Love Before Marriage

[Khalasthan86]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

In many ways, I am seeing boys and girls are having boyfriend / girlfriend relationships before marriage, and they don't have any plans for marriage, and many boys/girls waste their time and money by buying gifts, "fancy" clothes etc, even many "amritdharis" are doing this...

I am suprised whats wrong with us...

We need to wake up... We need to educate our youth about this.

LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE IN ANY POINT OF VIEW.

BEFORE MARRIAGE ALL RELATIONS ARE EITHER, FATHER, SON, BROTHER, SISTER, MOTHER, DAUGHTHER...

Could the sangat post quotes that Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji has said that love before marriage is not acceptable.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

P.S. With these quotes I might create a video educating our youth.

[london001]

Why? Explain to me why a 25 year old man shouldn't be in love with the woman he will marry? so after marriage he should love her but not 30 mins before the lavana?

I think someone is confusing love with lust.

[WildCard]

I think its important to be realistic about these things. Marriage seems to be the primary concern of most young people and rightly so. Look in any group of asian origin, you have young people stuck between two cultures, neither of which seems to fully take care of business. Two generations back people mostly got married wherever they were told and the system of introducing people was working to some extent.

Today that is no longer the case. young people are coming to realise in their mid twenties that the system they were told is going to take care of them and facilitate a match for them has fallen to peices because so much has changed in the world in the last 20 years. Suddenly the social networks that should provide reccomendations are finding that they cant vouch for people at all let alone find suitable matches. I myself know of at least 4 Amrit Dhari people (2 Singhs and 2 Bibiya) of decent character who now have passed their mid thirties and are actually going grey, yet there is no sight of a match to be made for them. So what do we say to them? should they now be told that they should marry whoever comes along, tell them beggars cant be choosers and that everything that they invested in in order to qualify for a good match (living a decent lifestyle, getting an education, having successful careers etc) was for nought? Because the elders in the community, and in some cases their own parents are literally saying exactly that... on the other hand others have been challenged by their parents (who are themselves stuck with this broken system) out of sheer frustration that "You go to all these programs, why didnt you find someone yourself?"

Some of those people are now effectively saying that if they had known it would come to this they would have taken action themselves when the opportunities were around them and secured a match for themselves. one of them is advising his younger brother at university to not fall into the same trap that he has, to find someone himself and then get the families involved. Some of these people who frowned upon fratenising with members of the opposite sex now lament the fact that they have been left on the shelf because they werent open to opportunities when they appeared.

So what are young Sikhs to do? This is a matter of universal concern. Young Sikhs, Hindus and Muslims have all fallen prey to the same problem and it is not something to be taken lightly. Its a constantly recurring theme that keeps rearing its head in one form or another all over message boards like these and is a common theme of conversation for anybody in their twenties. If the old way of doing things isnt working anymore, then there has to be something to take its place. Either the youth themselves have to start facilitating for each other or, the direction alot of us are going in, its going to be everyone fending for themselves.

And it is important to add that its not just a problem for young GurSikhs. today that is the state of play across the board. Why is it that despite there being a "system" to facilitate marriage for all of us of asian descent (regardless of religious background), there are speedating events geared especially towards Hindus, Muslims or Sikhs? something has obviously gone horribly wrong somewhere because there are people exploiting this issue and making money out of it through such events. When the original poster said "We should wake up", i agree with him, but in order to tackle this we need to wake up as a community and look at the issue hollistically, its not right to point the finger at the product of this failed system (the confused or dissillusioned youth).

If we want to make sure that people adhere to a chaste and morally pure lifestyle, then as a bare minimum they need to be shown that there are clear advantages to them in walking that path. That is to say that a young GurSikh needs to have faith that they are not hamstringing themselves or dealing themselves out of the game by taking the moral high ground. If that can be acheived the rest will fall into place. fix the machine, or get a new one. those are the only real options that are going to make a difference.

[Amrit79]

Why most young guys/ girls don't follow if from examples ....

My parents fight about every day and when I say every day I mean it.

And this is the case for a-lot of other family's that I know (gossips ehehehe)

Most of the sons and daughters don't want to go through that

I made it nice and simple.

Some are just lustful

[TheSuperbell]

People can die old, but love still stays. I don't think as an amritdhari it's wrong to commit an act of "Love"(as in feel), but there is pre-required codes which must be conducted.

If you don't love in your whole life and you grow old with this ideology you keep, i don't think you would ever find love. As it's obvious an act of love, the love logically has to be committed before an commitment. Unless it's arranged and statistically it's proven that arrange marriages are more successful, however that's purely due to the good principals good Sikh Boys/Girls accept and adopt.

I think the statement above is correct "someone is confusing Love with lust". An Amritdahri should initiate in a relationship with caution and follow the code respectfully. This in most cases is something close to impossible; however i do know there is amtirdhari's out there who respectfully have stayed within the rules. If a Sikh can manage to stay within the rules than you deserve to have an relationship.

This is one of the core reasons i make young boys/girls think twice before Amrit. The teenage age where their hormones are jumpy, and they initiate into physical exp​ressions . Over the years i've seen it's mostly the girls that tend to be the more tuffened within the rules.

I think the boys need something which the Punjab police is best at... third degree ...loll nice dande on the legs will make these Young youths better people, and Sikhs.

The Superbell

[buddasingh]

I think its important to be realistic about these things. ....................etc

nice to see someone thinking beyond the surface. nice post.

[Starscream]

You can't get married to someone you don't love. Obviously the person who started this thread has never loved someone who wasn't their relative...

[Only five]

You can't get married to someone you don't love. Obviously the person who started this thread has never loved someone who wasn't their relative...

Yes you can, it's called arranged marriages. Happened in the past and do still occur. And the word love is defined in many ways depending on personal experiences. The love most people speak on is based on likes and dislikes. Guru Sahib goes beyond this love and tells us to love unconditiionally.

If you look at majority of the marriages today and what kind of love they are based on is materialistic, be it of physical appearance, or wealth or others like and dislikes. As soon as one of these changes the love is gone and the liberals end up in divorce. The so called love is held together on illusions.

here is an example. Two individual got married and one later on his life became spiritual and started becoming more of a Sikh of the Guru. The wife being the liberal, did not like what her husband was becoming and decided to lay down the law. She ended up telling him to divorce her or leave Guru Sahib and we can be together. Now in this case only true love which wasn't built on illusions lasted. The husband left because of the unconditional love he had for Guru Sahib. Yes the divorce meant more problems in his life and has to leave his house behind which he spent so much time building and leaving the two kids he had with her. All this pain he had to go through just to be with Guru Sahib, but he still choose Guru Sahib. That pain is worth it. That constant abuse from his relatives to leave his family was worth it. All because of true love, unconditional love. Where Guru Sahib will put you in so much pain, but still you won't give up that love for illusions. Keep in mind the wife turned their two sons on him. This is a true story by the way.

Today love marriages don't have that bond and that's why love marriages are frowned upon. They are brittle and break in a snap.

These love marriages have the foundation of materialistic illusions. Just the other day someone told me that another marriage was broken because of what was holding it together was falsehood, the illusions. Now we can't say all love marriages on falsehood break apart. How do these individuals keep it going. They have a strong foudations of falsehood taht keeps them together. They have enough wealth to keep it up, but as soon as taht wealth goes, reality hits them in the face, which ends in divorce.

A love marriage built on Sikhi is what will stand any challenge it faces. Because the couple has one thing in common, the Love for Guru Sahib. This is their base and this is where they attain wisdom and learn.

If your an amritdhari couple(using 'couple' as you met talked and wanted to get married, none of this gf,bf stuff) and wanting to get married, but havn't yet and you end up indulging in maya then that foundation just got weaker and Sikhi is not where you stand anymore. You have the identity of a Sikh, but have fallen into the illusion. Sure you can get back on track and have Sikhi as your foudation, but it won't be the same because of the reminder constantly of being weak in that one or numerous moments. In Sikhi love marriages before the marriage are hard to keep away from maya, but if you can do it then go. Just got to remember the foundation on which both of you stand on and don't break that base.

[Papi]

^ A marriage can't stand on its own without Sikhi? Are you high on something?!!! What about the countless non-Sikhs who successfully have very loving marriages until death...Talk about not thinking outside the box :6

statistically it's proven that arrange marriages are more successful, however that's purely due to the good principals good Sikh Boys/Girls accept and adopt.

Have you even considered how many of these people are actually happy? Most of the older folks I know of (who had arranged marriages) are quite unhappy with their marriage (of course they never admit that). They only stay together due to pressure from society and to ensure their kids well being.

PS. Good post by Wildcard. I like your name btw, care to share why you picked it?

[Only five]

^ A marriage can't stand on its own without Sikhi? Are you high on something?!!! What about the countless non-Sikhs who successfully have very loving marriages until death...Talk about not thinking outside the box

HAHAHAH, talk about ignorance. Thanks for the repitition.