Inter-jatha Marriage

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

First of all Akj & Damdami Taksal followers are extremely strict and forbid Love Marriage.

So what are we talking about here ?

Secondly unless you think a particular group is superior & other inferior, there can be no discrimination ?

Thirdly don't find any of the present day sects as SECULAR which is against Gurmat.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest jaachak]

If the marriage is arranged then did the organisers know about the belief conflict?

They don't see it as a "conflict", just as a difference.

If the marriage is self chosen , were these differences discussed beforehand?

Yes, and I repeat, it doesn't matter to them.

If Gursikhi is adopted after marriage then a compromise can be sought

ok

[Guest parauna]

First of all Akj & Damdami Taksal followers are extremely strict and forbid Love Marriage.

So what are we talking about here ?

The way I see it, it seems that the 2 chose each other based on the Gursikhi qualities they wanted in their partner. Otherwise it is very unlikely, and maybe even unfortunate, these days that someone would marry outside their "jatha". Not all marriages where the guy and girl know/like each other well before marriage is a kaljugi or Bollywood-type love marriage.

Secondly unless you think a particular group is superior & other inferior, there can be no discrimination ?

"jaachak" has said clearly that they are ok with it, so I don't see any superiority/inferiority issue here.

Thirdly don't find any of the present day sects as SECULAR which is against Gurmat.

That may be your own personal observation, and it may be true only for certain western youth. The real AKJ and Taksalis back in India have utmost love and respect for each other. And yes you are right, creating such differences among Gursikhs is totally against Gurmat.

[Mehtab Singh]

Now that everyone has had their share or questioning, how about giving suggestions regarding how the Singh and Kaur can uplift themselves as well as their spouse in terms of each other's Gursikhi jeevan. I remember someone telling once that your spouse can be your amazing sangat.

[ms514]

VAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA, VAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

Eh...take it as a blessing perhaps. Each Jathebandi has its points. If one does more Paath than the other, perhaps this will encourage more paath to be done by the other. Perhaps one will encourage the other to do Keertan. Mool Mantar - I could never understand the contention. If someone does Mool Mantar up to Nanak Hosi Bhee Sach, then the other could read along (after all, the "shorter" Mool Mantar is recited automatically when the longer one is read right? Is it really that big of a difference. It is not as if people make a stance before doing Mool Mantar. Just do it and if it is really a big problem for you, let your spouse read the longer one and sit there silently after Gurprasad until it is repeated and then join in.

Raagmalaa - ok, so Guru Sahib in Punj Pyare said to not consider Raagmalaa as Bani. Did they also tell you to cover your ears or create a scene over it? If so, leave the room and let the spouse do the paath or listen to Raagmala. Otherwise, it wouldn't kill anyone to sit through reading the Raagmalaa would it? I mean most of the world is exposed to so much nonsense throughout the day with newspapers, TV, and society that I see Raagmalaa as the least of the problems that we will encounter.

Barring some sort of hardcore stances in which one finds it a need to loudly declare their position every 2 minutes to people, creative solutions to the problem can not only remove any bumps in the road, but may lead to one learning from the other and becoming a stronger and better Sikh.

Kes/Keski issue is a non issue. Taksal Maryada states that women should have a Dastaar as well. Any Gursikh who keeps a Dastaar will usually tie a smaller one underneath and not let that Dastaar part with his/her body and tie it as a Kamarkasaa during Kesi Ishnan. It is part of being an ever ready Sikh. Guru Gobind Singh Ji in his 52 Hukams states to never be without a Dastaar. Both Rehats have the same respect for Kesh.

"the taksalki gursikh will not have naam drir, hence may not receive full benefit if both used swaas swaas jugti during amirtvela."

That is an assumption, and a wrong one. AKJ has no patent on Naam Drir. Even Budda Dal Khalsa Nitnem has a Rehatnama in the front that states that one should do Simran Swas Swas at Amrit Vela.

Marriage will bring many differences in opinions and stances. Successful couples learn to respect these and work with them all the time. That is marriage right? Otherwise, divorce would always result after every marriage, because no two people will ever have the exact same views, even if in the same Jathebandi (i.e. how to raise kids, whether to buy a one or two story house, what car to get etc).

[Guest jaachak]

Marriage will bring many differences in opinions and stances. Successful couples learn to respect these and work with them all the time. That is marriage right?

Thank you veerji. You are so right!

[SunSingh]

seems fine, the main issue is what will you teach your kids about the differences. Other than that, there seems to be no issue

[Guest _married_]

I'm afraid I will have to disagree with most of the points already mentioned. Your wife/husband will and should be your most amazing sangat. As most will agree, singh and kaur should have similar sochnees and beliefs. Differences in belief of moolmantar/raagmala/naam drirh will have practical implications and problems even if the singh and kaur tell themselves they are ok with it.

Another person mentioned earlier.. what will happen when they are at an Akhand paath? If they ever want to do mool mantar jaaps what will the do? What will they teach their kids - who gets to pass on their beliefs? The two will want different sangaths ie akj sangath or taksali sangath... how will both be managed... will one go to one programme by themselves and then the other to a different programme?... I wouldnt want my partner to be going to programmes themselves...

Agreeing on who our Guru is (with or without Raagmala) is kind of a fundamental issue. This topic already causes so much hatred and tension.. even if singh and kaur are 'ok' with it.. sangath wont let it rest and you will have idiots saying 'she/he married a person who has not had naam drirh' etc... this will only lead to conflict / doubts etc.

For a marriage to work, rehni, behni, kehni, sochnee needs to be one. Singh should have strong enough jeevan and bibi should adopt way of singhs life... equality bibian will have a problem with I have said, but we have forgotton what Khalsa should be like and the roles/duties of singh and kaurs... dont want to start fight or another topic.. just take/leave my opinion...

[Guest _marriage_]

sorry forgot to also add - all/most couples will have differences in opinions in duniaavi/worldly matters.. even tho if they had strong jeevans and piaar for sikhi, living within the Khalsa principles and knowing their roles as male and female, any differences would not be a problem to overcome... however, differences in their spiritual paths - then there will only be conflict... just as answer to the post that mentioned people overcome differences such as which school to send child to etc...