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Family - Dhari - Dharam & Me

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Waheguru Ji!

I hope with this post I can find some kind of solace with fellow Singhs and Singhneea!

Since April of this year I decided to keep my Kesh, my dad is a keshdhari Singh however cuts his dhari. I come from a moderately religious family, however everyone's drinks and eats meat within my family. So anyway I decided too keep my Kesh however continued I cut my dhari a I did before. In July I went to Punjab for a holiday by myself and visited numerous Guru Ghar and decided to also keep my dhari, a point to note is that I listen to loads of Kirtan and diwans I also do a lot of jaapand path. When I returned home my family told me to cut my beard saying that I look too old, so instinctively I listens to them and cut it. A few weeks ago undecided to keep my beard again as I beleive that there is no point me doing all this jaap and listen to all our ithiaas if I am not going to act upon it. Since then I have been ridiculed by my parents and my brother. constantly I hear "gyaniJi" as now they call me this. Sayin I will not get a job etc!

I have explained To them that it is my choice and that I feel it is the right time or me but try still disagree!

Please help!


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Your family don't understand the importance of keeping kes. You are doing the right thing by keeping your beard uncut. Best thing to do is ignore there negative comments by smiling and walking away. They want you to confront them and then get into an argument, where you do something stupid and then they can say.....look you can't even control your anger, whats the point of keeping a beard.

Get involved with the local Singhs and keep close ties with them. There is a million people who will try to break you away from Guru Sahib and only an handful that will direct you toward Guru Sahib.

Also lose the part that its your choice, be like its Satguru Sri Guru Gobind Singh Sahib ji Maharaj Hukam you are following to keep hair uncut. When they ask you questions, be like let's go to some Gurmukhs and they can answer your questions. One thing that i know is that, those that insult the Sikhi Saroop are very scared to ask Gurmukhs questions and even scared to approach Gurmukhs. And never say anything to them when they are drinking alcohol. They are just looking for entertainment when they are drinking and you will be the joke.

Keep your rehat strong and Satguru will keep you strong. I have faced much insults by a family member and all i did was keep my mouth shut. They understood that the insults don't even bother him and they still try from time to time to insult, but Satguru has done kirpa and i keep on going with my daily duties without a care in the world on what they say.

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Sorry to hear your families reaction they are most probably doing it in jest to tease you a little. Have faith, you have decided to keep your full kesh so big up, I mean that is a big desicion on your part. Off course you'll get a job, marry etc(I presume as they worry about you not working so you must study?).

End of the day nearly everyone has the right too make a choice, no one forces us with a gun to the head. So it may take your family time to adjust etc, but brother be STRONG. Do what you want, your lucky enough to have god pulling you in his direction.

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Guest Khalsa1234

veerji this is echoing exactly what I went through about 5 years ago.

my parents and close family used to joke about my kesh, and I was so close to giving up and just cutting my beard and also my hair! but the True Guru, the King of all the worlds, the Ruler of the Universe, protector of the weak, blessed me with the power to keep my kesh. I made a decision that I would never turn my back on Guru Ji or the Shaheeds of the panth who died because of these kesh, i was only being joked about, what about those who were sawn in half? boiled alive?

Everyone said I would not get a job, I was in my 2nd year at uni so I had to face alot of looks and questions from alot of people including friends etc. My parents said I would never get a job, I live in the north, in a city where there is hardly any asians. But trust me, if you have faith in Guru Ji, and work hard, then all hurdles can be overcome. Never forget our Guru is the King of Kings, he is the light which will save us in Kaljug, cutting your beard is like jumping back into the pit.

When I stuck to my decision and worked on my sikhi, after my final year, we had a recession in the UK and no one could get jobs so for 6 months I faced further rants from my parents saying I would never get a job. During this time I focused on my Nitnem, and banis and kirtan and seva at the Gurdwara. With the Grace of the True Guru, I was was accepted for a really really good job (1 out of 200 applicants), while most of my mates from uni to this day are looking for work.

In the meantime, my parents had got to accept that the beard was going to stay, and as my brother and I were going to Gurdwara alot, my family would sometimes go along to programs too, listening to Bani, playing it at home my family without knowing it got used to the idea. Slowly and slowly the Lord glanced his Grace and a few years later my parents took Amrit!!, then a year later my dads brothers family took amrit too!

No one who knows my family could belive this would happen as my Dads family were into drinking and eating nearly every living thing! Now my parents do so much seva at the Gurdwara and read so much bani, always awake at Amritvela. They have changed so much! It took a long time, and your journey may not turn out like mine, but what I am trying to say is that you must always follow the Gurus wisdom, if you give your Head to Guru ji and follow his hukam then Maharaj will solve your affairs and not only your affairs of getting a job but also the affairs of all the paap from all the past lives. Our Lord and Saviour will save us and liberate us and free us from all attachments and remove our ego so we can merge back into the light we have been seperated from for so long.

Never give up, not only is the Ardas of every Sikh with you, but you have been blessed to have the guidance of the true Master, Dhan Siri Guru Granth Sahib ji, you are already blessed, you have been given a choice to walk a path which very few have the opportunity to walk. Hold your head high and never doubt the Guru, live in the Hukam and no matter how hard life gets see it as a blessing, always keep your rehit. Keep your head down, dont look around at others, join the holy Sangat, serve the Gurus sangat and only ask for Naam di daat. Take the Amrit from the five Singhs and join the army of the Khalsa, become immortal and serve the Lord and his creation for all time.

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One Shabad to keep in mind when family attacks the Sikhi Saroop (essentially attacking Sikhi) is of Bhagat Prahlaad ji Maharaj. Bhagat ji showed such humility and did not get anrgy with his father, when his father told him to stop singing Raam, Raam.

pRhlwd pTwey pVn swl ] (1194-6, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

parahlaad pathaa-ay parhan saal.

Prahlaad was sent to school.

sMig sKw bhu lIey bwl ] (1194-7, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

sang sakhaa baho lee-ay baal.

He took many of his friends along with him.

mo kau khw pV@wvis Awl jwl ] (1194-7, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

mo ka-o kahaa parhHaavas aal jaal.

He asked his teacher, "Why do you teach me about worldly affairs?

myrI ptIAw iliK dyhu sRI guopwl ]1] (1194-7, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

mayree patee-aa likh dayh saree gopaal. ||1||

Write the Name of the Dear Lord on my tablet."||1||

nhI Cofau ry bwbw rwm nwm ] (1194-8, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

nahee chhoda-o ray baabaa raam naam.

O Baba, I will not forsake the Name of the Lord.

myro Aaur pV@n isau nhI kwmu ]1] rhwau ] (1194-8, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

mayro a-or parhHan si-o nahee kaam. ||1|| rahaa-o.

I will not bother with any other lessons. ||1||Pause||

sMfY mrkY kihE jwie ] (1194-8, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

sandai markai kahi-o jaa-ay.

Sanda and Marka went to the king to complain.

pRhlwd bulwey byig Dwie ] (1194-9, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

parahlaad bulaa-ay bayg Dhaa-ay.

He sent for Prahlaad to come at once.

qU rwm khn kI Cofu bwin ] (1194-9, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

too raam kahan kee chhod baan.

He said to him, "Stop uttering the Lord's Name.

quJu qurqu CfwaU myro kihE mwin ]2] (1194-9, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

tujh turat chhadaa-oo mayro kahi-o maan. ||2||

I shall release you at once, if you obey my words."||2||

mo kau khw sqwvhu bwr bwr ] (1194-10, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

mo ka-o kahaa sataavahu baar baar.

Prahlaad answered, "Why do you annoy me, over and over again?

pRiB jl Ql igir kIey phwr ] (1194-10, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

parabh jal thal gir kee-ay pahaar.

God created the water, land, hills and mountains.

ieku rwmu n Cofau gurih gwir ] (1194-10, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

ik raam na chhoda-o gureh gaar.

I shall not forsake the One Lord; if I did, I would be going against my Guru.

mo kau Gwil jwir BwvY mwir fwir ]3] (1194-11, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

mo ka-o ghaal jaar bhaavai maar daar. ||3||

You might as well throw me into the fire and kill me."||3||

kwiF KVgu koipE irswie ] (1194-11, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

kaadh kharhag kopi-o risaa-ay.

The king became angry and drew his sword.

quJ rwKnhwro moih bqwie ] (1194-11, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

tujh raakhanhaaro mohi bataa-ay.

"Show me your protector now!"

pRB QMB qy inksy kY ibsQwr ] (1194-12, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

parabh thambh tay niksay kai bisthaar.

So God emerged out of the pillar, and assumed a mighty form.

hrnwKsu CyidE nK ibdwr ]4] (1194-12, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

harnaakhas chhaydi-o nakh bidaar. ||4||

He killed Harnaakhash, tearing him apart with his nails. ||4||

Eie prm purK dyvwiD dyv ] (1194-12, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

o-ay param purakh dayvaaDh dayv.

The Supreme Lord God, the Divinity of the divine,

Bgiq hyiq nrisMG Byv ] (1194-13, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

bhagat hayt narsingh bhayv.

for the sake of His devotee, assumed the form of the man-lion.

kih kbIr ko lKY n pwr ] (1194-13, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

kahi kabeer ko lakhai na paar.

Says Kabeer, no one can know the Lord's limits.

pRhlwd auDwry Aink bwr ]5]4] (1194-13, bsMqu, Bgq kbIr jI)

parahlaad uDhaaray anik baar. ||5||4||

He saves His devotees like Prahlaad over and over again. ||5||4||

Ang Sung 1194

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest kshatri_ka_poot

I had to make a compromise where I sometimes tie my beard. But I will not cut my beard. I just don't consider the present sikhs thinking respectable, so why should I cut my beard for their ignorant thinking?

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  • 2 weeks later...
I had to make a compromise where I sometimes tie my beard. But I will not cut my beard. I just don't consider the present sikhs thinking respectable, so why should I cut my beard for their ignorant thinking?

What kind of 'kshatri ka poot' makes such a compromise to tie his beard? For a khalsa this is unthinkable. Tunni munni ek barabar.

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What kind of 'kshatri ka poot' makes such a compromise to tie his beard? For a khalsa this is unthinkable. Tunni munni ek barabar.

And who told you " Tunni munni ek barabar".

Show some maturity when writing here. Do not make a laughing stock of

yourself by writing such comments.

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  • 1 year later...
Guest SinghSoorma

I think you should do what you think is right and let everyone else say what they want. I know it is probably hard because they are your family, but you have to decide what you think is best for yourself.

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