Marrying Older Girl

[Guest kuwara]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh,

the time came that parents found a suitable rishta (gursikh) for me. After a lot of hunting they found a possible victim

It all seems to come together according the family, but the thing is..she is older than me. Im 27 and she is 30.

Families want us to get to know each other but i am hesitating because i dont know how to approach all this at first. I've always ran away from the marriage topic- never interacted with a girl etc.

the second thing is, different ages may suggest different future plans as she might want to start early a family time..things like this make me wonder if i should start to get knowing somebody..

what is sangats opinion on this?

[dallysingh101]

That age difference is so small as to be insignificant. Forget about it and look at the girls attitude and behavior instead.

And it would help you big time to start interacting with females before you go down the George Micheal route. You've left it a bit late, but better late than never.

[simran345]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh,

the time came that parents found a suitable rishta (gursikh) for me. After a lot of hunting they found a possible victim

It all seems to come together according the family, but the thing is..she is older than me. Im 27 and she is 30.

Families want us to get to know each other but i am hesitating because i dont know how to approach all this at first. I've always ran away from the marriage topic- never interacted with a girl etc.

the second thing is, different ages may suggest different future plans as she might want to start early a family time..things like this make me wonder if i should start to get knowing somebody..

what is sangats opinion on this?

Like Dally Paji has said, the age difference is hardly anything to worry about. You saying she is a victim, does not show that you are interested in marriage or having doubts of it. Do you want to get married? First you need to be ready yourself and not ruin somebody else's life, as well as do something that you don't want to.

Obviously you need to get to know somebody before marrying, don't worry about if you have never interacted with a girl, not every guy has.

Around 30 is not early to start a family, I'd say it was a good time, as it gets harder to create and bring up a family when one gets older.

I suggest if you are to meet somebody, then you should ask whatever that worries you to her. It's no good asking on here, as we are not getting to know somebody. It is you that will form that interpersonal communication. There's some previous topics for those nervous about marriage, that may help you:

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/76301-wedding-proposal-resta-rishta-questions/?hl=%2Bmarriage+%2Bquestions#entry623509

[MisterrSingh]

The age issue is not something to worry about. The bigger problem is you say you've never interacted with a girl. Now, it depends on your definition of 'interacted', but you have spoken to girls in a purely platonic manner, I hope? Either way, it's like sending a lamb into the lion's den. So many instances where guys like you have been chewed up and spat out by even nothing-women who have no redeeming attributes, yet they still manage to pull one over on clueless guys. Get smart, bro, and do it fast. I doubt you'll get anyone else in your life telling you this.

[dallysingh101]

The age issue is not something to worry about. The bigger problem is you say you've never interacted with a girl. Now, it depends on your definition of 'interacted', but you have spoken to girls in a purely platonic manner, I hope? Either way, it's like sending a lamb into the lion's den. So many instances where guys like you have been chewed up and spat out by even nothing-women who have no redeeming attributes, yet they still manage to pull one over on clueless guys. Get smart, bro, and do it fast. I doubt you'll get anyone else in your life telling you this.

Yeah, it's so important that blokes get a grip on how female psychology can be very different to blokes. Otherwise, like you said - it REALLY can be a lamb to the slaughter situation.

Guys often quickly go ladida over a seemingly sweet, pretty, lovely 'innocent' girl. In the west, girls are subtly taught by society to behave this way in front of guys they are interested in - but over time the veneer drops (often when it is too late and the geezer is married and/or has kids with her), and he realises he is with a complete nutjob. Bang! A lifetime of misery and psychological abuse that breaks their very spirit.

I wrote the above from a male perspective - I know blokes can do their equivalent too - especially wealthy, good looking ones twisting up 'loved up' jananian to get into their Alan Wickers, or keep them sweetened up whilst shagging around left/right and centre.

People gots to be smarts about these things. Problem with our traditional society and how it often keeps geezers and birds apart, is that people don't learn these important life lessons until it is too late. I think this issue was one of the reasons Guru ji produced Charitrio Pakyaan by the way.

[MisterrSingh]

People gots to be smarts about these things. Problem with our traditional society and how it often keeps geezers and birds apart, is that people don't learn these important life lessons until it is too late. I think this issue was one of the reasons Guru ji produced Charitrio Pakyaan by the way.

My thoughts exactly.

[AJSM10]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh,

the time came that parents found a suitable rishta (gursikh) for me. After a lot of hunting they found a possible victim

It all seems to come together according the family, but the thing is..she is older than me. Im 27 and she is 30.

Families want us to get to know each other but i am hesitating because i dont know how to approach all this at first. I've always ran away from the marriage topic- never interacted with a girl etc.

the second thing is, different ages may suggest different future plans as she might want to start early a family time..things like this make me wonder if i should start to get knowing somebody..

what is sangats opinion on this?

will youll probably end up getting a hard time, to be honest -- i personally dont care about marriage at all. So even if it didnt work out your still a human being. You'll probably end up marrying her in the end despite 'this not been able to talk girls issue'. Now that your in the marriage phrase theres no going back, unless its something severe. It shouldnt really matter whether you can speak to girls or not, because she has to accept or rather shes accepted you in her life... Well i just tend to stay away from girls, they are a burden :) and btw this is my sochni (thinking)! lol

[Guest Sat]

Who cares if shes older, and doesn't matter about the first bit, do what u want to do, age doesn't matter.

[Akalifauj]

Age does matter. If the difference was one year or less it's not an issue. But she's 3 years older. She was just about finishing her degree and this poor guy was just starting his and started thinking about life as an adult. I would also ask why is she not marrying someone older or her age? Why did she wait till 30 to get married? The fact you are not asking these questions shows you are not ready to take this relationship forward.

[S1ngh]

If a male marries female younger than him by age of 3 to 5 years then its ok for society. I however don't see any difference why female older than male can't do the same.

The only reason why seniors in some family hesitate to say yes when they hear rishta involving older age bibi is only because of their mind thinking about fertility. Thats total another issue that both young folks and older folks are wrong about it.

However, in your case there should be no problem regarding age. Age won't matter if both of your thinking matches. Of course, when both of you are hitting 30's then you must think about having new family members. If you want to enjoy 'alone' married couple life then you should have married in early 20's.

- i speak from my experience.