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Seperation from husband - emotional abuse

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Guest Sikh soul

Waheguru ji ka khasa, waheguru ji ki fateh,

Please advise... I have been married for 2 years and am now separated from my husband and going through a divorce. I do not want the separation or divorce, but my husband has been verbally abusive to me which started shortly after our marriage, Before this time, we were a very happy couple. He has also become physically abusive and emotionally blackmails me and really made me ill. He refuses to get help for himself and his family are fully supportive of him and blame me and refuse to acknowledge the wrong doings or problems their son has. His mother was not happy that we got on so well and played a big role in emotionally bullying me and made me very depressed living under her dictorship. I became very ill but no one cared and my husband joined his mother in seeing me as the problem and turned a blind eye to what was happening with me. My family fear for my safety in that house and have helped me to become stronger mentally and rebuild my confidence while I have been back at home, but my husband is still playing mind games and keeps tormenting me with phone calls and texts but does not wish to resolve things. He will not get help for himself and his mother blocks any attempt we make to resolve things. He is always ends up listening to his mum. Despite his issues and the way he has treated me, I still want to make this marriage work but am scared of becoming ill and have no control over him to make him work on the issues and stop listening to his parents.

I know divorce is wrong, but what do I do in this situation? Please advise...

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I hate when people like you get mistreated.I would say depredation would be the best because he will still hurt you in the future.

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Dear Bhenji,

I think the best thing to do (apart from Ardas to Guru Saheb) is to spend some time away from the situation in order to get youself a clear mind. You will then be able to decide upon what you really want.

You've mentioned that he's been physically abusive. I'm very sorry to say that that should actually be the last resort. Any physical abuse is an indicator of the loveless relationship.

But if you would still like your marriage to work, you'll need to take control of the situation. Talk to your husband. Make your feelings and emotions clear to him. Don't forget to try to understand where he's coming from either.

Having said all that, don't forget that a marriage does not define your entire life. If it doesn't turn out to be what you wish for, no big deal. There is so much more in life to live for.
Take care Bhenji.

P.S. On a side note, Do as many mool-mantar jaaps as you physically can. You won't need to do anything. Everything will sort itself out.

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toughest decision a wife can make..!!... if u have children then try to stick with ur husband - but the person who can hit u will neva be good... think for some tricks to make him understand.... if not... then u should make a quick decision of divorce.... I have seen so many ladies who keep quite n tolerate what all happens... but very few have the courage to lead life n make decisions....

I am not married i cant make very strong statements but if this all happens.... do not tolerate..... do fight against it....

U will laugh at me... but 1 incident happened in my own family where my uncle hit my aunt 2-3 times.... my aunt was so angry that she took the thumb of her husband in her mouth n gave a tight bite.. .. the bite was so hard that it bleeded badly......from that day he never ever tried to abuse or hit her.... :strong:

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Waheguru ji,

I do Ardaas to Guru Sahib ji that you get the best out of everything bhenji.

I would just say, do Ardaas to Guru Sahib ji. Take Hukamnama and see what Guru Sahib ji says - http://fateh.sikhnet.com/Sikhnet/Register.nsf/CyberHukamnama%C2'>

You know, I have seen alot of my friends who could have gotten muchhh better. So just see what Guru ji does. Do paath and lots of simran. Remember, regardless of who we live with in this world, our REAL Husband Lord is Waheguru ji. And He loves us so much, that we cant even imagine.

And maybe counselling is an option?

Guru Sahib Ang Sang

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hard situation to be in, on one hand part of me says tell some local singhs at your gurdwara and he will soon learn not to hit his wife (this is old pendhu mentality but it has worked in the past)

another part of me says just divorce him and be rid, kids or not kids, your life and people around you will be much better if you are allowed to be yourself!

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I know it's a serious topic....and emotional one.....but there's a limit to a limit......I hate to write this but you do their danda pared, your mother in law (if you know he won't repent or give you happiness the rest of your life) ......and then get divorce if nothing improves....

what danda pared would do is.......your sorrow and heaviness on heart would get poured out..they'll realize how much you have been tormented that you have taken this step....and lastly they won't do this with any other girl......I know it's very easy for me to say..and hurting for you.my apologies for that....but you already have been toutured to more than extent......

a true relation is where anyone of you can't see even a tear in others eye......

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