From Daughter To Her Father

[guptkuri]

I Am Not Your Son

I am much more….

Society has planted this idea in our heads that somehow to be a good daughter you have to step into the shoes of the son. Every time I do anything to make you proud, you use words of endearment meant for a son. It is always that’s my ‘beta’, never my ‘beti’. I know you fear for me, not because I am girl but because I am one day going to marry, leave you and then you can’t protect me. But today I want you to know that you will never have to worry about me because I am a proud Sikh. As a Sikh I am proud to be a daughter and have no desire or need to be a son because Waheguru Ji has taught to me to be happy with who I am, what I have. Not only be happy but be comfortable to learn new things so I can grow and be a better daughter, a better Sikh. In your home I learned to be a son, a mother and a friend.

Though I have not become your son, I have learned why you crave a son and filled that longing as a daughter. I went to work so I could lend you a hand with the household expenses. I never complained that I had to cook dinner with mom and work with you. I stood tall with you as you tried to make sure the Gurudwara Committee did the right thing. I didn’t balk at the fact, mom was not happy with me being so active in the Punjabi community because she didn’t want anyone to say anything about her daughter. I started helping the boys with their speeches and running things from the background. Every step of the way, I tried to be your son and moms daughter. But that was only possibly because I was your daughter. How many sons are there for both their parents? I showed you I could be your son by working 14 hour days when you were sick, so you could stay home and rest. But I showed you I am more than a son when I came home and forgot I had just been at work.

Coming home from work when it was just the two of us to find you sick, I forgot all about being tired. At that point I was no longer your son, your daughter but more of a mother. You refused to eat; I made your favorite food and coaxed you to eat. I turned on the tv and chatted with you while you ate, to take your mind of the pain. I was the one that pressed your legs for hours while I distracted with you my banter. Till you were finally feeling much better and wanting to go to the Gurudwara Sahib to thank Guru Ji. It was only after you had left, that I cried my heart out and set out to make dinner. I never let you see my tears, my tiredness and was always strong for you when mom was away.

When mom returned from her trips, I became your friend. I would join you in teasing mom and executing your crazy plans that mom never approved of. I listened with care whenever you were upset, and tried my best to advice you. But mostly I was always there for you, ready to listen. I never judged you when you were mad at mom, brother or anyone else that I knew and was close to. I tried my hardest to make our life fun and games and keep you happy.

I am more than your son; I am your daughter, mother and friend, too. I wish you wouldn’t limit me by making me your son when you are proud of me. I wish you would be proud of your daughter, which you raised right. That you would tell the world that any daughter raised right is more than just a son. That she is strong enough to play more than one role. A girl raised as a proper Sikh can never go wrong because she has two sets of parents. She has her birth parents and her spiritual parents (Guru Gobind Singh Ji and Mata Sahib Kaur) that are there to guide her every step of the way.

Be proud of a daughter as daughter and believe in your upbringing. She will always make you proud. I promise....

[gurdssingh]

Most people I know who have both including me, love our daughters more than sons, we are more endearing to our daughters. I suppose its like mummys boy and daddys girl.

Daughters will always look out for their parents throughout their whole lives, it's like a heard a song somewhere along the lines off ' putt jamiena bhand de ah, te thiya dukh' . Sons take a share/ distrbute the land and daughters take a share/ distribute the pains / problems (of parents, when the children are grown up and girl is at husbands house).

It's backward mentality of people in Punjab who think sons are more worthy than daughters, that is why it is the state in whole of india that has highest female infantocide (is that a word, abortion of girls). Guru Ji told the Virk tribe that they had to change their ways if they were to be associated with them, as they where known for killing baby girls. Guru ji's condemed kuri marh.

[Mehtab Singh]

There is a saying..." A son is a son till he has a wife. A daughter is a daughter till the end of life".

[VanHelsingh]

What I'm about to say may be a bit trivial in the grand scheme of things, but one issue that has always, always annoyed me, is when a boy is born all the family fall over themselves to dish out ladoo to relatives and friends as soon as possible. Yet when a girl is born some people don't even tell anyone that a baby has even come into the family! Its utter nonsense. Its improving in the UK but very slowly. Back home is another kettle of fish - some of the things I've heard are beyond words.

[gsinghysingh]

Fateh

Wow, that was really nice. 

[chatanga]

There is a saying..." A son is a son till he has a wife. A daughter is a daughter till the end of life".

hehehehe. good one Mehtab Singh Ji.

[Azaad]

Puttara ne tera dhann vandhna Dhiyan vandhna dukh tera

"Sons will share your wealth, Daughters will share your Grief"

[whyhellothere]

My aunt doted on her sons like nothing else just as her mother did on her brother, but like her brother once they were married they stopped caring altogether and treated her very badly. Her daughter in laws became everything her daughters had warned her they would become and the sons followed them like sheep. The daughters stood by her like they always had although they will probably always be underappreciated.

[VanHelsingh]

I've heard about (and experienced first-hand) so many of these kind of cases myself. Why do some sons follow their wives so blindly even if it comes to ruining relationships with their parents and other relations? Are they scared their wives will leave them or is it something else? Just to balance things up I'm not painting all wives as the villains as I've heard some horror stories about boy's parents too.

[whyhellothere]

I don't know, I guess some of the guys could be weak minded and easily led astray, or maybe too lazy and complacent with their wives to complain or as you said genuinely scared that their wives will leave them or punish them(taking away kids etc.). I can;t even figure my own family out, my aunts brother is either weak minded (ie.( please forgive me for saying) stupid) or mental, mind you though his wife is quite (really) scary. If she tells him to jump he does. My cousins are pretty weak minded aswell so I'm thinking there must be a correlation between authoritarian like women marrying weak minded men.

Maybe it's one of things they put on their list when they search for suitable marriage partners.