Singh Suffering From Severe Depression

[Guest Need Help]

Hello everyone,

I am a young Sikh man. I've kept my dhari and kesh my whole life. I'm a sensitive, mentally weak person in general, and its's been very difficult for me to deal with the additional issues that come along with being a Singh.

I don't have much experience with girls. I know the gurmukh approach is to accept an arranged marriage. Unfortunately, I am not on that level spiritually. All my life I have just wanted to experience a girl's affection and feel liked and wanted. Being a Singh has made it extremely difficult for me to find girls who are even open to getting to know me in the context of a relationship.

It's been very difficult for me to deal with my inability to get anywhere with women, and I've been quite depressed about this. The depression has taken a major toll on me. It's affected my productivity at work, and I've lost my job.

I don't know what to do. I can't even consider cutting my hair. I'd never be able to live with myself. But I just hate being alive in this world and feeling like a failure who can't get anywhere.

I hate living and hate this world.

[Balkaar 1,332]

Hello everyone,

I am a young Sikh man. I've kept my dhari and kesh my whole life. I'm a sensitive, mentally weak person in general, and its's been very difficult for me to deal with the additional issues that come along with being a Singh.

I don't have much experience with girls. I know the gurmukh approach is to accept an arranged marriage. Unfortunately, I am not on that level spiritually. All my life I have just wanted to experience a girl's affection and feel liked and wanted. Being a Singh has made it extremely difficult for me to find girls who are even open to getting to know me in the context of a relationship.

It's been very difficult for me to deal with my inability to get anywhere with women, and I've been quite depressed about this. The depression has taken a major toll on me. It's affected my productivity at work, and I've lost my job.

I don't know what to do. I can't even consider cutting my hair. I'd never be able to live with myself. But I just hate being alive in this world and feeling like a failure who can't get anywhere.

I hate living and hate this world.

No offense brother, but the reason a lot of us Singhs are so bumbling and inept with girls is not because of our Kes, but a severe lack of self-confidence which in some instances borders on self-hatred ( attribute by most to their uncut hair).

You'll find that most girls aren't open to getting to know any guy in the context of a relationship, let alone you. Ask a non-Sikh who goes out clubbing every week and attempts to chat up the girls what his success rate is and he will tell you that he is rejected far, far more often than he finds paydirt.

Look at Singhs like Waris Ahluwalia and Jatinder Singh Durhailay, both of whom are considered to be very attractive. Those guys radiate charisma. They don't feel that their Kes impedes them in any way. They used to get bullied as children, but this had the fortunate side effect of causing them to develop character. We keep our kes to stand out. Standing out and going against the stream helps one to develop self-confidence. Being a Kesdhari/Amritdhari is a very good opportunity, if you capitalize on it rather than resent it. It also helps to be eclectic, well-read and well-spoken.

[singhbj singh 1,277]

Don't blame yourself.

Almost all the Mahapurakhs who wrote Gurbani got laid or married in their teens except Guru Harkrishan Sahib ji & Baba Fareed ji who I think were Bairaagi.

Parents, Society & Greed are to be blamed

for delay in Anand Karaj.

Don't waste time on Desis go for gori, kali or Latina.

[Balkaar 1,332]

Almost all the Mahapurakhs who wrote Gurbani got laid

LOL

There's something I never expected to read

[MisterrSingh 3,341]

Stop putting women on a pedestal.

That's more than half the battle won right out the blocks. They won't solve your emotional problems or magically transform your life into a Nirvana-like experience. They're people, just like you and I, as tough as that maybe to believe, lol. And they are very, very good at sniffing out weak men who they consider as nothing more than friends or, in the worst case scenario, honourary females! :o

If you struggle to get women on-side in a romantic context, it's probably because of the vibes you're putting out there. Even I felt like depressed reading your post; blaming your Sikh saroop and whatnot for lack of female attention is not the problem. That's just not on, my friend.

There's that old saying, "Treat 'Em mean, keep 'Em keen." Wise words. Don't make your thirst obvious. It's very off-putting to most women. They have some kind of ESP when it comes to this kind of stuff, no joke.

Edit: Fundamentally, the above is true IMO, but I may have presented it in less than flattering terms. I was in chardhi-kala mode earlier, lol.

In essence, be the best version of yourself. Work on yourself, have a fulfilling life and develop an engaging personality. Weakness is not an attractive quality, and men AND women don't respect you if you wreak of meekness. Eventually the right person will gravitate towards you because of who you are; kesh, dastaar, etc, isn't a hindrance. It takes time to overhaul one's personality and unlearn all those weird tics and habits we put out even without knowing.

Like a poster above said, read about Sikh history and the strong, fearless men who didn't let anything hold them back. Gurbani is the key to your troubles, but not many want to hear that because it seems like someone is trying to ram God down your throat when you're looking for something practical. Gurbani is practical.

[bakhshle 34]

you should try making yourself strong from inside by reading sakhis or inspiring sikhi books(if you cant concentrate on path or simran)...check out the books/sakhi section here on site......the more you think about this issue, the worst you would get.................the life has much more to offer you........do ardaas.....

[Kira 1,405]

Almost all the Mahapurakhs who wrote Gurbani got laid or married in their teens except Guru Harkrishan Sahib ji & Baba Fareed ji who I think were Bairaagi.

I've read some pretty shocking stuff. But I never expected to read that.

LOL

There's something I never expected to read

You and me both.

[Akalifauj 900]

You need to change your outlook on life. What you are looking for is a companion you can talk to about problems you are facing and the good things in your life. Find this companionship among Gursikhs. If you are keeping sangat around you are stuck in the girlfriend life. You will be naturally inclined to follow the same life style. You see them happy in their lives and want the samething.

Yet they don't have happiness. People in these lifestyles put on a false perception 9f happiness. They run after the bodies drug highs, which will never satisfy them. Read tvad parsad swaiyve. Very short paat and filled with the knowledge you are looking for in life. If you can muster up 5 mins to read the paat and 10 mins to contemplate over it, you will be free of this depression.

[singhbj singh 1,277]

Hello everyone,

I am a young Sikh man. I've kept my dhari and kesh my whole life. I'm a sensitive, mentally weak person in general, and its's been very difficult for me to deal with the additional issues that come along with being a Singh.

I don't have much experience with girls. I know the gurmukh approach is to accept an arranged marriage. Unfortunately, I am not on that level spiritually. All my life I have just wanted to experience a girl's affection and feel liked and wanted. Being a Singh has made it extremely difficult for me to find girls who are even open to getting to know me in the context of a relationship.

It's been very difficult for me to deal with my inability to get anywhere with women, and I've been quite depressed about this. The depression has taken a major toll on me. It's affected my productivity at work, and I've lost my job.

I don't know what to do. I can't even consider cutting my hair. I'd never be able to live with myself. But I just hate being alive in this world and feeling like a failure who can't get anywhere.

I hate living and hate this world.

Whether it's California or Delhi, getting affection is no problem for this Sardar

Get tips from him

[Guest Sat]

It's Kalyug and most women are Mor*ns. I am a woman and even I know this.

So don't beat yourself up. Love yourself- God made u in His Image, u are the Temple of our Lord.

And understand and accept that Supreme and Ultimate Self Confidence is the Core of Sikhi.

Look at Pics of Guru Gobind Ji- he was 100% Self Confident, his aura extended so far- He he knew He was Unoverridable.

Don't ever fool yourself into thinking u are less that what u are- and don't even for a moment let anyone else fool u into thinking u are less than what u are.

Your being will doubt my words, but I've physically experienced going from an insecure broken person, into a person every single person walking past me has been in Awe of and people have been incredibly Jealous of. Self Confidence is the key.

Also, if some women don't go for u, and u practice Truth (self confidence) thats no reflection on u, so don't beat yourself up about it. If it's hukam, and you are getting up and actually looking for a wife, then it will happen when it's meant to, don't stress so much about it. But if u want a wife, I would say, put effort into looking, and if u get rejected, don't let it knock your confidence because as Sikhs, we are meant to be fearless and confident.

Also, remember that most people on Kalyug are Ego driven- Ego is just Fear and Insecurity-it's a false sense of Self that the Mayadharis have created to fit in with the Gimmick of Society.

Most perceived beauty here is dark, maya looks, again if u look at pics of the Gurus, u see the glowing jyot that emanates from them- compared to the darkness of people near them. That's real beauty- it's the Beauty of Truth.

[Guest treat]

Don't do the treat me mean keep em keen thing just be yourself, your True Self.

[Guest what]

LOL

There's something I never expected to read

Good God, what weirdo wrote that!

[TheLion 39]

Listen brother,

You are who you are, you love Sikhism and don't want to change that, there are women out there who will love you for that. We all are different, just because women might not look at you the way they do to other guys doesn't make you any less of a man and if a woman thinks any less of you because you're a Sikh, let me tell you that woman is not worth your time. Don't let it effect your job or your faith you will find the right woman as long as you be patient. Focus on Waheguru above all else and the rest will fall into place.

You say you're "mentally weak", well in life the hard and rough times make you mentally tough, we're not all born as mentally tough, it's the life Waheguru puts in front of us that makes us tough, makes us worthy to hold the name Singh because a Lion isn't called the king of the jungle for nothing.

So at the end of the day have faith in Waheguru, love Waheguru and stay strong my brother.

Peace

[NavdeepSingh74 20]

Start doing "Chaupai Sahib" paths.Quantity depends on your problem.The more you do the less your KAAM,KRODH,LOBH,MOH,HANKAR gets.Maybe you can start from 15/per day minnimum.These are the reason gems of bani are given to us by Guru maharaj.

[MisterrSingh 3,341]

Don't do the treat me mean keep em keen thing just be yourself, your True Self.

That was a humourous aside. Kind of. I think. Sometimes men gotta be men and not simpering lapdogs. Depends on the woman. If she's good, then no need. If she needs to be kept on her toes, then some things need to be done. That's life.