Parent's Double Standards

[Guest Guest]

Hey just respect and take care of your parents.

Save the LOVING for your Mate.

Seek company of Genuine people or ones that make you happy.

In order to be cool one must

***Choose peace over conflict***

""Count blessings and not troubles""

[simran345]

lol@onlyfive.

can this be said in every case? what about if the parents are on a extreme level? Is it not better to lead a simple life why waste such money on birthday parties anyway? after all that money could be spent on good things rather than blowing it on other peoples stomachs... respect is a two way thing give respect earn respect if parents don't respect their children then why should the children respect the parents? putting someone down can really have an effect on a individual.

Communication is key talk to your parents on how your feeling, if they ignore it then give them the same medicine and try and live a good life the way you can.

Well said Mandy, i also feel parties are a waste of money, and it can be spent elsewhere. Its quite expensive, cost of the present, petrol cost, some people buy new outfits for the party,etc. Call me kanjoos, but that money can go to better use.

Try talking to your parents like Mandy says, they may not be aware of how you feel. Also I think it depends on the environment the parents have been brought up in. Some parents are stuck in their ways, due to habit, as they do not know any other way of dealing with these situations.

But when you explain to your parents, talk to them with pyar and respect, we are lucky being in this country we have the best of both worlds, but for some parents they maybe from india and their upbringing would be different, so for some families it may seem a normal thing to them, without them realising.

[chatanga]

You mention your parents singing praises of other kids etc (I think this is a normal desi thing) but how do you know that when your not around they don't ring your praises to others?

My parents have commented on my cousins acheiving so much, whilst i remained deeply avaerage, but my aunites say to me, we wish our sons were like you. They have told my parents to tell me to talk to their kids!!!! Can you believe it?

[_singhni_]

Yup I can as I get same from auntiya at guru ghar lol along with sangat saying I'm their daughter etc

[Guest Nanny]

i understand the bitterness, I too used to hate how fake and double stranded the parents were. And I used to thank God for making me a Sikh, because

if I had been only a Punjabi I woulda hated my life so much ....I woulda rather died.

So have ur own standards and stick to them, and ignore ur parents if they tell u to do something that's wrong. At the end they'll just change and blame u.

But do do the good things they tell u to.

;

[samosasingh]

If only life were as simple as you are making it on this forum. The biggest factor in the way you are treated is your karams with your parents. Most people are average. Then there are the 2 extremes.

I don't know about you, but most pendu parents don't know how to parent. It is a lets watch and see the results of us sitting on the fence and parenting. Once you become older and people go farther than you, you parents are basically <Edited> off at you becasue you haven't made them look good in that situation. Once you make them look good and inflate there ego's you will soon see the loving "beta roti khalo" rather than the "Kanjaara free ch roti khandaa, useless"

It's all a game of ego. Banee says nobody is yours and nobody loves you - not even your parents if it doesn't suit them. It's all a matter of give and take. They did a cheap job of bringing you up, that will re-visit them later on in life. Or they did a good job and you don't want to care for them, that will re visit you.Or any number or other situations that could arise.

Basically the notion to serve your parents is there becasue they have given birth to you, so you are basically just trying to repay the debt. Wake up its all give and take.....................

[TheFancyBanana]

"Kanjaara free ch roti khandaa, useless"

lol i get that sometimes off my dad.

[_singhni_]

Samosasingh got to say I disagree with you on most of your reply. Doesn't Mahraj tell us to respect and be loyal etc to our parents? As children we have a duty to pay to our parents just like they have to us.

If you look at a wider picture most of our desi folks are better than you standard western parents. Its getting more rare to hear/see a 20+ year old living at home within the western community (goreh etc) but look at us most of us stay with our parents at home until marriage. Desi folk have there faults as do all parents but least most desi parents care about their kids regardless of age. From experience of growing up in a 99% white community that's not the case with goreh etc. Most of them reach 16-18 and are told go do what you want etc. Our desi parents can be/are very protective of us but its only because deep down even if they don't show it they do care. Sorry for rant. But overal we can discuss parenting to the core but we will only ever knoe/understand what it is when we become parents ourselves (as told to me by a wise gursikh )

[Guest RavindaSingh]

lol@onlyfive.

Well said Mandy, i also feel parties are a waste of money, and it can be spent elsewhere. Its quite expensive, cost of the present, petrol cost, some people buy new outfits for the party,etc. Call me kanjoos, but that money can go to better use.

Try talking to your parents like Mandy says, they may not be aware of how you feel. Also I think it depends on the environment the parents have been brought up in. Some parents are stuck in their ways, due to habit, as they do not know any other way of dealing with these situations.

But when you explain to your parents, talk to them with pyar and respect, we are lucky being in this country we have the best of both worlds, but for some parents they maybe from india and their upbringing would be different, so for some families it may seem a normal thing to them, without them realising.

...Kanjoos .... xD

[simran345]

...Kanjoos .... xD

lol@ravindra, well who cares if I'm kanjoos in that area. I'm not going to spend money that god gives me on other peoples parties, who havent asked about me, or even bothered to pick up the phone to ask about me, when my health has been on rockbottom. When relatives and friends cannot give u the support and cant be bothered, and their only excuse is "asi busy c". Then they expect me to go to a party, take them presents and turn up out of the blue, like nothing has happened, to support their "party". And when I get there cant eat the food, as it wont suit me, cant sit for long. No thanks, if people are only going to remember others when its party time or wedding time, then call me kanjoos, i dont care. But I would rather spend that money on my own family or give it to somebody who needs it.

Then they say "tusi kade phone ni karde". Yeahhhhh well dont that remind you of someone!

Come to think of it, I think I've never held a party either in my life. Never celebrated anything. The only party was my wedding day, even that wasnt a party, as I wasnt part of it. busy stressing out and trying to keep hold of myself. I must be real kanjoos-maki-choos!