Amritdhari Wedding

[singhbj singh]

More like waste the money, when it could just been given to the girl for her future.

Bhein ji money matters are discussed before fixing the Marriage.

Usually the Vichola asks groom side regarding their Expectations - Property, Car, Cash, Gold, lavish wedding events etc

Choice is their's whether they want one thing in abundance or all in moderation.

Yesterday I was giving a suggestion to father of two teenage daughters that it's better to buy both two Bedroom apartment as a wedding present. This will help attract similar status eligible guys and as non of the daughters is accustomed to household work so they would be better off without in-laws.

[singhbj singh]

Regarding the dance issue, my thoughts are that an Amritdhari couple who possess a particular mindset won't be pontificating over a first dance or anything of that nature. That's not me being a killjoy or promoting religious austerity.

Majority of Sikhs live life in shades of Grey, not Black n White.

It is best to establish a relation with someone from a similar mind set.

[simran345]

Bhein ji money matters are discussed before fixing the Marriage.

Usually the Vichola asks groom side regarding their Expectations - Property, Car, Cash, Gold, lavish wedding events etc

Choice is their's whether they want one thing in abundance or all in moderation.

Yesterday I was giving a suggestion to father of two teenage daughters that it's better to buy both two Bedroom apartment as a wedding present. This will help attract similar status eligible guys and as non of the daughters is accustomed to household work so they would be better off without in-laws.

Paji, what I'm trying to say is why should the girls side be bending over backwards for the boys side. There should be no daaj at all. But the money spent on lavish over the top weddings could be given to the girl, alongside equal input from the boys side, or set aside for a rainy day.

In regards to property, car, cash gold lavish wedding, I say SAY NO to all of them. But instead ask what is the boys side going to input, everything should be equal.

I agree with your suggestion, if a parent wants to give their child something, then the property idea is a good one. But it should be equally input. Not sure about attracting the similar status guys though, that's basically saying if a guy or girl isn't from a set financial background then they are no good. Remember, Guru Ram Das Ji had nothing when they were Jetha and Guru Amar Das Ji saw their gunh and gave them the chance. Now look, the whole world praises them.

Qualities (guhn) also should be considered, to see whether the marriage will be a successful one so the daughter can be taken care of well. Also agree with being separate from in laws, maybe not too far, but it can cause a lot of problems all in one house and adjusting to others rules.

[singhbj singh]

excuse me ? lets see trad punjabi attitude:

wedding costs girl's family

transfer of wealth in form of daaj : girl's family

birth of children, saggan and then gifts for the boy's family : girl's family

Visits by boy's side gifts expected for parents: girl family

marriage of female grandchildren: wedding outfit and jewellery: maternal family

so then pressure is wholly on girl's family that is why PUNJABI'S have a TRADITION of killing their female children - it is not a new phenomena Guru Ji spoke against it in all his dehs .

Guru Gobind SIngh ji's hukam is :

No daaj or gifts should be asked or given in marriage of a sikh - if it is requested even implied you're are not his SIKH

The girl's parents should be free of burden of society expectations - sikh Tradition is saggan of sava rupee alone on chunni chadiye and the boy's family accepts the Kaur in the clothes she stands in on the wedding day

The Boy's parents show their love by providing for her every need from the get go -

This whole gifting huge amounts of clothes and jewllery to multiple members of boy's family and girl's family is in reality a burden on both families and is pointless as it cancels each other out , My feeling is that the exchange or Dastars between the heads of the family and maybe Siri Sahib to both children from either side is more in keeping with Guru ji's teachings, if one has to give , give Gurbani to either side

Bhein ji I respect your sentiment but everything happens as per WAHEGURU's Will

http://searchgurbani.com/scriptures/ggs_shabad/2806/line/2

Whether one gets married or not, to rich or poor, to a guy or a girl (LGBT), one or many is all SANJOG/Destiny.

[MisterrSingh]

Majority of Sikhs live life in shades of Grey, not Black n White.

It is best to establish a relation with someone from a similar mind set.

Yes, establish a relation with someone for whom a "first dance" is unimportant and unnecessary.

[jkvlondon]

Bhein ji I respect your sentiment but everything happens as per WAHEGURU's Will

http://searchgurbani.com/scriptures/ggs_shabad/2806/line/2

Whether one gets married or not, to rich or poor, to a guy or a girl (LGBT), one or many is all SANJOG/Destiny.

murder of unborn daughters is not really what would should be encouraging by maintaining gross abuse of a family because they are the girl's side , this stems from the girl's honour being questioned if the engagement/wedding is broken off i.e. emotional and societal duress ensures these traditions remain ... if we really want to Guru's Sikhs we need to see the blessing we are receiving a gursikh mother for our future generations .

[waheguru27]

Yes, establish a relation with someone for whom a "first dance" is unimportant and unnecessary.

Hanji bhaji, this seems like the most appropriate approach ☺️ It all comes down to the individuals and how ultimately they would like to celebrate there day.

[waheguru27]

Bhein ji money matters are discussed before fixing the Marriage.

Usually the Vichola asks groom side regarding their Expectations - Property, Car, Cash, Gold, lavish wedding events etc

Choice is their's whether they want one thing in abundance or all in moderation.

Yesterday I was giving a suggestion to father of two teenage daughters that it's better to buy both two Bedroom apartment as a wedding present. This will help attract similar status eligible guys and as non of the daughters is accustomed to household work so they would be better off without in-laws.

And bhaji i guess this would be more practical, for future benefits.

[jkvlondon]

Bhein ji money matters are discussed before fixing the Marriage.

Usually the Vichola asks groom side regarding their Expectations - Property, Car, Cash, Gold, lavish wedding events etc

Choice is their's whether they want one thing in abundance or all in moderation.

Yesterday I was giving a suggestion to father of two teenage daughters that it's better to buy both two Bedroom apartment as a wedding present. This will help attract similar status eligible guys and as non of the daughters is accustomed to household work so they would be better off without in-laws.

I hope that you put the flat in the girl's name only as there is a business like attitude where guys marry, convince the girl to buy a place then divorce her removing half the value of the house and her homeless

[MisterrSingh]

I hope that you put the flat in the girl's name only as there is a business like attitude where guys marry, convince the girl to buy a place then divorce her removing half the value of the house and her homeless

Something very, very similar happened a few weeks ago to a Gursikh bibi my family knows. Both husband and wife are UK born and Gursikhs, but she's now in deep because of the tactic you've mentioned above.