WJKK WJKF

[Tarrandeep Kaur]

Im sorry, I know your all going to go mad at me, but frankly i dont care. These sort of posts are really annoying me now. This stuff shouldnt be on a sikhsangat forum. Its just wrong.

To the original poster, you made the choice to have this sort of physical relationship, now sorry to be harsh, but these are the consequences. This is kaam, your 'girlfriend' isnt satisfied and wants to go else where. Do you really think this is true love?

I suggest you spend some time having a think of what life is really about. Girls will come and go, relationships fall apart, to experience true love look deep inside you, and find that piaar for mahraj.

AMqir vsqu mUVw bwhru Bwly ]

Deep within the self is the secret, but the fool looks for it outside.

mnmuK AMDy iPrih byqwly ]

The blind self-willed manmukhs wander around like demons;

ijQY vQu hovY iqQhu koie n pwvY mnmuK Brim BulwvixAw ]7]

but where the secret is, there, they do not find it. The manmukhs are deluded by doubt. ||7||

Awpy dyvY sbid bulwey ]

He Himself calls us, and bestows the Word of the Shabad.

mhlI mhil shj suKu pwey ]

The soul-bride finds intuitive peace and poise in the Mansion of the Lord's Presence.

nwnk nwim imlY vifAweI Awpy suix suix iDAwvixAw ]8]13]14]

O Nanak, she obtains the glorious greatness of the Naam; she hears it again and again, and she meditates on it. ||8||13||14||

[xkaurx]

I gota agree with penji on this one, no offence but do you not have any common sense? what kind of a woman is she? she got no self respect! wanting to sleep around with random men just makes her cheap and shows just how weak she is giving into kaam like that. even though she may say its just 1 guy she wants experience how do you know thats the truth? how can you trust her? if she truly loved you she wouldnt even think twice about another man. is that the kind of mother you'd want for your kids if you were going to marry her? a relationship isnt all based on the physical stuff its what inside that matters and she obviously doesnt understand that, your better off without her

[Guest _War Child_]

The term sl****** comes to mind. Let her go. People will come and go in yourself do not get too attached ( easier said than done ) Unless you both feel you can help each other spritually i dont think there is much to this relationship.

It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates.

P.S I CANT POST IN NORMAL TOPICS SOMETHING ABOUT VALIDATIN SOMEONE SORT IT OUT ???

[supasinghsghost]

I dont think she really loved you and cares about you any more (sorry if that sounds harsh) she could be using it as an excuse to break up with you.......if she outta the blue blurts out she wants another man MAYBE you didnt know her like you thought you did........she says ''You were the best thing that happend to me. I swear to god you were. But I have to give you up because i dont want to wonder all my life. I dont want to live with regret. I dont want to resent the fact that I didnt take my chance to be young and free and experiment. It could be the biggest mistake I ever make.'' well let her make the mistake ur better off outta it.......when she realises the mistake she has made by experimenting she will realise her mistake full well.....i think she is rebelling majorly cos she had a strict upbringing init but who knows eh?

[Guest uk bibi]

Gurfateh ji.

I think you already know what is for the best... it's just a matter of accepting the decision and getting on with life. It will be difficult and only God will be able to get you through it. Hope things get better, dont let everything mess up your exams. Take care.

[Guest _sarab603_]

SSA,

I am not an expert in this matter but I think that you should think deeply about your relationship. A relationship which is based on bodily attraction can never be life long. A relationship should be between two souls, between families communities because we can not live alone in this word we can just dream alone here.

I would suggest that think about this relationship on these lines and see wether you were really living in the true world or were dreaming.

[V]

As I understand it bhaji just said he had HAD a physical relationship with the bibi in question, not that their relationship was BASED on this physical attraction. The fact that they've been together for almost 4 years is proof of the fact that there was a lot more.

However, as Sarab mentioned, I really think you ought to think about this relationship. I am no-one to judge, and don't know whats going in your or the bebehs brain at the moment, and can only imagine what you're going through. As I understand it, you've spoken to her about it, and expressed how you feel about this. There is nothing more you can do. You cannot force anyone to do as you want (although at times we wish we could...), and in the end of the day it's her life. I understand the way you're feeling about her wanting to "try out other men" and think you should think about your relationship, and accept the decision she makes. All you can do is talk to her, and hope for the best.

May Guru Ji help you through this tough phase of your life

[sherlsurj]

she doesnt love u!sorry 2 say that bro but ive been in this situation. and its messes u up. if u loved her fair enough but what she has said 2 u after all that time 2getha is damn right wrong. she has no right. at the end of the day u cant do anything she soudns lieks shes made her mind up. im talking from experience i too loved sum1 and wanted 2 marry them but they told me to leave them alone at the 1st excuse. sikhi will help u get thru this pain bro. people like this r not worth getting hurt over. theyl regret their actions in the end.

[Guest _why_]

why are these posts even being allowed up?

thats all that ever comes into the gupt section now a days

if you have relation problems go 2 relationship forum

not 2 a sikh forum

boyfrend/girlfrend relations are NOT allowed in sikhi

sexual relations before amrit are NOT allowed in sikhi

NO MORE POSTS ON THIS STUPID TOPIC