Confused

[thelostsole]

Vaheguru Jee Kaa Khalsa Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!!

Whilst at university i met what i thought would be my future husband. We got know each other as friends and eventually became soul mates. After i left university i realised that my feeling for this person had become stronger and realised that i wanted to marry this person. The feelin was mutual.

I approached my mother and informed her that i had met someone that i think i could possibly marry. So my parents went over to his house to meet the family etc.... they very much liked the family.

I have strong beliefs in my faith as i have been brought to learn teh sikh ways of liife and have really enjoyed going to teh gurdwara and learning about sikh history.

During university my soul mate told me that his parents believe in something else and do not go to the gurdwara. However he made it clear that he does not believe in what his parents believe in. He is like me we both enjoy going to the gurdwara and learnin about sikhism. At university i did not dwell on the situation to much however was a little worried because i knew my parents may not agree with what his parents believe.

During a phone call between my mum and his mum my mum asked about their beliefs and she openly said that they go to this place in Birmingham that believe in darshani das. Being naive i have never heard of this place. My mum was shocked to hear this as this went against her belief. After the conversation my mum had a very serious conversation with me and told me that would not fit into a family like that as both families beliefs are so different.

However she said that she said that she will always respect any decision i make h

owever she will feel anxious if i marroed into that family.

I feel confused and am looking for some guidance. I have met someone who i am in love with and want to marry. I'm scared of what i might be going into as i do not agree this darshni das's views.

I appreciate your thoughts and woud like some info on this place in brum

[SSB]

bheji im quite young and dont know if this is the bestest responce u will get but ask him if he will become a sikh if he him self does not believe in that religion if he agree's tell your mum and see what happens your very lucky ur mum respects wat u do thats wicked. But dont becom half of each religion becoz if u put one leg in one boat and the other leg in another boat and they go different directions you will fall.

bhulla chuka maaf

[Mkhalsa]

Bhenji,

First off, I understand your situation. I have been there.

But, you need to realize it is not in gursikhi to be dating etc. Though you did the right thing by going to your parents etc..

Anyway, Bhenji, darshani das is also known as ashutosh. Ashutosh is a very dangerous person. He beleives he is guru and his cultists follow him as such. Ahsutosh has some kind of mind spell on some followers and does extreme beadbi of guru sahib. They are evil cultists. This is something that you should know.

If this boy has rejected this, good for him. But as for his parents you should not even associate with them as what they are doing is an affront to guru sahib. They are no better than radhaswamis etc. They are probably worse.

Ashutosh is an evil person.

[Bijla Singh]

This story might help you make your decision.

By Jaswinder Singh

A powerful question it is, and a very personal one for many Sikhs who have been living in foreign countries, such as England, USA and Canada. Many if not all who have been raised, or nearly raised their entire life in these countries, must have asked the same question that I have, over and over, why am I a Sikh?. Why do I follow the Sikh religious beliefs? and most importantly, what is it to be a Sikh?

I have lived 21 of my 24 years in Toronto and like most Sikhs who maintained unshorn hair, have been harshly ridiculed, had to fight physical and verbal battles with my school mates almost every day. Just trying to survive in this white-dominated culture where children were out rightly racist, was a tough daily battle. The only thing that kept me strong at heart, was hearing the stories my father used to read to us all, of the lives of Guru Gobind Singh Ji, his children and other Sikh Martyrs who gave all for their faith in Sikhism.

Though I was still young and didn't understand the details of Sikh values at that time, just having role models like Guru Gobind Singh Ji' young children (Baba Zorawar Singh and Baba Fateh Singh) kept my spirits alive and allowed me to pass through this most critical time in my life as a youngster with a strong sense that Sikhs were brave, strong, courageous and that we would give our life, but stand tall like warriors and face all obstacles.

Today the racism has decreased many fold since the 1970s and early 80s when I was in public school, however it is still very real and visible to Sikh boys who maintain their long hair. They endure the same subtle d

iscrimination by their class mates. The only difference being, it is less physical nowadays.

The last few years, since entering University I have asked myself many difficult questions such as, would life not be easier if I just adopted the norm of today's society? by cutting my hair, drinking alcohol, smoking, hanging around in bars and partying?

The last year has been the most craziest of my life. For some unknown reasons to me, a Muslim girl came into my life. This was the most challenging time of my entire life. The reason being, I loved her and she loved me, however, I could never marry her unless I convert to Islam she said.

Now what is a 23 year old, warm blooded Sikh to do? I love her, but at the same time, I knew my Gurus, their children, the many other Martyrs gave their life, but did not accept Islam. Should I betray their sacrifices? for LOVE?

I was so confused, why did she not say such before coming into my life, "that she can only marry a Muslim"? Why after taking my heart did she throw this piercing thorn into our relationship? However when I reflected, I knew I had strayed away from the Sikh values, and if I wanted to maintain Sikh values, I would have to give her up, or she would have to convert to Sikhism.

I asked myself why did my Gurus sacrificed their lives for Sikhism? It must be truly the greatest religion. Why did they ignore all the riches of the world, the pleasures of society and women? But immersed themselves in the love of God?

This period was the most testing in my life. If I had not known about Sikhism, I would have probably "jumped the gun" so to speak and married her by converting to Islam. However when I looked into what Sikhism is, what are its values, what is its history, I knew I would be doing a grave injustice not only to my Gurus, but my own soul, for forsaking the most humanly religion in the entire world. Most poetic, most respecting of all other religions, and foremost, only religion in the entire world, where Sikhs have

sacrificed their lives to help save another religion. The ninth, Guru Teg Bahadur Ji, just one prime example. How can I betray this worldly religion, which respects all humans, does not enforce itself on anyone, respects all religions alike, for humanly pleasure? I didn't. I couldn't. Blessed with the understanding of my faith. I never would. My love left, but my faith remained.

I wrote her the following poem to depict to her my reasoning, my feelings, for my decision...

She asked from me, my heart in love,

I gave her my treasures- heart, body and soul.

Unsatisfied was she, requesting my identity

I could only offer her my life, not birth!

I shall not forsake my blessings at birth

a religion of love, in blood poetically wrote.

Equality its emblem, crowned by selfless sacrifice

a religion offering peace, justice to humanity.

A religion not elitist, nor condemning anyone

joining humankind as beloved children of God.

A religion stressing Truth (God), not blind following

spreading rays of happiness, not endless tyranny.

Why do you ask me to relinquish this path?

do you not want to be my partner, equal in all respect?

My "Love", I tell you, my heart I will burn,

shall die as a Kaffir, in God's love, over and over.

Jas. Aug 17, 95.

I sacrificed love for a human, for the love of my Guru. I could not betray my Guru, who holds the wisdom, the light, the key, to ferry me across this worldly ocean, to give me the true nectar bliss of God' love, to bring me closer to my essence of whom I am, my spirit, my soul, for anything or anyone in this world.

http://www.realsikhism.com/testimonies/jaswinder.html

[Gurpreet Singh]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

Well I think since the guy doesn't believe in this Darshani das and enjoys going to the gurdwara and learning about sikhi, thats a good thing. I mean it is hard to follow sikhi when your parents are following something totally different. I'm in the same boat. I want to be an amritdhari one of these days and most of my family are into Radha Soami. I try telling them its wrong but it doesn't work but I mean where there's a will there's a way. Once you have guruji's hands on Your head theres nothing that can come in your way. I think you should just see that this guy knows what beliefs you hold and if he's really into sikhi then I don't see a problem. Its a free society today, people have their own beliefs. Some may not see things the way we see it or we want them to see it but insted of fighting over it and trying to change people, we should become that example so they know what we about. I don't know if this helped but forgive me if i said something wrong.

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

[s s Jhamka]

vaheguru ji ka khalsa

vaheguru ji ki fateh

bhenji it’s a hard one, it’s up to u to make the finial decision. first off all the darshan dass cult the parents belong to is one off the most corrupt groups around. In nov 1987 2 singhs killed this evil man who had destroyed loads off families and done Gurujis beadbi.. their views are totally opposite to Sikhi and it will be hard for the families to get on. If ur parents are Amritdhari this makes it even worse. But I think in this day and age families don’t mix as much as they used to so hopefully things wont come up then again when u do ur Anand Karg it will have to be on Sikhi values u 2 have to be strong and law down the law from day one to them.

Your . future husband has to be a strong believer in Guruji and sikhi then it will make it easier for ur parents to understand. At the end off the day what brought u together was sikhi and that sud be ur main focus. If u love Sikhi nothing else will matter. Your parents want to make sure u dnt suffer in ur new family and that they will respect ur views in Sikhi. This depends mainly on their views as u will believing with them but my experience off ppl who follow these cults that they are to engrossed in their ways. The other option would be u move out with ur husband and live separately. Any ways my point was about the darshan dass cult is one I wouldn’t want my enemy to be in

Its not the ashutosh cult like in India but similar one. It as lost most off it followers but it’s the die hard one that are still with them

May Guru ji guide u bhenji

Rab Rakha

Take care

sukdev

[Mkhalsa]

Oh sorry, made a mistake. Darshani das was that uk guy.

ashutosh is evil too.

[Jaspaul Singh]

Bhainji,

I respect you so much how you got to know this person, kept your restrictions, knew your limits, and after all that you approached your parents in a meaningful manner.

As far as his parents go, look at it this way...

Talk to the guy, if he himself will say he wants to go the gursikhi way of life, and have nothing to do with that cult, than i say you marry him. BUT... if it is gonna effect your married life, with your husband, and if you go on the wrong track, than its not good.

Also, marrying in a family like this, where the son and his wife believe in strict sikhi conduct, dont you think you will have some kind of impact on his parents ??

If you have that much courage, and if your future husband does too, i say go for it, remember guru ji will always help you, but you gotta live under his bhana.

hope dat helps.. bhul chuk maph!

[S1ngh]

Simple.. The relationship is gonna be between you and your soulmate.. DOn't worry what his parents are like and what their beliefs are and so on.. Important is to see if you and ur guy will live a sikhi life in future.. And congrats on finding the singh ! :wub:

[thelostsole]

Thank you for everyoe help me. Let VAHEGURU bless them people. But could people still give me more advise on the topic