Jokes Anyone?

[AvnitK]

ahahhaah omg that is a good one ahahha

[Azaad]

Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, "OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Santa's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Santa says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes, I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Santa. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Santa asks, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Santa Singh?"

[AvnitK]

lol veerji ahahha

[AvnitK]

i found this and it really made me laugh lol

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss

are on their way to a meeting.

On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says,

"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,

I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted,

"I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."

Pufffff. and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pufffff. and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said,

"I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

[AvnitK]

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.

The Problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.

The child Should be in my custody."

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating. ..then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...

Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"

[Harsimrat Singh]

lol

[HSD*^]

A brahmin, a guji and a bihari are all walking through the old country(i.e. punjab) and stop at a jatt's house to see if they could sleep there for the night.

"Well," said the jatt, "All I got for you is the barn." The three travellers all agreed that the barn was fine, and the jatt showed them the way.

A few minutes later there is a knock at the jatt's door. It was the brahmin. He said, "I am very sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and it is strictly forbidden for me to sleep in the barn with a cow. Besides, it smells like <banned word filter activated> out there."

"Oh, fine, you can sleep in the damn house!" said the jatt.

A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. This time it's the guji. He said, "Sir, and you expect me to sleep in the same barn as a pig? A dirty, disgusting, filthy swine? Besides, it smells like <banned word filter activated> out there."

"Fine, fine, you can sleep in the damn house, just stop bitching!"

A few minutes later there is another knock at the door.

"I swear to god if it's that damn bhaiya I am going to whip his <banned word filter activated>, because I'll be damned if I let him sleep in my house!"

The jatt opened the door and it was the pig and the cow.

[guptveer1469]

Nice one I read some time ago, only funny if you know Hindi or Hindi with Bihari influence.

Laloo sent his BioData to apply for a post in Microsoft, USA. Few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements.

Please do not send any further correspondence.

No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks

Bill Gates

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. He continued "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad -Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet -aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement -humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance -ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee

No phone call -phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained -bahut khaatir kee jayegi

Thanks -aapkaa bahut dhanyavad

Bill Gates -Tohar Bilva

WJKK WJKF

(I hate Sardar jokes, but this one is a nice dignified joke)

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. Naturally, there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.

The Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the latter won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would have to leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man, named Harbinder Singh, to represent them.

Harbinder asked for one condition before he would accept: to make the debate more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate arrived.

Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay".

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope, asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First. I held up three fingers to represent the Holy Trinity.

"He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.

"He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

"I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Harbinder, "first he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him in no uncertain terms to buzz off, and that not one of us was leaving.

"Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here".

"Yes, yes, ... and then?" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Harbinder. "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!"

[HSD*^]

Q. When's the only time you should wink at a sulah?

A. When aiming.

An sikh and a pakistani walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness dark ale. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage two flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The sikh pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The pakistani picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU B*ST*RD!!!"

What do you do if you spot a Hindustani walking around with half a face?

Stop laughing and reload!!!

[SevaSimranSacrifice]

lol