Jump to content

Sikhs And Dating?


Guest Jacfsing2
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest Jacfsing2

Can anyone tell me exactly why Sikhs can't date other Sikhs? (If you are from the same religion it shouldn't be a problem). Also if we keep our Rehats during the relationship, wouldn't it help find a suitable partner in the future. Keeping the basic rules of no Adultery and kissing and all that junk. Also I'd like either Rehat Maryada or Gurbani views on this, if it even mentions it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can anyone tell me exactly why Sikhs can't date other Sikhs? (If you are from the same religion it shouldn't be a problem). Also if we keep our Rehats during the relationship, wouldn't it help find a suitable partner in the future. Keeping the basic rules of no Adultery and kissing and all that junk. Also I'd like either Rehat Maryada or Gurbani views on this, if it even mentions it.

Seems like somebody might have a crush ;)

In all seriousness I think dating is not a good idea.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can anyone tell me exactly why Sikhs can't date other Sikhs? (If you are from the same religion it shouldn't be a problem). Also if we keep our Rehats during the relationship, wouldn't it help find a suitable partner in the future. Keeping the basic rules of no Adultery and kissing and all that junk. Also I'd like either Rehat Maryada or Gurbani views on this, if it even mentions it.

Would you be okay with a Singh dating your sister for a while and it not leading to marriage? You'll find your answer in your response.

Admittedly, away from Sikhi and Punjabi cultural norms, there are aspects to dating that are positive (mostly to do with discovering how the opposite gender operates in those situations, thus not being swept away and being in thrall to the only person you've "been" with, because you're a bit wiser as to navigate the minefield that is relationships), but when it comes to our lot, it's mostly lust. Concerns regarding self-realisation, etc, don't figure much in our thinking.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Would you be okay with a Singh dating your sister for a while and it not leading to marriage? You'll find your answer in your response.

Admittedly, away from Sikhi and Punjabi cultural norms, there are aspects to dating that are positive (mostly to do with discovering how the opposite gender operates in those situations, thus not being swept away and being in thrall to the only person you've "been" with, because you're a bit wiser as to navigate the minefield that is relationships), but when it comes to our lot, it's mostly lust. Concerns regarding self-realisation, etc, don't figure much in our thinking.

I don't know. I think people are getting more clued up. It's slow but happening.

This separation of genders within our community creates its own issues with gullibility and naivety.

Would you be okay with a Singh dating your sister for a while and it not leading to marriage?

With regard to the above specifically. I've now seen a fair few families that followed the so-called 'proper way' in line with our Panjabi culture, only to see their daughters end up in really messy relationships that ultimately didn't last.

Having experienced that - the families all of a sudden aren't that fussed with the younger ones dating (or lets say getting to know their prospective partner) prior to marriage. Wonder why that is?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jacfsing2

Would you be okay with a Singh dating your sister for a while and it not leading to marriage? You'll find your answer in your response.

Admittedly, away from Sikhi and Punjabi cultural norms, there are aspects to dating that are positive (mostly to do with discovering how the opposite gender operates in those situations, thus not being swept away and being in thrall to the only person you've "been" with, because you're a bit wiser as to navigate the minefield that is relationships), but when it comes to our lot, it's mostly lust. Concerns regarding self-realisation, etc, don't figure much in our thinking.

I was mostly asking to find a marriage partner, because many "sikh" parents would actually try looking at caste and other junk, (a big dowry, an obedient in-laws, and finally an astrologer).
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jacfsing2

Seems like somebody might have a crush ;)

In all seriousness I think dating is not a good idea.

I'm not even mature enough to get married, (I'm mostly asking as a way to find someone marriage partner).
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't have a sister or any female relatives, BUT I am quite adept at empathising and placing myself in other people's shoes, and I'll tell you Singh, I'd go nuts if some Sikh guy (Gursikh or not) started going out with someone in my family to "test the waters" for a few years, and then dropped her in the end. Call me old fashioned, but that stuff still doesn't sit right with me.

Brother I hear you, but don't think this doesn't as often happen with girls who keep a guy strung along only to jump on what they see as...how do I put it....better prospects down the line.

I know what you're saying: there's tonnes of people that do things the "right" way that still end up getting jerked around, but I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water, not at all. As oppressive and hypocritical as Punjabi culture and society can be, I consider it a huge source of sadness when someone's previously stellar reputation is besmirched through an error of judgement, naiveté, or even through no fault of their own.

This is where I think having men (not the same as just being male) in a family matters. As a dissuasive force against people who string someone along with no real honorable intention. This happens A LOT with rich good looking guys, who get accustomed to women running around after them.

Plus, does your last comment not bring up the topic of excessive judgmentalism about these things in our community anyway? Putting a failed relationship almost in the same bracket as getting used and abused by a Sikh hating sullah for example.

We can't not adapt to changes that are being imposed on us and seem unavoidable to me? Unless you see something I don't?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Brother I hear you, but don't think this doesn't as often happen with girls who keep a guy strung along only to jump on what they see as...how do I put it....better prospects down the line.

Definitely. That goes without saying, I definitely wasn't white-knighting or anything like that. I was looking at the issue from a certain perspective, arguably one where I guess there's a part of me that still feels that our Sikh sisters should be "protected." I'm pretty certain very few of them see it that way in this day and age, which is fine with me.

This is where I think having men (not the same as just being male) in a family matters. As a dissuasive force against people who string someone along with no real honorable intention. This happens A LOT with rich good looking guys, who get accustomed to women running around after them.

Plus, does your last comment not bring up the topic of excessive judgmentalism about these things in our community anyway? Putting a failed relationship almost in the same bracket as getting used and abused by a Sikh hating sullah for example.

We can't not adapt to changes that are being imposed on us and seem unavoidable to me? Unless you see something I don't?

I personally wasn't coming from a judgemental angle, but, again, the old izzat perspective (no, not in the way Muslims have ruined that concept for the rest of us by chopping up their disobedient women and burying them under the patio in old suitcases); that kind of stiff-upper-lip, keep-your-house-in-order, play-by-the-rules, enjoy-life-and work-hard-but-don't-bring-your-family-into-disrepute mentality that our elders had, without recourse to fatal acts of violence to keep family members in-line.

I guess we have different tolerance levels and thresholds for defining the parameters of a respectful life. Don't get me wrong, I don't think we're too far off from meeting in the middle. We're human after all and the sum of our life experiences, so there's bound to be some leeway or deviations at either end.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • lol dal panth Panj told me explicitly not to associate with Vadhbhag Singh Sodhi followers!
    • We have lamp (or Jyot) the pure unscented candle for a reason. Traditionally, Patis used candle light (jyot), so they could read SGGS in darkness. Light, elec didn't exist. Dhoop is used to attract the "Good spirits" but also keep freshness where Maharaj will be.  Interestingly and coincidentally I heard Sakhi a few dsys ago. During Dasa Pitha's time these souls were roaming the Earth and even Sangat noticed. Maharaj asked them "y u here?" They replied during recitation of SGGS and making Degh they didn't bother lighting candle. THAT WAS THEE ONLY REASON NO GATI WAS GIVEN TO THEM!!!  AUTHENTICITY NOT CHECKED I heard once on YT like 2 days ago.  If u apply dhoop in one room of your house twice a week u will notice a difference esp in the smell and freshness of that room. 
    • Sangat ji, With the hot weather as per Guru's Hukm, how can we look after our kes?  First of all the beard! Working in Construction, factory and any other heated environment I UNDERSTAND! At my workplace it's over 32 degree celcius and sometimes we have to lift 20kg ALL! DAY! My tips, regularly shampoo the beard during ishnan. APPLY OIL! The technique of applying oil is by rubbing it thoroughly in the roots. Pay attention to the noise esp on the chin. You will hear this "crosh crosh" noise. Keep rubbing oil until u can't hear it no more! This means the oil has blended in properly.  Second tip on beard, keep an extra kanga in your pocket. Every two, three hours give your beard a proper comb down to get rid of any sweat or stickiness. SECOND BENEFIT! Do this all 12 months every single day your beard will look like it's been professionally groomed. TRY IT! People will ask you "What gel u use? How can yer beard be naturally like that?" You can say all I use is coconut oil or whaeva oil but just comb the beard every 2-3 hours for a minute.  As for the kes, morning time get rid of all the gronjra (or knots - forgotten English word), in the morning. However, during evening comb down make sure you get rid of small remaining gronjra and comb yer hair nice and straight. You will feel soooo so relaxed. Yes our hair will go unnoticed due to Dastar, but our hair demands time and self grooming!So proper combing down, spending a good 15-20 mins most evenings is an absolute MUST!  Most evenings I let my hair down and cover hair with my parna for 2-3 hours so it gets to relax from the tying up.  FINAL TIP! We are Sikhs so we keep fighting and remember this! The tradition of Dastar and uncut hair started in India, where the weather is twice as hot. Everytime we bring this thought in the mind, Guru ji will bless us and make us feel cooled down by a notch.  Fateh.       
    • Been so much nindya and attacking Shastarvidiya since the 2000s, however if we look at gatka now it's still mostly as poor and poorly taught as it was back then, still morris dancing moves and still behzti moves in BBC shows about sikhi and vaisakhi. If people were going to attack shastarvidiya, wouldn't have made sense to improve gatka instead and make it more effective? Additionally, the Nihang Singh presence has improved greatly now, and the cracks within the the SGPC and affiliated jatha jathebandis are showing more greatly as panth becomes more knowledgable with dasam bani and itihas day-by-day, so much gyaan which was lost within panjabi sikhs during colonial times. In the 2000s, the groups were able to talk down this bani and  gyaan by associating it with  RSS and hindus, brahminwaad etc. Not working so well now is it? However with gyaan it would be also good for us to try and preserve our martial arts and keertan vidiya as well! More and more crazy keertan videos are coming out from jatha members that are being made fun of and making sangat annoyed and upset, on tiktok and instagram reels.  
    • Author Posted April 24   On 4/21/2025 at 2:43 PM, ipledgeblue said: sirr should not be nanga because keski is usually worn.   Sikhs can sleep nanga-sirr if they choose to . Being from Punjab, almost every Sardaarji i know (amritdhari or not) sleeps/showers with their hair uncovered. I don't think Guru Sahib asked us to wear Dastar to sleep and I don't think it is in SRM.   The idea of "keski being worn to sleep" is cos in Bollywood films (Bachna Ae Haseeno) Sikh characters usually tie a gol parna when sleeping since the actor's usually Hindu. So they gotta cover his head somehow or he'd have cut hair. Same reason Diljit wore a pagg to bed in the El Sueno vid. Only time they didn't do that was in Gadar with Sunny Deol which just looked odd tbh   What in the world? What sikh or even a decent human would base their knowledge of their culture or religion on a movie industry, that too Bollywood?  Believe me, no sikh ever said, I must cover my head becasue an actor did so in a movie. I've been doing it all wrong, I must start covering mh head because the sikh in that movie did.  Just because every panjabi and sardaar you know, does something, also doesn't make it right..  Follow the guru. And if you have a medical condition, then exemptions can be made.  Just admit it, because of my medical condition, I am not able to follow this rehit. Why are you getting everyone else to drop to your level?
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use