Unlucky, Unblessed

[guptkuri]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Sadh Sangat Ji, I am not stuck in a delima anymore. When I began writing this post I was going to tell Sangat Ji about how I am unsure, whether to take Amirt this visakhi or not. Amrit Sanchar does not happen often where I live and this year for visakhi there was going to be one. I was of my mind that this is it, I am going to take amrit this visakhi no matter what. My father has just gone to India so I asked my grandmother to send kakkars with him. Then today while I was talking to my aunt, I told her same thing, that I don't care if she sends anything else but please make sure my grandmother gets the kakkars for me. She asked me what the big hurry was, why I can't wait to take amirt. I frankly told her that I could not wait any longer and that I don't care if I don't get married. She said she had selected a few boys and would introduce them to my father and fix my marriage at the earliest. To just give her a few months and if she can't finalize my marriage by then, than she will not stop me ever again.

My aunts issue is that she does not know many amritdhari people, and she can't imagine finalizing my marriage to an amritdhari boy that my parents would approve. But she does know many guys that are khesdhari boys that can take amrit with me. I was upset with my aunt and thought I would vent on sikhsangat. That I would ask for advice on how to explain to my aunt that its okay everything will work out. But as I began to write this post, I decided to take my case to high court (Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji) and the hukam I recieved makes me think I should wait for my mariage and that it will happen soon enough. Here is the hukamnama, does the sangat agree I should wait? Or does it mean that I should marry the lord and take Amrit?

hukamnama:

Soohee, Fourth Mehla:

In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord sets out His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life.

Instead of the hymns of the Vedas to Brahma, embrace the righteous conduct of Dharma, and renounce sinful actions.

Meditate on the Lord's Name; embrace and enshrine the contemplative remembrance of the Naam.

Worship and adore the Guru, the Perfect True Guru, and all your sins shall be dispelled.

By great good fortune, celestial bliss is attained, and the Lord, Har, Har, seems sweet to the mind.

Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the first round of the marriage ceremony, the marriage ceremony has begun. ||1||

In the second round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord leads you to meet the True Guru, the Primal Being.

With the Fear of God, the Fearless Lord in the mind, the filth of egotism is eradicated.

In the Fear of God, the Immaculate Lord, sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord, and behold the Lord's Presence before you.

The Lord, the Supreme Soul, is the Lord and Master of the Universe; He is pervading and permeating everywhere, fully filling all spaces.

Deep within, and outside as well, there is only the One Lord God. Meeting together, the humble servants of the Lord sing the songs of joy.

Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the second round of the marriage ceremony, the unstruck sound current of the Shabad resounds. ||2||

In the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love.

Meeting with the humble Saints of the Lord, I have found the Lord, by great good fortune.

I have found the Immaculate Lord, and I sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. I speak the Word of the Lord's Bani.

By great good fortune, I have found the humble Saints, and I speak the Unspoken Speech of the Lord.

The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, Har, vibrates and resounds within my heart; meditating on the Lord, I have realized the destiny inscribed upon my forehead.

Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love for the Lord. ||3||

In the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, my mind has become peaceful; I have found the Lord.

As Gurmukh, I have met Him, with intuitive ease; the Lord seems so sweet to my mind and body.

The Lord seems so sweet; I am pleasing to my God. Night and day, I lovingly focus my consciousness on the Lord.

I have obtained my Lord and Master, the fruit of my mind's desires. The Lord's Name resounds and resonates.

The Lord God, my Lord and Master, blends with His bride, and her heart blossoms forth in the Naam.

Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, we have found the Eternal Lord God. ||4||2||

[Singh559]

In my opinion, you should take amrit now and she should amritdhari Singh. It's important that you two are on the spiritual page in terms of directions, goal, and lifestyle.

There are a lot of things that even your aunt may not see in a person she is trying to find like what your spiritual goals and his are. This makes a very, very big difference. It is hard for a person who hasn't taken amrit and doesn't plan on taking amrit to realize and fully comprehend what kind of lifestyle you want to live and to be honest I don't think she would be the best judge in finding the right Singh with you. I may be wrong, but the way I see it, if you're planning on taking amrit you really should before marriage.

[sunny_love_kirtan]

did you did ardas and get this hukamnama or something? Why are u referring to this hukamnama?

if you got a hukamnama of Lawa then I am confused what maharaj's want you to do first ( amrit di daat or anand karaj)

but what I think with my little matt is Amrit Shakna is first Anand karaj and it is the marriage with Lord.

You should go for amrit di daat before marriage. If you are non amritdhari your parents might find a mona guy or some other patit guy. By patit I mean beard cut guy even if they try hard to find a turban wearing guy. Because there are more moeny or turban wearing beard cut guys than amritdhari singh depending on areas.

If you are amritshak then you have only one choice which is getting married with amritdhari singh.

but also it is hard to find amritdhari partner if you belong to a family like mine where i do not see any of our relative amritdhari and there are no links of them with amritdhari people.

[guptkuri]

did you did ardas and get this hukamnama or something? Why are u referring to this hukamnama?

if you got a hukamnama of Lawa then I am confused what maharaj's want you to do first ( amrit di daat or anand karaj)

but what I think with my little matt is Amrit Shakna is first Anand karaj and it is the marriage with Lord.

You should go for amrit di daat before marriage. If you are non amritdhari your parents might find a mona guy or some other patit guy. By patit I mean beard cut guy even if they try hard to find a turban wearing guy. Because there are more moeny or turban wearing beard cut guys than amritdhari singh depending on areas.

If you are amritshak then you have only one choice which is getting married with amritdhari singh.

but also it is hard to find amritdhari partner if you belong to a family like mine where i do not see any of our relative amritdhari and there are no links of them with amritdhari people.

Haan Ji, I did ardass to Guru Ji telling them everything what my aunt said and how I felt and asked for advice. This was the hukamnama I got.

and yes, I belong to a similar background as you. We are not close to very many amritdhari's and even those aren't of the highest rehat that I dream off.

One thing I must clarify to sangat ji is that my aunt is my best friend. I call her daily and share everything with her. She knows how much amrit means to me and is trying to find a guy that also is religous. Someone that will take amrit with me and be my life partner. That way we can become good Gursikhs togather.

They will never marry me to a guy that is not thinking about walking on the Sikhi path.

[Mehtab Singh]

Its hard for girls as they are always pressurized to wait for Amrit until after marriage, and I will give you the same advice I have given other Bibis in your situation. Say you get married WITHOUT taking Amrit, and the person you get married to is also non-Amritdhari but in full Sikhi saroop, i.e. he wears a turban and has full uncut beard, but hasn't taken Amrit, like yourself. Tomorrow this guy starts drinking alcohol, starts eating meat (which you may not approve of), and refuses to take Amrit, what are you going to do then? You will be stuck with him forever, you will not only hesitate to take Amrit but will come to a point of discarding the idea as a result of the manmukhi sangat of your spouse. However, if you take Amrit before marriage, your folks will know that you can marry ONLY an Amritdhari Singh. People will whine about how hard its going to be to find you a match since you are Amritdhari, but thats what they will whine about anyways because Punjabis who love to be Punjabis rather than Sikhs are good only at whining, so allow those duffers and don't bother. You know what you need to do, you know very well what you want, so don't let anyone or anything stop you. And another thing, do not misinterpret any Hukamnama of Gurujee. Gurujee will NEVER ask you to wait to take Amrit, so forget about having a single doubt for fraction of a second that He wants you to wait for Amrit till after marriage.

ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨ ਜਪਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਮਨਿ ਜਪੀਐ ॥

O my mind, chant the Name of the Lord, Har, Har, Har - chant it in your mind.

ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਕੀ ਸਰਣਾਈ ਭਜਿ ਪਉ ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨਾ ਗੁਰ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪੀਛੈ ਛੁਟੀਐ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Quickly now, run to the Sanctuary of the True Guru, O my mind; following the Guru, the True Guru, you shall be saved. ||1||Pause||

ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨ ਸੇਵਹੁ ਸੋ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਸ੍ਰਬ ਸੁਖਦਾਤਾ ਜਿਤੁ ਸੇਵਿਐ ਨਿਜ ਘਰਿ ਵਸੀਐ ॥

O my mind, serve God, the Giver of all peace; serving Him, you shall come to dwell in your own home deep within.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਜਾਇ ਲਹਹੁ ਘਰੁ ਅਪਨਾ ਘਸਿ ਚੰਦਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਜਸੁ ਘਸੀਐ ॥੨॥

As Gurmukh, go and enter your own home; anoint yourself with the sandalwood oil of the Lord's Praises. ||2||

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਆਪੁ ਪਛਾਣਿਆ ਤਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹੀ ਇਕ ਮਨਿ ਧਿਆਇਆ ॥

The Gurmukhs understand their own selves; they meditate single-mindedly on the Lord.

ਸਦਾ ਰਵਹਿ ਪਿਰੁ ਆਪਣਾ ਸਚੈ ਨਾਮਿ ਸੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ॥੨॥

They enjoy their Husband Lord continually; through the True Name, they find peace. ||2||

ਏ ਮਨ ਤੇਰਾ ਕੋ ਨਹੀ ਕਰਿ ਵੇਖੁ ਸਬਦਿ ਵੀਚਾਰੁ ॥

O my mind, no one belongs to you; contemplate the Shabad, and see this.

ਹਰਿ ਸਰਣਾਈ ਭਜਿ ਪਉ ਪਾਇਹਿ ਮੋਖ ਦੁਆਰੁ ॥੩॥

So run to the Lord's Sanctuary, and find the gate of salvation. ||3||

[guptkuri]

another thing, I wear a dastar so there will be no misunderstanding where I stand

Haan Ji, I complete understand where you guys are coming from. And I had made this post to vent and to find arguing points against my aunt. But the hukamnama? What do you guys make of it. What is Guru Granth Sahib Ji saying.

[Mehtab Singh]

But the hukamnama? What do you guys make of it. What is Guru Granth Sahib Ji saying.

You still need to ask?

[Singhstah]

According to pratan maryada there was no anand karaj before amrit sanchar, i.e. amrit sanskar must take place before anand sanskar, this is the pratan Guru maryada which has only been violated recently. Therefore anand karaj before amrit sanchar cannot ever be fully in accordance with Gurmat for anyone. And then of course for anand karaj both the singh and singhni must be amritdhari only.

This should help greatly in interpreting the hukamnama, based on this maryada, in my mind the hukamnama is telling you to take amrit now and then get married to a chardikala amritdhari singh.

Talk before marriage is just talk, they may agree to amrit now and say they will do it after marriage, but after the marriage is done how do you know for sure they will then go through with it? You would get taken down as well.

Read more here:

http://gurmatbibek.com/forum/read.php?3,5046,5046

In terms of finding an amritdhari, I am sure with Guru Ji's kirpa it is no problem, one thing you can do is get panj singh to do ardas in guru mahraj's hazoori (lareevar saroop if possible) and ask for the person in your sanjog to become pargat.

also http://akj.org/skins/one/matrimonial.php offers a service for gursikhs.

[VanHelsingh]

Talk before marriage is just talk, they may agree to amrit now and say they will do it after marriage, but after the marriage is done how do you know for sure they will then go through with it? You would get taken down as well.

Sadly this is so, so true. A lot of things are agreed upon before marriage (such as the issues described by the OP). But after the Lavaan are taken, nobody gives a darn about anything.

It seems a handshake or a spoken promise count for nothing in this day and age.

[guptkuri]

Well, Maharaj is beant. I just called India this morning and things are looking better. My aunt had gone to a wedding and there she ran into some old friends she hadn't expected to see but anyways they have a son who is amritdhari, exactly my age and is from just the kindof family my parents were looking for. My dad is to go see him in a few days and from the looks of it, this might be it. I can take amrit now without my family preasure to wait because the guy I am probably gonna marry is amritdhari.

Thanks for your guys advice and I am sure you guys did ardass too because things worked out so quickly. thank you