Used By A Sikh Guy

[Guest diya]

hey silent whispers..just to clarify, after i gave him an ultimatum to get married or leave me he said he can't marry me cause of his parents. that's when he told me how his parents actually felt.. and he told me his dad said that. why wud i stay with him had i known otherwise? thanks to everyone who has given me logical, positive feedback and given me some comfort. I needed it. I guess the only logical conclusion here is that this guy is not following any religion except that of satan. well i hope there is such a thing as karma cuz this guy has given me more pain than i can handle and i don't think i will ever be the same after this. maybe I shudn't have posted on a religious forum, as this is more of a moral/ethical issue...so I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I have utmost respect for sikhism and sikh people. thanks for listening guys.

[Guest slient whispers]

Just yesterday I saw a bibi in Islamic attire who until an year ago she was a Punjaban Sikh. It was a shock as for the first time in my life I saw this right before me. I am guessing she got married to her Muslim boyfriend maybe.

Everyone is given free will in sikhism....if they do not wish to follow sikhi by heart and by actions then we all know what the results are for them in the after life. Lets pray people like that come back to the truth ....sikhi.... soon (which they usually do after experiencing discrimination of women in islam).

95% of non-muslim born converts to Islam usually revert back to their previous lifestyle and faith or move on to another one. Saw this in some muslim video who were worried non-muslim "reverts" to islam get put off and run away in the first 1-2 years of being muslim.

Challo waheguru guides who is willing to humble themselves and take the guidance.

[Mehtab Singh]

thats a disgrace, where do u reside khalsa ji?

tu amb laine? LOL, sorry still can't get Jatt and Juliet 2 outta my head :D :D ...mai jee amreeke...

Everyone is given free will in sikhism....if they do not wish to follow sikhi by heart and by actions then we all know what the results are for them in the after life. Lets pray people like that come back to the truth ....sikhi.... soon (which they usually do after experiencing discrimination of women in islam).

95% of non-muslim born converts to Islam usually revert back to their previous lifestyle and faith or move on to another one. Saw this in some muslim video who were worried non-muslim "reverts" to islam get put off and run away in the first 1-2 years of being muslim.

Challo waheguru guides who is willing to humble themselves and take the guidance.

satbachan jee

[DalbirSingh]

Diya one guy above said he could never imagine any father telling his son to have fun, just to clarify I have met people who have entrusting me as a friend told me that's what their father told and they weren't sikh so I didn't think much of it but even if it was a sikh I don't feel I have the right to interfere in other peoples lives or tell them what's wrong or right. I think some fathers believe that their children are in the western world going to sleep around and they would better be aware of it and let them be responsible with contraception so they don't get knocked up or knock someone up (pregnant) or don't contract a STD/STI.

As for following satan I don't believe in satan and I don't think some imaginary entity deserves the blame for this guys own choices, he made his own choices, what goes around comes around alot of us here are believers in karma. If he can live with on his conscious without remorse that he played a girl who genuinely cared about him then he ain't the kinda person who deserves sincere respect. I don't think you should be worried about posting on a religious website from my own perspective I feel you have a right to post here you, it seems this whole thing has troubled you quite abit and you needed to let it out and even if this story is fake there are real people out there going through this who would rather read responses then post for themselves. Even though alot of sikhs in the uk have seen the bitter end of sikh muslim communal relations, there have been a fair share of negative muslim posters on these boards who come with slander and insults.

To be honest we have seen stories like yours where it was a muslim guy and a sikh girl being played in the UK. Nothing in our religion teaches this (the only other moral justification I can think of is people see this happening and want to do it back as revenge, doing that only lowers you to that low level where you have no moral ground to stand on). As for treating someone as a life partner before they actual commitment of marriage I think is your own internal business, maybe this guy might change sight and turn around. People go through breakups I think the best way to treat that is with going on holiday, giving it time, following your hobbies and interests, maybe meeting new people, getting out more, meet mr right for you. I think you need to find happiness in yourself and start growing your self esteem, where you can love life and be comfortable with yourself. It just sounds like it wasn't meant to be.

[luckysingh99]

I don't think anyone's dad said to go have some fun with women son..... I reckon that guy just said that to get closer to the girl so that he could get in between the sheets.

Guys make up so much bull and exaggerations just to get a hit for a date or to get in between the sheets !!

To say things like 'my dad is happy with me...blah blah...' is just to give some false confidence to the other party in this mission.

Guruji gave us the tales and stories in charitropakhyan that are to warn and teach us about the wiles of women, BUT we Men can be just as bad in tricking and deceiving the opposite sex- in other words we should understand the logic behind the phrase 'men can be bit**es too!!'

[AmanSingh1867]

Diya, you asked "What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?"

Our religion forbids us to have sexual relationships outside of marriage, so if he was doing that, he obviously wasn't following Sikhi. As for the last part, about whether it is okay to do that to someone who is not Sikh, we believe that there is only One God, we are all the children of that God, and labels such as "Sikh" and "Muslim" should not be used to divide us. We are told to see the divine light in all of Creation, we are told to look upon everybody equally, so you being Muslim does not somehow justify his actions.

If my blood brother did something like this, I would drag him out onto the street and shame him in front of the community. If I were at Gurdwara and one of the guys there had done something like this, to a Sikh OR non-Sikh girl, then I'd be willing to bet my life that the guy was not going to make it out of there on his own two feet, the other Sikh guys would tear him apart.

I have seen this plot far too many times before. Girl and guy meet, fall in love, sleep together, girl wants to get married and guy leaves (for one reason or another). I know that most members on this forum are familiar with Muslim guys doing this kind of thing to Sikh girls, but trust me fellas, it does happen the other way around too, way more than anyone will let on about. I have personally known guys from Sikh families do this to Muslim girls before, and have heard lots of stories about it as well. So it wasn't that surprising for me to read.

The thing that does stump me though is the comment of the father. Diya, I have known guys who come from non-practicing Sikh families, guys who are really only Sikh in name, who will sleep with anything that moves, but if their fathers ever found out about it, they would be kicked out of the house, or worse, beaten to a bloody pulp. I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER known of a Punjabi father to tell his son "go have your fun", not once. Not only is it against the religion, it is against the culture too, families may not practice Sikhi, but the immigrant families (I am assuming his parents moved here from Punjab) still hold on to the culture very dearly.

I am not saying you are lying, you sound genuine, so I will give you my advice.

1) Forget about him. This is the better option, he doesn't really sound like a great guy to begin with. You said you guys had broken up multiple times before, I don't get the impression that your relationship was very stable to begin with. Imagine being married to him and getting into a large argument and only then discovering what he was really like. It is better this happened now, you say it hurts now, it would have hurt a lot more after marriage. Just get back on your horse, continue living your life and I'm sure you'll find some other guy. You sound like a great girl, it shouldn't be too hard.

2) In case you still want to pursue things with him, there is something you can do. The only reason I am mentioning this option is because I am not 100% convinced that he is telling the truth about what his father said, to have his fun with you and then leave. I think he was lying, for one reason or another he decided he didn't want to marry you, and to avoid you going to his parents, he made it seem like his father was fine with what he was doing. I don't really buy it though. His family knows about you and you say they like you. You are friends with his sisters. Here is what I would do: go to his house one day, sit down and talk with the entire family. Tell them about everything that happened, and also about the comment he claims his father made. Then ask his father, if someone "had their fun" with your daughters and then left, how would you feel? I can almost guarantee you that the sisters will be on your side, the mother may be as well. You were willing to convert to Sikhi for him, so what is the excuse? You need to find out exactly why he doesn't want to marry you. Perhaps he was never serious about it to begin with, he just wanted to have his way with you and then leave, and if that is the case, at least you will be exposing him for what he truly is in front of his family.

I still say that option one is better, but I can understand if you go for the second one. I hope everything works out for you sister, and please don't let one <banned word filter activated> paint a negative image of Sikhs or Sikhi in your mind. If you are genuine about learning more about Sikhi, then don't let the fact that you are broken up stop you.

Rab Rakha

[jasdeepsingh2k125]

I don't think anyone's dad said to go have some fun with women son..... I reckon that guy just said that to get closer to the girl so that he could get in between the sheets.

Guys make up so much bull and exaggerations just to get a hit for a date or to get in between the sheets !!

To say things like 'my dad is happy with me...blah blah...' is just to give some false confidence to the other party in this mission.

Guruji gave us the tales and stories in charitropakhyan that are to warn and teach us about the wiles of women, BUT we Men can be just as bad in tricking and deceiving the opposite sex- in other words we should understand the logic behind the phrase 'men can be bit**es too!!'

for that there r also some charitar of males also in sri charitropakhyan ji..

[luckysingh99]

for that there r also some charitar of males also in sri charitropakhyan ji..

Thanks, I wasn't aware because I've only read the main popular ones.

[DalbirSingh]

Lucky you seem to be a good boy that's a good thing, when you meet sleazy people you will hear it, it might surprise you that people like exist in the world but it is what it is. There are parents who are okay with their children being promiscuous. As for telling a girl your parents are fine with you sleeping around to have fun, I don't think that will help anyone get game, if anything it's probably going to have distance you even more. Have a read of this if you aren't convicnced that there are parents who do take this approach alot of parents don't do the whole arranged marriage thing and that trend is passing there are some who want half and half http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/handle-promiscuous-teen-1496.html

As for Aman's point on religious labels don't divide us I disagree I think what Aman is referring to is the gurus teachings of tolerance and not to go around treating others as infidels or lower then us, there is a divide between truth and lies. islam and sikhism are distinct in many ways islam believes in one life judgement day, the prophets intermediation, satan, angels etc. We don't believe in one life we or in prophets or prophet intermediation. Each to their own if they want a relationship between religion that's their own life and right to pathe by.

If my blood brother did something like I wouldn't shame him on the street because that's a disgrace to the whole family, I would actually talk to him and the other party if I could to try and make things less sour than they have become. As for the father saying go have fun there is a world beyond the pind in the sleazy side of life too. Everything isn't all honour this and that or caste this and that, there are people with radically different world views. Perhaps one day you may need to deal with this stuff when and if your kids are promiscuous and refuse to leave the habbit do you turn them into your best friend and give them advice on contraceptives or do you turn them into your enemies shun them infront of people, and ruin your relationship.http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/promiscuous-teen-girls-2193.html

[Jonny101]

I dont think his dad encouraged him. Amongst Sikh parents such behavior is frowned upon no matter what religion the girl belongs to. Now what I think what must have happened is, like most guys he wanted a girl friend in college for sexual purposes/romance but he intended to marry someone else in future. Guys do his type of stuff a lot. I'm sorry for what happened to do. When he wanted to break up with you, he thought it would be easier to face you if he blames it all on his parents. If a guy says he wants to have sex before marriage, never trust him. Guys by nature do not respect girls who make themselves too easy for them before marriage. That is the mentality of a lot of guys out there.

Even if you do not marry him, I would encourage you to tell your story to his parents and sisters though. So atleast his family should know what kind of a disgraceful son/brother they have.