Annoying Mother In Law (wifes Mother)

[Guest CANADIANJATTA]

I have been married to my life for almost ten years now and cant seem to escape the pressures of her family.

I have now moved back home 200 miles away from where she is originally from.

She has two brothers both younger by a few years, however, one past marriage age

Her mother is always calling and texting which i have no issues with or coming to visit, however, I experienced a lot of interfering when we had our first child and disagreed with a lot of what she was feeding into my wife.

My wife always seems to take her side, yet I say nothing.

Just recently we have had a second child. My first child now sleeps in the same room as me and is literally glued to me, which is great and I really enjoy spending lots of time with her, so much so that she goes to me more than her mother.

when our second child was born she was around to stay and has since kept coming, i have no issue with this, however, she seems to baby hog and seems to forget that I am the father and I need the contact with my child at such a young age. So much in that she now even sleeps with my wife and child, this really irritates me, I dont even have any privacy in my own home/room to access clothes or take a shower etc.

She is always there just lurking and its not beginning to really get on my nerves.

She needs to tell her sons to get married and have their own children and return back, so she can look after them, I would wait to see what happens when they do and how her daughter in laws will treat her and give access to the children.

There is so much to type, however, I do not have the time, any help, comments would be appreciated.

Thanks

[Guest XYZ]

First thing First I say it openly that you Punjabi people are so dumb. Even though I am one you - your Punjabi tradition is cruel. You don't sleep with the kid. Then until the Mother-In-Law is in need then you decide to move in with them. You need to raise your family. You don't need any headache from anyone. You are raising a child that will one day become an adult. You treat both children equal. When my second was born I made sure I gave her more attention than the second. I did not want her to feel left alone. Of course in Punjabi Tradition Punjabi's don't care. Punjabi people are going to have to change after you get married. When you went in-front of Guru Jee for the 4 Lavas you did not have your mothers hold you to help you to get married. Extended family stinks if you ask me. You both have more responsibilities to your children than your parents. When you get married lets say early 20's to mid 20's your parents are what in their late 40's. They don't need your assistance. Until they reach lets say 70's. Enjoy your life and your children while you can parents can wait. Now what you should is probably nothing about your child does not think you are its father. Play cool with the role. One day your child will realize give your first child love play board games, activities so your child can me with you more rather than your mother-in-law. You have not lost not yet anyways. A child is like a mind that can be programmed over and over. Remember no video games board games, ping-pong use any table. Outside activities and there are many things you can do.

[dallysingh101]

Man the hell up!

Tell her what you're feeling.

I think it may be a case of you being too nice over the years and quietly letting small liberties take place, which may have given them the impression that you are a weak pushover, and now they are running riot all over you.

You brought this on yourself mate.

Instead of b1tching about her sons not being married on a forum, why not pluck up the balls to tell her instead. But when you do, don't expect anything less than fireworks, that might take time to settle down. At least your missus can't play the "Right! You're sleeping on the couch!" card, as she is sleeping with her moms anyway.....

[MisterrSingh]

First thing First I say it openly that you Punjabi people are so dumb. Even though I am one you - your Punjabi tradition is cruel. You don't sleep with the kid. Then until the Mother-In-Law is in need then you decide to move in with them. You need to raise your family. You don't need any headache from anyone. You are raising a child that will one day become an adult. You treat both children equal. When my second was born I made sure I gave her more attention than the second. I did not want her to feel left alone. Of course in Punjabi Tradition Punjabi's don't care. Punjabi people are going to have to change after you get married. When you went in-front of Guru Jee for the 4 Lavas you did not have your mothers hold you to help you to get married. Extended family stinks if you ask me. You both have more responsibilities to your children than your parents. When you get married lets say early 20's to mid 20's your parents are what in their late 40's. They don't need your assistance. Until they reach lets say 70's. Enjoy your life and your children while you can parents can wait. Now what you should is probably nothing about your child does not think you are its father. Play cool with the role. One day your child will realize give your first child love play board games, activities so your child can me with you more rather than your mother-in-law. You have not lost not yet anyways. A child is like a mind that can be programmed over and over. Remember no video games board games, ping-pong use any table. Outside activities and there are many things you can do.

Please don't offer anyone advice in the future. You're laughably wrong on so many levels.

As for the "Canadian Jatt," if your MIL has sons of her own of marriageable age, YOU need to extricate her from your home, and send her on her way. The only reason she's been capable of filling your wife's head with nonsense is because you've failed to get your wife on side before her mother got to her. If your wife was on-side and you guys had put up a united front, nobody; mother, father, sibling, etc, would ever be capable of turning her head. That's a failing on your part, as well as an unfortunate cultural trait that afflicts our womenfolk.

All your problems should've been identified and solved quite a while ago. You've let matters escalate due to your timidity and carelessness. Take control of your home and your family. It is possible for you to do so in a calm and controlled manner without unleashing the inner pendu and resorting to violence. The question is: "Do you have the will to restore order?"

[Guest Jacfsing2]

I have been married to my *life for almost ten years now and cant seem to escape the pressures of her family.

I have now moved back home 200 miles away from where she is originally from.

She has two brothers both younger by a few years, however, one past marriage age

Her mother is always calling and texting which i have no issues with or coming to visit, however, I experienced a lot of interfering when we had our first child and disagreed with a lot of what she was feeding into my wife.

My wife always seems to take her side, yet I say nothing.

Just recently we have had a second child. My first child now sleeps in the same room as me and is literally glued to me, which is great and I really enjoy spending lots of time with her, so much so that she goes to me more than her mother.

when our second child was born she was around to stay and has since kept coming, i have no issue with this, however, she seems to baby hog and seems to forget that I am the father and I need the contact with my child at such a young age. So much in that she now even sleeps with my wife and child, this really irritates me, I dont even have any privacy in my own home/room to access clothes or take a shower etc.

She is always there just lurking and its not beginning to really get on my nerves.

She needs to tell her sons to get married and have their own children and return back, so she can look after them, I would wait to see what happens when they do and how her daughter in laws will treat her and give access to the children.

There is so much to type, however, I do not have the time, any help, comments would be appreciated.

Thanks

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh, if you are going to let people live with you, (anyone), you are going to have to give something up. I'm not married, but you could always try getting separated, (not a divorce), if this thing escalates too far. If your mother-in-law is polluting your child's mind with manmat, then that's not good either, (but your guest name proves that's not the most important thing to you). Also if your wife takes someone else's side over yours what type of promises did you make to the Guru during the Anand Karaj, that both of your souls are one, ([on a side note, does anyone really take the Anand Karaj seriously, or has it just become a party where you dress-up?]Really, can anyone answer this question?) About your second child, I'd say that would be your fault for not giving them the attention they needed, (just straight-up), the privacy part is still your fault, for letting her take over so much. Good luck with that, I don't know much about Punjabi culture, but I'm pretty sure you could disown your mother-in-law? (I'm just guessing)

[Guest Majakia]

Haha i am not married , cant say anything but be aware veere, may be u find her name(ur mom in laws name) on ur childs birth certificate as father ???

[sikhni777]

Relationships after marriage just become so complicated. Keep quiet and expect the matter to get sorted - works sometimes. Things cannot always work your way because of the number of different people who are involved. Help from in laws should be appreciated at this time. Every single case is different. There are no hard and fast rules to apply to relationships. The most dominant person wins the case.

I have had to sleep with my son since he was young and send my husband to the next room just because he needs his sleep urgently as he leaves for work at 6 and wakes up at 4.

A talk with your wife should reveal to you what she needs. Does she need her mum or does she need you? After delivery women feel quite lonely and need maternal support. However if it means that your mum in law has to stay - then you need to bolden up and learn to knock at the door and get your clothes. I had the same situation here where my in laws came over and sleep in my own room and my things are there. I just knock and get my sons items too in the morning. Serves to send the message across - indirectly - hey you are invading and look what I have to do.

If your wife still needs her mum then set a time limit - give her a week and tell her to do without her sleeping over at yours, she can however visit. Leave the get your sons married part out as it is not your direct problem. Hope that helps.