Marriage Dating Issue Associated With Gurusahib

[Guest Kaur in need]

Gurfateh pyari saadhsangat jee

I have been with someone for almost three years. This singh and I have gotten very close over the past three years. We have decided to get married and never considered our relationship as a "dating" one. It has always been as if we are getting to know each other before marriage. I believe gurusahib is trying to wake me up in certain ways. I have realized that being with him, my sikhi is in a all time low. I should not even be called a khalsa anymore. I ignore god day to day. The only thing is when you are with a person for 3 years it is very hard to leave. Do you all think i should stop talking to him and concentrate more on sikhi? He is not a bad person, it is just very hard to have both relationships at this time. I am twenty two years old. One of the big things that disturbs me if his family is not into sikhi. Not one person in his family is. I think that when a family is into sikhi it makes life much easier. Please help me because my life is confusion right now. I want to give more time to gurusahib, while it is hard to leave a loved one.

Daas

[Guest *]

Gurfateh pyari saadhsangat jee

I have been with someone for almost three years. This singh and I have gotten very close over the past three years. We have decided to get married and never considered our relationship as a "dating" one. It has always been as if we are getting to know each other before marriage. I believe gurusahib is trying to wake me up in certain ways. I have realized that being with him, my sikhi is in a all time low. I should not even be called a khalsa anymore. I ignore god day to day. The only thing is when you are with a person for 3 years it is very hard to leave. Do you all think i should stop talking to him and concentrate more on sikhi? He is not a bad person, it is just very hard to have both relationships at this time. I am twenty two years old. One of the big things that disturbs me if his family is not into sikhi. Not one person in his family is. I think that when a family is into sikhi it makes life much easier. Please help me because my life is confusion right now. I want to give more time to gurusahib, while it is hard to leave a loved one.

Daas

wjkk wjkf

i am in the same boat as you, but wen we realized our sikhi was falling then we made changes and talked about it, thast wat a husband and wife do..they support each other , you dotn leave ur husband because your sikhi has gone down,

i understand his family isnt into sikhi mcuh, same with my future husband, his isnt either, but havent u heard katha at gurdware, a woman who comes into a family and brings sikhi with her can change the family, even if htey dont chnage they have a lot of resepect for her and one day they will change, who wouldnt if they see a true gursikh around them..they must have some effect

also, i know this sounds harsh, but its also not sikhi like to up and run away from someone who u have committed ur life to, u say this wasnt a bf and gf thing, if u do break up, thats wat will bceome of it, a gursikh should have only one person who they will commit their life to ( as well as sikhi of course but im speaking relationship wise).,, so no running away is not sikh like, thats wussy/manmat like..you have to learn to talk and deal and accept things as they come, u guys are together forever, unless u arent a sikh then u can make and break up as much as u want

a sikh wudnt break the heart of his or her proclaimed singh or singhnee if they were a true sikh, let a lone anyone elses heart

clearly u have lost some of the basic tenants of sikhi, u have lost ur compassion, its time that u realize that in urself before making a big mistake..

[Sikhvibes.com]

Gurfateh pyari saadhsangat jee

I have been with someone for almost three years. This singh and I have gotten very close over the past three years. We have decided to get married and never considered our relationship as a "dating" one. It has always been as if we are getting to know each other before marriage. I believe gurusahib is trying to wake me up in certain ways. I have realized that being with him, my sikhi is in a all time low. I should not even be called a khalsa anymore. I ignore god day to day. The only thing is when you are with a person for 3 years it is very hard to leave. Do you all think i should stop talking to him and concentrate more on sikhi? He is not a bad person, it is just very hard to have both relationships at this time. I am twenty two years old. One of the big things that disturbs me if his family is not into sikhi. Not one person in his family is. I think that when a family is into sikhi it makes life much easier. Please help me because my life is confusion right now. I want to give more time to gurusahib, while it is hard to leave a loved one.

Daas

Vaheguruu ji ka khalsa, Vaheguruu ji ki fateh

I dun understand...

First you said you guys have decided to get married, and then your talking about leaving him?

Is that decision based upon what you further on went to explain that his family is not into 'sikhi' ....this big decision is not solely determined by this factor. If you think you are ready for marriage and you think he is the one, and you are at a good age, I would suggest get the families involved, get married and concentrate on sikhi together as one.

[Papi]

I don't understand why girls (in general) are so eager to get married :6 You are just 22, just a baby. Make sure you don't end up like many many cases I have seen, described by Guru Sahib as follows.

jW kuAwrI qw cwau vIvwhI qW mwmly ]

jaa(n) kuaaree thaa chaao veevaahee thaa(n) maamalae ||

When she is a virgin [unmaried], she is full of desire; but when she is married, then her troubles begin [for her]

PrIdw eyho pCoqwau viq kuAwrI n QIAY ]63]

fareedhaa eaeho pashhothaao vath kuaaree n thheeai ||63||

Fareeda, she has [there is] this one regret, that she cannot be a virgin [become unmarried] again. ||63||

[KEERPA]

Maybe just super focus on Sikhi and he will notice that you are wanting to get the most involved with Sikhi and Guru Sahib first and then him second (Thats how a marraige should be) Maybe he will want to be a Sikh too or maybe he will not want that as a result of being married and maybe he might have a talk with you about him not wanting to be involved with Sikhi.

I think telling him wat you posted will probably be the best thing.

Vaheguru

[BhForce]

Papi, 22 is not a baby. Babar was 11 when he succeeded his father in 1494. Women need to have babies before 30 to avoid genetic defects, which accelerate rapidly after 30.

To do so, and to also have a space of a few years between children, you need to marry in your early twenties.

As well, why give your best and most youthful years to your career. Why would you not spend them with your husband? If you say, why not give them to Guru ji, well Sikhi doesn't say wait till you have gout, cervical spondilitis, an aging womb, etc. to get married. Truly conceived, marriage is a help to Sikhi, and not a hindrance.

[Papi]

BhForce, the level of maturity required to deal with today's complex societal structure is hardly possessed by a 22 year old, at least that has been my experience.

[BhForce]

BhForce, the level of maturity required to deal with today's complex societal structure is hardly possessed by a 22 year old, at least that has been my experience.

OK, I'll grant you that. On the other hand, the examples of famous (and ordinary) people, as well as our Gurus, should shame some of our overgrown babies into growing up.

You can't really do anything for someone who's already that age, but for one's own children you can start early teaching them everything about life.

[Guest Guest]

Kaur-in-need ji,

You are no different from other girls your age.

Everyone has a desire to find a lifemate but getting into a relationship before marriage is not advisable.

Reason being

1. Marriage is not a One-to-One relationship, it is coming together of two people & their families.

2. Not many think of the consequences before being friends with opposite sex, that is why they land up in trouble sooner or later. Problem is you only consider yourself plus your buddy and forget about the rest of the family.

3. Not many people are mature enough to get married and handle responsibility that comes along.

4. As per punjabi conservative culture, woman who goes around with a man before marriage is belittled and looked down upon. Even a rumour or gossip can ruin the reputation of the girl & her family.

5. The society is mostly full of hypocrites, they say we are all for gender equality but in practice they are not ! Majority is ever-ready to find a girl and have a fling. But when they find their own sisters & daughters fooling around, it is total chaos. Plus how many are serious enough to marry without parents support and consent ?

6. Reality Check - How many women in your family, relations, community (biradri) got married to someone they know or love ? Will your parents allow ?

[Papi]

OK, I'll grant you that. On the other hand, the examples of famous (and ordinary) people, as well as our Gurus, should shame some of our overgrown babies into growing up.

You can't really do anything for someone who's already that age, but for one's own children you can start early teaching them everything about life.

lol I'm almost 26 and have no intention of getting married anytime soon so I don't have to worry about this for a while. But I do see where you are coming from