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Diary Of Sikh Woman: Why I Cannot Get Married


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WJKK WJKF I have seen so many Bibia with facial hair and full beards who are now married to singhs. They eventually were able to find a husband. What I feels it that sometimes it just circumstances t

Putting aside the rehat debate for a moment and returning to the OP. I think it has been proven, albeit anecdotally, that there are Singhs who have no issue with marrying a Singhni who has facial hair

If keeping kes is only applied to the hair on the head, why is it that throughout sikh history the singhs and Gurus kept their beard uncut. In no picture or painting have I ever seen singhs with their

How come? Is there anything wrong with desiring a wife who is more than just her facial hair? That's very harsh.

Why lie to ourselves? Why? Why not just admit the plain, harsh truth that as a man we women to look feminine and not 'manly' with facial hair? I've seen this same type of lies given ie 'she's not my type', 'I prefer shorter/taller women', 'she's not into poetry'....etc, etc when in truth the men are rejecting simply because they are not beautiful and those with facial hair look like men.

BTW 'getting to know the person, dating and finding similar hobbies...etc, etc' are western concepts. They never or rarely existed in Punjabi culture. Both my grandparents didn't meet their future wives until the wedding day (so I've been told). I heard this was pretty much the norm back in the day.

If you are truly 100% beyond looks you will marry whomever your parents choose for you and on the spot you will agree. This 'getting to know the person better, dating....are just lies. There maybe 'some' truth to it but it's mostly used as a reason to reject.

I admit it. I admit, some looks are important to me. Yes, I'm weak and not strong but at least I admit the truth about myself.

I guarantee you, majority of these people advocating allowing facial hair to grow, will never marry a woman who has a slight beard.

Prove me wrong Mr. Singh. The OP is looking for a bachelor. Might I suggest you give her your biodata? :p

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Why lie to ourselves? Why? Why not just admit the plain, harsh truth that as a man we women to look feminine and not 'manly' with facial hair? I've seen this same type of lies given ie 'she's not my type', 'I prefer shorter/taller women', 'she's not into poetry'....etc, etc when in truth the men are rejecting simply because they are not beautiful and those with facial hair look like men.

BTW 'getting to know the person, dating and finding similar hobbies...etc, etc' are western concepts. They never or rarely existed in Punjabi culture. Both my grandparents didn't meet their future wives until the wedding day (so I've been told). I heard this was pretty much the norm back in the day.

If you are truly 100% beyond looks you will marry whomever your parents choose for you and on the spot you will agree. This 'getting to know the person better, dating....are just lies. There maybe 'some' truth to it but it's mostly used as a reason to reject.

I admit it. I admit, some looks are important to me. Yes, I'm weak and not strong but at least I admit the truth about myself.

I guarantee you, majority of these people advocating allowing facial hair to grow, will never marry a woman who has a slight beard.

Prove me wrong Mr. Singh. The OP is looking for a bachelor. Might I suggest you give her your biodata? :p

You are forgetting that not everyone is as shallow as you and that looks are very insignificant to those people. There have been singhs that have willingly married women with facial hair but you seem to be overlooking that. Your view will never change sikhi, a true sikh will always follow rehit even if it does not satisfy you. You should not try to mould women to suit your needs for sexual desire. Please do not worry about what women do with their body or faces but worry about yourself.
Regarding your view on western concepts, I see punjabi culture just as bad. Ever wondered why most marriages, whether punjabi or western, are a complete failure or end in divorce? That is because people run after superficial things e.g. money or appearances. When finding a partner, you should be finding a friend. You can only have a strong bond with friend for a life time. A sensible person will find importance in personality, rather than appearances. If you can't follow that mind-set, that’s alright because as you said, you are a weak man.
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You are forgetting that not everyone is as shallow as you and that looks are very insignificant to those people. There have been singhs that have willingly married women with facial hair but you seem to be overlooking that. Your view will never change sikhi, a true sikh will always follow rehit even if it does not satisfy you. You should not try to mould women to suit your needs for sexual desire. Please do not worry about what women do with their body or faces but worry about yourself.
Regarding your view on western concepts, I see punjabi culture just as bad. Ever wondered why most marriages, whether punjabi or western, are a complete failure or end in divorce? That is because people run after superficial things e.g. money or appearances. When finding a partner, you should be finding a friend. You can only have a strong bond with friend for a life time. A sensible person will find importance in personality, rather than appearances. If you can't follow that mind-set, that’s alright because as you said, you are a weak man.

The OP is looking for a marriage partner. Why don't you extend your 'hand in marriage' to her then?

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The OP is looking for a marriage partner. Why don't you extend your 'hand in marriage' to her then?

LOOOOL!!!! Well if I was a singh and had an interest in marriage, I would say yes if she had an innocent, kind and sweet personality. I would regard that person to be the most beautiful.

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LOOOOL!!!! Well if I was a singh and had an interest in marriage, I would say yes if she had an innocent, kind and sweet personality. I would regard that person to be the most beautiful.

Yeah right. Look at all the excuses coming out now. LOL!

I rest my case.

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Yeah right. Look at all the excuses coming out now. LOL!

I rest my case.

There are no excuses, I value personality over beauty. Sorry if that is too hard for you to comprehend but you really need to get over the fact that not everyone is like you. Didn't I already say singhs have married women with facial hair.

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Who said having hair on the face is a male identity and there is no pressure to look the same. Instead women are pressured fanatically to remove hair from all over the body and who doesn't, isn't seen as a human being. Your stereotyping of women is disgusting.

Those photos are the imagination of an artist and is not an accurate representative of the Gurus or women at that time.

When Mai Bhago Kaur went into battle with a sword in hand did she become a male in that moment. According to you, she did, because she lost her softer side.

Women like you should be ridiculed till you drop your oppressive stereotypes of how every women should be. Have some shame.

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Who said having hair on the face is a male identity and there is no pressure to look the same. Instead women are pressured fanatically to remove hair from all over the body and who doesn't, isn't seen as a human being. Your stereotyping of women is disgusting.

Those photos are the imagination of an artist and is not an accurate representative of the Gurus or women at that time.

When Mai Bhago Kaur went into battle with a sword in hand did she become a male in that moment. According to you, she did, because she lost her softer side.

Women like you should be ridiculed till you drop your oppressive stereotypes of how every women should be. Have some shame.

Who said having hair on the face is a male identity and there is no pressure to look the same. Instead women are pressured fanatically to remove hair from all over the body and who doesn't, isn't seen as a human being. Your stereotyping of women is disgusting.

Those photos are the imagination of an artist and is not an accurate representative of the Gurus or women at that time.

When Mai Bhago Kaur went into battle with a sword in hand did she become a male in that moment. According to you, she did, because she lost her softer side.

Women like you should be ridiculed till you drop your oppressive stereotypes of how every women should be. Have some shame.

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Who said having hair on the face is a male identity and there is no pressure to look the same. Instead women are pressured fanatically to remove hair from all over the body and who doesn't, isn't seen as a human being. Your stereotyping of women is disgusting.

Those photos are the imagination of an artist and is not an accurate representative of the Gurus or women at that time.

When Mai Bhago Kaur went into battle with a sword in hand did she become a male in that moment. According to you, she did, because she lost her softer side.

Women like you should be ridiculed till you drop your oppressive stereotypes of how every women should be. Have some shame.

Think you are going OTT about this. Yes whT mai bhago did was brave but only when women act in ways that are typically celebrated as male are they celebrated in sikhi. What about bebe nanaki the first to recognise guru Nanak ji but she is not widely celebrated. Is there evidence of women keeping facial hair in the times of the gurus? In order to make children there has gone some level of physical attraction & unfortunately I don't think many men will find facial hair attractive in women. Please stop the political correctness and be honest

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Think you are going OTT about this. Yes whT mai bhago did was brave but only when women act in ways that are typically celebrated as male are they celebrated in sikhi. What about bebe nanaki the first to recognise guru Nanak ji but she is not widely celebrated. Is there evidence of women keeping facial hair in the times of the gurus? In order to make children there has gone some level of physical attraction & unfortunately I don't think many men will find facial hair attractive in women. Please stop the political correctness and be honest

I'm surprised to hear this from a kaur. Almost every woman naturally has a small amount of facial hair. A woman with a full grown beard like a man wasn’t very common in the past because people's lifestyle was more healthy and active, so there will be no evidence to find through pictures. But even if a woman was to grow an excessive amount of facial hair due to a condition, do you believe a man should suddenly love the woman less and feel repulsed to even be near her? It would be a complete mockery on himself as he himself has a full grown beard.

Guru Sahib has given us non-gender specific rehit to follow, and valued and respected women for who they are. Guru Sahib never moulded women to suit men’s sexual desire- that is one way you can tell Sikhi is not a man-made religion. You tell me would Guru Sahib instruct a woman to strip away her femininity by removing her natural facial hair just for a man’s sexual desire, while men were advised to keep their hair? No because it would be hypocritical and Guru Sahib was charismatic, and had a mind beyond any human beings limited and conditional understanding.

Your view on attraction is very small and superficial. Attraction is deeper than being attracted to flesh. Real attraction comes from loving the characteristics of the person, their soul. With your thought, you could be attracted to a lifeless person or a "good-looking" person who has a hideous soul. Believe it or not, there are people who find attraction to a person on much more meaningful characteristics in a person. I for one do not even understand how people become physically attracted to the next good-looking person they see; I find it very cheap and low-minded. When a singh marries a singhni with facial hair, it is because he found her to be truly beautiful inside and out due to her strong characteristics radiating from her.

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I'm sure there are some people who are not attracted by physical appearance and only to the soul but they are rare. Viaguru made us into physical beings and to be physically attracted to someone is not wrong or dirty as that is how Vaiguru made us, just as we have a desire to eat. If it is only about attraction of souls than why the need for different genders with different physical forms. Attraction is more than just liking someone's physical appearance, as 2 people may find different people attractive but it is an aspect of connecting to another person, I don't see anything wrong with that. If you are looking for a marriage partner especially in our culture you won't always have time to get to know their soul in depth before marriage. There's nothing shallow about it.

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I'm sure there are some people who are not attracted by physical appearance and only to the soul but they are rare. Viaguru made us into physical beings and to be physically attracted to someone is not wrong or dirty as that is how Vaiguru made us, just as we have a desire to eat. If it is only about attraction of souls than why the need for different genders with different physical forms. Attraction is more than just liking someone's physical appearance, as 2 people may find different people attractive but it is an aspect of connecting to another person, I don't see anything wrong with that. If you are looking for a marriage partner especially in our culture you won't always have time to get to know their soul in depth before marriage. There's nothing shallow about it.

Vaheguru made us into physical beings with a soul. If physical attraction is the foundation of any relationship then people would not be failing miserably in holding their marriage together. And why stop with women, men should also remove any facial or bodily hair to fit into societies conditioned view of beauty. Our culture and way of thinking is very superficial. Guru Sahib says true sikhs are rare.

You are still going on the concept on difference in physical appearance when women grow some facial hair and bodily hair as part of their natural physical appearance. It is not always equivalent to the amount of hair growth on a man but they still grow hair and our body is different regardless of our hair growth (I shouldn’t need to explain this). If hair defined our gender identify, I am sure Vaheguru would have never made it possible for women to grow any hair apart from the hair on the head. Our hair is natural and not something to be deemed ugly or unfeminine or to feel ashamed of.

Truthfully, to find an attraction to the soul, you do not even need to get to know the person; a truly beautiful person radiates good qualities through their aura. If someone cannot see this it is because they are hollow. People’s attraction to others is often a reflection of their own character.

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