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Guest Siaye

Bhenjia Do You Agree With The Arranged Wedding?

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Guest Siaye

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji ki Fateh,

this question goes out to my Sisters and (Brothers) out there, what do you think of arranged wedding? Do you agree , that your parents find a partner for you? Can you develope love, or should there be a connection - before marriage? I want to know your inner feelings - the truth. Share your thoughts and opinions.

Regards

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Personally I never used to agree with arrange marriage but as I have matured and seen arrange marriages work successfully I'd say when time comes I'd consider a arrange marriage. My personal view is that Mahraji knows from the day your born of/if your going to marry. Therefore that person will marry you regardless if its arrange or "love". I believe that when it comes to marriage weather its love or arrange we should ask Guru Granth Sahib Je Mahraji if we should go ahead with the reshtha before we take next step and eventually marry the person. I don't believe you can love your "partner" before marriage but believe once married the love between husband and wife developes as after anand karaj 2 souls become 1. As for meeting before marriage I think it should be very limited before marriage and a third person should be present/your parents (on both sides) should know where you two are meeting and what you are doing eg. Going for meal etc. These are just my views as a 21 year old amrithari. Akaal

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Guest _gupt_

personally i think its best to have an arranged marriage. Parents are far more experienced with life and can find a partner whom is compatible in terms of personal attributes but also family. If both parties want to, then you can spend time getting to know each other prior to the marriage too. I think the reason why even amritdharis are divorcing nowadays is because of an increase in love marriages, where feelings/kaam can blind your logic/thinking and make you choose someone whom isnt the right person to marry.

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very nice views above......love marrigae or arrange doesn't matter, what matters is the partner to be........every individual is different...our father, mother, brother, sister and we.....although living in one family, have different views on different aspects...what we do is ...adjustments with each other......but living with your partner after wedding is not the same relationships as living with your parents and siblings........it's a totally different life........it's very hard to do adjustments whole life........when married life go with adjustments....one person will be living with a pressure on their heart just to keep peace in between them....................there shold be understanding between both......so both can talk and respect each other....

I want to share this real life incident of very close freind of mine......she's amritdhari / spiritual....parents gave add in the newspaper for a year..didn't find any suitable....then they found one on student visa.....not an amritdhari but a boy from a very innocent, polite, amritdhari, and sant sevi family....both liked each other as they shared their views on gursikhi and boy said he'll be an amritdhari in near future....he doesn't want to do that because of anybody's presure....girl respected his views and did ardas to Guru sahib if this is the right person, please let the rishta go ahead.....engagement took place....parents make (point to be noted they didn't do it themselves) them exchange their phone #s, so they can understand each other better.......they were happy to know each other and felt comfortable and saw a life time relation of gursikhi and an understanding in future........then jiwein guru nu bhawe...after a month girls parents/siblings for some stupid childish reason....said they want to break the rishta....but the girl knew that her family is being selfish & rude and doing wrong to boys side.......so she stood for her rights......her family presurized and forced her with every possible way so she can say "no" as well...........boys side were obviously shocked and sad.......girls used to cry and do ardas benti before guru sahib that if she is right, give her strength to fight and fix things up.......she talked to a mahapursh about this and he said "apni larhai aap hi larhni hundi hai, koi kise da sath nahin dinda, apna mann na dulawo, Guru sahib tuhade ang sang ne "...these words gave her so much strengh that her family has to back out.......after trying for 6 months girls family asked her if something happens tomorrow they won't be responsible......girl said fine......she knew Guru sahib fixed this rishta and "HE" will be there for her always.........it was what she asked for from Guru sahib...a sant sevi family......and today she is very happily married for 2 yrs...I haven't seen any married girl so happy in my life so far.....

the point I wanted to make is that parents can not always be right...."vade hamesha theek nahin hunde, coz they care about smaaj more than their childrens happiness"....I am not saying we should not obey or respect parents....but we should stand for the truth .......as an individual and every individual's relation with Guru sahib is different, even parents are out of this relation..........(coz it's the union of two souls)

love or arrange, it should be an understanding, honest and true relation, so both can make their way to sachkhand by following gursikhi jeewan....

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Guest little_knowledge

I agree with many of these posters. An arrange marriage seems better. I do agree that the two individuals concerned should consent and have the opportunity to talk and ask questions. 49-50% of love marriages end divorce whereas this is not common in arrange marriage. This is may be due to social stigma as Asian families favour arranged marriages. Love marriages are usually based upon first physical attraction which can be over in a short period. Also, I do agree with the fact parents or elders do have more experience and will pick someone who will help your Gursikhi Jeevan and not drive you away from it... :smile2:

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Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji ki Fateh,

this question goes out to my Sisters and (Brothers) out there, what do you think of arranged wedding? Do you agree , that your parents find a partner for you? Can you develope love, or should there be a connection - before marriage? I want to know your inner feelings - the truth. Share your thoughts and opinions.

Regards

hi btw imm tha panji that created i dont lyke arranged marriages they put me off.

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Guest Guest

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

I was wondering since 2001 has anyone met his/her match through Sikhsangat.com

Any success stories or genuine people at SS ?

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

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Guest Gupt

Arranged marriage is always the best, you just cant go wrong with it. Love marriage is fine as long as if your not in a relationship,physically touched the singh or singhni, that is fine. Because after anand karaj u are able to do anything. If you want to gte in touch you can email me..jasmeetsinghkhalsa@hotmail.co.uk

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Guest pristine

Arranged Marriages can go wrong, especially if one party is not completely honest, families and parents don't always know their children as well as they think they do, and our community is guilty of thinking that if someone gets married their bad behaviours will be fixed by the marriage. Its the individuals poor partner that has to put up with the bad behaviour afterwards, as marriage does not 'fix' people.

Parents will generally do what is best for their children and don't usually intentionally put their kids in a bad situation, but other people will and do lie. If you don't bother get to know your partner before you get married, prepare yourself for all and any eventuality afterwards. Only fools rush in blind.

As one of previous posters wrote, is it in Gurbani anywhere that sanjog are prewritten? Is it possible that for some it is not written at all that they will marry?

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