Dating

[Singh_Valiance 0]

Yes we can

Till parents find a girl for marriage, except that all are sisters

Love marriage is the only marriage I want. I don't need to ask my mummy and daddy for help.

What are you??...and what do you want from this forum?

[Guest _kullykhalsa_]

Yes we can

Till parents find a girl for marriage, except that all are sisters

hold up shes your sister....then a few weeks later if you get married shes your wife, creepy!

[khalsaforce 0]

well buddy nobody cares if you want love marriage or not nor it affects me or anyone on this forum so stop posting how u wanna have a love marriage without ur parents help...i understand tht u probably have more experience then ur parents the way u are posting.....

talking about how arrange marriages the groom and the bride are always unhappy in the pics?i believe u have no idea about our punjabi culture then...do u son? believe not....In most weddings in punjab the couple are supposed to be modest not run around like crazy animals like u probably will when u get married but overall they are happy its just that they cant show too much physical love on the wedding scene like u might which u probably will the way u are posting. So punjabi weddings are pure and spiritual bond with internal love, so if the couple dont talk that much that means they are from a good sikh family who are taught manners....arrange marriage actually lasts forever in most cases.

I have gora friend who is a crazy american....he drinks smokes and what not with the girls....but when u ask him where will he live after he gets married and gets a job he will reply with my parents and he also mentions how if his parents dont like the girl he bring home then he wont marry her and this guy is a southern gorra lol funny right hahaha. I think southern americans have more class then the northerns in all ways...

[saint-soldier 3]

The last time I wrote I found a thread hilarious I got told off. Anyways I am glad to know saint-soldier has found comedy value too...

With a account name like mine aint no one gonna tell me off :D

[sitargirl 0]

aww saint-soldier thats cool to know. I will adopt you as my brother so when anyone tells me off they gots to go through the saint soldier first. Damn how cool does tht sound. lol.

Anyways I have something serious to add to the topic. Firstly I don't think its nice to say personal things to the I sold out boy. But yes in response to the wedding pic comment your not supposed to be all over each other as doing so is considered a lack of respect since it places all the guests and little children in an awkward position. Its like how everyone will be disgusted and think u have no respect if you kissed in front of Shiri Guru Granth Sahib Ji on your wedding day. Its basically the same analogy.

Also recently I was thinking about this marriage stuff. Basically one of my friends called me today and she told me how I have to find someone at university or I will not find anyone. I was abit like erm ok. I mean in my life I have always sat on the fence about love and arranged marriage. Some things I was certain about such as no I do not want to marry anyone. But other things were unclear to me. Of course everyone wants to marry for love but is dating or arranged marriage the way to find love. Everyone who dates will tell you that its not love at first sight which is why you have so many dates.

I thought about this very carefully. Say if I were to date I would not date anyone. I would narrow the person down by academic qualification, level of sikhi, appearance, job and career prospects. Now its not only me but everyone else will look for people based on a criteria. I've watched a few of my friends who are older than me and they have the same approach. Now the thing is I noticed what a lot of people do. They go to random birthday events, random group meals to meet other people. Its like networking to find people that might be potential for marriage.

If I am to be honest this is no different from what my parents would do on my behalf because all parents have a list of criteria. If anything they would save me time and save me the headache from broken hearts. Additionally they get to know the family aswell.

Now here is one thing I got to be a part of and it really changed my understanding of arranged marriages: Basically one of my closest friends is an actuary and she earns at least 60k and she recently had an arranged marriage. For me it was interesting to see how this worked. Basically I realised I had this misconception that an arranged marriage is a forced marriage. I blame the media for this and all those stupid honour killing stories I hear.

Actually its nothing like that. Its more like an assisted match making process. Her family introduced the guy and they chatted for a year. When they were ready they set an engagement date and then a wedding date. The whole process must have taken 3-4yrs...It was actually quite cool because her parents had introduced her to a lot of other guys..one of the guys was a dentist but she said no to him...so it wasn't even like you had to say yes. Everything was in her control but her parents played the crucial role in finding suitable matches.

Its clear to conclude that arranged marriages makes it easier. Also everything is in the open it makes u feel so much better. I remember her saying that bit me. Other things she said to me were how u know ure not gonna meet anyone messing about. Btw incase anyone is wonderin - she is not hardcore sikh. She actually cuts her hair and eats meat.

Today when my other friend started telling me her problems and how I have to find someone too. I instead found that I had a huge dawning of wisdom. I realised how arranged marriage is based on one huge thing: how well have ure parents networked and do they have the same criteria as you?

If your parents do not have the same criteria as you then ure gonna have problems so you need to have a chat about that. Then how well are they networked? If they are not so well networked then in many cases its easier for the child to build the connections through university, work place, other friends etc.

All in all I realised that the end result of arranged marriage and so called 'love' marriage was exactly the same but it was simply initiated differently. Interestingly what works for one person might not be the best option for another. My friend was very lucky. Her family is well known amongst the rich sikh circles so for her finding a partner who earned the same amount of money and was sikh was not a problem because her parents knew people.

From talking to her and knowing my own parents - I would definately go for an arranged marriage because I have to do less work and I know my parents have the same criteria as me. But if your parents don't know that many people with the correct criteria then its inevitable but you will have to do the finding yourself. It best however to chat to them about this so they are in the know....just like they would keep you in the know if they were finding matches.

All in all I do not feel there is a wrong or a correct method. All I can say is that there are more dangers in doing it on ure own. However if your wise then doing it alone shouldn't get you into too many deep waters.

Also I haven't read all this thread but by the looks of things we are not reaching an answer. I think its fair to say its because the answer depends on your family and how well they are connected as this dictates the approach you will find yourself taking.

[SunSingh 286]

arranged marriage allow you to evaluate a potential partner in ways that may be beyond you or you may not have thought of. For example, a person who is caught up in a girl's beauty may fail to see defects fo characterthat aparent would see.

Also, there has been research conducted by western scientists from a western university on happiness levels in love marriage and arranged marriage taught to me in my social psych. class. love marriage started out with the highest level of happiness, but in the long run it actually dropped down signifcantly below that of arranged marriage.

while arranged marriages started out with a lower level of happiness (comparitively, not saying they were unhappy of course) and steadily increased in happiness over time. in the end arranged marriage stabilised at a significantly higher level of happiness than love marriage.

[Guest traditionalguy]

i tried finding kuris at uni, but many drunk, had ex bfs, and dressed half naked like slags, and some were like drunken (mod edit) at night times, especially if u check some of their pictures on sites like facebooks in foto albums containing pictures of them at gigs.

its terrible, i might have to go india.

[KHaNdA_NaTioN 0]

Yes we can

Till parents find a girl for marriage, except that all are sisters

Love marriage is the only marriage I want. I don't need to ask my mummy and daddy for help.

Yes we can

Till parents find a girl for marriage, except that all are sisters

Love marriage is the only marriage I want. I don't need to ask my mummy and daddy for help.

Yes we can

Till parents find a girl for marriage, except that all are sisters

Love marriage is the only marriage I want. I don't need to ask my mummy and daddy for help.

watever dude, we wanna follow the True command and plus you are eventually gonna start lusting for any apneea or whoever and things are gonna get messed up for u cuz of ur mind set. thats why we look at all as our brothers and sisters so that way we dont fall pray to lust.... watever im not even thinking about these crappy things in the first place!